


Love Worth Remembering

by Cerih



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Ianto forgets, M/M, Retcon, Retcon (Torchwood), Romance, new life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-22
Updated: 2014-07-22
Packaged: 2017-12-24 07:08:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 138,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/936866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cerih/pseuds/Cerih
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With Jack gone, Ianto can't bear to stay with Torchwood and he chooses to forget. Will their love be stronger than even amnesia or is it too late for Jack and Ianto?. AU, spoilers for season 1 of Torchwood, the Year That Never Was, and start of season 2. Ianto/Jack Ianto/OMC</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Stepping off the Cliff

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood.
> 
> Author's note: This was certainly not planned. I was going to do some one-shots, perhaps write a bit more Doctor Who fanfiction and well as focus on a piece of original fiction I've been working on, but then this idea parked itself in my head and demanded to be told straight away. I have the next two chapters outlined and some plans beyond them, but at this point I have no idea how long this story will become.
> 
> Incidentally, for the purposes of this story, I have assumed that the trip Torchwood Three did to the Himalayas took place entirely during the Year That Never Was. So when time was reset, the team spent the time Jack was absent just in Cardiff.

Stepping off the Cliff

Jack was gone. He had been dead for three days, brought back by Gwen's vigil, and then he vanished almost instantly. They had heard the grinding of the powerful engine, seen the CCTV footage of the blue police box and cleared up the mess at the wake of Jack's departure. What the Captain had left behind was an eerily quiet Hub and four broken people.

They all dealt with Jack's disappearance differently. Gwen assumed the leadership in Jack's absence and she spent a great deal of time micro-managing everything. Owen drank even more than usually and his dark moods became even fouler. Everyone knew to keep their distance from the angry doctor. Toshiko drowned herself in the work, spending far too much time poring over alien artefacts and interpreting Rift fluctuations. Ianto found that old habits died hard. He slipped right back into them and once again assumed the role of the invisible butler. Only Toshiko was vaguely aware of him moving about in the Hub, but she was so overwhelmed by her own feelings following Jack's departure that she was unable to reach out and comfort Ianto.

After Lisa had died, after that awful night, Ianto had thought long and hard about whether he wanted to stay at Torchwood. He knew the rules, knew that the only two ways to leave the institute were via death or retcon, but during those dark days, he had longed for oblivion and would have welcomed it with open arms. The only thing that had stopped him from reaching for that bottle of amnesia pills and erasing his entire adult life had been one Captain Jack Harkness.

He had been suspended from Torchwood for a month. During that time, Jack had stopped by every day. First it had been just to clear away the empty scotch bottles and to force Ianto to eat something at least once a day. After the initial shock had worn off, the Captain had stayed longer, trying to draw him out of his shell. The enigmatic American had spoken to him, sometimes at him, about all the regrets he had. Jack acknowledged that he was still angry with Ianto for his betrayal, but that he was even angrier with himself for not having seen how much the battle of Canary Wharf had damaged the young man. He as their leader should have done more to make sure that Ianto did not fade into the background.

Jack also spoke of a young woman called Rose. He had loved her passionately, even though she had never been his. She had been among those who were missing and presumed dead in the aftermath of the fall of Torchwood One. The Captain explained that he was clinging on to the hope that the man Rose loved would have saved her somehow and that they were merely travelling elsewhere. Jack's voice trembled when he spoke of the inconceivable thought that Rose had been converted or partly converted. The first time Ianto raised his eyes to meet the Captain's was when the older man admitted that if that had been the case, he would have done everything in his power to try to reverse the process and save the woman he had loved.

When Ianto returned to work, it was because of Jack. When he gave up on the idea of downing a bottle of retcon, it was because of Jack. When he silently accepted Owen's snide remarks and Gwen's moody disapproval, it was because of the concern he saw in Jack's eyes. When he found his loyalty returning, it was for Jack rather than for Torchwood. When he felt a flicker of life within him, it was because of Jack's hand on his shoulder or because of the memory of Jack's lips on his. When his broken heart was sufficiently patched up, it was only natural that he should offer it to Jack.

What had followed had been a few short months of bliss. Ianto had no experience in being with another man, but he was eager to learn and Jack was all too happy to teach him. The Captain was attentive, thorough and made the Welshman feel things he never even thought he was capable of feeling. He was soft clay in Jack's hands and the older man moulded him with licks and caresses until he was pleasure personified. Jack awoke something within him, he showed Ianto that he did not need to hide parts of himself for fear of rejection and that he was truly beautiful just the way he was. Slowly Ianto started to see himself as something more than a mere sum of his short comings and failures.

He made one critical error of judgement; he fell in love with Jack. He never told his lover this, but he suspected that the older man knew just the same. Ianto respected Jack's dislike of labels and attachments, but nevertheless he could not help wishing that his employer might be willing to make an exception in his case.

While he was still grappling with his feelings, his whole life fell apart around him. Bilis Manger manipulated them to betray Jack, for the second time in Ianto's case, and then the Captain sacrificed himself to save the world. He had stayed in the morgue with Gwen as long as he could bear it. Eventually, however, the sight of Jack's body lying there cold and unmoving became too much. In his mind, the memory of that very same body hot and flushed against his own burned too brightly and he had to flee the cavernous tomb. He only allowed the first sob to escape when he was safely in Jack's office, with his face buried in the Captain's long coat.

Almost as soon as Jack has come back from the dead, he was gone again. Somehow this second departure wounded Ianto far more. This time the Captain had left voluntarily, not because he had to in order to save the world. He had chosen the blue police box and whatever it might contain over his team, over Ianto. He had wanted to go and so he had left.

As Ianto surveyed the emotional wreckage that was Torchwood Three, safe from his habitual place in the shadows, he saw no reason to stay. Jack had taken with him the young man's loyalty to the institute, as well as his heart. Bereft of both, Ianto thought that any kind of life elsewhere, even if it was without his memories of Jack, would surely be better than staying.

Thus his mind was made up and he began making plans in secret. This took remarkably little effort, since no one really paid much attention to him in the first place, so long as the Hub was kept tidy and well stocked with supplies. He put his flat up for sale, being careful to do so under false name in case anyone was keeping an eye on his finances. He was lucky and a buyer was found almost immediately. Between the sale proceeds and his savings, he was able to purchase a small one bedroom flat in South London. The location was carefully chosen as being on the opposite side of the city from Canary Wharf, just in case the memories relating to the financial district were strong enough to bleed through the retcon.

Ianto rarely slept. Lisa and Jack reigned over equal shares of his nightmares, making the hours of darkness very unsettling for the Welshman. He had lost count of how many times he had jerked awake from the horrors his subconscious summoned, shaking with the strong emotions washing over him and with tears streaming down his face. Now his self-imposed insomnia came in handy, since he had plenty of pain-staking preparation to get through. The most time consuming of these was re-writing his diary. He kept his old ones, together with a few photos of Lisa and his family, and deposited them in a secure storage facility for safe keeping, just in case he ever needed them again.

Unbeknownst to the others, Tosh was not the only one who was good with computers. Ianto spent a great deal of time working on the terminal in the archives, constructing a false identity for himself, together with a paper trail for the past year. On his day off, he travelled to London to attend a job interview. He was certain he was right for the job anyway, but a little visit to the company's internal network ensured that he was offered the position. With his acceptance, the final piece of the puzzle was in place.

Ianto's last day as a Torchwood employee was much the same as any other day at the institute. He made sure that everything was even tidier than usual, ordered extra supplies and wrote extensive notes on the organisation of the archives as well as on the care of the creatures residing in the Hub. He watched as first Gwen and then Owen left for the night, neither acknowledging his goodnight wishes in any way. Once they were gone, he slowly made his way up to Myfanwy's aerie. The pteranodon hopped closer and eagerly accepted the bars of dark chocolate Ianto offered her. He reached out to scratch her neck and she rubbed her head against his chest, clearly enjoying the attention.

"I bet you will be the only one who even notices that I'm gone," Ianto whispered and held the prehistoric creature close.

When he eventually descended back to the main level of Hub, he paused next to Toshiko's work station. The petite woman was still engrossed in a piece of alien tech and for a while long seemed completely oblivious to the man standing nearby. It was only when Ianto spoke that her concentration was broken.

"Tosh, you work too hard. You should go home and get some rest."

She frowned in confusion for a moment and then smiled.

"I'm fine, Ianto, I'll just finish this little bit and then I'll go."

The Welshman smiled, his eyes showing uncharacteristic amount of affection. He looked like he was about to say something else, but in the end only nodded and turned to leave. As he headed towards the door, Tosh thought she heard him mutter something about being safe, but she decided that she had probably imagined it.

Ianto glanced around the Hub one last time and then walked through the cog door. Behind him, Myfanwy let out a mournful screech, as if somehow sensing that Ianto was not coming back.

Once outside, Ianto breathed in the cool sea air and looked around the bay. He would have enjoyed living in Cardiff, he thought, had it not been for all the bad memories attached to the city. He wondered briefly whether he would ever return to Wales, before dismissing the thought as irrelevant. Squaring his shoulders, he walked to a car, which he had bought under his new name and which contained the few belongings he wanted to take with him to London. He started the car and without looking back drove away from the Plass.

It was late when he reached London and later still once he had emptied the car. He meticulously unpacked the few bags and boxes he had brought with him and then looked around. The flat looked clinical, soulless even, since it lacked any kind of personal items. Ianto found he rather liked it, as it gave him the opportunity to create a new personality. The flat, much like he himself, would be a blank canvas for him to work on.

What followed was the painful part. Ianto slammed his head back against a carefully positioned lump of jagged metal and pain blossomed at the base of his skull. He ran his fingers gently over the throbbing spot and they came back stained with blood. He painstakingly transferred a fair amount of the blood to the corner of his coffee table, together with a couple of stray hairs, and then disposed of the lump of metal. His head was already aching and Ianto knew that the pain would only get worse. The kitchen seemed impossible distance away, but Ianto forced his tired muscles to move. He grabbed a bottle of beer from the fridge and poured it into a pint glass. On the counter sat a small plastic bag containing retcon, the dose carefully measured to erase just the right amount of his memories. The pills dissolved into the beer quickly and Ianto carried the glass back to the lounge.

"To Torchwood Three, may you all rot in hell," Ianto muttered a toast and then downed the alcohol in one go. He placed the glass on the coffee table and then lay down on the floor next to it.

His final thought, before the blessed darkness washed over him, was about piercing blue eyes that had once seen all the way into his soul.


	2. Blank Canvas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood.
> 
> Author's note: I'm struggling with timelines a little. Ianto is supposed to have joined Torchwood One in 2005 and Torchwood Three in 2007, six months before Gwen (according to the Torchwood Archives). Taking into account of this and the time that elapsed during season 1, I think it's pretty fair to say that he would have been with Torchwood for about three years in total by the time Jack disappeared. I've been looking at various timelines online to try to figure this out, but none of them seem to really fit. I am therefore having to hide behind artistic licence with my dates and times, unless someone can point me in the direction of a timeline where everything makes sense.
> 
> I hope that I continue to entertain you with this. ^_^

Blank Canvas

The darkness took its time to recede. Eventually his consciousness returned and Ianto groaned. He appeared to be lying on something hard and his entire body was aching as a result. This, however, was nothing compared to the thudding ache in the back of his head. He pushed himself to his elbows and his body protested against the sudden movement. Even such a small change in elevation was enough to send waves of nausea through him, as the room spun violently. He gingerly felt the back of his head and the pain intensified when his fingers came into contact with the open wound. He winced and pushed himself to his hands and knees, closing his eyes against the rocking of the room. When he finally felt steady enough to open his eyes again, he noticed directly in front of him a coffee table, one corner of which was covered in blood and hair.

_That explains the head wound_ , he thought.

He must have fallen, hit his head and passed out on the floor. He could not quite figure out how he had succeeded in tripping in such a way as to have the back of his head connect with the corner of the table, but it appeared that he had managed it just fine. The empty pint glass implied that alcohol might have been involved, but strangely enough Ianto did not feel hung over, just groggy. With deliberate slowness he got to his feet, every muscle in his body groaning from disuse. He clung onto the back of his sofa until he felt a little steadier standing up and the pounding in his head had eased a little. A nagging pressure in his lower abdomen became gradually more insistent and his staggered weakly towards the bathroom.

As he was washing his hands, he happened to glance at the mirror and was shocked at what he saw. There were dark circles under his eyes and worry lines that he had not expected to see. The weave of the rug on his lounge floor had left an imprint on his cheek and down his neck. He looked dishevelled and pale and just generally unhealthy.

_How long was I out?_ He pondered the question as he left the loo in search of his mobile phone. He found it on the kitchen counter and the screen lighting up hurt his sensitive eyes. After a fair amount of squinting, he managed to ascertain that it was in fact 3 April 2008. He stared blearily at the date and the glowing numbers made him gradually become aware of the strange emptiness within his mind. His veins filled with ice when he realised that he had no memory of drinking a pint of beer and tripping in the lounge. In fact, he could not seem to recall much at all. For the first time since he had woken up he looked around, really took in his surroundings and recognised none of it. The furniture, the kitchen gadgets, the layout of the rooms, none of them seemed even vaguely familiar.

With a growing sense of panic, his hand rose unbidden to touch the back of his skull again and fresh pain bloomed at the faint contact. _I must have hit my head harder than I thought_ , Ianto concluded and decided that the best thing to do would be to take himself straight to the hospital. He located his wallet and two sets of keys on a small table by the front door. One of the sets was clearly for a car, but he did not think it wise for him to be driving anywhere in his current condition. On the table were also a council tax bill and a phone book, which came in handy in determining where he lived and where the nearest hospital might be located. A quick look in the wallet to check he had cash for a taxi and he was out of the door.

* * *

 

"Good morning, Mr Lloyd," the doctor entered the room just as Ianto was finishing his morning cup of tea.

"Morning," he nodded in response, continuing to feel ill at ease when people called him Ianto Lloyd.

The previous day had gone by in a blur. When he had reached the hospital and tried to register as a patient, he had discovered that he was no longer called Ianto Jones, but that at some stage his surname had become Lloyd. Why this had happened, he had no idea, but he was determined to find out. The rest of the details on his driving licence matched his recollection, but the issue with the name remained a mystery.

Once he had explained to the doctor about his head wound and loss of memory, he had been subjected to a variety of tests. He was yet to find out the results from any of them, but the doctor had helped him to determine that he had lost just over three years of his life. Once the wound was patched up and he had been given something for the persisting head ache, Ianto felt much better, but the medical staff insisted that he spend the night at the hospital, under observation. A poor nurse had been instructed to wake him up every two hours and ask him questions to ensure he had no brain damage, which turned out to be harder than either of them had expected, since he could not remember anything personal about himself or any current events. The head ache was gone by the morning and it seemed that the residual fogginess that had plagued him the previous day had also dissipated.

"Right then, Mr Lloyd, I have the results of the tests we ran yesterday. I am happy to tell you that there is no sign of any brain damage, swelling or intra cranial bleeding. The blow to the back of your head has given you a mild concussion, nothing more. It does mean that we are rather puzzled by the memory loss, as we cannot see how the head wound could have possibly caused that. We did, however, find some curious chemicals in the blood sample we took from you, but they were only present in very small quantities, so I do not believe they could have caused your amnesia. I would ask whether you could have been exposed to some sort of strange toxins, I suppose there is no way for you to know."

"Indeed, I have no idea." Ianto smiled tightly, annoyed that his stay in the hospital was adding to the list of questions he had, rather than answering some of them.

"I suppose it will remain a mystery, until such time as you regain your memories. I should warn you, however, that there is no guarantee that it will happen. No two cases of amnesia are the same, for some people the memories return after a while, for others they never come back.

"In the meanwhile, you are free to go home. I suggest you take it easy for a few days so that the wound is not aggravated and then try to get into routines as much as possible. They should help you piece together aspects of your life, while you wait for your memories to return. Should the head aches return or your condition otherwise worsen, I would strongly recommend that you return here immediately for further tests."

"Thank you doctor, I promise." Ianto forced a small smile to appear on his face.

"Good luck, Mr Lloyd," with a brief handshake the doctor had moved on to the next patient.

* * *

 

Ianto returned to his flat with a great deal of apprehension. He had not felt particularly comfortably spending the night at the hospital, but this house did not feel like a home either. It was too cold and clinical, as if no one truly lived there. He could not help but to wonder whether he had exhibited any kind of personality during the three years that had become a mystery to him. From what he could remember about himself previously, he certainly would not have enjoyed living in a flat like this. With a deep sigh, he started searching through his supposed home in a systematic fashion, determined to finally find some answers.

He found his kitchen well stocked with both food and cooking utensils. Everything was extremely tidy, borderline clinical, and organised in a logical and systematic fashion. Ianto was puzzled by the ten different varieties of coffee he found in one of the cupboards and could only conclude that he appeared to have gotten obsessed with coffee at some point in the past three years. Having found the plethora of coffee beans, the grinder and the state of the art coffee machine gleaming on the kitchen counter suddenly made more sense. He wondered briefly whether he still knew how to use it, or whether that knowledge had also been lost.

The bathroom was likewise well stocked and so clean he was a little afraid to enter it for fear of making a mess. After the way the kitchen had been ordered, he half expected his toiletries to be alphabetically organised, but it seemed that his OCD did not go quite that far. It did strike him a little odd that almost all the bottles and jars appeared unopened, as if he had replaced everything in the bathroom just a few days previously. He tentatively sniffed the aftershave and cologne and was struck by an instant dislike of the scents. He could not fathom what had possessed him to purchase them, but he had absolutely no intention of wearing either.

The lounge offered very few additional insights. There were a handful of books and DVDs, none of which Ianto remembered seeing or owning and none of which interested him in the slightest. A stack of CDs turned out all to be bands that he had liked previously, although some of the albums appeared to have been released in the last three years and he was therefore not familiar with them.

"Who on earth was I, to live like this?" Ianto wondered out loud as he looked around the room. "Do I not have any personality at all?"

He suddenly felt a surge of irritation towards himself. How was he supposed to figure out who he was, when there was nothing for him to work with? He resisted the temptation to hurl something against the blank white walls and instead took a couple of deep breaths. He decided that just as soon as he had worked out what he was like, he would turn the flat into a home rather than just a place to sleep and eat.

_Hang on a minute, does it really matter what I was like before? I may never get my memories backs, so surely I should just go with what I like now, the past be damned. Who knows, there may not even be anything worth remembering about the last three years._

With a final calming breath and with new determination, Ianto headed towards the bedroom, desperately hoping that the final room offered more clues than the rest of the flat.

The wardrobe in the bedroom held a variety of suits, all dry-cleaned and a selection of already ironed shirts, all organised by colour. While it was abundantly clear that he liked wearing suits, it puzzled him that the only shade of colour that appeared to be missing was red. He could see nothing wrong with wearing red, but perhaps there had been a reason for his aversion to the colour. The wardrobe also held some more casual outfits, although overall his taste in clothes was significantly less punk than what he remembered from three years ago. What caught his attention, however, was a blue concertina file on the top shelf and he reached to pull it out.

Within the folder were a variety of important documents that he now realised he really did need. He found the registration certificate and insurance details for his car, which in turn informed him what sort of a car he owned. He made a note to try to locate it in the communal car park later. There were also the title deed and the Land Registry forms for the flat he owned and his eyebrows rose when he discovered how much he had paid for it. The deed changing his surname from Jones to Lloyd showed that this had been done about a year ago, although the cause for it still remained a mystery. A recent bank statement indicated that he had far more money in the bank than he had expected. He found his A-level certificates, together with his degree certificate, as well as a copy of a freshly updated CV. While the CV interested him, his eyes were drawn to a thick envelope with his name written on it. Inside was an employment contract, which he had signed, for a full-time archivist position with the National Archives in Surrey. Accordingly to the information pack that was also included, he was to start his new employment in two weeks' time.

"Archivist, eh?" Ianto muttered to himself. "Why not, it seems like I'm more than organised enough for a position like that. Who knows, it might be fun."

He was very much hoping that his memories will have returned by the time his new job started, especially if he was expected to have any kind of experience in working in archives.

The last place he looked through was the chest of drawers by his large bed. Aside from the expected array of clothes, there he found what he had really been looking for all along. Tucked underneath neatly folded t-shirts and shorts were two leather-bound journals. He flicked through them and saw page after page filled with his tidy hand writing.

"Bingo!"

If anything could shed light on the past three years, it would surely be the diaries he had been keeping since he was a child. Having made himself a cup of tea and some toast, Ianto settled on his sofa and began to read.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More author's notes: This chapter kept getting bigger and bigger as I was writing it, so in the end I decided to cut it in half. There was a convenient stopping point and actually I think it works better this way. I now have the next three chapters outlined and/or partly written and I have some ideas about where things might go beyond them as well. Unfortunately, I've fallen back into the bad habit of writing things out of order. As a result, I have over a page of stuff written for chapter 5, but only assorted bits for chapter 3. *rolls her eyes* No doubt Ianto would disapprove of my lack of organisation.
> 
> Also, as a way of explanation, the reason why there were only trace amounts of retcon in Ianto's blood when he went to the hospital was because the sedatives in the pills knocked him out for a couple of days. Having read up on the early retcon trials from the Torchwood Archives it's frankly a miracle Ianto is alive, but I'd like to think that the people who invented the drug spent a fair amount of time refining it. As usual, artistic licence and all that.


	3. Broad Brush Strokes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood.
> 
> Author's note: This may be the last update for a while (unless I get an awfully lot of writing done tomorrow), since I'm off on holiday next Thursday. I'll still continue working on this story while I'm away, most likely writing stuff down in a notebook (yes, sometimes I'm old school) and possibly even on a computer, but I don't know whether I'll get far enough to post stuff. Apologies for the delay in advance!

Broad Brush Strokes

After he finished reading through his diaries, Ianto spent a long while staring out of his lounge window at the darkening sky. In the end, it was the growling in his stomach that drew him out of his contemplation. With a deep sigh, he walked to the kitchen and heated up a can of soup he had spotted in the cupboard earlier. As he leaned against the counter and slowly spooned the hot broth into his mouth, he thought over everything he had learned about himself.

The last things he remembered of his life was doing some travelling and volunteering after finishing university, while he attempted to figure out what he wanted to do with his life. According to his diaries, he had ended up taking a job as a barista in Starbucks because he still had not made up his mind and needed to find a steady source of income. It was there that he discovered his love of coffee. While the diaries were silent on many other things, they described the numerous coffee varieties and coffee making techniques in minute detail. Ianto was fairly certain he could publish his notes as they were as a specialist coffee book.

While he was still at Starbucks, he met a young woman called Lisa Hallett. She came in most mornings on her away to work and seemed to appreciate his coffees more than the other barista's. After a few weeks of general pleasantries, they started talking more and soon became friends. She worked in the human resources department of a government branch, but said very little about her job beyond the basics. When he spoke of the lack of direction his life, she mentioned that they were hiring graduates as researchers and analysts and encouraged him to apply. He followed her advice and two months later he joined Torchwood as a junior analyst. Lisa had teased him that with his coffee making skills, he would never be allowed to leave.

He enjoyed his new job, but because it was a government position, everything he did was confidential. It seemed that he had applied this confidentiality even to his own diaries, as they contained no mention of the specifics of what he was researching and analysing. After an initial probation period, he moved to work in the department's archives, which he appeared to like even more, although there still were no clues about what it was that the archives contained. The entries made it clear that the main highlight of each day was lunch with Lisa at the cafeteria or in one of the small cafes in Canary Wharf.

He had been attracted to her from the beginning, but it took him several months to actually find the courage to ask her out. Much to his surprise, she immediately said yes. Their dating was casual at first, almost more like good friends with some added benefits, but gradually things became more serious. They were both aware of how young they still were, though, and felt no rush to tie themselves down permanently. They usually took their holidays at the same time and they had even gone abroad together a few times. The camping had been an unmitigated disaster, but somehow they had grown closer as a result. He was beginning to wonder whether he should ask her to move in with him, when the disaster struck.

He had been off-site for a couple of weeks, amalgamating records with another government branch. In hindsight, he was fairly sure that was the only reason he was still alive. There had been a terrorist attack on Canary Wharf and the building he had worked in for nearly two years was destroyed. All but a handful of employees died in the blast that levelled the skyscraper. Lisa was among the casualties. It was never officially confirmed which terrorist organisation was responsible for the destruction, but regardless of who had planned the attack, Lisa was dead.

The government had paid for the burial of all the victims of the blast as well as given generous compensation for those who had survived. After the memorial service, Ianto found that he had no desire to stay in London. He needed some distance, which was why he opted to move to Cardiff, and in an effort to separate himself from his past, he adopted his mother's maiden name. He got a job as an archivist in a museum and bought a flat on the waterfront. He should have felt at home back in Wales, but somehow everything seemed foreign to him. Just under a year later, he had accepted a position with the National Archives and had moved back to London.

Reading through the journals, what struck him the most was the dispassionate tone he had used to record the events. It was as if he had wanted to write down just the facts and nothing further. There was no indication about how he had felt about his life over the past three years or indeed whether he had been happy at all. This change in the tone of his diaries was all the more baffling because he remembered that in earlier years the emotions and feelings had played a central role in the way he had written about his life. He wondered what had caused such a fundamental change.

Now he knew what had happened to him in the last three years, but he still could not remember any of it. Reading about the events had ringed no bells in his mind or conjured up images to match the words. He was not certain what to do next. It would take him time to process all the information and to work through the feelings tentatively welling up inside of him. He should grieve for Lisa, but somehow the prospect felt strangely alien, since he could not even remember what she looked like. From his search through the flat, it appeared that he had not kept any photographs of her. He tried to will his mind to remember her smile or the way her laughter had sounded, but all he found was emptiness. The only thing remaining of his past was words on a paper.

Sleep eluded him until the early hours of the morning. He stared at the dark ceiling of his bedroom while his mind churned over the facts time and time again. He wished there was someone he could talk to, but he had got the impression from his diaries that he did not have any friends. He had mentioned his sister in passing a few times, but clearly they were not close either.

_When did my life become so lonely?_

He was no stranger to solitude, having spent a lot of time by himself when he was growing up. But this was different. It was as if he had isolated himself from the rest of the population completely. It seemed to have been done largely deliberately, but he wondered how he had not become starved of human contact. He could understand not rushing into a new relationship, since it was only a year since Lisa had died, but it was strange that he did not have any friends. For a fleeting moment he had a feeling like there was something, or someone, very important missing, like a piece of him had been taken away, but it passed almost before it had fully registered in his fatigued mind. He tried to examine the feeling, but in the end he attributed it as residual pain from having lost his girlfriend. Who else could he be missing?

The following day, the sun woke him up mid morning. He groaned and made a mental note to remember to close the curtains before going to bed in the future. The gloomy thoughts from the night before felt much less depressing in the bright sunlight and Ianto got up with new-found determination. Since he could not remember his past, he might as well make the most of this rare opportunity to reinvent himself. He intended to start the process from dealing with his flat. Just as soon as he had made himself a cup of coffee.

Once in the kitchen, he eyed the coffee maker with suspicion. It gleamed on the counter with an innocent air of an inanimate object. He wondered briefly which of the coffee varieties would be most suitable for the first cup of the day, but in the end he simply picked up the first bag that came to hand. Much to his surprise, he found that while his mind was busy trying to recall everything he had read in his diaries about making coffee, his body worked on autopilot and handled the complicated machine without any problems. He momentarily struggled to switch the coffee maker on, but soon realised that it was not plugged in at the wall. While he waited for the coffee to be ready, he made himself some toast for breakfast.

When the first mouthful of coffee hit his taste buds, he moaned out loud from the sheer bliss of it.

"Oh yeah, all hail King Ianto and his divine coffee!"

As soon as the words had left his mouth, he frowned in confusion. He had no idea what made him say such a thing or indeed what the words meant. He pondered at it while he sipped the hot liquid, but eventually concluded that it must have been a joke from his time at Starbucks, even if he had not specifically mentioned it in his diary. He took that as a good sign, as it might have been an indication that his memories were starting to return.

The caffeine woke him up and despite falling asleep very late, he felt strangely energetic. He grabbed his wallet, a backpack and his car keys on his way out, keen to start the day by finding his car. He located the silver Nissan with ease and settled behind the wheel. He hoped that he would be able to remember the directions to the nearest shopping centre and later find his way back to his flat.

Ianto spent most of the day going through the credit limit on his credit card. He picked himself a laptop, since he did not appear to own any kind of a computer, and also a mobile internet connection, while he waited for his broadband to be set up. He picked out some framed fine art wildlife prints for his bare walls and a zebra-themed blanket and cushions to match the art for his leather sofa. On an impulse, he also purchased a small digital camera and a guide book on how to make the most of the camera's many features. A quick stop at the store selling movies and CDs and he ended up with a collection of films he had liked in the past and had always wanted to see again. He had lunch at a small deli at the shopping centre and picked up a salad for dinner on his way out. He did briefly consider getting a pizza, but he was struck with an odd feeling that he had eaten enough pizza to last a life time, and so abandoned the idea.

The rest of the day was spent putting the first hints of personality on his flat and configuring his laptop. Computers had moved on since he had last owned one, but he seemed to instinctively know what he was doing. Just like with the coffee machine, he thought. Ianto found it interesting that although he could not remember having these particular skills, his brain and body still knew how to perform them, clearly in isolation from his memories. It gave him some hope that he would still be able to do his job as an archivist, even though he could not recall the experience he had.

The next two days were spent largely online, trying to catch up on three year's worth of news. Some items he had alluded to in his diaries, such as the London bombings, but there was still plenty for him to read and try to absorb. It seemed that many things had changed in the world and yet everything seemed much the same.

By the fourth day after he had woken up, the head wound no longer bothered Ianto. He felt restless and itching for something to do. He recalled seeing a pair of trainers in the back of his wardrobe when he had been rummaging around and decided to go for a run. There was a park just a few minutes' walk away, which would be perfect place for jogging.

His muscles protested to start with, clearly not used to this kind of exercise, but soon his strides lengthened and gained more power. He had spent enough time staring at himself in the mirror to know that he was fairly fit, but there was no indication in the flat or in his diaries about what kind of exercise he used to do. The shoes he had put on looked and felt like they had not been worn for quite some time. As he felt the first blister starting to form on his left heel, Ianto resolved to go and buy himself a pair of proper running shoes later that same day.

It turned out that he loved running. There was something very soothing about the pounding of his feet against the ground and the feel of his muscles flexing underneath his skin. Normally his mind was always wondering about his past, mulling over all the questions he had, always prodding the empty space within his memories. But when he ran, he was able to switch off his over-active mind. He found peace in his steady movements and in the pleasant ache in his muscles that followed a run.

The physical exhaustion also helped him sleep, since that was something he struggled with. He nevertheless woke up most nights, shaking from some intense emotion, but all he could remember, all he ever seemed to dream about was darkness. Somewhere in the darkness, he was certain, lay the answers he was looking for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With regard to Ianto re-writing his past, I went with the basic principle that the best lies contain an element of truth. Ianto is in contact with his sister (although I envisage that contact to be sporadic at best) and so there is a chance that Lisa, Canary Wharf and Ianto living in Cardiff for a year would come up. Therefore all those things had to form part of his cover story. The official line for the battle of Canary Wharf was a terrorist attack, so I thought I'd use it here too. I don't however think that Rhi knows that Ianto worked for Torchwood Three (at this stage in the canon) and likewise, to keep in line with CoE, she doesn't know anything about Jack.
> 
> Everything Changes demonstrated with Gwen that retcon doesn't actually erase memories, but rather suppresses them. With the right stimulus, they can come right back. I have therefore assumed that if Ianto isn't thinking about what he is doing, his mind will be able to tap into the suppressed memories to recall skills etc. In any case, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
> 
> Also, I know Jack has been conspicuously absent from these first chapters, but he will make a grand entrance in the next chapter, I promise. ^_^


	4. Business as Usual?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood.
> 
> Author's note: Major spoilers for the start of Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, but goes a little AU part way through the episode. I should mention by the way that I don't particularly like Gwen. I'm rooting for Ianto and Jack/Ianto pairing all the way. So while I'm not going out of my way to bash Gwen, this chapter is not exactly complimentary about her.
> 
> As always, a huge thanks for all the kudos!

Business as Usual?

Jack smiled as he breathed in the familiar smells of Cardiff. It felt good to be home. Just when a city in Wales had become a home for the ex-Time Agent he was not certain, but there was no denying that this was where he belonged. The memory of the year spent on Valiant still cast its shadow over him, but the warm rays of the setting sun making the waters of Cardiff Bay sparkle went someway towards dispelling the gloom that threatened to overwhelm him. Seeing Ianto and the rest of his team would also help a great deal.

He chose the scenic route down to the Hub and made no effort to stop a laughter bubbling from within him when Myfanwy swooped down from her aerie to greet him. The base looked mostly the same as it had before his hasty trip and there was no sign of his team. He frowned in confusion, as usually if they were out investigating a Rift activity, someone stayed behind to co-ordinate everything from the Hub. With a shrug he strode to Toshiko's work station, noting absently that her computers appeared brand new and she had two more of them than she used to. _Seems someone has been doing some upgrading_ , he thought as he scanned the screens for signs of Rift spikes.

The programme monitoring the Rift showed no recent activity that was significant enough to warrant investigation. His initial plan having been foiled, Jack turned elsewhere to look for clues to explain where his team was. The autopsy bay was empty, but on Gwen's computer he spotted a still image captured from the CCTV network of the city showing a blowfish driving a sports car. The Captain grinned at the thought of a fish cruising around in such a snazzy ride, but he sobered up at the thought of how many people they might have to retcon to cover up this particular incident of alien activity.

Once he knew what had caught the team's attention, it was easy to log into the institute's GPS database and locate the SUV. He transferred the data to his wrist strap and decided that he might as well go surprise his team during their mission. Transportation presented a problem momentarily and although Jack was briefly tempted to try to harness Myfanwy and fly on her, common sense prevailed he ended up having to take a taxi.

He made sure the driver dropped him off around the corner from where the SUV had stopped, so that the team did not accidentally spot him arriving in a cab. It would be much more impressive to show up at the scene with an air of mystery surrounding him, or so he thought anyway. Besides, it was a little embarrassing to admit that without the SUV he was basically stuck at the Hub.

He drew his pistol as he slipped into the house, just in time to hear the blowfish taunting each individual of his team. Gwen was protecting a terrified woman, Owen was tending to a man with a gunshot wound and Tosh was holding her portable monitor with one hand and aiming a gun at the alien with another. Most of the creature's digs were aimed at the technical genius and whether she had it in her to take the shot. Jack saw the faint tremor in her hand and did the only thing he could. His hand was deadly steady as he blew the blowfish's brains out.

The Torchwood operatives froze for a split second and then simultaneously whirled around to face him. Seeing the shock on their faces as his presence registered, he could not help a wide grin spreading across his face.

"Hey kids, did ya miss me?"

* * *

The ride back to the Hub went by in a blur. Owen was speeding, as usual, Gwen was driving the stolen convertible back to the Hub, and Tosh was busy working on the computers they had installed in the SUV. Jack tried to make a couple of jokes about the prospect of sushi once they returned to the base and about something smelling fishy, but the only response he got was a corner of Owen's mouth twitching.

Once at the Hub, the team fell into their usual post mission routines. The body of the blowfish was moved to the autopsy bay for Owen to go through, Tosh started updating their databases and Gwen went to work erasing any evidence that an alien had stolen a car for joy riding. Jack watched this all from the side lines, partly impressed by the efficiency of his team and party upset that they seemed to have managed just fine without him. As he stood there trying to figure out what to do next, a stack of pizza boxes and take away coffee cups next to the sofa caught his attention. He frowned and looked around the Hub, only just noticing how everything seemed a little haphazard and untidy. He jumped to the most logical conclusion:

"Has Ianto got the day off?"

A feeling of dread settled in the pit of his stomach when all three of his employees froze and then glanced each other with guilty expressions. Tosh and Owen went back to their tasks, while Gwen turned away from her computer and took a deep breath.

"Jack, Ianto is gone."

"What do you mean gone?" Jack could detect a hint of panic in his voice and judging by the way Gwen flinched, so could she.

"Gone, as in he doesn't work here anymore."

"What do you mean he doesn't work here anymore?" Jack was starting to get annoyed, not least because he was just repeating everything Gwen was saying.

"I mean that Ianto quit two months ago." There was a note of defiance in Gwen's words.

"How could he just quit?"

"He emailed in his resignation and vanished."

"What do you mean he vanished? Didn't you try to look for him?" Jack was aware that his voice was rising, together with his anger levels.

"Of course we tried looking for him! We had to make sure. But he seems to have vanished without a trace." Gwen appeared to be getting frustrated with the continued interrogation.

"Nobody can vanish without a trace… Wait, make sure about what?" The Captain frowned in confusion.

"We had to make sure he took retcon like he claimed he would. But we couldn't find him, so we have no idea whether we have an ex-Torchwood agent wandering around with his memories intact." As she spoke, Gwen got up from her chair, but even though she was wearing heels the Captain was still taller than her.

"That was your concern?! Not why he left or whether you could convince him to come back, but that he had wiped out his memories."

By now, Jack's eyes were blazing with fury, which made the woman before him take a hesitant step backwards.

"You know the rules, Jack, no agent is allowed to keep their memories of Torchwood after they leave the institute. It is far too dangerous." The defiance in Gwen's voice had turned to hesitation at the sight of Jack's anger, but she blundered on, seeking confidence from Torchwood's regulations.

"Screw the rules, you should never have allowed him to leave in the first place!"

"What was I supposed to do, Jack? After you deserted us, he just kind of faded into the background again. Your leaving was hard on us all, but Ianto had no desire to connect with anyone. I'm not his mother or his friend, but his leader, it was not up to me to be a shoulder for him to cry on." Gwen lifted her chin in defiance once more, her eyes showing the pain she had felt after Jack's departure. Unfortunately for her, the Captain was too furious to see it.

"As a self-appointed second in command, it was your job to keep the team together in my absence." Jack hissed the words between clenched teeth.

"He didn't want to be part of this team in the first place." The ex-policewoman's voice was faltering once more.

"And what did you do to persuade him otherwise?" The immortal man's voice had become dangerously quiet, but in his eyes fury blazed red hot.

"Nothing." Gwen whispered the word as she looked away, unable to face the anger rolling off Jack in waves.

"Some leader you turned out to be."

Jack whirled around and strode away, leaving the remaining members of his team staring after him in awkward silence. Gwen glanced at Owen and Tosh, both of whom refused to meet her eyes, and then sat back down, a thoughtful look on her face.

In the meanwhile, the Captain all but ran into his office, taking deep breaths to try to reign in his anger. All he wanted to do was hurl objects at the walls until he was physically, if not emotionally, spent. He ended up pacing back and forth, still trying to wrap his head around the thought that Gwen had simply let Ianto walk away from Torchwood and therefore by default from his whole life. From me too, his traitorous mind added. The stab of hurt in his heart melted away most of the anger and with a heavy sigh he sat down behind his desk.

Everything in the office was covered in a thick layer of dust and it was clear that no one had visited the room for some time. On his desk were stacks of duplicates of paperwork that Ianto had completed and filed. Attached to each report were the archivist's notes on what it contained and why he had felt that Jack ought to see a copy of it upon his return. The last such note was dated two months ago. Since then, either nothing had occurred that he needed to see or the more likely explanation was that no one had thought to prepare copies for him.

_That's Ianto, always thoughtful, always aware of everything we might need,_ he thought, with an icy ache settling in his chest. _But did we ever think about what he needed? Did I ever consider that?_

Jack picked up the first report in the stack, intent upon finding out why Ianto thought he should read it, but he could not concentrate on the words swimming across the page. He was almost grateful when a hesitant knock on the door frame pulled his attention away from the papers. Tosh was standing by the door, deep lines of worry marring her beauty. The Captain motioned her to come in and sit down, while he pulled a decanter of scotch and two tumblers from his bottom drawer. He poured a stiff drink for them both and handed her one of the glasses. She leaned forward to take it, her cool fingers briefly brushing against his. She sipped the amber liquid in silence for a few moments, before speaking quietly:

"You should know that after Ianto resigned, Owen did an inventory of our supply of retcon and found a substantial quantity missing." The regret of being the bearer of more bad news was evident on her face.

"How substantial?" Jack had to ask the question, even though in his heart he already knew the answer.

"Owen thinks enough to wipe out all of Ianto's memories from the last three years." There was naked sorrow in Toshiko's eyes as she spoke.

Jack covered his mouth with his hand to stop a sob from escaping. The thought of Ianto somewhere out there, lost and confused without his memories, broke his heart a little more. He felt another surge of anger towards Gwen for having allowed Ianto to slip away from the rest of them, even before he had quiet his job. He had been aware from that start that Gwen had some sort of hero worship thing going with him, but it had flattered his ego and so he had allowed it to continued, had even encouraged it. Now he wondered whether his actions had not served to exacerbate the problem. He could imagine that Gwen had not been happy to find out about the relationship between him and Ianto. Furthermore, with him having left so unexpectedly, there had been nothing stopping her from taking all her jealousy and insecurities out on the young man. She may not have actively encouraged him to leave, but she had probably not gone out of her way to make him feel welcome within the team either.

In any case, the stark reality was that Ianto was gone and Jack was still struggling to wrap his mind around the whole thing. Although the Welshman had only worked for Torchwood for just over a year, it seemed inconceivable to the Captain that they could go on without the unassuming, but brilliant archivist.

"Did he, did he leave any kind of message for me?" He could not conceal the hope from his voice.

"I'm sorry Jack. His resignation simply stated that he had no reason to stay with Torchwood and that he would be better off starting a new life somewhere else, even if it meant losing his memories." Tosh's words were conveyed with a deep sense of regret for having to squash their leader's hopes.

"How could he have just left?" The question was aimed as much at himself as at Tosh, but it was the Japanese woman who ended up responding.

"Why shouldn't he have done? You left, Jack. You abandoned us, but most of all you abandoned Ianto. He cared for you far more than he dared to admit and you acted like he meant nothing at all. What reason did he have to stay?"

"But I came back. I was always going to come back." Jack's words were pleading now, as if saying them out loud could change the past.

"And did you tell him that?" Toshiko's question was gentle, but the words nevertheless cut Jack deeply.

"No."

It was Jack's turn to look away, flushed with embarrassment and regret. Toshiko attempted to smile sympathetically, but it came out a little rueful. She leaned forward to give the Captain's hand a reassuring squeeze and then quietly left the office, leaving Jack to his thoughts.

The Captain's mind turned once more to the year he had spent imprisoned on Valiant. He had retained his sanity by hanging on to the hope of seeing Ianto again. He had catalogued all his regrets during agonising hours of torture, determined to fix each and every one of them, if the nightmare ever ended. He had given up the chance to travel with the Doctor once more, because he could not bear to be apart from the Welshman even a day longer.

He had come back for Ianto, only to find that his lover had got tired of waiting. The worst part was that Jack could not even blame him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More notes: I again ended up cutting this chapter in half. It was getting too long and the above presented a natural break in the flow of the narrative. Just in general, this story is getting way longer than I ever anticipated. It seems to have developed a mind of its own, so I'm just happy to sit back and enjoy the ride.


	5. Tracking Down a Ghost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood.
> 
> Author's note: Next chapter, almost on time! I'm pleased to say that I've done a fair bit of writing during my holiday so far, although I will have to type it up at some point, so hopefully there won't be too much of a delay with the next update. As always, thanks for the kudos!

Tracking Down a Ghost

Jack rewound the CCTV footage he had been watching and restarted it once again. Things had been pretty hectic since his return, with John Hart in particular wreaking havoc in Cardiff, but every spare moment he had, Jack found himself inexplicably drawn towards the CCTV clip he had saved on his computer. In it, Ianto stood in the aerie, feeding Myfanwy chocolate and gently petting the prehistoric creature. The young man's actions spoke of love and affection, both of which were emotions that he usually kept well hidden under his expressionless façade. Their new lip reading software allowed Jack to hear what Ianto murmured to the dinosaur and he suspected that the Welshman was right about Myfanwy being the only one who had noticed he was gone. Until Jack himself had returned, anyway. He had noted that the pteranodon had been cranky and irritable recently and even bribing her with chocolate bars did not appear to dispel her gloomy mood.

Tosh has been the one to give him the CCTV clip and no doubt she had likewise been watching it over and over. She was the only of the team apart from Jack who seemed genuinely sad and upset that Ianto had vanished. Her regret was obvious when she spoke of the night she had last seen the archivist and of him telling her to be safe. They both wished there was a way for them to ascertain that Ianto himself was safe, but just like Gwen had said, he had vanished seemingly without a trace.

It was ironic in the Captain's opinion that Ianto's disappearance was the thing that made him appreciate the full capabilities of the young man. The Welshman had always been modest, preferring to let others take the credit and actively directing attention away from himself. But now, as Jack attempted to find a way to figure out where Ianto had gone, he came to realise that the archivist was brilliant with computers and exceptional at cover up jobs. Ianto had sold his flat, but the paperwork, as well as all the computer records of the sale had mysteriously vanished. All the money from his bank accounts had been transferred to an offshore account, which was impossible to trace, and the accounts had been subsequently closed. He had sold his car, but there was no sign of his purchasing a new one. Jack had spent hours going through CCTV footage from the bus stops, train stations, airport and even ships that accepted passengers, all in vain. As a last desperate effort, he had even circulated Ianto's photo to the Cardiff and local area taxi drivers, in case the young man had left the city in a taxi.

Not only had Ianto seemingly become a ghost for all they were able to track him down, but he seemed to have anticipated that at least someone would try to find him. Jack and Tosh had gone through his computer in the archives and found a large number of files that were permanently deleted. With a bit of effort, they had been able to recover them. The files had contained a false identity for Ianto, with all the requisite paperwork, including a passport and a tourist visa to North America. The bank accounts opened under the new name were active and showed that cash had been withdrawn at regular intervals in California. Jack was already booking himself on the next place to America, when Tosh hacked into the United States Border Patrol's database of foreign entrants to the country. Their airport surveillance video showed clearly that whoever was using the new identity was not Ianto. Jack had realised with a sinking feeling that Ianto had not only anticipated his actions, but seemed to be permanently three steps ahead of them.

Jack kept wondering what Ianto would do, kept attempting to imagine himself in the Welshman's position. But the more he tried, the more he became aware of how woefully little he knew about his young lover. He had never really thought to find out either, and as a result he now had to admit that he had no idea what Ianto would do. He could not picture how Ianto might disappear, because he knew nothing about the way his mind worked, except that he was exceptional at hiding things and hiding himself. Chances were, if Ianto did not want to be found, there was very little Jack could do about it. Still, he had to try.

* * *

Weeks went by with no new leads on Ianto's whereabouts. Jack threw himself into his work, forcing himself to deal with all the paperwork properly, no matter how much he hated it. Every aspect of the job reminded him of Ianto, whether it was having to put his coat on unaided or having to drink coffee from the nearby cafes, which while nice were no match to Ianto's divine brews. It also gradually dawned on him how much they had all come to rely on the unassuming archivist. The swirling pool of entropy that had been the Torchwood archives was now neatly organised in a systematic and logical fashion. For the first time since he had joined the institute, Jack was actually able to find what he was looking for in there. What was more, Ianto's influence, or more recently the lack thereof, was felt everywhere within the Hub.

Myfanwy was cranky and more often than not the dinosaur seemed to deliberately scatter her food around the Hub, as a protest against not being fed by Ianto. Jack was actually getting worried about the amount of chocolate they had to feed her just to get her aerie cleaned on a regular basis. Myfanwy had also taken to spending more and more time outside, despite Jack's stern warnings that she was not to wander off. The Captain secretly wondered if the pteranodon was not looking for Ianto in her own way and one day she might not return to the Hub at all. The prospect of having a semi-domesticated dinosaur loose in the Welsh countryside did not particularly appeal to the immortal man.

Jack had split Ianto's duties at the Hub between the remaining members of Torchwood Three. Tosh had predictably been the only one who did not protest the additional work. Still, the base was not as tidy as it had been previously, nor were their supplies quite as well organised. It was proving to be an uphill battle to get everyone to maintain their own field kits. Gwen in particular kept forgetting to charge her stun gun or to restock her antitoxins kit. While she did not say anything out loud, her actions implied that she considered such tasks to be beneath her. Their leader was gradually getting more and more tired of her attitude, particularly as Gwen seized Ianto's absence as an opportunity to constantly flirt with Jack, while at the same time flaunting her engagement ring at Owen and Tosh whenever she could.

It was the Captain himself who felt Ianto's absence the keenest. The wounds within in him were still raw and unhealed, but with the Welshman gone, he had no one he trusted enough to share the details of his time with the Doctor. The young man had a wonderful way of encouraging Jack to share his secrets, without ever pushing him or prying for details. The immortal man trusted Ianto in a way that he could not quite bring himself to trust the rest of his team. Toshiko was too emotionally detached, Owen too damaged, and Gwen would interpret anything from him as a sign of his affection for her, which was the last thing Jack wanted.

The horrors Jack had endured aboard the Valiant haunted his dreams and every time he closed his eyes he was back in that infernal engine room. He woke up screaming, time and time again, and the only thing that comforted him was the knowledge that in the empty Hub no one heard the terror and sorrow in his voice. During the dark hours of the night, when fatigue was dragging his eyelids down and yet the fear of another nightmare was keeping him from sleeping, his entire being longed to be in Ianto's arms. He was convinced that his young lover's embrace was the only thing that could keep him safe and allow him a few hours of dreamless rest. As it was, he slept as little as he could and some days felt more dead than alive.

Jack tried to respect Ianto's decision to leave Torchwood and his old life behind, but each day without him was getting harder and harder. Initially he tried to justify tracking Ianto down as wanting to make sure he was doing okay, that he had been able to build himself a new life despite his memory loss, but he knew deep down that he was lying to himself. The real reason why he wanted to find the young man was because really he just needed to see Ianto. He wanted to see him, touch him and talk to him, even if it was just to say goodbye.

* * *

In the end, Jack found Ianto by sheer luck. He had been using the Hub's entire computer capacity at night time, other than what was needed to monitor the Rift, to run a facial recognition programme on a sample of the CCTV footage from all the major cities in the UK, one by one. He had deliberately left London last, on the assumption that Ianto would avoid the capital, given everything he had endured there. He should have realised, really, that clearly London was therefore exactly where the young man would build himself a new life. Ianto's choice of new home was yet another indication of how poorly Jack understood his lover.

For the first time since he had returned to Cardiff, something other than nightmares pulled Jack's from his sleep. He stared blearily around his bunker for a few moments, trying desperately to figure what had woken him up. A light blinking from his wrist strap caught his attention and he realised that it was an alarm to indicate that the facial recognition programme had found a match. As soon as his sluggish brain had kicked into gear, he leapt out of bed and climbed out of his bunker in record time. He barely noticed the cold metal grating underneath his feet or the chilly air against his bare skin, since he had forgotten to get dressed in his haste to get to the computer.

Jack let out a strangled sob of relief as soon as he laid his eyes on a grainy picture of Ianto blinking on the screen. He had to make a conscious effort to stop his hands from shaking long enough to figure out which camera in which part of London had spotted Ianto. The mouse seemed to move in slow motion, or that was how it felt to the Captain anyway, but eventually the monitor indicated that the Welshman had been at King's Cross St Pancras railway station. Once he knew the location, as well as the date and time, it was easy for Jack to retrieve the live feed.

Ianto had emerged from one of the sub-level train platforms and he had just turned his face towards the sun when the facial recognition programmed had picked him up. Now that Jack could see the full video, he noticed that the Welshman was wearing full cycling gear and that he was leaning against a road bike. He had paused to enjoy the warm rays of sun before putting his cycling helmet on and swinging his leg over the bike with practised ease. He merged into the traffic and vanished from the camera's range.

"No, no, no," Jack muttered as he worked frantically to switch the view to a camera that could show him where Ianto was going.He settled down on Tosh's chair, since his task was clearly going to take a while.

Once he had the end of the thread within his grasp, the rest of the mystery unravelled relatively quickly. Jack spent the rest of the night patiently following Ianto as he cycled a short distance to a bus stop and then got on a bus that took him through the city. When the young man eventually reached the block of flats where he lived, it was a work of few quick moments for the Captain to pull up the ownership records for the flats and find one that had been purchased only five months previously. Jack could only shake his head in admiration not just of the name Ianto had assumed, but also of the location of his new home. Now armed with the right identity to search for, the immortal man soon found out where Ianto worked, who he banked with and even which shop he had bought his sleek bike from.

He was still there, teasing out all the details of Ianto's new life, when Toshiko arrived to work the following morning. The petite technician was about to call out a cheerful good morning wish to her boss, when the state of his undress registered.

"Jack!"

"Oh, hey Tosh. Listen, I have some good news."

Once he became aware of his surroundings, he realised just how cold he was. His feet felt like blocks of ice and he was shivering. Ignoring the chill that had sunk all the way to his bones, Jack bounced up and around the workstation towards Tosh, making her let out a strangled cry and avert her eyes.

"Jack, you're naked!"

"Oh, feel free to look," the Captain leered. "I mean, with this level of perfection on offer, who could resist the temptation?"

"Jack!?"

"Never mind about that," Jack grinned. "Tosh, I found Ianto!"


	6. Life Goes On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood.
> 
> Author's note: Aaand we're back with Ianto! I didn't want to leave him for too long, particularly as I have some fun stuff planned for him. The timing of the chapters focusing on Ianto only loosely fit with those from Jack's POV, so don't be surprised when the next Jack chapter basically picks up from where the previous chapter left him and poor, traumatised Toshiko. I'm also happy to say that the story keeps practically telling itself and I've done a ton of writing during my holiday. The next chapter will be huge and I'm almost done editing it. I've even mostly managed to avoid writing things out of order. Mostly. O_o

Life Goes On

"That's a neat dinosaur!"

Ianto was pulled from his thoughts by his colleague David, who had stopped by his desk. It took the Welshman a few moments to process the words and when he realised what David had said, he glanced down. He had been idly doodling while he ate his lunch and it was only now that he realised that he had subconsciously turned random lines into a coherent drawing. On his note pad a flying dinosaur was swooping down with its wings spread and its beak open. At the bottom of the page was something that looked very much like a chocolate bar, which seemed like a strange thing to add to a drawing of a dinosaur.

"Thanks," Ianto muttered, thinking that he ought to respond to David's compliment.

"It's a great looking pterodactyl."

"Pteranodon," Ianto corrected automatically and then frowned. He had no idea how he knew what he had drawn.

"Is there a difference?"

"Pteranodons are much bigger than pterodactyls, they have toothless beaks and their cranial crest is far larger and made of bone, rather than fibrous materials like the pterodactyls'." Ianto rattled off the information on autopilot, not really knowing where this understanding of prehistoric creatures was coming from.

"Wow, you sure know your dinosaurs," David grinned.

"Pterosaurs were actually reptiles rather than dinosaurs, but yes, I must have been really into them." Ianto nodded and added as an afterthought. "When I was a kid."

The truth was, he had never been that interested in dinosaurs. A school trip to the Natural History Museum in London had been fun, but Ianto had been more interested in the exhibits of animals that were currently alive than in the galleries of ancient skeletons and fossils. So how then could he draw a prehistoric reptile, and a live one at that, and know its type with capable certainty? He assumed this was yet another one of those things about himself that would remain a mystery, just like his instinctive ability to make coffee or do his job.

He had now been working at the National Archives for about three months. He very much enjoyed his job, even though it had been rather disconcerting to have to consciously switch off part of his mind in order to be able to perform some of his more complex duties. He had found, however, that the absent memories allowed him to learn what he needed to know for his job at a significantly accelerated speed. He still did not know how he knew so much about archiving, but it was knowledge that his conscious mind was now also able to retain.

Ianto seemed to be no closer to regaining the memories from the past three years. Sometimes, when he was walking through the archives, he thought he could hear the echoes of his footsteps in a different space against a background hum of familiar noises. What the noises were, he could never tell, as the fleeting glimpses of his past always eluded closer examination. It was frustrating, but he had quickly established that getting angry with himself was in no way helpful. Indeed, he could only hope that when the time was right his mind would yield the answers he was blindly groping towards.

Still, while he waited for his memories to return, assuming they ever would, he had tried to build himself a life anew. He liked his colleagues and made a conscious effort to become a part of the team at the archives. Once a month they all went out for a curry and drinks after work and Ianto found that he rather enjoyed himself during those outings. He had not told anyone at work about his amnesia, preferring to keep it hidden in the hopes that it would turn out to be temporary, and so far that had not caused him any undue difficulties. He suspected that one of the secretaries was interested in him, but he had mentioned to her in passing that he had recently lost his girlfriend to cancer, in the hopes that it might discourage her romantic advances in the near future.

Exercise had also become an integral part of Ianto's life. He went for a quick run every morning before work and then for a longer one in the evening. He was debating signing up to do a marathon in the late autumn to give himself something to train towards. From his first pay check he had purchased himself a novice road bike. Whenever the weather was good at the weekend, he went for a long bike ride. He had started off exploring various routes near his home, but soon he was going further afield. Recently he had been catching a train from King's Cross to Hertfordshire. He had discovered plenty of quiet country lanes, just wide enough for two cars to pass, with great scenery and quaint pubs dotted along the way. He often took his camera with him to practise his photography skills at the same time. He was certainly improving, but there was still plenty more for him to learn.

On Saturday and Sunday evenings, when his body was aching in a good way from the day's exercise, he sat on his sofa with a glass of wine and enjoyed the quiet around him. For some reason he seemed like his solitude, it gave him a sense of peace that he craved almost unconsciously. He wondered about his life before and what it had been like, if peace and quiet seemed like such a precious commodity to him. He was beginning to get used to the emptiness within him and on few occasions he caught himself thinking whether it might actually be better if he never regained his memories at all. He rather liked the beginnings of a life he had built himself and he worried that remembering what had happened before might be in direct conflict with what and who he was now.

Sometimes he woke up in the middle of the night, hard and aching, and the only thing he remembered from his dreams was a distinctly masculine chuckle that had somehow resonated to his very core. As he took in his body's reaction to the dream, he wondered about his sexual preferences. His diaries stated that he had been in a committed relationship with a woman, but it seemed like his subconscious found men equally appealing. Perhaps he was bisexual, although he found himself strangely reluctant to apply a label to his preferences. He searched his emotions, trying to decide how he felt about this latest revelation about himself, but all he found was emptiness. All he ever found was that blasted emptiness, which seemed to permeate every aspect of his life.

During the still, dark hours of the night, when he had been pulled from his empty dreams, he floated somewhere between awake and asleep. In those moments of strange clarity, his heart yearned for someone. He missed another person so much his whole body ached with longing. The reaction seemed too strong to just be the result of lack of human contact, but whom was he missing? Whom had he loved so much that even amnesia did not seem to erase the need to be with that person? And if that person, if that _man_ , really existed, was he somewhere out there, looking for a lover who had forgotten about him and the love they had shared?

* * *

The following Monday evening, Ianto had just finished his cool down stretches in the park, when a small fluffy shape running towards him caught his attention. A small black and white dog ran straight to him, dropped a tennis ball at his feet and then sat back to look at him, tongue lolling out in a very obvious canine grin. He smiled and almost without realising bent down to offer his hand for the dog to sniff. The dog took this as an invitation and lifted her front paws onto Ianto's bent knees in an attempt to reach up to lick his face. The Welshman laughed out loud at the ticklish sensation and buried his hands into the dog's silky coat.

"Sinta, leave that poor man alone!"

Ianto looked up to see a young man hurrying towards them, a red lead in hand, and the dog, Sinta, obediently moved back and sat down next to her ball. Her tail was wagging as she looked between her owner and her new friend.

"I'm so sorry about her, she thinks everyone has been put on this planet to make a fuss of her." The young man tried to give his dog a stern glare, but could not help a fond smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

The man before him spoke with a very distinctive American accent and there was a quality to his voice that sent a tiny flutter through Ianto. The American was tall and lithe, with tanned skin and unruly sandy hair. Their eyes met and something about the bluegrey orbs regarding him with curiosity piqued his interest in a way that no one else had since he had woken up without his memories. Ianto was suddenly very conscious of his wet t-shirt and sweat-soaked hair.

"Well, she is beautiful," he smiled as he got up and brushed dry blades of grass off his knees.

"And doesn't she know it," the American grinned and extended his hand. "I'm Mark, by the way."

"Ianto." The handshake seemed to last longer than it was strictly speaking necessary, but neither man seemed to be in a hurry to break the contact.

"I love your accent, by the way, where are you from?" Mark withdrew his hand with obvious reluctance.

"Wales." Ianto smiled a little wider as his hand tingled from the contact.

"Sorry, I've not been here long enough to get the hang of all the British accents." Mark grinned in a way that made Ianto's stomach do a somersault.

The Welshman was about to respond when he felt a paw land on his ankle. He looked down to see Sinta stare at him with disapproval, clearly wanting to direct some of his attention onto her. He smiled at the dog indulgently as he crouched down to pet her. Mark also bent down next to his dog.

"And this is Sinta, as you may have gathered from my screeching." The American buried his hands into his dog's long coat.

"She really is beautiful. What breed is she?" Ianto continued to stroke Sinta, who seemed very pleased to be finally getting all the attention.

"She is a Cardigan Welsh Corgi, just extra fluffy, which is why everyone seems to think she is a Border Collie."

"Sorry Sinta, I didn't realise we were both from Wales."

Ianto's fingers slid along Sinta's long back and by accident came into contact with Mark's. The Welshman shivered at the touch and raised his eyes to look at Mark. The American's thumb stroked light circles over his fingers and his laughing eyes seemed to hold a question. For a brief flash Ianto could imagine Mark's warm hands tracing a path over his ribs and down to his hips and heat pooled in his lower abdomen. He swallowed, trying furiously to figure out what to do next, but the intensity of the situation suddenly became too much. With a wistful smile he drew his fingers free and stood up. Mark clipped Sinta on the lead and likewise stood, not appearing offended by the other man pulling away. Ianto gave him a shy smile and turned to leave, when he was halted by the American's voice.

"Ianto, wait!"

Ianto turned back to look at Mark, raising an eyebrow and tilting his head in a silent query.

"Look, this is going to sound really cheesy, but do you often come here for a run?"

Ianto saw that Mark too looked a little shy and could not help a smile spreading across his face.

"I only recently moved to London, but yes, I do tend to come here most week days." He thought he saw relief flash in Mark's eyes before the man grinned.

"Great, I guess I'll see you around then!"

"That would be nice. Have a good day!"

With a final smile and a wave Ianto turned and headed home. There was a spring his in step which had not been present before and he still felt oddly warm whenever his thoughts strayed to Mark. But why did he have a nagging feeling at the back of his head that he was betraying someone?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More author's notes: Could Ianto be moving on? For the avoidance of doubt, Mark is not Jack in disguise. The dog also wasn't in disguise, but is in fact my lovely Cardigan Corgi Sinta, who excels at glaring at me whenever she doesn't get exactly what she wants. I figured if I was going to include a dog in this story, it should really be her.


	7. Questions and Answers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood.
> 
> Author's note: This is a massive long chapter, it just kept growing and growing. I was planning on splitting it into two chapters, but I didn't feel that there were any really suitable places for doing so. As a result, it covers a lot of ground, but will hopefully be fun to read. And just to clarify, this takes place immediately after the previous chapter from Jack's point of view 'Tracking Down a Ghost'.
> 
> As always, thanks for all the kudos. A special thanks also to Gmariam over in FF for her constructive criticism, which has been very helpful. ^_^

Questions and Answers

The remaining Torchwood Three team was seated around the boardroom table. Tosh had, with some difficulty, managed to persuade Jack to put some clothes on, and now the Captain was at the head of table, clad in his usual attire. His coat was absent, as it had been torn particularly badly during a recent Weevil hunt and it was still with a local tailor being mended. In this respect, too, Jack felt Ianto's absence keenly, since it used to be the young man, who would mend his coat and clean alien blood off of it. The Captain had been forced to use a whole selection of Cardiff tailors and dry cleaners to avoid arousing suspicious about the frequent damage to his faithful coat.

Gwen had picked up coffees and pastries for everyone on her way to work and she was distributing them around the table. When they were all sipping their drinks, Jack clicked on the screen and a still photo of Ianto on his bike appeared on the monitor. Gwen gasped and Owen raised an eye brow in surprise. Tosh hid a small smile that was tugging at the corners of her mouth, amused by her colleagues' reaction to the news.

"Ianto is living in London under the name Ianto Lloyd. He works at the National Archives in Kew and seems to have taken up some new hobbies, including cycling. Good old fashioned paranoia on the part of the Londoners enabled me to pick him up in the CCTV footage of one of the major railway stations."

"Are his memories still intact?"

Owen was the one to voice the question on everyone's mind. Jack turned to stare at the photo of Ianto for a long while before eventually responding.

"No way to tell. He has created himself a new life and a subtly different identity and he seems to have settled into them well. But the fact that he allowed himself to be caught on CCTV like that leads me to suspect that he probably has lost his memories of Torchwood."

The "and of me" at the end of Jack's sentence was absent, but somehow everyone heard it there just the same.

"What are we going to do about him?" Owen asked.

"Only one way to find out whether he has lost his memories. I'm going to go to London to see him." There was a glint of determination in the Captain's blue eyes.

"Are you sure that's wise? If he has lost his memories, seeing you again might trigger them to be released. Since he opted to forget, he might not thank you for that." Owen's voice showed a hint of concern as he considered the worst case scenario.

"I have to know for sure. Besides, I'm not going to be stupid about it. I know that my usual look is not exactly discreet, but I'm planning to blend in. I'll then be just another stranger in the street, who might smile at him and maybe flirt a little. All I need to do is look him in the eye and I'll know whether he knows me." There was an edge of steel in Jack's gaze as he looked at each of his team members in turn, daring them to challenge his plan.

"I think you should go to him. And if it turns out that he does still remember us, you should see if you could persuade him to come back to Torchwood." Gwen spoke for the first time and there was flash of surprise in Jack's eyes as he turned to look at the Welshwoman.

Since Jack had returned, Gwen had been doing a lot of soul searching. She could see clearly that the man who had come back from his mysterious trip was not the same one by whose side she had sat for three days, certain that he would eventually wake up. Ianto's departure had hit him hard and Gwen could not suppress the twinges of guilt within her. It was not just the gradual realisation of how much they had all depended on the hard-working Welshman, but also the loneliness in Jack's eyes that fuelled the regret she felt. Whatever had happened to Jack, he needed Ianto to help him get past it. Gwen had made it clear that she was there for the Captain, whatever he might need, but he had dismissed her almost absent-mindedly. She was not what he was looking for and she would have been lying if she tried to claim that the realisation did not sting a little.

It had not done her ego much good to realise that despite all the flirting and the lingering looks, someone else had captured Jack's heart. She was beginning to admit to herself, however, that the Captain did flirt with most things that moved and not just with her. And in any case, she had chosen Rhys over Jack. Whether she still would have made the same choice had Rhys proposed to her after the Captain's return, she was not certain, but she was inclined to think that she would have done. While she admired Jack, who seemed the very embodiment of the forbidden fruit, it was Rhys who grounded her. Indeed, it was her boyfriend turned fiancé, who reminded _her_ how to be human.

The gradual dawning understanding of how much Rhys meant to her made her feel ashamed of her actions during Jack's absence. When their leader had kissed Ianto in front of the whole team, it had become apparent to them all that there was something beyond convenient sex going on between the immortal man and the youngest member of Torchwood Three. Gwen had tried to ignore it at first, jealous if not of Jack's affection then of his attention, but seeing the pain in Ianto's eyes after the Captain vanished made it plain just how much the Welshman cared for their leader. She had felt angry and betrayed, just like the rest of them, and it had felt good to find an outlet for her emotions, even if it had been the wrong outlet and for the wrong reasons. And now, when it was probably too late to undo the damage she had caused, she wished there was a way she could fix her mistakes. Jack had been right in saying that she had not been much of a leader, but she desperately wanted to make things right. Even if it meant admitting that Jack's heart belonged to someone else and that he had not been hers in the first place.

Perhaps something of Gwen's new found maturity showed in her eyes, since Jack regarded her for a long moment before eventually nodding. He smiled a little and for the first time since she met the enigmatic man, the smile did not cause a tiny flutter within her. Perhaps she was indeed moving on, which really was the best for Jack, Ianto, Rhys and herself. Gwen just hoped hat it was not too late to salvage the budding relationship between their leader and the vanished team member.

"Right, it's settled then. The next time the Rift prediction programme forecasts a quieter period, I'll head to London for the day."

Jack stood up, signalling that the meeting was finished. Gwen and Owen followed the Captain's lead, but Tosh stayed where she was. She hesitated for a moment, biting her lip, and then asked:

"Are you sure one of us shouldn't go and see him? After all, the risk of his memories returning is smaller with the rest of us."

"I appreciate the thought, Toshiko, but I need to see him."

Jack spoke quietly and the petite technician nodded. It was the answer she had expected, but she had wanted to ask the question regardless, concerned for her friend. She offered her boss a small smile and headed back to her work station.

* * *

The Rift seemed to conspire against Jack and a couple of weeks went by before Jack finally declared the city stable enough to be left for a day or two. He graciously left the SUV to the team, in case they needed to respond to any Weevils sightings or unexpected Rift events, and chose to drive to London in the red sports car they had not quite got around to returning to the police. Jack had said his goodbyes in the main level of Hub and he had just entered their underground garage when he heard running footsteps approaching him. He turned around just as Gwen rounded the corner and slowed to walk.

"Jack!"

"What is it, Gwen? Not another Rift alert to investigate, I hope?"

"No, no, nothing like that," Gwen hesitated for a moment.

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry for not doing a better job of keeping the team together while you were gone. I hope you'll find what you're looking for in London today."

Jack's eyes widened in surprise at Gwen's unexpected apology. He had noticed a change in her during the past couple of weeks, as she had spent less time reminding the others about her life outside of Torchwood and more time focusing on her work. For the first time since she had joined the institute, she was handing in well written reports on time and she no longer had to borrow supplies from the others during missions when she had forgotten to replenish her own field kit. Jack was pleased about the change, but he would have been happier still if the reason for it had not been Ianto leaving.

"Thank you, Gwen."

He smiled a little and gave her shoulder a squeeze, before getting in the sports car. Gwen stayed behind to watch him drive off, feeling like some of the heaviness in her heart had finally lifted.

Before leaving the Hub, Jack had got changed out of his usual clothes and into something more mainstream. He now wore black jeans, a white t-shirt and a black leather jacket that hid his wrist strap and his trusted pistol. He doubted he would need his weapon in London, but he did not want to be caught unarmed should something unexpected happen. He had also borrowed one of Toshiko's small laptops. It felt strange being out of his usual vintage attire and indeed he had not worn clothes like these since his time with the Doctor and Rose. Jack felt a flash of longing towards his old travelling companions, but he knew that he would never see the previous reincarnation of the Time Lord or the vivacious young woman again. All he could do was treasure the memories they had made together and focus on trying to fix the life he had in Cardiff.

Jack chose the fastest route out of the city and soon he was cruising on the motor way towards London. He felt rather impatient, but managed to resist the temptation to push the car to its limits. Torchwood was allowed to drive at whatever speed they liked in Cardiff and the nearby areas, but Jack doubted whether the Highway Patrol would show him the same kind of leniency, particularly as he was driving a stolen sports car. Still, he had left after the morning rush hour, which meant that he was making good progress. It was a beautiful day and every mile took him a little closer to Ianto.

It was just after lunch time when Jack steered away from the motorway and towards the National Archives in Kew. He parked the sports car along a small side road, where it would be less likely to attract unwanted attention, and then picked a café as close to the main entrance of the National Archives as he could find. He bought himself a large coffee and sandwiches for lunch and chose a table by the window. Part of him wanted to march into the building and demand to see Ianto immediately, but that was not quite the discreet approach he was hoping to take. Indeed, it was much wiser to start by watching the young man from a distance to see how he behaved when he was unaware of being observed. Unfortunately logic did little to quell the impatience welling within Jack. Ianto may have been in the building across the street, but in many ways he was just as unreachable as when the Captain had been in Cardiff.

It suddenly struck Jack that he had no idea what to say to Ianto if the young man did still remember his former employer. How did he go about apologising for hurting the Welshman so much that he had voluntarily opted to inflict amnesia upon himself? Furthermore, it was not just leaving with the Doctor that Jack needed forgiveness for, but also the months preceding his abrupt departure. He had gotten exactly what he wanted from his arrangement with Ianto – great sex followed by great coffee. The young man had been there if Jack needed to talk, but he had never pressured him to do so, and he had been equally happy to spend time in comfortable silence. But had Jack ever paused to consider what his lover needed? Physically he had ensured his partner had always been thoroughly sated, Jack took great pride in that, but what of his emotional needs? Toshiko had said that Ianto cared about the Captain deeply, most likely more than either man had realised, but the immortal had never taken that into consideration with the choices he made. He had been selfish and now all he could do was fervently hope he might get a chance to make amends.

His dark thoughts kept Jack company through the afternoon and before he knew it, people were starting to leave the National Archives for the day. It happened to be Friday, so the employees were heading home a little earlier than usually. Jack's heart began to pound as he waited for Ianto to emerge and it then skipped a beat when his eyes finally spotted a familiar face among the strangers. The archivist looked good in a pinstripe suit, with matching blue shirt and tie that accentuated the blue of his eyes, although perhaps the clothes did not fit him quite as well as they used to. As the Captain watched discreetly from the café, Ianto spoke to a couple of his colleagues for a few moments and then with a wave headed down the road. Jack gave him a decent head start and then slipped out of the café to follow him.

Ianto led the way to the Kew Gardens train station, where he boarded a train to London. This was what Jack had expected him to do as he had spent enough time stalking the archivist via London's CCTV network to know how he commuted to and from work. Jack got in the same carriage as Ianto, but stayed as far from him as possible for fear of being caught staring at the young man. The train journey seemed to take forever, but the Captain drew comfort from his proximity to his lover. Ianto again opted to walk from the station to his flat and the pace he set had Jack sweating by the end of it, while the Welshman looked annoyingly fresh.

When Ianto disappeared into his flat, Jack started to regret his decision to not install a few camera's in the young man's home. As it was, the Captain did the next best thing. He picked the lock of the door that led to the roof of Ianto's building and made himself comfortable while he booted his laptop. With the help of a programme Tosh had written for him, it was easy for him to gain access to his lover's wifi network. When Ianto switched his computer on a little later, the programme enabled Jack to see everything the young man did on his laptop. It amused the Captain a great deal when he discovered that his former archivist had a blog called King Ianto's Coffee Beans. The posts seemed to be largely about coffee, cycling and photography. The immortal man was intending to start reading the entries from the beginning, when Ianto's current activity caught his eye.

While Jack had been distracted by the prospect of reading Ianto's blog, the young man had started a new post called 'A Study in Cuteness' and he was uploading photos for it. The Captain's computer screen was suddenly flooded with photos of a small fluffy dog. He clicked through them, grinning at the cute dog playing fetch with her ball, and wondered whose dog Ianto had been using as a model. His question answered itself when some of the later pictures also showed a young man with the dog. In some photos they were playing with a rope toy but in others they were doing some sort of obedience exercises. In the final photograph the man had his dog in his arms and they were both grinning at the camera. Jack could not suppress a sudden feeling of jealousy as he wondered whether the title of the post referred to the man or the dog.

_Oh come on, you fool_ , Jack admonished himself. _For all I know that is just some random guy with a cute dog who both know how to pose for a camera. He seems to be learning photography so it makes sense that he practises with a wide variety of models and situations. It's probably just a coincidence that the guy happens to be so beautiful._

While he tried to talk himself out of his jealousy, Jack watched as Ianto finished uploading the photos and then posted the new blog entry. Once that was done, the young man switched off his computer and Jack's small window into Ianto's life vanished. He was not certain what the Welshman intended to do next, but on a hunch he abandoned his spot on the roof and returned to watching the building from ground level. It turned out to have been a smart move as few minutes later Ianto emerged, dressed in what looked like his running gear. Jack now understood why earlier the archivist's suit had not appeared to fit quite as well as it used to. He had lost some weight and his muscles were more prominent than before. Wearing just shorts and a tight vest, Ianto was a picture of health and Jack only now realised just how tanned the young man was. Getting out of the Hub and into fresh air and sunshine had clearly done his lover a world of good.

Ianto's health was yet another thing for Jack to feel guilty about as he followed the Welshman towards to nearby park. He had never realised, or paid attention to, how pale the man he occasionally shared a bed with used to be. He made a mental note to impose a mandatory session of exercise outside for his whole team at least once a week. It would do everyone good to get out of the Hub during day light hours for reasons other than alien hunting.

Ianto kept up a fast pace to warm up for his run. His speed slowed and then soon stopped, however, when he spotted Mark and Sinta approaching from the direction of the park. Mark grinned and waved, while Sinta strained at the end of her lead, tail wagging. Ianto greeted the dog enthusiastically and then stood up to talk to the other man. Jack's earlier jealousy reared its ugly head once more when he took in the handsome man standing a little closer to his lover than was strictly speaking necessary. He saw from the stranger's body language that he was definitely flirting with Ianto, who although he seemed a little hesitant was responding to the other's advances. Unable to resist the temptation, Jack crept closer and then pretended to tie his shoe laces so he could listen in on the conversation.

"...so the photos are online. When you get a chance, you should check them out."

"Oh definitely! It's always nice to see photos of Sinta, particularly if they are taken by someone with more photography skills than I have. I might actually want the full resolution files from you so that I can turn some of them into canvas prints. The bare walls of my flat are starting to drive me insane."

"Of course you can have the files, but you should really have a look at the photos first, since you might not like any of them."

"That's extremely unlike, since you're the one who took the photos."

Although Ianto was facing away from the man discreetly observing him, Jack could see the tips of his ears turning pink from the compliment.

"Which reminds me, I've read an awfully lot about your coffee making skills, but I am yet to experience them first hand. I'm beginning to wonder whether you really are the King of coffee, like your blog suggests."

The last sentence was spoken with a flirtatious tone, but the challenge it held had the desired effect. Jack wondered whether Ianto saw it coming.

"In that case, why don't you stop by for a coffee tomorrow afternoon? You can test my coffee making skills as the same time as looking through the photos I took. I put the ones I liked the most online, but there may be others that you like better. If you bring a memory stick with you, you can get copies of them at the same time."

"Coffee and photos of my dog, how could I say no to an invitation like that? Is three o'clock tomorrow okay?"

"That suits me just fine. I'm in flat number 7, I'm sure you know the rest of the address."

"It's a date, then! And I do indeed, Sinta and I have walked you to your building often enough. I'll see you tomorrow, enjoy your run!"

"Will do, thanks!"

Ianto moved on with a wave and Jack stopped fiddling with his shoe laces. He watched as the young man and his dog walked past him, a little annoyed at how good looking his rival was. The cute dog was an unexpected bonus and for brief moment he wondered what the others would say if he bought a puppy. In the end he dismissed it as impractical, since a dog in the Hub was an accident waiting to happen, particularly if Myfanwy was feeling peckish. He could well imagine Toshiko's outrage if she came to work one morning only to find her computers scattered across the pool of water as a consequence of Myfanwy and a puppy playing a game of chase. No doubt the technician could find a piece of alien technology in the archives that could change Jack into greenish slime as revenge. He shuddered at the thought and decided that the pteranodon was the only pet allowed in the Hub.

Jack did find it curious, however, that the other man interested in Ianto was also American. He wondered whether it was purely a coincidence or whether Ianto had unconsciously gravitated towards someone with an American accent. No one had done any kind of proper studies on people who had been given retcon to see how much the suppressed memories influenced a person's behaviour. From the clues the Captain had gathered about the Welshman's new life, such as his new job at the National Archives and him blogging about coffee, it seemed like the young man was able to access the retconned memories at least on a subconscious level. It eased Jack's jealousy a little to think that the only reason Ianto had not rejected the other man's advances was because he reminded the archivist of Jack.

The Captain followed Ianto to the edge of the park where the young man started doing his warm up stretches and exercises. His observer noted that although he was smiling after fixing a date with the American, there was also a small crease between his eyebrows that spoke of some sort of internal conflict. Jack tried not to let his hopes up too much as he took a deep breath and decided that he might as well get the hard bit done sooner rather than later. His palms felt strangely sweaty as he took another calming breath, put on his most dazzling smile and walked over to Ianto.

"Excuse me, could you possibly tell me how to get to the train station from here?"

Ianto turned to look at Jack and the frown on his face deepened, screaming of confusion. He stammered a little as he gave his former employer the directions he needed.

"Thanks a lot!" Jack directed the full power of his grin at the Welshman, causing him to blush. "I love your accent, by the way, Welsh vowels always make me weak at the knees."

"Err, thanks," Ianto blushed a deeper shade of red and briefly dropped his eyes to his shoes. His body language indicated that he was still somewhat confused.

"I'll be sure to come to you for directions some other time too!" Jack winked and took his time checking Ianto out, before turning to leave. Behind him, Ianto closed his slack jaw and started to run, although he tripped over a stone almost immediately and his pace continued to be a little unsteady for some time.

Jack walked away from the park and the young man with a heavy heart. There had been no flicker of recognition in Ianto's eyes when they had spoken. It was now abundantly clear that Ianto had no memory of Torchwood or of his lover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More notes: Well, there we have it. I'm glad to say that chapter 8 is done, just needs a bit more editing, chapter 9 is written, but needs to be typed up, and chapter 10 is on its way. I'll be super busy this week, but I'm hoping I will get a chance to upload another chapter at some point. From now on the plan is to alternate between Ianto's and Jack's POV every chapter.


	8. Haunting Blue Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood.
> 
> Author's notes: The rating for this chapter perhaps ought to be higher than 'T'. I'm exploring some more mature themes here, but there's nothing too explicit. You've officially been warned, though.
> 
> I suspect part of this chapter goes in a direction which most of you won't like. I hope you don't hate Mark too much, though. He's really a good guy.

Haunting Blue Eyes

Ianto lay on his bed, trying to get himself to fall asleep through sheer willpower alone. It was no use, however, since every time he closed his eyes he saw before him piercing blue orbs that seemed to see all the way into his soul. He wished he could get the American out of his head but he might as well have wished for world peace or for his memories to return. He had only spoken to the stranger for a minute or two, but as soon as their eyes had met, Ianto's heart had sighed. The older man had been openly flirting with him and although he had been blushing wildly, part of him had relished the attention. He had been sorry when the man had turned towards the station, even though he still could not understand why he had been so drawn to the stranger.

_I've never believed in love at first sight_ , he thought, _but perhaps this is it?_

Ianto rolled over with a sigh, switching from staring at the ceiling to staring at his wardrobe doors instead. Why did things suddenly have to become so difficult? He had been looking forward to the prospect of going out on a date with Mark, or in this case staying in on a date with Mark, but now he could not get another man out of his thoughts. The stranger was a complication he could easily have done without.

Ianto had known from the start that Mark was interested in him. He had enjoyed the flirting and the thrilling prospect of potentially taking the next step and agreeing to go out on a date with the handsome American. Indeed he would have been lying if he tried to claim that it did not feel good to be pursued by Mark. The American had moved over from New York six months previously, having been head hunted to become the head of copy editing for one of the big advertising agencies in London. Sinta had moved with him and seemed to enjoy life on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean. Mark had mentioned that he had been in a relationship with someone back in America, but that things had been gradually falling apart for some time. The invitation of a life time to move to London had been the final nail in the coffin and both men had gone their separate ways. It had taken Mark some time to get over his previous relationship but he was now finally ready to move on.

That someone as successful and self-assured as Mark wanted him continued to baffle Ianto. His self-image was of course very much affected by the amnesia but nevertheless the picture he had built of himself based on his diaries and on his belongings did not indicate that there was anything special about him. At least nothing that would make him stand out for someone like Mark. The American had been hinting for some time now that he would like to get to know Ianto better but until now he had been a little hesitant to take that step. Earlier that day, however, when Mark had teased him about his coffee making skills he had pushed aside his apprehension and decided that it was time to invite the other man over for some coffee.

Part of Ianto's hesitation stemmed from the nagging feeling that there was someone else in his life that he was forgetting about. This tied in with the thought he sometimes had at night that he was missing a specific person, a man rather than Lisa. He could not see who this man could be or even how he could exist, since his diaries had never mentioned him being interested in anyone after Lisa's death. And if there had been someone, perhaps in Cardiff, where was he now? It was not as though Ianto had vanished without a trace, he had merely moved back to London. If he had been in love with someone and that person had loved him in return, why had he not tried to contact Ianto in the four months he had lived in London?

For a brief moment Ianto wondered if the other American he had met earlier might be this mystery man from his past. He dismissed the thought, however, since the older man had not indicated in any way that he knew Ianto. Still, there had been something about the stranger that made the young man think that he should have known him. He had seemed familiar in a way that the Welshman could not quite define. Perhaps they had met before and neither man could remember it. But why did he have a feeling he could never forget the older man?

His restless thoughts eventually lulled Ianto into deep sleep full of empty dreams. He woke up late, feeling unusually fatigued. Normally he got up straight away, but that morning he felt weighed down by sleep and so he lay in bed for a long while, his thoughts idly drifting between Mark and the other American. Eventually he got up with a sigh and dragged himself to the kitchen. He felt a little more awake after a cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal, but he decided to clear the remaining cob webs from his brain by going for a bike ride. Because Mark was coming round later, he did not have time to catch a train out of London and so he settled for cycling 20 miles in the local area.

After exercise and a hot shower, Ianto finally felt like himself again. He made another cup of coffee and then decided to give the flat a quick clean. After he had woken up without his memories, Ianto had initially baulked at how clean and organised his home was. Now, however, he was beginning to find that he enjoyed a tidy and neat flat and that cleaning it on a regular basis came naturally. He could only marvel at how much he had changed and matured during the three years that now were a mystery to him. The past Ianto he could still remember would never have cared this much about having his coffee varieties organised logically by strength and then by geographical origin. In fact, the past Ianto would not have bothered with coffee beans at all.

Ianto made a mozzarella and Parma ham salad for lunch and then settled in front of his laptop to reply to the various comments left on his blog. From the number of responses and their content, it appeared that his photos of Sinta and Mark were very well received. More than one person had given their opinion about which was cuter, the fluffy Corgi or her owner. Ianto grinned openly as his hands flew over the keyboard and he had to decline to give out Mark's phone number twice.

Even as he busied himself on the computer, Ianto found his eyes straying towards the clock time and time again. He felt a nervous knot in his belly at the thought of Mark arriving in less than an hour. He was not sure how to behave on a date with another man, since as far as he knew he had only ever dated women. Thanks to his amnesia, he also had no idea whether he had ever slept with a man. All of a sudden it occurred to him that things might progress to that stage with Mark and that he might need protection. He nearly bolted out of the door to go to the shops, just in case, when he thought to check the bathroom first. Sure enough, in the bottom drawer of his bathroom cabinet was an unopened packet of condoms, as well as a tube of lubricant.

_Well, that's one question solved_ , Ianto thought to himself as he moved both items to his bedside table's top drawer, just in case. _If I've not had sex with a man before, I sure have displayed an awfully lot of forethought. I really wish my diaries would have mentioned important things like this! I would certainly have saved myself a great many head aches._

In his reverie he had lost track of time and Ianto suddenly realised that Mark would be arriving any moment. He quickly got changed into faded black jeans and a deep blue t-shirt. He had allowed his hair to grow a little longer recently and he now used a bit of gel to raise some of it into messy spikes. Ianto checked his appearance in the mirror and then rolled his eyes when he realised what he was doing. When had he regressed into a teenager?

He was just pulling coffee cups out of the cupboard when the door bell rang. Taking a deep breath to calm himself, he went to open the door. He smiled at the sight of Mark, clad in grey jeans and a pale blue shirt, shifting nervously from one foot to another. His shirt brought out the blue in his eyes and made him look even more breath-taking. Ianto felt a flutter of excitement as Mark grinned, his eyes full of affection.

"Hey."

"Hi, do come in."

Ianto stepped aside and as the American walked past him, he breathed in the other man's cologne. Mark looked around the flat with obvious interest. The Welshman closed the door and led his guest to the kitchen.

"Here," Mark handed him a small chocolate cake. "It's impolite to show up empty handed and I wasn't sure how you would feel if I bought you flowers. I figured a chocolate cake was a pretty safe bet."

"Thanks, I love chocolate cake!"

Ianto ground a fresh batch of coffee beans and set a pot of coffee to brew. He put the cake on a plate and took out two others for them. He then motioned for Mark to follow him to the lounge and opened a folder on his laptop which contained the recent photos he had taken.

"Here, have a look through the photographs while I'll pour us some coffee."

"Thanks."

Mark smiled and sat in front of the computer while Ianto returned to the kitchen. The coffee had brewed so he poured them both a cup and also cut two pieces of the cake.

"How do you take your coffee?" Ianto asked as he took the plates through.

"Strong and black, please." Ianto soon returned with a cup in each hand, gave one to Mark and sat down opposite him.

"Thanks," Mark took a sip of the hot liquid straight away and his expression turned to astonishment. "Oh my god, Ianto, this is amazing!"

Ianto blushed as the American closed his eyes to better savour the next mouthful of coffee. The small sound of bliss he made caused a shiver run down the Welshman's spine. In order to stop staring at his date, who seemed to derive a sinful amount of pleasure from his coffee, Ianto focused on his own cup instead.

"Okay, I will never again doubt your mastery of coffee making or indeed your skills in any other areas. You truly are the King of Coffee Beans, Ianto Lloyd."

The Welshman blushed even more and directed a forkful of cake into his mouth. As he licked the remaining frosting off of the fork, he did not notice that it was Mark's turn to stare at him with naked desire in his eyes. Ianto was clearly unaware of how sensual his movements were, which only added to his appeal in Mark's eyes. The Welshman looked up and their eyes locked, the air full of tension. The American was the first to look away as he nodded towards the computer.

"The photos are great too, just as I thought they would be. There are several I would love to frame on my wall. I brought a memory stick, if you wouldn't mind giving me copies?"

"Of course not, we can do it straight away. And I'm grateful that I could practise with you and Sinta."

"Neither of us will ever say no to being photographed by you," Mark grinned.

He pulled a memory stick from his pocket and offered it to Ianto. Their fingers brushed as the younger man leaned forward to pick it up and the Welshman felt his cheeks turn pink once more.

It was a work of few moments to plug in the USB stick and start copying over the folder containing the photos. While the files were transferring, they chatted amicably and finished off their coffees and cakes. Mark helped Ianto carry the dishes to the kitchen. The Welshman poured them both a second cup of coffee and then turned to switch off the coffee machine. His breath hitched when he felt hands come to rest on his hips and warm lips trailing a path across the back of his neck. He closed his eyes to savour the feel of the man behind him and then slowly turned around.

This time Ianto saw the desire in Mark's eyes as the men regarded each other in silence. The American took a step closer, bringing their bodies together, but it was Ianto who leaned in to capture the other man's lips in a hesitant kiss. Their lips brushed lightly at first, but soon they grew more confident in their exploration. Ianto found that he could make Mark's breathing ragged just by nipping gently at his bottom lip. The American deepened the kiss by using his tongue expertly to gain access to Ianto's mouth. For a while their tongues duelled for dominance, but eventually they settled for working to heighten the pleasure from the contact. Mark's hands were holding Ianto close, while Ianto's hands were tangled in Mark's hair.

After a while they had to break apart for air and they stayed in each other's arms, neither wanting to move back. Ianto rested his forehead against Mark's and cupped the man's face. He leaned in for another quick kiss and then pulled back, trying to push aside the fog of desire clouding his mind.

"Mark, there's something I want to talk to you about."

The American pulled back slightly so that he could regard the man before him. The laughter died from his eyes as the serious expression on Ianto's face.

"Oh dear, is this the point where you tell me that you have a wife, three kids and that you don't like men after all?"

Mark's tone was light as he spoke, but he looked like he was preparing himself for getting hurt. Ianto did the first think he thought of and flexed his hips, which rubbed their erections together and caused both men to groan in unison.

"Does it feel like I'm not enjoying this?" Ianto growled in Mark's ear. With visible effort he managed to still his hips, although lust was still clouding his eyes.

"Come, let's go and sit on the sofa."

The men picked up their cooling coffees and headed to the lounge. Ianto sat down sideways, so that he could face his date, and took Mark's hand into his.

"I'm not married, nor do I have any kids. That I know of, anyway. And that's really the problem. You see, about four months ago I woke up one morning on the floor with a head injury, suffering from memory loss. I lost about three years' worth of memories and the doctors have no idea why it happened or whether it's temporary. I've been able to get a basic idea of what I've done over the years from the diaries I've kept, but there are still plenty of things I'm not sure about. Whether I've ever been with a man is one of them, which is why I wanted to talk to you before things between us progress any further."

Ianto glanced at Mark, having stared at their entwined hands while he spoke, and he found that he was strangely nervous about how the other man might react. To his relief, the American smiled and squeezed his hand gently.

"So you're not married or otherwise taken?"

"Free as a bird," Ianto grinned.

"That's all I need to know," Mark grinned in return and leaned forward, close enough to almost kiss the Welshman. "Assuming of course that you don't mind my claiming you as mine?"

"Not in the slightest," Ianto whispered and closed the remaining inch between them.

The men ended up sprawled on the sofa, with Ianto partly on top of Mark. The American was running his hands up and down Ianto's back underneath his shirt, causing the younger man to shiver with pleasure. Both relished the unhurried intimacy of being close to another man. Ianto untangled his hands from Mark's hair long enough to allow the other man to slide off his t-shirt. The older man's shirt soon followed. The American pulled back slightly and regarded his companion with serious eyes.

"I don't want you to feel pressured into doing things you're not comfortable with. We can take things slow."

"God, I hope not. Seems I can't remember becoming an impatient man." Ianto smiled and pushed himself up. Taking hold of Mark's hand, he led the other man to his bedroom.

* * *

"Well, based on what we've just done, I think it's pretty safe to say that you've slept with a man before." Mark chuckled as he tried to catch his breath.

The men were lying side by side on Ianto's bed, trying to recover after couple of hours of rather enthusiastic love making. Their clothes were strewn across the room and Ianto was congratulating himself for having moved the condoms from the bathroom somewhere a little closer to hand.

"Yes, it would seem that way."

"Some of the things you did to me, gods, I didn't even know about." Mark shook his head, surprised about learning new things after a decade of inventive male lovers.

"It appears that I had a very imaginative lover, who taught me a thing or two at some point." Ianto smile was a little wistful, and a small frown appeared on his face. "I just don't understand why I never mentioned him in my diaries."

The American looked at his companion with concern, sorry that the young man was going through such an upheaval in his life. He wished there was something he could do to help, but perhaps he could at the very least offer a distraction.

"I must admit, this is not quite how I expected our first date to go."

"No? What did you have planned for us if not amazing sex?" Ianto queried with a raised eyebrow, glad of the change in subject.

Mark rolled over to his side and started tracing lazy circles on Ianto's chest. He considered the question for a moment, a small smile playing on his lips. He leaned forward to steal a quick kiss.

"Let me see... After the coffee, which I always knew was going to be fantastic, by the way, I was going to persuade you to come on a dog walk with me and then use the extra time to talk you into a dinner. I was hoping to hold your hand, so I could show off to everyone that you were out on a date with me. At the end of the night I would have walked you home, kissed you good night and called you as soon as I got home to suggest a second date."

"Mmm, that does sound nice, actually. It's not too late to do some or all of it, you know." The Welshman smiled and arched into Mark's touch.

"Very well, Ianto, would you care to join me for a very romantic dog walk and a hopefully romantic dinner?"

"I would love to, though I should warn you that I may be expecting more than one good night kiss." Ianto chuckled and rolled over onto his side to get closer to the American.

"I will kiss you all night, if that's what you wish." Mark laughed between placing small kisses along Ianto's jaw line.

"Sounds like a plan."

Ianto allowed himself to get lost in the passion of the moment, consciously pushing away the memory of blue eyes haunting his thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pleased to say that writing this story is still going pretty well. The next chapter is written, but it needs partly to be typed up and then a fair amount of editing. Expect slightly slower updates now that I'm back from my holiday and busy with work, but they will keep coming, I promise! ^_^


	9. Despair and Determination

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood.
> 
> Author's note: Somehow this became huge. Jack has a habit of requiring a lot of words, it seems. I could have split this chapter in two, but I didn't really see much point in doing so. The length of it should make up for the relative slowness of the update. Also, major dose of angst straight ahead and some mentions of torture, so you've been warned. With some vague attempts at humour too.
> 
> Once again thanks to all the readers! The response to this story continues to amaze me. The reviews in particular make me extremely happy! :D

Despair and Determination

A dark mood settled over Jack as he drove back to Cardiff. As soon as he got to Wales, the weather seemed to sense the gloominess of his thoughts and it began to rain. With a curse the Captain closed the soft roof of the car as large drops of water splattered across the wind screen. The clouds heavy with moisture chased away the last of the day light, which suited Jack just fine. It was easier to hide his crushed hopes in the darkness anyway.

It has been foolish to hope that Ianto might still remember him. All evidence had pointed to Ianto following Torchwood policy and taking the requisite amount of retcon. Jack's trip to London should really have been a mere formality to confirm that to be the case. But the Captain knew it had been about so much more. He had needed to see his young lover in flesh, not least so he could confirm that the archivist had not been tortured to death aboard Valiant during the year that never was. Besides, a small part of him had not truly believed that even retcon could have erased the memories of the time he had spent with Ianto. It appeared that he had been wrong.

Still, there had been something in his lover's eyes when they had spoken for a few brief moments. It had not been a spark of recognition, for Jack had been looking out for that, but more like confusion. That suggested to the Captain that the memories of him lurked just below the surface in Ianto's subconscious and that they could easily be awakened. The question was, what to do about it?

Should he try to bring the suppressed memories to the surface and to break the hold of the retcon, so he could get his Ianto back? But the young man might not thank him for it. Reversing the amnesia would effectively mean destroying the Welshman's new life and everything he had worked so hard to build over the past four months. Sure Jack could go against Torchwood policy and allow Ianto to remain in London after he got his memories back, but would the young man want that? Could he really continue working at the National Archives and filling his free time with cycling and photography when he knew of all the alien life on Earth and beyond?

Ianto had resigned from Torchwood because Jack had left with the Doctor, because he felt no allegiance to the institute. Were things different now that Jack was back? Would Ianto want to return to Cardiff to be with the immortal Captain or was it too late for all that now? If the Welshman was to get his memories back, would he reject his lover, just as Jack had turned his back to him when it really mattered? And really, what right did Jack have to even suggest that Ianto might like to share a life time with him? Had he not given up any chance of that when he had chased after the Time Lord and the vague possibility of becoming mortal once more? But surely Ianto would understand that he had left to see if it was possible to rid him of the curse of eternal life? Sure he loved the Doctor, but the moment for a romantic attachment with the lone traveller had been and gone centuries ago. Would he ever get the chance to explain all this to Ianto?

The second option the Captain had was to see if he could build on the suppressed memories and try to form a relationship with the Welshman despite his amnesia. Their history would no doubt help, but was it the right thing to do? Perhaps Jack might be able to distract Ianto's attention away from the American he had asked out, but in doing so the immortal was also denying his lover a chance of a normal life and of happiness with someone actually capable of growing old by his side. With the other man Ianto could have a family and he was unlikely to die far too young from alien related causes. Jack still had his commitments with Torchwood and trying to date someone living in London when he was at the mercy of the Rift would be awkward at best. Besides, if Jack was to try having a relationship the Welshman now, there was always the danger that something he said or did would trigger the return of the young man's memories. If that was to happen, Ianto would surely hate him, as his actions amounted to little more than actively taking advantage of the archivist. Could he really live with himself if he went down that route?

The final option was to do nothing at all. He could return to Cardiff, delete all the CCTV footage of Ianto he had on his computer and look into hiring someone new to replace their brilliant archivist. Life would never be the same, but Jack had lost so many people during his long life that was one more really that terrible? It might take a while, but eventually he would forget the exact shade of blue of Ianto's eyes and the sound he made at the moment of release. He would get used to drinking substandard take away coffee and to seeing the Hub messier than it should be. Soon he would no longer remember what it felt like to have strong arms hold him close when he woke up screaming from his nightmares or after a particularly painful death, or to have someone unexpectedly join him in the shower in the morning. His life would be colder, emptier without Ianto, but at least he could draw comfort from the knowledge that the Welshman was safe and happy. Surely that was the best thing to do, if not for him, then at least for Ianto? Was it not time for him to put someone else's needs before his own?

Eventually he would meet someone new, who, while never able to take the Welshman's place in Jack's heart, could at least ease the loneliness a little. He had done that many times before he met the young man and he would have to do so thousands of times more during his endless life. Why not start now? Yet the thought of being with someone other than Ianto made him feel hollow and unclean. He had never felt this way after losing a lover, which made him wonder just what the Welshman meant to him. The dawning realisation of the depth of his feelings for Ianto made Jack feel like his veins were filled with ice. Just when had he fallen in love with his former employee? Was it the first time Ianto gasped his name during love making, the first time they spent the night together, or perhaps during the brief time Ianto had spent on board Valiant?

After the Torchwood Three team was captured in the Himalayas, the Master had killed them one at a time, leaving Ianto last. The mad Time Lord had tortured the Welshman for hours in front of Jack and young man had never once made a sound. Ianto had stared at Jack with eyes that were full of affection rather than accusation, until the Master had blinded him with a piece of hot metal. Jack had cried out on his behalf and struggled against his bonds so violently that the guards had ended up shooting him. Still, the Master had been considerate enough to wait until Jack returned to life before stabbing Ianto and leaving him to slowly bleed to death, just out of the Captain's reach.

His thoughts remained dark as Jack steered the car through Cardiff. He parked in the underground garage, but chose to spend some time outside by the bay before going into the Hub proper. It felt good to breathe in the fresh sea air and stretch his legs after several hours in the car. He took comfort from his familiar surroundings, even if the person who had turned this city in Wales into a real home for him was conspicuously absent. The rain had stopped again and Jack could see a few stars between the ragged clouds driven on by a steady wind. He wondered when he would travel to the stars again and could not help wishing that it was Ianto who would keep him on Earth for many long years to come.

Jack entered the Hub via his favourite route, using the invisible lift. Since his return after the year on Valiant, he had been avoiding the tourist office entrance, because it reminded him too much of Ianto. Myfanwy swooped down to greet him and seemed surprisingly enthusiastic about seeing him return. The pteranodon landed near the lift and accepted a quick scratch of her neck while she prodded him with her break. Satisfied of some unknown thing, the prehistoric creature spent the next hour flying around the Hub, screeching mournfully. Jack did his best to ignore the noise as he went through the reports his team had left on his desk. It seemed to have been a quiet day, for which the Captain was grateful. After he realised that he had just read the same sentence for the tenth time, Jack rubbed his tired eyes and decided it was time to go to bed.

The following morning, Tosh was the first to arrive, as usual. She dropped her coat and bag on the sofa and then headed for Jack's office carrying two cups of coffee. She knocked on the door and entered just as the Captain was emerging through the hatch.

"Morning Jack, I thought you could probably use a cup of coffee." Tosh smiled.

"Morning Toshiko and thanks."

Jack gave the technician a weary smile and motioned her to sit down. Tosh accepted the invitation and they sipped their drinks in comfortable silence. After the Captain finished his coffee and threw the cardboard cup in the bin, he steepled his fingers so he could rest his chin against them and regarded the Japanese woman before him.

"So, I guess you want to know how things went yesterday?"

"Only if you want to tell me."

"Toshiko Sato, always so sweet. You'll find out sooner or later anyway, so I might as well tell you now." Jack smiled sadly and t deep breath. "He has no memory of me, so he took the retcon."

"Oh Jack, I'm so sorry." Tosh leaned forward to lay her hand on the Captain's arm.

"Yeah, me too. I shouldn't have been surprised really, as Ianto did say he would take the retcon and he always follows through with his plans."

"So what happens now?" Tosh asked gently.

"I honestly don't know. I don't know whether to try to get him his memories back, to see if he might be interested in me as things stand now, or whether to just leave him alone. Each option has its benefits and drawbacks and I have no idea how to choose. To make matters even more complicated, he has actually met someone. The guy is American, really handsome, and he has the cutest little dog." Jack sighed.

"He sounds rather like you, minus the dog," Tosh smiled.

"And minus the dangerous job hunting aliens. But the thought had crossed my mind too. Nevertheless they seem to really like each other and judging by the conversation I overheard, they are having their first date later today."

"Ouch. Well, there's always the possibility that things might not work out between them."

"Yeah, there's always that. But he looks so happy and healthy, Tosh. He took the retcon because I left but I don't think he ever considered what would happen when I came back and found him gone. Perhaps he didn't believe I would ever come back. But I did and I don't know what to do."

Jack looked at Tosh with eyes that pleaded the technician to make sense of things for her boss. The Japanese woman felt a wave of compassion for the Captain, who had been a little lost ever since he returned from his trip with the Doctor. She leaned forward to squeeze Jack's hand again and he entwined their fingers.

"I think he would want you to be happy, Jack."

"I don't know if I can be happy without Ianto. But in order to be with him again I would have to take away the happiness he has found in his new life and replace it with three years' worth of painful memories. I know I've been selfish before, but I don't know if I can do that to him."

"You don't have to decide anything now. Why don't you let some time pass and see how things are then?"

"Yes, you're probably right. You usually are." Jack smiled sadly, his eyes showing his true age quite clearly.

Toshiko gave Jack one last affectionate smile and slipped her hand free. She exited the office quietly and Jack watched her go, grateful for her serene presence in the Hub.

The Rift was quiet all day and time seemed to drag. The paperwork and general inactivity was slowly getting to Jack, who was bored. Tosh had clearly filled Owen and Gwen in on what had happened the day before, as everyone left the Captain to his own devices. He was hoping for a Weevil sighting to distract him, but all was quiet on the alien front. As a result, Jack found himself hacking into London's CCTV network to watch his rival walk to Ianto's flat at the agreed time. He cursed again his decision to not install cameras in Ianto's home as he had no idea how the date was going. Still, he was not sure he would be able to watch if things were indeed going well between his former employee and his date. It was several hours before both men emerged, holding hands. Jack's heart sank when he saw that even the poor quality of the video feed could not disguise the glow on Ianto's face. He only ever had such a look about him after sex.

Jack's mood darkened at this revelation and he reached for the bottle of scotch in his bottom drawer. He set the bottle and a glass on the table and then walked to his open door.

"Everyone, go home!" He shouted.

"Is everything okay, Jack?" Gwen asked, frowning in confusion.

"Getting that way. Go home and take tomorrow off! I'll monitor the Rift and let you know if I need you to come in for anything." Jack's tone allowed for no arguments.

"If you're sure…" Tosh gave Jack a small smile.

"I'll see you all on Monday."

Jack watched in silence as the others exchanged a few puzzled glances and then made their way to the giant cog door and out of the Hub. Once the base was quiet, except for the ever present hum of machinery, the Captain returned to his office. He made himself comfortable behind his desk, grabbed the scotch and proceeded to drink himself unconscious. After all, while he was passed out he would not be able to feel his heart breaking more with every beat.

* * *

By Monday morning Jack had gone through all the alcohol in the Hub and he was nursing the mother of all hangovers. It was just as well that the Rift had been quiet all weekend, as the Captain would not have been in any fit state to respond to any kind of alert, unless it involved some helpful aliens delivering him a crate of hyper-vodka. When Toshiko walked through the door, Jack was lying on the battered sofa looking greener than should physically be possible. He waved a hand feebly in her direction and groaned:

"Kill me now, please!"

"What?" Tosh frowned as he approached her employer.

"Kill me, any death will do. Dying will get rid of this god awful hangover. Even drowning in acid sounds fine right now."

"I don't think so, Jack. You're just going to have to recover from drinking too much the same way the rest of us do – by suffering through it."

"You are a cruel woman, Miss Sato."

"I'm sure that doesn't come as a surprise," Tosh grinned. "Now how about some coffee?"

"Only if it comes with a sturdy dose of cyanide."

"In your dreams, Jack." Tosh rolled her eyes.

"Oh, you don't want to know what goes on in my dreams." Jack managed a feeble grin and a wink.

The technician shook her head and headed towards the kitchen. She made her boss's coffee strong enough to melt spoons and took it back to the sofa, together with some paracetamol rather than cyanide. The immortal swallowed the pills with the hot liquid and sunk back against the lumpy cushions. He soon started to snore and even the alarm alerting everyone to the arrival of first Gwen and later Owen did not disturb his rest. Both looked puzzled at the sight of the sleeping Captain, but Tosh shook her head and pressed a finger against her lips to keep them silent.

The snoring on the couch stopped a few hours later and Jack leapt up, right as rain. He stretched, cracked his neck vertebrae with sickening crunches and bounced over to the work stations.

"Hey kids, did I miss anything fun?"

"Only my whoops of joy when I discovered that all my 100% alcohol has mysteriously gone missing over the weekend. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, now would you?" Owen grumbled and glared at his boss.

"Ah, that. Myfanwy and I had a drinking contest and we ran out of scotch so I had to improvise a little." Jack grinned, not looking the slightest bit guilty.

"You had a drinking contest with a dinosaur?" Gwen raised an eyebrow.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time," Jack shrugged. "Now, if you need me, I will be down the corridor taking a shower and throwing up, possibly at the same time."

The Captain bounced off with a manic grin on his face. Owen and Gwen turned to Tosh in unison.

"Alright, what did you do to him?" Owen demanded.

"Nothing! He asked for cyanide, I gave him paracetamol." The technician crossed her arms defensively. "I can't help it that he has a weird metabolism."

"Fair enough, although he's far too cheerful and alive for someone who has been drinking pure alcohol." Owen shook his head.

"You know Jack, he never does anything in half measures." Gwen suggested with a shrug.

"If he doesn't come back in half an hour, we better go make sure he hasn't drowned in the shower or done anything else stupid." Owen grumbled and stomped towards the autopsy bay. The women glanced at each other and rolled their eyes. As they returned back to the their computers, Tosh secretly wondered whether Jack's cheerfulness was in fact a front to hide how much he was hurting on the inside.

Jack did emerge some time later, looking less energetic, but far fresher. He ate a packet of biscuits that happened to be lying around and then retreated to his office to do some work. He had been at it for a couple of hours when there was a knock on the door. He set a report he was reading down as Tosh walked in.

"Feeling better?" She asked.

"Much, thanks. What can I do for you?"

"I found something that I thought might interest you."

"Oh, do tell?" The Captain raised his eyebrows as Tosh sat down.

"I was going through the lists of Torchwood assets within Cardiff when I spotted something odd. One of the empty storage units we hold was recently marked as occupied, but I can't see a reason why."

"How recently?" Jack asked, although he thought he could make a pretty accurate guess.

"About five months ago." Tosh confirmed his suspicions.

"And who authorised it?" He was pretty sure he could guess that, too.

"That's the weird thing, because according to the logs, you did." She handed him a computer print out.

"Now that's interesting, since I wasn't even here five months ago," Jack studied the paper. "How long has Ianto had my access codes and passwords and how the hell did he get hold of them?"

"I'm afraid I don't know, Jack. If you really want to know I would have to check all the computer logs for the past year while he worked here, but that could take forever."

"I don't suppose it will be worth the effort, since it hardly makes a difference now. But please run a scan for any other use of my credentials while I was away."

"Sure, I'll let you know if I find anything." Tosh rose to leave. "Oh and Jack, the storage unit is number 666, if you want to check it out."

"I can see that Ianto retained his droll sense of humour while I was away," Jack muttered as he fished around for the car keys.

* * *

Jack arrived at the storage facility with a growing sense of trepidation. He had no idea why Ianto had needed a unit here, but he hoped it would not be for a deadly surprise waiting for him. He did not think the young man would be that vindictive, which left the question; what would be in there? Despite his curiosity, he felt his steps slowing down as he approached the door marked '666'. What if he was violating Ianto's privacy by snooping around? What if Ianto never wanted the unit to be found? If that was the case, Jack decided, he would not have used the Captain's access codes to hide it, since surely he would have realised that his actions would be discovered at some point.

His hand shook as Jack picked the look and pushed open the door. There were no lights in the storage unit, so Jack switched on the torch he had brought with him and stepped inside. Much to his surprise the cavernous space only contained a single cardboard box. Frowning in confusion, the Captain walked closer and crouched by the box. It had been sealed shut with packing tape and on the top, in Ianto's neat handwriting, was the word 'memories'. Jack's frown deepened and he quickly sliced through the tape to see what Ianto had kept.

Near the top of the box were framed photographs. Most of them were of Lisa or of Lisa and Ianto together. He had never seen any of the photos being displayed in the Welshman's flat, but perhaps the young man had found them too painful a reminder of how happy they had been before the battle of Canary Wharf. He understood completely, as he himself chose not to look at pictures of people he had loved and lost except on special occasions. What he did not expect was a photograph of him emerging from the box next. It was not framed and indeed the worn edged indicated that it had been handled on a regular basis. Jack recognised the background as one of the local pubs and he could only imagine that it had been taken during one of their rare social outings. He was grinning at something to his right and he had no memory of the photo being taken, so he must not have noticed. He looked happy and relaxed, which was probably why Ianto had chosen to have a paper copy of it printed.

Below the photos, the only other things the box contained were a battered stopwatch and Ianto's diaries. Judging by the number of them, the diaries probably covered the entire three year period he had been employed by Torchwood. Jack paused to marvel the simple brilliance of Ianto's plan. Here was a box of memories he wanted to keep, while he himself lost the very memories, but how could he achieve that? He could not keep the contents with him, since they would easily break the hold of the retcon. He could not give the items to his sister for safe keeping, because the diaries contained detailed information about Torchwood and she might simply hand the box back to him the next time they saw each other. He could not rent a storage unit under his own name, as once he had taken the retcon he would not remember to keep up the rent payments and the contents would be rifled through and most likely destroyed. The solution? Store the box under the cover of an institute that kept things in storage indefinitely. Someone might eventually discover what he had hidden, but the contents would never be thrown away.

Jack rubbed his hands in glee at this rare insight into the mind of Ianto Jones and picked up the note book on the top. He noticed that only about half of the pages had been filled and a quick check of the dates confirmed that this was the most recent diary the Welshman had kept before disappearing. Jack flicked through some of the pages and one entry in particular caught his attention.

_Gwen grieves Jack's disappearance like she has lost a lover. I've always known that the two of them have feelings for each other, but it was easy to ignore that knowledge when Jack was in my bed and Gwen was sleeping with either Rhys or Owen. But Jack also loves the Doctor and that's less easy to ignore, particularly now that he has gone with the mysterious alien to god knows where. I hope he has found true happiness with his Doctor. There may have been moments when he was content here, but I don't think Jack was ever happy, not the way he could be._

_I doubt we'll ever see him again. Why would he ever return to Wales when he has the whole universe out there, just waiting to be explored? Why would he return to a team that on the moment when it counted the most turned on him and shot him? Why would he ever return to me, when he has a lover like the Doctor?_

_With Jack gone, why should I stay? If the loyalties of Torchwood Three's leader lie elsewhere, how can he demand that we remain loyal to the institute? Torchwood One caused Lisa to be converted into a cyberman, Torchwood Three killed what was left of her, and the same blasted Three also brought me into contact with the man I fell in love with, only to watch him disappear with someone else. Why then should I feel any sort of allegiance to the organisation? I would have followed Jack to my death, but Gwen? Owen? I don't think so._

When Jack finished reading the page, he was blinking back tears. Was this really how Ianto thought the Captain had viewed him? That the Welshman had just been a way to pass time before he could hook up with the Doctor again. That the only reason he had not jumped into bed with Gwen was that Ianto had kept him sufficiently occupied. That there was nothing worth coming back for in Cardiff.

He knew Ianto was not much of a talker and when it came to emotions neither was he. But it was now abundantly clear to Jack how damaging their silence had been to their relationship. All the things they should have said to one another had been implied in passing, or conveyed by look and touch, liable to getting seriously misinterpreted or missed entirely. The Captain felt a flash of anger towards the Welshman for choosing to forget rather than waiting for him to come back so they could talk about what was between them. The anger soon died, however, when Jack considered the depth of the young man's despair, having seen his lover come back from the dead only to run off with an alien. The Captain had never thought to mention the possibility of him leaving suddenly, nor had he made any promises to come back. It had been entirely reasonable to assume that given the choice between Cardiff and the whole of time and space, he would have chosen to stay with the Doctor.

Somehow finding out how Ianto had felt dissipated some of the Captain's grief and filled him with new determination. Ianto must have known that someone would find the box eventually. He might even have thought that it would be Jack, should he ever return to Earth. Perhaps he had left behind these precious belongings in the hope that they might make people understand why he had chosen amnesia. Jack thought he did understand. He had abandoned the man he loved and who loved him in return once. Now that he had been given a second chance to fix things, he was not about to waste it. He pocketed the stop watch that held so many fond memories and hefted the box up to rest against his hip. Jack walked out of the empty storage unit, determination powering his strides and fuelling the fire in his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More author's notes: I've now worked out all the major things that will happen in this story. I thought this was nearing its conclusion, but a quick count of the planned chapters suggested that there will be another 9 after this. Phew, that's a lot of writing to be done, but I'm happy to say that much of it is under way. Not all of them will be 5k words long, I hope anyway, as otherwise I'll still be writing this story this time next year.
> 
> We're back to Ianto next, with a chapter titled 'Added Complications'.


	10. Added Complications

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood.
> 
> Author's notes: Back to Ianto, and this chapter should please people. I should add some sort of vague warning for vaguely sexual content. I tried my best to not be explicit, but I take no responsibility for what your imaginations conjure up! *evil grin*

Added Complications

For Ianto, life seemed almost too good to be true. He had been dating Mark for a few weeks now and things were going great. The American worked long hours, but they met up most evenings for dog walks, followed by a quick dinner. They texted each other constantly and once Mark had surprised the Welshman by sending him a huge bunch of red roses to his work. Ianto had spent most of that day, as well as the rest of the week, blushing furiously while he tried to dodge his colleagues' questions. He had ended up conceding to the collective curiosity and revealed that he was bisexual and dating a very romantic man. Despite the questions at work, Ianto had been incredibly touched by the gesture and made sure he had shown his appreciation to Mark the next time they met. As a result, the American had concluded that he should clearly send Ianto flowers more often.

The new couple had more time to spend together during weekends. Mark had expressed an interest in cycling, so Ianto had been showing his lover some of the shorter routes he liked. They did not go as far or as fast as he usually cycled by himself, but somehow that did not matter to Ianto anywhere near as much as he thought it would. They had also gone hiking in Hertfordshire twice with Sinta, which had given Ianto the opportunity to take photos of the scenery, the dog and a very photogenic American. Some of the resulting pictures were very much liked by both men, but were certainly never going to end up on the Welshman's blog.

They tended to spend the nights together during the weekends, mostly at Mark's place so Sinta had some company. Ianto found that he missed having someone beside him in bed during the nights when he was alone. Sleeping in Mark's arms, having a physical presence next to him, made his empty dreams seem a little less dark and oppressing. He found he craved physical contact and the American was more than happy to indulge his need to touch or kiss almost constantly.

However, the one thing Mark's arms around him at night could not banish were the thoughts of piercing blue eyes that haunted him night and day. Time and time again he caught himself scanning the crowds for the American he had met so very briefly. He kept hoping that they might run into each other again, despite knowing how unlikely that would be. More than once, at the blissful moment of orgasm, when he closed his eyes the man he saw in his mind was not the one making love to him, but rather the stranger from the park. No matter how happy he was with Mark, he did not seem able to get the other man out of his mind. There had been something about the man that had intrigued him and he hated mysteries he could not solve.

He still could not fathom how a chance meeting in the park could possibly have affected him so strongly. He continued to have a nagging suspicion, based on absolutely nothing concrete, that the American was someone from his past, someone he had forgotten. He wished he had a chance to meet the older man again, even if it was just to confirm or reject his suspicion.

Ianto got his wish sooner than he expected. He had just slowed to walk after his evening run in the park when he spotted a familiar figure sitting on a bench, reading a book. The stranger looked as handsome as before and appeared to be completely engrossed in whatever he was reading, the corner of his mouth twitching every so often in amusement. Ianto could not help noticing how the older man's tight t-shirt, this time pale blue, showed off the sculpted muscles underneath and Ianto had to swallow around the sudden dryness of his throat. Even from a distance, when the American was not yet aware that he was being watched, Ianto felt inexplicably drawn to him. Not just drawn to him, but the Welshman actually wanted him.

_Regular sex has addled my brain,_ Ianto thought, shaking his head.

Ianto's feet moved on their own accord and before he realised what was happening, he was walking towards the American. The older man looked up just as he came to a halt in front of him and smiled in a way that made something inside Ianto ache.

"Hello, man with a divine voice," the stranger grinned.

"Your remember me?" The Welshman looked a little surprised and at the same time felt a blush creeping across his cheeks.

"With eyes and accent like yours, how could I ever forget you?"

Ianto felt himself being thoroughly checked out and his cheeks burned despite his best efforts to keep calm. He was embarrassed by the forwardness of the other man, but for some reason walking away did not seem like an option. Instead he found he extended his hand towards the stranger.

"I'm Ianto."

"Pleased to meet you, Ianto. I'm Jack." He rose from the bench to shake the young man's hand.

As their hands touched a bolt of electricity seemed to run through Ianto. Jack, his mind whispered upon hearing the American's name, I knew that. But how? His mind was swirling, thoughts flitting past too fast to really register. All he knew was that this stranger, Jack, was important in some way and he wanted to find out more. Jack watched him intently, as if somehow guessing what was running through his mind. For a moment Ianto thought he saw uncertainly and even hesitation in the other man's eyes, but whatever it had been was gone so quickly he could not identify it for certain.

"Do you live around here?" Ianto asked, mostly to avoid a long silence settling between them while he was trying to sort out his thoughts.

"No, I just had some business to attend to in London. I had a couple of hours to spare, so I thought I'd sit and read for a bit and then maybe grab a bite to eat."

"What do you do?" Ianto wondered whether the handsome stranger was over on a business trip from America, which would certainly explain why they had only ran into one another twice.

"I'm a consultant for the British government." Jack replied without hesitation.

"Interesting," Ianto nodded.

He knew that the job title Jack had given did not actually say anything at all. However, his own reluctance to reveal even to his diaries what he himself had done for the government made him appreciate the other's need to be vague. If ambiguous job title was all Jack could divulge about his employment, the Welshman was not going to push him for details.

"You?"

"I work at the National Archives, so technically a government job as well. It shouldn't come as a surprise that I archive things." The corner of Ianto's mouth rose in a crooked smile.

"Really, I'd never have guessed," Jack grinned.

Ianto let out a small laugh, which sounded far too nervous for his liking. He looked at his feet, unsure what to say next.

"So, about that bite to eat. You wouldn't happen to know anywhere good around here, would you?" Jack asked.

"There's a great sushi bar nearby, if you like raw fish?"

"Raw fish has always struck me was very efficient. Not having to cook it saves time. Although, it is served with cooked rice, so perhaps it's not so efficient after all. All of this, by the way, is my weird and convoluted way of saying that yes, I do like sushi."

Jack gave Ianto one of his dazzling grins and the Welshman could not help but to grin back. For a while they simply stood there smiling at each other, until the archivist thought that one of them probably ought to say something.

"Err, so, I should point you in the direction of the restaurant?" He shifted awkwardly from one foot to the other.

"Better yet, why don't you join me? Unless of course you've already had dinner?"

"Umm, I haven't eaten, but I have a boyfriend." There was an almost undetectable hint of regret in Ianto's voice.

"It's a quick dinner I'm proposing, not marriage." Jack's grin grew wicked. "Unless of course your boyfriend is interested in a threesome, in which case all bets are off!"

Ianto blushed a deep scarlet colour, much to Jack's apparent delight. The older man even winked at him, while the Welshman was exposed to the full power of Jack's smile. Still, he thought, dinner would hardly be a big deal. Besides, he still wanted to find out whether the American was somehow connected to his forgotten past.

"Err I don't think he'd be up for that, I'm afraid. But dinner sounds nice. I do have to go home to shower and change, for both of our sakes." Ianto smiled a little, glad that his cheeks were gradually cooling down.

"Shall I wait here?" Jack offered, gesturing towards the park bench.

"No, no need. Why don't you come to my place and I'll make you a cup of coffee to drink while you wait?"

"Coffee sounds lovely. And if you need any help washing your back, I'm at your service!" Jack laughed as Ianto's blush returned in full force.

"My bathroom door does a lock, you know," the Welshman muttered as they started to walk towards his home.

"The true test will be whether you choose to use it or not," Jack wagged his eyebrows, thoroughly enjoying himself.

"I can see that this is going to be hard work," Ianto sighed with an eye roll that never failed to send a lick of heat through the Captain.

Ianto let them both into his flat and headed for the kitchen. He was not usually this complacent about letting a stranger into his home, but there was something about Jack that made him feel perfectly at ease. He trusted the older man, even though technically he had no reason for feeling that way. No reason, unless a bond had been forged in his past that now reached through time, despite all he had forgotten.

While the archivist made coffee, Jack looked around the flat with curiosity. He was particularly interested in the framed photos in the lounge. There was also a stack of A4 prints on the table and he was browsing through them when Ianto joined him. The American smiled at the younger man and nodded towards the photos.

"These are brilliant. Did you take them?"

"I did, thanks," Ianto smiled.

"You have a great eye for finding interesting shots and camera angles that create the best effect for the picture. Have you ever had exhibitions of your work?"

"Oh no, I'm not that good," the young man shook his head. "Besides, I've only been practising for few months."

"That's all the more impressive then." Jack smiled.

Ianto felt embarrassment wash over him. For some reason he found it hard to accept a compliment from Jack and he dropped his eyes to his sock-covered toes. The smell of fresh coffee saved him from blushing again and with a smile he headed towards the kitchen. He poured a large cup of coffee and took it back to the lounge. As he passed over the cup to his guest, their fingers touched briefly and Ianto had to fight the impulse to try to prolong the contact under some pretence. Jack thanked him with a nod and took a slip of the hot coffee.

"Ianto, this is amazing!" He exclaimed. "It must be the best coffee I've ever tasted, easily."

"Thanks," the Welshman felt oddly giddy from Jack's approval.

The American took another sip and the low moan of pleasure that escaped from his throat hit Ianto like a wave of hot air. He felt himself harden instantly, while his mind still struggled to processes the shocking reaction. He quickly stepped away from the older man and past him.

"I'm going to take a shower," he said over his shoulder, carefully keeping his body facing away from his guest. "There's more coffee in the pot, if you want some. Otherwise make yourself comfortable. I won't be long."

Jack watched with a grin as Ianto practically ran out of the room. He quickly downed the rest of his coffee and then got a re-fill from the kitchen. Settling down on the sofa, he leaned back and enjoyed the exquisite burst of caffeine coursing through him. He really had missed Ianto's coffee.

Ianto did lock the bathroom door, but he did so as much to keep himself in as to keep Jack out. He remained shocked by his body's sudden reaction to the American. Even now his entire being ached for the man in the next room. Not for his boyfriend, but for a man he had only met twice as far as he could remember. He leaned against the cool tiles and allowed the warm water cascade over him. How could a single sound elicit such a powerful reaction? Granted, it was probably the most sensual thing Ianto had ever heard but even so, he should not have become instantly hard. There was clearly something more to his connection with Jack that met the eye.

Mindful that the other man was waiting for him, Ianto washed himself quickly, deliberately ignoring his arousal. The peppermint of his shower gel helped to clear his mind a little, although his thoughts were still a jumbled mess. He was about to turn off the shower, when he looked down at himself. It seemed that no amount of thinking about archiving policies had deterred his body and he would have to do something about it, if he did not want Jack noticing the reaction he had caused. Ianto let out an exasperated sigh as he got on with the task at hand. The image of the older man, grinning at him in that form fitting leather jacket, rose from his thoughts unbidden and he was lost straight away. He bit his lip to keep quiet and rested against the tiles a few moments to catch his breath. He had resolved the physical problem, but in doing so only increased the emotional turmoil.

Ianto was slow to get dressed, strangely reluctant to leave the relative safety of his bedroom. He was a little embarrassed about his impulsive actions and hoped that none of that would be visible on his face. Jack seemed to have an uncanny ability to read him, though, which made him worry even more. Still, he should not keep the other man waiting forever, no matter how apprehensive he felt.

Jack was seated on the sofa, cradling the empty coffee cup in his hands, when he entered. The older man looked lost in his thoughts and there was a slightly wistful smile playing on his lips. He looked worn out and old beyond his years. Ianto felt unfamiliar sadness rising from within him and he wished he could take the other man in his arms and hug him until the pain he was clearly feeling had dissipated. He resisted the temptation, however, knowing that such action would surely complicate things ever further. As it was, he cleared his throat and raked a hand through his hair.

"Ready to go?"

"Yes," Jack nodded and rose from the sofa.

Ianto approached him to take the empty cup. For a moment Jack held on to the mug, their fingers overlapping.

"Thank you for the coffee," the older man spoke softly. "No other coffee will ever compare to yours."

The note of sadness Ianto had detected earlier coloured the American's words and the young man had a strange feeling that what Jack had said was less a statement of fact and more a promise. Something inside the Welshman shifted and an ache settled in his heart. He opened his mouth to speak, although he had no idea what to say, but his guest relinquished his hold of the cup and broke the spell.

"Raw fish, here we come!" Jack grinned, although perhaps his cheerfulness was just a tiny bit forced.

Ianto gave the coffee pot and Jack's mug a quick rinse and checked that the coffee machine was switched off. He then grabbed his wallet and keys as the two men headed out. It had been a very warm August, so there was no need for a sweater, even in the cooler evening air. The men walked in companionable silence, although Ianto did note that they were perhaps a fraction closer to one another than he usually would expect from relative strangers.

The sushi restaurant was busy, but they managed to find a quiet table in the far corner of the room. Ianto knew what to order without looking at the menu and after a few minutes of deliberation Jack chose almost the same items. The younger man played with his chop sticks for a moment and then looked up at the American with determination.

"Jack, can I ask you something?"

"Of course," the older man looked intrigued.

"This is going to sound really strange, but have we met before? I mean before you asked for directions to the station?" Ianto struggled to maintain eye contact and kept glancing down at the non-descript table cloth.

"Am I really that easy to forget?" Jack asked with a crooked grin. Ianto thought there might have been a flash of unease in his eyes, but it was gone almost straight away.

"No, that's not what I mean. I have…I have some gaps in my memory and you seem very familiar somehow." Ianto frowned and looked away.

"What kind of gaps?" Jack's voice was full of concern.

"I'm suffering from, hopefully temporary, amnesia. I'm missing three years of my life."

"I'm so sorry, that must be very difficult for you." Jack reached forward to touch Ianto's hand, but he stopped in mid air and after a moment of uncertainly let his hand drop down to his lap again.

"It was hard to start with," the young man nodded. "Now it's mainly just confusing. I kept diaries throughout the forgotten period, so I have some idea what happened, but there are some major gaps in what was covered in them. It seems that I've not lost the skills I acquired during the time, such as making great coffee, which is reassuring. But I think overall I've adjusted pretty well."

"If you had a choice, would you want your memories to return, even if there were dark, painful things in your past that are best left forgotten?" There was intensity in Jack's eyes as he spoke that startled Ianto.

Ianto thought about the question for a long time. The direction of the conversation and Jack's reaction to it was making him oddly nervous. The longer he spent in the company of the enigmatic American, the more he felt drawn to him. When the older man was looking at him, the rest of the world somehow faded away into the background. It stirred things within him, feelings best left undefined.

Their food arriving interrupted the Welshman's thoughts, of which he was surprisingly grateful. After the waiter left, he used his chop sticks to poke at the nearest piece of salmon and cleared his throat.

"I'm not sure, to be honest," he said, glancing up to see Jack watching him intently. "It has occurred to me that who I am now may be in direct contradiction with the person I was in the past. My girlfriend died during those three years and I can't even remember what she looked like, let alone know how to mourn her death. Perhaps it would be easier not to know. But at the same time, there are things I desperately want to find out. For example, I know I had at least one male lover in the past, but my diaries are entirely silent on the matter. I wish I knew who he was and what happened to us. So, as you can well imagine, it's complicated. But I never thought I had any actual say in the matter, since either my memories will return or they won't. I doubt it will be a choice I can consciously make."

Jack held his gaze for a moment before nodding slowly. He picked up the nearest piece of salmon sashimi and ate it looking deep in thought. Silence reigned for a few minutes, after which Jack took a sip of his water and smiled.

"So tell me, what made you take up photography?"

They chatted amicably through the rest of the dinner, mostly about Ianto's hobbies. The young man did most of the talking, Jack was seemingly content to watch him and throw in an occasional question. The American was an excellent listener and the archivist found himself sharing far more about his life that he really should have felt comfortable doing, given how little he knew about Jack. The old man seemed particularly interested and Ianto's photographs and the Welshman spent a great deal of time describing the camera he had bought first, as well the second one he had acquired later, together with a collection of lenses and filters for it.

"I'm telling you, you should definitely hold an exhibition."

The men were meandering through the park towards Ianto's flat, enjoying the cooling air after the heat of the day. The dinner had been enjoyable and Jack had announced that Ianto had an excellent taste in restaurants. The American had insisted on paying for both of them, saying that it was the least he could do after dragging the young man to dinner with him.

"I don't know, I'm not sure I'm really good enough," Ianto hesitated.

"In that case, I'm sure for both of us!" Jack announced and laughed.

"Very well then," the Welshman felt a smile tug at the corner of his mouth.

"Knew it!" Jack grinned and looked smug.

"Do you always get what you want?" Ianto asked and immediately regretted the question.

Jack stopped and his eyes went dark as he regarded the young man before him. Ianto blushed under the intense scrutiny and found that he could not maintain eye contact with the older man. He stared at his feet instead, nails digging into his palms as he clenched his hands into too tight fists. A small gasp escaped his lips when he felt gentle fingers lift his chin so that he was meeting the American's eyes once more.

"Not always," Jack whispered, regret evident in his voice. The hold he had on the younger man's chin turned into a caress as he allowed his fingers to slip away. Turning, he walked on, hoping that Ianto would follow.

Ianto was a little slow to start moving again, but he soon caught up with the other man. For the first time that night, the silence that hung between them was awkward. The young man felt like some sort of boundary had been crossed and now he was desperately scrabbling to get back to the other side, to the safer side. He fumbled at the threads of the earlier conversation, hoping to steer things towards a more neutral ground.

"I wouldn't even know how to go about organising a photography exhibition."

Jack blinked a few times, surprised by the abrupt change in topic. Then his brain finally kicked into gear and he gave the other man a small smile.

"I could help you, maybe pull some strings. That is, if you want me to?" The older man's voice was coloured with hesitation and Ianto thought he also detected the tiniest hint of vulnerability.

"I'll think about it," the Welshman agreed.

As they approached his building, Ianto felt a nervous tension settling in the pit of his stomach. He was not sure how to end an evening, where he had gone out with an almost total stranger who was not his boyfriend. There was clearly sexual tension between them, try as he might to ignore it.

Outside the building, Ianto stopped and turned to face Jack.

"Well, thank you for tonight," he smiled. "It has certainly been interesting."

"It had indeed," Jack chuckled. "I'm glad I bumped into you again."

The Welshman felt his cheeks heat and played with a belt loop of his jeans for a while, before holding out his hand. The American grasped it and smiled.

"It was nice to meet you properly, Jack."

"Likewise, Ianto." The older man pulled a card from his pocket and held it out. "Here, take my card. If you want my help with the exhibition, or just want to talk, give me a call."

Ianto took the offered item, expecting to see a standard business card. Much to his surprise, however, there was no name or logo on it, just a mobile phone number. With a tiny shrug he pocketed the card.

"Thank you. And good night."

"Good night." Jack nodded and turned to leave. Ianto watched him go, hand resting on the door handle, until the older man rounded the corner and vanished from sight. With a deep sigh the Welshman walked inside.

It was not until later, when Ianto was already in bed and sleep was tugging at the edge of his consciousness that the young man realised that Jack had never actually answered his question about whether they had met before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More author's notes: We're back to Jack and the rest of the team again next, with a chapter titled 'Glimmers of Hope'.


	11. Glimmers of Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood.
> 
> Author's note: Another 5k chapter! Not quite sure how that happened, again. I hope the length makes up for the relative slowness of the update. Again.
> 
> Thank you to everyone taking an interest in this story.
> 
> A special thanks to Gmariam for all her support and encouragement. I've talked about this chapter for what feels like forever (a week, I think), so I hope you like it! :-)
> 
> A huge thanks to Darcy58, who has signed up for the colossal task of being my beta reader. He has really challenged me with this chapter, both in terms of my writing and the content. I hope I've managed to rise to the challenge.

Glimmers of Hope

Jack was whistling as he skipped down the metal stairs two at a time. His team had just arrived and all three looked up as he came down from his office. On seeing his happy expression, some of the tension left their faces. It felt a little strange to see hope in their eyes, not just for him but for them all.

"Hi all, how are we this fine morning?"

"We're good, Jack." Gwen smiled and leaned forward to offer him a coffee cup from a cardboard tray she was holding. "There are some pastries by the sofa. If you are quick, you can eat them while they are still warm."

"How you spoil me, PC Cooper! Although perhaps you should worry about all those pastries ending up on my hips." Jack winked at her as he went to get the box containing his rather unhealthy breakfast.

"Your hips are fine," Gwen rolled her eyes. The Captain wondered briefly whether she had taken lessons from Ianto in that skill at some point. Her eye roll was a perfect combination of exasperation and amusement.

"I'm glad you appreciate Torchwood assets," Jack leered, wagging his eye brows. His flirting earned him another eye roll.

Such comments would once have caused Gwen to blush and look at him with eyes full of admiration and desire. Now she laughed with the others, looking relaxed and happy. She had grown, in fact they all had in their own ways. But her transformation was the most visible and it had eased the tension within the team considerably. They were becoming a family, the kind of team Jack had always hoped to lead, even if there was one important member absent. This, the Captain still hoped, would only be temporary.

"I take it that your tryst with the Tea Boy went well then, since you're so cheerful this morning. Can he still walk after all the shagging you two got up to?" Owen snagged a pain au chocolat from the box Jack was holding while he spoke.

"Hey, get your own pastries," the Captain protested loudly, earning him a laugh from the women. "And it wasn't a tryst or a date and there was certainly no shagging. We ate some sushi and just…talked."

"Hang on, are you saying that you managed an evening in Ianto's company without snogging him senseless" Owen's eyebrows rose in surprise.

"Well, I wanted to," Jack admitted. "But he made it very clear that he is involved with someone else and I respect that."

"Well I think it's lovely," Tosh jumped in before Owen could let out whatever sarcastic remark he had on the tip of his tongue.

"Me too," Gwen also rushed to his defence.

"See, I can be a sensitive guy if I have to!" Jack grinned.

"Oh, I wouldn't go quite that far," Tosh giggled, causing Jack to splutter objections.

"Are you quite done taking cheap shots at me?" Their leader asked with a wounded air.

"I think that'll do for now," Owen winked at the women, causing another round of giggles.

"How kind of you…" Jack rolled his eyes, a crooked grin forming on his face. "Tosh, where are we with the alien artefact we found yesterday morning?"

"I've got no idea as to its function yet," she returned instantly to her work mode. "I've got some interesting results on some of the scans I've performed, but it will take me a little while longer to figure out what it does."

"Keep at it," the Captain nodded. "Owen, I'm wondering whether we should do a quick foray into the sewers to see if we can collect DNA samples from the different Weevil communities living down there. I'd like to have a better understanding on whether the different groups are related and by how much."

Owen looked less than thrilled at the prospect of wading through the sewers hunting Weevils in their home territory and he was about to say as much, when the Rift alarm blared to life. Tosh immediately pulled up the details of the alert and marked the co-ordinates on their mapping database.

"The readings suggest that something inanimate came through," she was squinting at the screen, interpreting figures at impressive speed. "It's probably just some flotsam, but we should check it out anyway. Sooner would be better, since the site is in the middle of a fairly densely populated area."

"Owen, Gwen, take the SUV and go check it out. Let me know if whatever came through doesn't fit in the car. Tosh and I will stay here to monitor the situation in case there are secondary spikes bringing more stuff, or anything live, through."

The two team members nodded in unison and headed to the weapons room to get their field kits. Toshiko logged the Rift spike in their internal database, leaving the entry open to complete further details once the others returned. Jack watched her work over her shoulder as he finished the last of the pastries. He was about to head back to his office, when her hesitant voice stopped his progress:

"Is he doing okay?"

There was no need for Tosh to specify to whom she was referring. The Captain turned back to her with a gentle smile on his face.

"Yeah, he's doing great. In fact I'm a little worried, as at the rate that he is exercising, Ianto will soon be fitter and more handsome than I am."

Tosh laughed gently "As if he wasn't that already." The two shared a grin before Jack continued:

"He looks genuinely happy. He's healthy, seems to sleep better than he ever did while he worked here judging by the lack of dark circles under his eyes, he's got a nice place to live and it seems like he's doing a lot of things outside of his work life. I gather things are going pretty well with Mark – the new boyfriend; so I'd say he's got a really full and good life happening."

Tosh heard the wistful sigh that escaped Jack's lips as he thought back to the day before and she felt a great deal of sympathy for him. It was hard to see someone you cared about being happy with another person. She should know, for she had watched Owen with Gwen enough during their brief affair. Still, despite the Captain's melancholy, she could not begrudge her friend the happiness he seemed to have found in his new life.

"Do you know if spending time with you brought back any of Ianto's memories?"

"I'm not sure," Jack admitted. "I don't think so, though. He asked me whether we have met before, during the time he had forgotten about, but I managed to dodge the question. That suggests that while he may not remember me, I am still familiar in some way. His body language at different times of the evening suggested that he is quite confused by his emotions. On the one hand he treated me like I was a complete stranger, on the other hand he seemed at times to have a sense he may have known me in his missing years. And he was very clearly attracted to me. I don't think he himself knows what to think about it all."

"Are you going to see him again?" Tosh asked carefully.

"I would like to," the Captain smiled sadly. "I would like to be a part of his life somehow, even if it's not as his lover. I've given him my number so I suppose the ball's in his court. There's always a risk that my presence will trigger his memories to return, but I'm not sure I could stay away from him. He's special. Gods, Toshiko, why did it take me this long to figure out just how special he is? It was there all along, but I never saw it, not really. Why did it take us both leaving for me to really appreciate what we could have had?"

"Yes, Jack, I always knew he was special. I feel a great deal of guilt for not supporting him enough after you left, but much of it is eased by knowing that he is happy in his new life. It sounds wonderful and he of all the people deserves to be happy. Which is why I think you need to tread carefully here. Would you deny him that happiness just to have him back in your life?"

"Of course not, I want him to be happy too. But do you not think he could find that happiness back in Cardiff, back here with me?" The hope in Jack's eyes broke Tosh's heart a little.

"Jack, we don't even really know why he left, not the real reasons behind his decision. He never explained it to any of us. He had a really tough time with Torchwood and perhaps with you gone he simply had enough. But whatever his reasons, are you sure that your return will fix things? What if you being around him releases the suppressed memories and he finds that he still doesn't want to return to Torchwood and to you?"

"Do you think he'd choose to stay away?" There was a great deal of worry in Jack's voice.

"I don't know," Tosh shrugged. "But my question is more whether you have considered it? Have you satisfied yourself that the ramifications of your actions are something you can live with?"

"I miss him so much, Tosh," the loneliness he felt bled through his defences and for a moment she saw what the absence of Ianto was doing to Jack. She felt a fresh wave of sympathy for him and got up to give him a hug. But for the sake of her friend, she had to make him understand.

"I miss him too Jack, but part of me thinks we should leave him well enough alone if he is so content; doesn't he deserve that from us?"

"What if he calls me?"

"As I said, you need to tread carefully. I hate to see you so lonely, I really do, but your happiness shouldn't come at the expense of Ianto's."

"No, you're right," Jack nodded. "I'll leave it up to him. If he wants some kind of connection with me, then I will do my best to give him that without jeopardising his new life and his happiness."

"Sounds like a plan," Tosh smiled. "I hope it works out for both of you. And don't forget, I, as well as Gwen and Owen, also want Ianto back here with us. But we would rather he was happy in London than miserable here."

"Thanks, Tosh. You are my voice of reason, as usual," Jack leaned in to kiss her cheek. "I'm gonna let you get back to work and continue my moping in my office. Give me a shout if there's any more Rift activity."

"Okay," she nodded and watched with a heavy heart as he ascended the stairs to his office with considerably less spring in his step than earlier.

Jack's thoughts were still on the night before when he slumped into his chair and poked at the pile of reports he would have to go through. When Ianto had emerged from his bedroom, dressed in casual clothes and raking his fingers through his wet hair, whatever nonchalant comment Jack had intended to make had died in his throat. He doubted whether Ianto was aware of just how graceful and sensual his movements were. His face was still flushed from the shower and his lips were just begging to be kissed.

_I wonder if he thought about me in the shower_ , Jack could not help a wicked grin spreading on his face. _I hope that he did and that he enjoyed it._

Ianto's reaction gave Jack hope that his feelings for him were stirring. While he did not want to actively seek to interfere with his relationship with Mark, every moment he spent with Ianto made Jack want him more. It was not just sex he was after either. This Ianto, unburdened by the horrors of Torchwood, was less reserved and more willing to give something of himself. Whereas before he had only caught glimpses of Ianto's personality, here he had all of it on display. What was more, Jack _liked_ it. He _liked_ this new Ianto. That was not to say that there had been anything wrong with the man he had known before his abrupt departure, but the man he was befriending in London felt more whole, less broken. This Ianto was the one he should be, the one he _deserved_ to be.

What was more, Jack was only now beginning to appreciate the Ianto beyond his Torchwood façade. There had been a man behind the polite exterior, the witty remarks and the amazing cups of coffee, a man who was as damaged as the rest of them, perhaps even more so than the others. That man had kept his private life just that, private, and Jack had been content to let it stay that way. Granted, things had been pretty hectic in the months before he had left with the Doctor, but he still should have made an effort to find out what Ianto enjoyed doing outside work and also made sure he had time for such things. But now, finally, he had witnessed the passion in Ianto's eyes when he spoke about the hours spent on his bike speeding through English countryside, or the exquisite care he took to set up that perfect shot of magpie hatchlings learning to fly. Ianto himself had learned to fly while Jack was away and now he seemed so far out of reach, outlined in brightness against the sun. Jack wondered whether there were any threads that bound them together still, that might one day carry him to the blue skies to soar alongside the man he still loved.

_This place is a far cry from clear blue skies_ , Jack glanced around him, really taking in the office full of antiques that was surrounded by the rest of the underground base. _Quite the opposite, in fact. Tosh is right, I need to be able to offer Ianto more than danger and heart break. If I really want Ianto to be happy with me, I too need to change. I need to be able to give myself fully to him and stop holding back for fear of getting hurt. I know I will have to lose him in the end, but this is not how I want to remember us in the years to come._

Still, as he had said to Tosh, he would rather be Ianto's friend than not be in his life at all. And he could hope; hope that one day their friendship might grow into an affection and love built upon present actions rather than past lies. He sheltered that hope deep within his heart, to be kept safe there during all the hours of doubt and despair that were sure to come.

* * *

It was a week later, while Jack was chasing a Weevil in Cardiff's warehouse district that his phone buzzed. Thinking it was one of his team giving him an update on their location, he tapped his comms unit and barked:

"Yeah? Make it quick, a bit busy here!"

There was a short silence in the other end of the line and then a hesitant voice spoke slowly:

"Jack? It's Ianto, umm Ianto Lloyd. Umm, from London?"

"Shit, sorry. I was expecting, well, not you basically." Jack was running as he spoke, his eyes scanning the shadows around him for the Weevil.

"Is this a bad time? Because I can call you later, if you wish." Ianto's voice sounded uncertain.

"The timing isn't great, I must admit," Spotting movement further ahead, Jack ducked around the corner, drawing his stun gun. "Can I call you back later? It might be quite a lot later actually, if you don't mind?"

"Yes, that's fine. I was planning to stay up a while longer anyway. Is everything okay?" Ianto sounded puzzled, as he could clearly hear Jack running.

"Fine. Lovely. Never better," he heard a growl behind him and swirled around just as the wayward Weevil charged at him. "Crap, I'll call you ba…"

He hit the ground with the creature on top of him and his comms unit was slammed against the hard surface of the road. The call got disconnected, but Jack was too busy trying to keep the Weevil from tearing his neck open to really notice. After a few slow minutes of squirming he was able to get the stun gun into position and the creature flew off him from the force of the charge. Jack stunned it again, just to be certain and then cuffed the alien with practised ease. He picked up the comms unit, but found it had been broken during the struggle. With a soft curse he dug his mobile from his pocket and ignoring two missed calls from Ianto hit speed dial for Owen.

"Owen, I need pick up. I secured the Weevil, but my comms unit is dead. Head back to the SUV and come pick me up. Tosh can use my phone to triangulate my location."

"On my way," came Owen's curt reply before he ended the call.

Jack saw that while he had been on the phone Ianto had tried to get through to him again. He was sorely tempted to call him back, but in the end thought better of it. He could not be certain that there were no more Weevils roaming the area and they might be tempted to investigate the roars of one of their own. Furthermore, the idea of Owen interrupting his conversation with Ianto did not appeal a great deal, so he decided to take care of work issues first.

Owen drew up in the SUV a few minutes later and together they lifted the unconscious creature into the boot of the car. The injuries Jack had sustained over the course of the scuffle were superficial and already healing, so he dismissed the medic's offer of a quick check up. The Captain felt strangely naked without his comms unit on the way back to the Hub.

Although Weevils caused them no more trouble that evening, it was nevertheless quite late by the time Jack was ready to return Ianto's calls. On an impulse he walked away from the central area of the Hub and ended up in the archives. It somehow felt appropriate to make the call from what had been Ianto's domain. Jack noted with a twinge of guilt, that it was a domain fast falling back into the swirling vortex of entropy it had been before Ianto had taken charge. He paced nervously as he listened to the dial tone.

"Jack?" Ianto managed to convey a great deal of worry and relief in a single word.

"Hi, sorry about earlier." Jack settled into a chair, the warm feeling spreading through him easing some of the tension of the day.

"What happened? I heard a roar and then the call got disconnected. I tried to call you back but I couldn't get through."

"Yeah, sorry about that. I didn't mean to make you worry. I ran into someone's rather exotic pet and dropped my phone."

"Right." Ianto sounded a little unconvinced, but seemed prepared to let the matter drop. "Are you okay, though?"

"Right as rain," Jack was quick to assure him. "But more importantly, how are you?"

"I'm fine, Jack." The Captain could hear the smile in his voice. "I was ringing you really to say that Mark and I discussed your idea of organising a photography exhibition. He seems to think it would be a good idea too, so between the two of you I think you have me convinced. If you are still keen to help, I say let's go for it."

Ianto's words rendered him momentarily speechless. Jack was surprised that Ianto had told his boyfriend about him but also that Mark was in favour of his idea. Had the roles been reversed, the Captain grudgingly admitted to himself that he would have tried to keep Ianto as far away from any potential competition as he could. Either Mark did not view him as a threat to their relationship or he wanted to support his lover's hobby despite any private misgivings he might have. Either way, Jack could not help wondering what Ianto had told his boyfriend about him. In fact, he rather wished he had been privy to the whole conversation, so he would know not only how Ianto had described their encounters but also how Mark had reacted to the news. In any case, he had to admit that Mark sounded like the perfect boyfriend for Ianto.

"Jack, are you still there?" Ianto's voice roused him from his thoughts.

"Huh? Sorry, I got distracted there for a moment. Of course I'm still willing to help you! This is going to be brilliant! We have plenty of things to sort out, venue, booze, music, oh yeah and some photos to display would probably help as well."

Jack felt an uncharacteristic sense of excitement washing over him. It was not often that he had had a chance to do something for Ianto. In fact, if he was brutally honest, this was the first time he had _wanted_ to do something for Ianto. Oh, he had done plenty of things _to_ his lover in the past, but rarely anything _for_ him. To his continued surprise, Jack found that he wanted to do this just to make Ianto happy.

"I don't really know where to start," Ianto admitted, sounding impossibly light and…unburdened. Jack felt a new kind of hurt worming its way into his heart, but he stubbornly pushed it aside.

"Why don't you let me look into suitable venues? Once that's been organised, a lot of the other details will be easier to figure out. In the meanwhile, I suggest you start thinking about which of your photographs you would to include."

"Leaving only the hardest task for me to deal with?" Ianto laughed. "I'll probably need input from you and Mark on that, since I'm likely to deem all of them unworthy."

"I'm more than happy to help, of course. You could set up a short list and I could come down to London in a few weeks so that we can talk through everything, hopefully without interruptions."

"Sounds good to me."

"Excellent. Now, the most important thing I need to know: What are you wearing?"

Jack laughed at the spluttering he could hear from the other end of the line and relaxed into the chair. He had missed their banter.

* * *

When Tosh walked in the following morning, Jack was on her seat, idly swivelling round and round. On her workstation a steaming cup of coffee and an enormous cupcake sat waiting for her. She stared at them for a moment and then turned to give her boss a suspicious look.

"Right, what did you do this time?"

"What?" Jack look horrified. "Can an employer not do something spontaneously nice for his star employee, without immediately being accused of having a hidden agenda?"

Tosh said nothing, merely tilted her head to one side while raising an eye brow.

"Okay fine," Jack threw his hands in the air in mock surrender and vacated her chair. "There was that one time, or two. But this time I didn't do anything, I promise."

"So which law do you want me to break for you then?" Her stern glare cut off the Captain's renewed protests. "Come on, these have the word 'bribe' written all over them!"

"You know me too well," Jack chuckled. "But no criminal activity is required in this instance."

"So what do you want me to do?" She asked, now curious, while swiping some icing from the top of the cupcake with her finger.

"Well, I was hoping you could help me with a small extracurricular project. You see, I discovered Ianto takes the most amazing photographs. I know I might be biased in saying so, but they really are extraordinary. He has a great eye for detail, which is not all that surprising considering the kind of work he did here. Anyway, I saw some of his photos when I met him in London last week and I suggested he should hold an exhibition. He said he'd think it over and well, he did, because yesterday he called me and said he'd do it. I rather promised I'd pull some strings to help him out, but in order to do that I first need to have some strings to pull. Which is where you come in!"

Jack gave Tosh his most convincing grin, causing her to roll her eyes.

"What's with this eye-roll thing, first Gwen, now you: did Ianto give you all lessons before he left?" Jack laughed "

As if we'd need lessons when it comes naturally from working with you!" Tosh slapped his arm. "As for doing something for Ianto? Really, Jack, as if you even have to ask!"

"I must admit, I was rather hoping you would feel that way."

"This is going to be great! Where do we start?" Tosh was already rubbing her hands together in anticipation.

"Well, I told Ianto I'd look into a venue, so let's start there. I was thinking maybe somewhere in Soho, trendy, but not too pretentious. It would have to be intimate, but big enough to accommodate a fairly large amount of people, since this is clearly going to be a hit…"

The two of them stayed at Tosh's computer for the next few hours, quickly putting together a short list of venues. When they arrived, Gwen and Owen's greeting was dismissed with an impatient wave of hands, neither Jack nor Tosh looking up from the computer screen. The new arrivals glanced at one another with raised eyebrows and went closer.

"What are you to up to?" Gwen asked, unable to contain her curiosity.

"I think I mentioned some time ago that Ianto has taken up photography as a new hobby. With a little persuasion from yours truly, he has decided to hold an exhibition in London. I offered to help and Tosh and I are looking at suitable venues at the moment." Jack grinned at Gwen, while Tosh crossed another place off their list.

"Oh, what kind of places are you thinking about?" Gwen asked, pulling a chair closer.

"This is our list so far," Tosh made room for Gwen next to her and pulled up web pages of several art galleries in Soho.

"Women," Owen muttered as he strode past them towards the autopsy bay. He turned partly to quip over his shoulder: "And that includes you, Harkness!"

"Well, ladies, looks like it's going to be just the three of us deciding on which champagne would be best for the occasion." Jack grinned at the others.

They all watched surreptitiously as Owen's head popped up at the mention of 'champagne'. With a nonchalant air he sauntered closer.

"Well," Owen said hesitantly. "I suppose it wouldn't hurt to chip in on the plans. I mean, this place is just not the same without Ianto. And I do mean Ianto and not his coffee."

Jack just grinned as he pulled up a chair for Owen. Soon they were trading ideas and arguing over the relative merits of different venues, getting more and more excited about the plans. They were all equally determined to make Ianto's exhibition a brilliant success.

* * *

That night Jack climbed down to his bunker happier than he had felt in a long while. He was not cheerful as such, the day had been long and he missed Ianto too much, but a sense of contentment had washed over him after talking to his former employer the previous night and then spending the morning planning the event for him. It had been nice to have the whole team involved in something fun, rather than the usual near death experiences. The phone call with Ianto still brought a smile to Jack's face. He had been flirting shamelessly of course, but not only did Ianto seem to enjoy it but with his dry wit he was giving as good as he was getting.

_Perhaps this is what it would have felt like to be friends with Ianto,_ Jack thought, _rather than being just colleagues and lovers. I never realised that we seemed to have skipped a step. Somehow I'm not sure being friends now can make up for the past omission. Still, it's better than nothing, I guess._

He went through the motions of getting undressed and taking a shower, his thoughts still lingering on the Welshman. Memories of Ianto's voice and his laughter went some way towards easing the perpetual uneasiness Jack experienced when it was time to go to sleep. He knew the nightmares would come, they came every night without fail, but perhaps the warm imprint Ianto had left on his soul might keep them at bay for a little while. Perhaps Ianto could be his guardian angel, even from afar.

Next to his narrow bed sat the box of memories Ianto had left behind. Other than dusting it occasionally, he had not touched it since bringing it back from the storage unit. He was well aware that it contained Ianto's innermost thoughts from the past three years. Reading the diaries would give him a tremendous insight into the young man's mind; one he could use to his advantage in his attempt to gain Ianto's love and trust. On the other hand, Jack was also conscious of how large a breach of trust it would be to go through the diaries. The old Jack, the man he had been before the year on the Valiant, might have done it anyway; but now he found that he could not bring himself to open the diaries. If Ianto ever came back and wanted Jack to read them he would say so. Otherwise he was happy just to keep the box safe.

With a heavy sigh he sat down on the bed and reached for the shirt he had discarded on a nearby chair. From its breast pocket he pulled out Ianto's stopwatch. A tap of his wrist strap dimmed the lights and he crawled under the blanket, careful not to lose the precious object he was holding. As he slowly drifted off to sleep, he clutched the stopwatch, his only tangible connection to the man he had let slip away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More author's notes: Just because I like leaving around cryptic hints, the next chapter is titled Painful Encounters.


	12. Painful Encounters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood. The lyrics quoted below belong to Within Temptation.
> 
> Author's note: Hmm, lots to say. The song referred to in this chapter is Fire and Ice by Within Temptation. You should go listen to it, it's brilliant and fits this story perfectly. I have used a little bit of artistic licence with the song, as the story takes place in 2008, but the album wasn't released until 2011.
> 
> Thanks again for all the story alerts, faves and reviews. They are always most welcome. And thank you to Gmariam for listening to my rambling on about my writing. :)
> 
> Now, I'm not quite sure how to say thank you to Darcy58 for the incredible work he has done as my beta. Considering the number of comments, as well as the depth and detail of them, I can easily call this chapter a joint effort. I'm honoured and privileged to have your help, so thank you.

Painful Encounters

Ianto adjusted his tie for the tenth time. He did not need to see his reflection in the mirror to know he was nervous, though that did not prevent him from checking over his attire once more. He was able to confirm he was as immaculately dressed as all the other times he had checked in the past hour or so. A visit to a tailor in London had been made to order a new suit especially for tonight, and Ianto was pleased with the result. Tailored from a dark grey superfine wool blend it fitted him beautifully. On an impulse he had purchased a deep red silk shirt and a matching red and black tie: set against the grey of the suit he could admit they contributed to his feeling somewhat dashing. He could not fathom why he had not owned anything red before, and promised to add more red to his wardrobe straight away.

"You look perfect, just like you did five minutes ago."

A strong pair of arms wrapped around his waist and he felt Mark's lips on his neck, leaving a trail of heat just above his shirt collar. He leant his head back to rest on his lover's shoulder, thus exposing his throat to the wandering lips. The hands tightened on his hips and he felt Mark's body heat even through their clothes. The proximity made him groan, just as it always did. Mark knew just how to touch him to envelope his mind – and body - in a haze of passion.

"Would you like to be fashionably late to your own party?" The throaty chuckle against his earlobe sent a shiver through him.

"You are certainly making it hard for me to say no to you." Ianto turned in the embrace to capture Mark's lips in a passionate kiss.

"Hard being the operative word," Mark grinned in between gentle nips of his boyfriend's lower lip.

Ianto laughed out loud from sheer happiness, the sound bubbling from deep within him. He wrapped his arms around Mark to keep him close and gave him a quick kiss. Pulling back, he rested their foreheads together, content to get lost in his lover's soulful eyes.

"I'm really glad I met you," he whispered.

"Me too, you've made me happier than I ever thought I could be." Mark was quick to return the sentiment.

"I'm nervous about tonight," Ianto confessed in a low voice.

"Don't be, it'll be brilliant. And I'll be by your side all the way through." Mark ran gentle fingers over his lover's handsome features as he spoke.

"You make it all a little less terrifying."

"There's nowhere in the world I would rather be than standing by your side tonight, or any other night." Mark whispered the words against Ianto's lips, before claiming his mouth in another searing kiss.

They were running late by the time they got into a taxi and this time Ianto did have a reason to adjust his tie. Mark watched his movements with dark eyes, a satisfied smile playing on his lips. He loved seeing Ianto slightly flushed and glowing. In fact, the sight of him made him rather wish they were not late already, as he felt his passion stirring once again. He tried to push the thought aside, glancing out of the window to gauge their progress. His expression turned thoughtful as they neared their destination.

"Is Jack going to be there?" He asked, his tone carefully neutral.

"He said he would be, barring any last minute work emergencies. It would be nice if he did come, since he helped us organise the whole thing."

"True. It will be interesting to finally meet him," Mark nodded.

Ianto had told Mark about Jack after the two men had met a second time. He had been intrigued by the possibility of the other American being someone from his boyfriend's past, but he could not help his jealousy rearing its ugly head. He would certainly have preferred it if he was the only American in Ianto's life but, Mark had to admit, Ianto had handled the situation brilliantly. They had considered Jack's suggestion about holding an exhibition together and he had been there during some of the ensuing long phone calls going through various aspects of the plans. He too had been involved in the planning of the event from the start and his opinion on everything from the choice of venue to which brand of champagne should be best for the occasion had been both welcomed and appreciated.

Jack had been helping out mostly long distance, as his work for the government apparently kept him very busy, He did come to London for a meeting, which Mark had intended to attend until a last minute conference call to New York had held him up at the office. Ianto had met him at his flat later that night and told him that they had just finished eating dinner and were going over the final plans when a work call had seen Jack practically run out of the door. Mark had not been particularly upset about that, since it meant he had had Ianto all to himself for the rest of the night.

Now here they were, about to attend the opening night of an exhibition showcasing Ianto's photographs. After much deliberation the collection had been named 'A Welshman Dreaming'. It thrilled and humbled Mark that not only had he helped his lover choose which photographs to include but that he and Sinta were starring in some of them.

Still, he could not quell the uneasiness stirring in him at the thought of all three of them being in the same place at the one time. Granted, it would give him the opportunity to observe Jack around Ianto and draw his own conclusions about the other man, but he did feel rather nervous about how Ianto would react to Jack's presence. Mark was not blind or naïve enough to be able to ignore the way Ianto's eyes lit up when he spoke to, or about, Jack. Ianto was clearly uncertain about the other man and something about his demeanour made that insecurity settle in Mark's heart. At the same time, he was acutely aware that Ianto did not have very many friends. He got along very well with his colleagues, but as far as Mark knew he had not really formed a deeper attachment with any of them. He was well aware that he was guilty of, to some extent, monopolising his boyfriend's time; which was only to be expected this early on in the relationship. Not that that meant he did not want Ianto to have friends. If Jack fit that description then perhaps he need not worry quite so much. He could only hope that friendship was all Jack was after from Ianto, but perhaps he would know more by the end of the evening.

The taxi pulled up outside a small art gallery in Soho and once more Ianto looked nervous enough to pass out. After he paid the taxi driver, Mark found Ianto's hand and their fingers entwined. Ianto closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths.

"Ready?" Mark squeezed his lover's hand gently.

"Ready." Ianto nodded with a small smile.

Once he got over the initial shock of everyone staring at him, Ianto started to enjoy himself. The playlist was quirky, the canapés were nice and people seemed to like the photographs. After the first hour, he loosened the death grip on Mark's hand, but never let go. The two men mingled together, talking to various people; some of them they knew already, others were total strangers. Ianto even gave a couple of short interviews. Both of them seemed to enjoy being seen as a couple and they did nothing to hide the affection they obviously felt for one another.

The only person conspicuously absent was Jack. At first Ianto scanned the crowds for him, checking his phone for messages every few minutes. As time went on, the sinking feeling in his stomach gradually confirmed that he was not coming. It seemed that his job had intervened after all. He did his best to hide his disappointment, while Mark's shoulders relaxed almost imperceptibly.

It was therefore a surprise to Ianto when he happened to glance towards the door and saw Jack walk in. He had not yet spotted Ianto, as he was saying something to the petite Japanese woman accompanying him. He was wearing a traditional tuxedo and the woman with him was dressed in an elegant red dress. When Ianto's grip on his hand tightened reflexively Mark turned to see what had caught his lover's attention. They both therefore saw Jack's gaze find Ianto across the crowded room. His eyes widened as he took in Ianto's appearance and then they darkened with naked pain. A moment later, it was as if shutters descended over his face and his features moulded into a nigh genuine smile. The woman by his side appeared to watch Jack's reaction with something approaching sympathy.

"So that's Jack?" Mark asked as Jack and his companion weaved through the crowd towards them.

"Yes. Incidentally, please don't punch him if he suggests a threesome." Ianto gave his boyfriend a nervous smile.

"What?!"

"I'll explain later," he muttered in low voice and then turned to greet the newcomers. "Jack, you made it."

"Sorry about the delay, we had a little work related disaster to tackle." Jack gave the two men his most dazzling smile, all traces of the earlier pain erased from his eyes. He turned to the man by Ianto's side and extended his hand. "You must be Mark. Ianto has told me a lot about you, so it's great to finally meet you."

"The pleasure is all mine," Mark responded, shaking his hand.

"And this beauty here is Toshiko Sato, my technical assistant and all round genius. She had helped me a great deal with our end of making tonight happen, so I thought she should come and see the results for herself."

As Ianto shook hands with the woman, something stirred within him. It was not like the dark, complex emotions that Jack invoked; rather it was something warmer, gentler - like a long forgotten affection towards a sister. He found that he instantly liked her. Toshiko smiled at him, but behind her shy expression he saw shrewd eyes watching him closely.

"Thank you for all your help, Miss Sato," Ianto said and gestured towards the rest of the room. "I hope you will enjoy looking at my photos, and if you don't, the champagne at least is very good."

"Your work looks beautiful, and I will certainly be interested in taking a closer look. Possibly with a flute of champagne." She smiled at him, a mischievous twinkle in her eye. "And I know the champagne will be good because I helped choose it!" Her smile gave way into a gentle laugh.

"Champagne all round!" Jack exclaimed, a fraction too loud, and motioned to a waiter carrying a tray of drinks. They each took a flute, the bubbling liquid cool against the glass. Jack raised his in a toast.

"To Ianto J..Lloyd, the man behind the camera."

Tosh glanced at Jack with worried look at his near miss. Mark saw the look and wondered quietly what secrets the two were hiding. Ianto was looking into his glass and did not appear to notice Jack's stumble.

"To Ianto," Mark and Toshiko echoed. Everyone except Jack took a sip from their glass.

"Thank you," Ianto blushed. "And thank you for all your help. It would seem that without all of you, this evening and this exhibition would never have happened." He looked at each of them with a genuine smile. If his eyes lingered on Jack just a little too long, it was only because he was the last one the he turned to. And if Mark chose that very same moment to wrap his arm around Ianto's waist, it was purely by coincidence. If Jack and Toshiko noticed any of this, their faces gave no indication.

"You should take a look at the photos," Ianto continued. "Let me know if you would like signed copies of any of them, as my gift to you all for your help."

Jack and Toshiko nodded with a smile and left them. Ianto gave Mark a quick kiss and excused himself to go to the loo. When he came back, he saw that his lover had been cornered into a conversation with some of his colleagues and Ianto smiled at the look of mild panic on his face as he tried to extract himself from their clutches. He was intending to go to his boyfriend's rescue, when a new song starting made him frown. Before he had a chance to do anything, a familiar voice startled him.

"More champagne?" Jack had silently appeared by his side, two champagne flutes in hand.

_'Every word you're saying is a lie_

_Run away my dear_

_But every sign will say your heart is dead'_

"Thanks," Ianto nodded and took the offered glass. He could just about hear the singing above the general noise of the room, and the words chilled something within him. His thoughts went automatically to the emptiness he carried in his mind, the edges ragged against this mental prodding. Somehow the song seemed to fit into the emptiness, rather than be absorbed by it.

_'Bury all the memories_

_Cover them with dirt_

_Where's the love we once had_

_Our destiny's unsure'_

"It's a great night," Jack said tentatively, frowning slightly at the way Ianto's hand holding the drink started shaking. "The collection really shows off your talents."

_'And I still wonder_

_Why heaven has died_

_The skies are all falling_

_I'm breathing but why'_

"Mmm, yes it is," Ianto nodded, still distracted, and then shook his head to focus on the man before him. "Did you decide on which photo you'd like as your gift?"

"Yes, that one," Jack pointed across the room. The one he had chosen was a self portrait of the photographer himself. Ianto had been playing with the various features of his second camera and he had set it to take photos automatically every three seconds. The best of the bunch, the one he had included in the collection on display, showed him partly turned away from the camera, eyes downcast and a small, thoughtful smile playing on his lips. He liked the photo and thought it had captured something very real about him, like he had inadvertently bared a part of his soul to the camera. He was not in the least bit surprised that Jack had chosen that particular picture, although he resolutely refused to think about the implications of his choice.

"Of course," Ianto nodded. "Just give me a moment."

He weaved through the crowd towards a back room where the supply of prints was kept. All the way there, the words of the song seemed to follow him. He had heard it before, he was certain of it, if only he could remember where or why.

_'Why can't you see what we had_

_Let the fire burn the ice_

_Where's the love we once had_

_Is it all a lie'_

He thumbed through the collection of prints, finding the one he was looking for towards the bottom of the pile. Pulling a pen from his pocket, he signed the bottom of the photo with a flourish. He carefully placed it in a cardboard wallet and then inside a plastic sleeve to protect it. Picking up his glass once more, he headed back toward where Jack was waiting for him. He had almost reached him when the next lines of the song froze him to the spot.

_'You run away_

_You hide away_

_To the other side of the universe'_

The champagne flute slipped from his unresponsive fingers and shattered on the marble floor. Everyone in the room stopped talking and turned to see what had happened. Ianto, however, did not see any of this, as he was staring at Jack's eyes, which were slowly filling with sadness and longing.

_'But the world has gone_

_Where you belong_

_And it feels too late so you're moving on_

_Can you find your way back home'_

The edges of Ianto's vision darkened, until his entire focus was on the piercing blue of Jack's eyes. He did not realise he was swaying until familiar arms caught him. Leaning into Mark, he was grateful for the support, but his eyes never left Jack's face. Jack had not moved; his face was impassive, but Ianto could see in his eyes the emotions raging within.

Ianto struggled hard against the emptiness in his mind, harder than he had ever done before; but the more he tried to remember, the further the thread that could unravel the secrets of his past slipped from his grasp. Jack seemed to sense this and averted his eyes, looking old and worn out, as the song that had so stirred Ianto drew to its close.

_'In silence I hold on_

_To you and I_

_Every word you're saying is a lie'_

"Ianto, Ianto are you okay?" Mark asked gently and he suddenly realised that his lover had repeated the question several times already.

"Mmm, I just felt faint for a moment. I think I need some fresh air." Ianto straightened himself and took a hesitant step towards the door.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Mark's voice was full of concern and he was yet to let go of his boyfriend.

"No, no, it's fine. I just need a moment to gather my thoughts and cool down a little. It's very hot in here." He smiled at the man by his side, gave his hand a reassuring squeeze and then headed out.

"If you are certain…" Mark's sentence trailed off as he watched Ianto walk the final metres to where Jack was standing. The older man looked up as he approached, desperate hope in his eyes, but Ianto merely handed him the print and headed out of the door. Around them, people had lost interest in the two men and had returned to their earlier conversations. Everyone, that is, except Jack's assistant, who was looking between Mark and Ianto with a thoughtful expression on her face.

Tosh had been standing in the far end of the room, reading the artist's biography next to Ianto's self portrait. She too had turned when the glass shattered on the floor and watched the curious exchange of sorrow and confusion between Ianto and Jack. She could see how close Ianto came to remembering everything and how hopeful Jack looked for a brief instant. Then the moment passed and the two men went their separate ways – Ianto outside and Jack to the loo.

The only one left in the room was Mark. Concern and jealousy were warring in his eyes and Tosh felt bad for him. It could not be easy to be the third man in a triangle that also included Jack and Ianto. She desperately wanted to offer him some sort of reassurance, but truth be told she had no idea what to say to a complete stranger about his love life. At least not without making it clear just how well she knew Ianto. Better let all three men sort through their thoughts in private, although she was minded to check up on Ianto a little later.

Ianto stopped just outside the door and leaned against the cool bricks. He took deep breaths of the slightly humid air, grateful for the relative silence that enveloped him. He wondered idly whether Jack would come looking for him after what had passed between them just moments before. Part of him wanted Jack to come so he might begin to understand what had happened; and that frightened him a little for the knowledge it might open up. Another part of him, the more rational part – the part that was Ianto of this life here-and-now - wanted nothing more than to curl up in Mark's arms in the darkness of his flat and forget that his troubled past even existed.

Raking a hand through his hair, he sighed. He had no idea what had just happened. The song had almost woken his memories, but it had not been quite enough. The sadness brought on by the words of the song gave him a glimpse of darkness in his past and he shivered. Somehow he knew that experience was connected to Jack. All the sense of having known Jack before, during the years that had gone missing returned in a wave of confusion even stronger than he had felt in the other times he had met Jack. It almost frightened him to admit that Jack not only felt familiar, but he felt _intimately_ familiar. But if they had been together in the past, why did Jack not simply say so?

He turned the lyrics over in his mind: "You run away, you hide away, to the other side of the universe" He felt rather than knew they meant something real to him, as though they spoke of his own experience, and yet they were impossible in their literal sense. He had a vague idea that Jack might have left, gone somewhere and that it had hurt him a great deal. But whatever had happened, it seemed that he was not the only one suffering the consequences. The longing in Jack's eyes had made him want, for the briefest of moments, to go to him and be held in his arms. In fact, only Mark's strong arms around him and keeping him upright had stopped him. He simply could not understand the impulsive reactions he kept having when Jack was around. Nor could he understand what it was in the lyrics of the song that had stirred such a deep response, no matter how many times he replayed them in his mind: "Every word you're saying is another lie" Who was the one with all the lies?

A chill ran through him as he thought back to the very beginning of the song: "Every word you're saying in a lie, run away my dear, but every sign will say your heart is dead." He had assumed the lyrics were talking about Jack, but what if he was wrong? What if it was in fact he who had run away, for had he not returned to London after only a year in Cardiff? What if he was running from something or, more likely, from someone? He thought about his memory loss and the diaries he had used to reconstruct a picture of the missing years. He had very little tangible evidence of what he had done during those years. How could he ever tell whether the events described in his diaries had actually happened? Was he in fact living a life built on lies? And had whatever had happened to him damaged him beyond repair? Was it his heart that was dead?

And yet, that was not how he felt. If his current life was built on lies, would it really feel so good, so rich; would there be so much of value? Could he have someone like Mark in his life, could evenings like tonight happen if he was damaged beyond repair? Even if what he thought of as his past was indeed based on lies, all that was good in his life was not a lie. It could not possibly be a lie – it felt too right. Despite the shadows of his unknown past, he refused to believe that his heart was dead; it was too alive with the joy of it all.

With another deep sigh, he wondered why, at a time when there were so many good things in his life, he should have to deal with the complication of missing years of his memory. He desperately yearned for a simpler life.

While Ianto was outside, Mark found Jack coming out of the men's room. When Jack averted his eyes and made to walk past, Mark put out a hand and stopped him.

"Can we talk?" He asked.

Jack looked at him in surprise and then slowly nodded.

"Of course."

They found a quiet corner at the rear of the gallery, where they would not be overheard. Jack leaned against the wall, his face inscrutable, while Mark stood in front of him, trying to figure out where to start.

"Look, I don't know what Ianto has told you about his past, but he has had a tough time recently. It feels like he is only just finding his feet and finding himself, or at least figuring out who he wants to be."

"I'm aware." Jack inclined his head. His eyes lifted to meet Mark's long enough for the sadness in them to show and then locked at his feet. He said nothing further.

"When I met him, he was still a little lost following his amnesia. It has been wonderful to watch him slowly turn into who he is today. He may not remember who he was, but he has fully embraced the chance to become the man he wants to be. Sure he is still confused about his past and what might have happened, but I believe he truly wants to move on with his life, and that shows in how he is living it."

Collecting his thoughts for a moment, he continued, his eyes never leaving Jack's down-turned face.

"I'm also beginning to think that you're not just a stranger who happened to ask him for directions one day. The way you look at him it's obvious that you know him, that you've known him for a long time, and that you care about him a great deal. It's not difficult to draw that conclusion from the way you are with him. I'm also beginning to think that Ianto recognises you, but as yet he doesn't know for certain and perhaps he doesn't quite understand the instincts that seem to stem from forgotten things. Although whether that is still true after what just happened I'm not sure."

He paused to watch Jack's reaction but when his observation brought no response he continued.

"Now I don't know if you are the lover he can't remember or someone different, but your presence in his life is stirring up things that might be best left forgotten. I don't know the answer to that, because neither he nor I know what happened to him. What I do know is I've never met anyone like him. There's something about him, something really special. I don't know how he feels exactly, but I do know that he cares about me. I'm hoping to spend the rest of my life with him and I really believe we are good for each other."

He stopped and smiled and spoke as if more to himself than to Jack "We're happy together. Ianto is happy. I've never met anyone so in love with life as he is in spite of the tough times. In many ways, he acts like his past is a burden that has now been lifted off his shoulders. If you do truly care about him, then please understand that."

"I do," Jack whispered so quietly Mark thought he had almost imagined it. "I do care about him."

Mark saw the pain in his eyes, saw the longing for things gone by, and his heart ached unexpectedly for this man who was, for all intents and purposes, his rival.

"I would ask what happened," he said gently, "but I have a feeling you wouldn't give me a straight answer."

"It's complicated," Jack let out a hollow laugh. "Really, really complicated. But suffice to say that I made a stupid choice which cost me more than I ever imagined."

"So what happens now?" Mark asked carefully, a little afraid of what Jack might say. "We both clearly care a great deal for him."

"Ianto deserves to be happy," a single tear slid down Jack's face. "And that's the only thing that matters."

Jack gave a smile that showed all the pain and confusion he was feeling and then pushed himself upright. As he walked past Mark, he laid his hand on his shoulder for the briefest of moments.

"Yes, and I'm afraid that means he'll choose you," Mark whispered to the empty space around him as he watched Jack depart.

Ianto was roused from his deep thoughts by a small hand on his shoulder. He had been staring at the cracks in the pavement but now he looked up to see Jack's assistant smiling gently at him.

"Everything okay?" She asked.

"I just needed to get some air," he nodded.

"Jack can be a little overwhelming sometimes."

"I never said it was because of Jack," Ianto frowned a little.

"I know."

The shrewdness was back in Toshiko's eyes as she regarded the young man before her. Ianto blushed a little under her intense scrutiny, but before he had a chance to say anything she continued:

"Are you okay, though? I mean really, really okay?"

"I'm fine," Ianto smiled a little, somehow knowing that the question had nothing to do with tonight but rather was aimed at his life in general. "I'm great in fact."

"That's all that matters and all I need to know," her eyes softened into affection as she turned to go.

"Tosh, wait!" She paused at Ianto's words and turned back. "Have we met before? You and Jack seem familiar somehow and since you work with Jack I wondered whether I already know both of you. I can't remember parts of the past three years, you see, so I don't know for certain." Ianto looked a little lost.

"The past doesn't matter anymore," Tosh assured him. "The only things that truly matter are your life and your happiness right here, right now."

"Thank you," He nodded slowly.

"Any time," her small hand squeezed his arm. "For you, any time." She smiled and in her eyes he saw the love she clearly felt for him.

He turned to follow her inside, but his steps slowed at the sudden realisation that no one had mentioned in the course of the evening that Toshiko abbreviated her name to Tosh.

He knew he should go back, but something about her words made him hesitate. Was she right in saying that the past did not matter? Could he really push aside the ragged emptiness in his mind and accept that he would never get his memories back. She had avoided his question and part of him had expected that. After all, Jack had done the same when faced with a similar situation. This in his mind was the confirmation he had needed that they were indeed people from his past. Would therefore letting go of his forgotten past also mean letting go of Toshiko and Jack? She clearly loved him, but not in romantic sense. It felt almost like she was the best friend he was currently missing from his life. From what he had seen of her tonight, she would be a tough act to follow. With a sigh he tried to push aside his inner turmoil and walked back into the gallery.

The rest of the night went in a blur for both Mark and Ianto, although they did thoroughly enjoy themselves. Jack and Toshiko left early, but not before Tosh too had picked a couple of photos to take as prints. One of them was the same photo of Ianto that Jack had picked and somehow Ianto had expected that to happen. The two Americans avoided each other after their brief talk and when they said good night, their voices bore a hint of understanding that had not been there before. If Ianto noticed their behaviour, he did not show it in any way.

After they said their goodbyes, Ianto and Mark walked Jack and Tosh to the door. One end of Tosh's silk wrap had slipped from her grasp and was dragging behind her. Mark picked it up and draped it back over her arm. She looked a little surprised and the smiled.

"Thank you."

Mark returned her smile. On an impulse, he leaned forward to whisper:

"I promise I'll be good to him."

Tosh's smile grew radiant as she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"I'm counting on it."

Jack had not caught the words that were spoken, but he could glean the gist of the conversation from their faces and he felt very old and weary.

Ianto and Mark stood in the doorway, watching them walk away. Mark kissed his boyfriend gently to chase away the hints of sadness from his eyes and then led him back inside. Both men noticed that a great deal of the tension in the room seemed to dissipate now that Jack and his lovely assistant had left.

Much later, Mark and Ianto took a taxi home, laughing almost hysterically at mundane things as the champagne bubbled through their blood. By some unspoken agreement they went to Mark's flat. They took Sinta out quickly and then collapsed on the bed in a tangle of limbs and partly removed clothes. They made love with deliberate slowness, the intensity between them sobering them as it warmed them. Afterwards, Ianto nuzzled his face against Mark's neck and let out a deep but happy sigh.

"I'm glad you finally met Jack," he mumbled, his voice heavy with sleep.

"Mmm," Mark responded, listening to his lover's even breathing. Ianto had nearly drifted off to sleep before Mark spoke again.

"He's in love with you," he whispered, placing a gentle kiss on his boyfriend's shoulder. "And so am I."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More notes: This chapter was really long again. I don't expect I'll be able to maintain this kind of chapter length for all of them going forward. The next one is called Dreams for Sale.


	13. Dreams for Sale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood.
> 
> Author's note: I keep saying that these chapters will get shorter, but in fact this is even longer than the last time! A bit worrying trend, that...
> 
> Thanks to Gmariam for looking through an earle draft of this chapter and giving me lots of helpful feedback!
> 
> Again, a huge thank you to Darcy58 for making a coherent story out of my ramblings. You are, of course, awesome!

Dreams for Sale

Heavy silence hung in the car on the drive to Cardiff. For the first hour Tosh was content to let Jack wallow in his dark thoughts, but eventually the tension became too much for her. She took a steadying breath and said gently:

“You were right, he does look really good.”

There was no need to define who she meant. Jack let out a deep sigh, one of many over the course of the journey so far, and gave her a rueful smile.

“Yeah, every time I see him he looks better and better. Mark is really good for him, and from what I’ve heard he is also really good to him.” 

“That must have been hard for you, Jack, meeting Mark and seeing them together.”

“It was,” Jack admitted after a lengthy silence. “It shouldn’t have been, bearing in mind how much Ianto has talked about him. He is the type of decent man Ianto deserves. But it did hurt a lot. And seeing Ianto in that red shirt, which is pretty much identical to the one he always knew was my favourite – gods, I thought my heart would break.”

“I doubt he chose the shirt deliberately,” Tosh offered.

“No, I don’t suppose he did,” Jack murmured.

They lapsed into silence again and Tosh watched the car swallow mile after mile of empty motorway. It must have been tough for Jack to make the trip yet again, each encounter with Ianto bringing a fresh helping of regret to be mulled over during the drive home. Tosh wanted to wrap her arm around him, to lend him some of her strength, but it seemed like he was beyond her reach. To break the silence again, she gave voice to her curiosity.

“What did he say to you? Mark, that is. I noticed he pulled you to one side while Ianto was outside.”

“He told me that Ianto is happy, that they are happy together and that he cares about Ianto a great deal; and admires him for how much he is making of his life, especially given his amnesia. He also asked whether it might be best for Ianto if his past was left forgotten, so that it doesn’t overshadow the new life he has built for himself. He really respects him, Tosh, and I think he genuinely just wants what’s best for him. I must admit, I was touched by the care he showed Ianto tonight, everyone in the room could see how much Ianto means to him.”

“He sounds pretty direct in approaching you about that.” Tosh replied, “though I can’t say I’m surprised given what I observed. And yes, I think he genuinely wants what’s best for Ianto.”

Jack nodded in agreement. “He’s a smart man, really smart. He wasn’t angry or aggressive, in fact he was quite compassionate. He’s figured out that I’m someone from Ianto’s past and has a strong suspicion that I might be the forgotten lover he had. I suspect Ianto too would have worked it out by now, if he wasn’t so confused by half-buried memories.”

“And what do you think about what Mark said?” Tosh queried, casting a glance in his direction.

“I think Ianto deserves to be happy,” Jack whispered. “I worry that my presence in his life only stirs up feelings that he doesn’t know how to interpret and that I’m getting in the way of his happiness.”

“Speaking of conflicted emotions, something happened tonight during that one song,” Tosh noted.

Jack frowned as he thought back to that moment of Ianto paralysed by the lyrics.

“I don’t know why, but I think that song nearly broke the hold of the retcon. For a brief moment Ianto came within a hair’s breadth of remembering everything.”

He had struggled to remember, the effort plain on his face, and for a wild, desperate moment Jack had thought – hoped – that Ianto’s memories were returning. Yet as he had watched the revelation slip from Ianto’s grasp, logic had prevailed. It had been heart rending to turn away from him, but if he had continued to watch the pain in Ianto’s eyes for a moment longer, he would surely have done something that he would later regret. 

“But why that song? It must have had some special meaning to him to have affected him so strongly,” Tosh mused. “I don’t actually know what kind of music Ianto used to like, but it does make me wonder if it is something he listened to a lot in the past.”

“Probably,” Jack agreed. “There are often songs that we listen to frequently during a particular time in our life and hearing that song again will always remind us of that time. Judging by the lyrics I caught, I’d say that the song may have appealed to him after I had chased after the Doctor.” 

“Presumably before he took the retcon he got rid of any music and books that could have run the risk of interfering with the amnesia,” Tosh speculated. “But of course there was no way he could avoid everything that might evoke traces of memories by association, especially outside his sphere of influence. Still, what happened earlier seems like quite a coincidence.”

“Not necessarily.” Jack shook his head. “All of Ianto’s memories are still with him, and there has been plenty of evidence that he can access them subconsciously. He may not have understood the meaning of the song when he included it on the playlist, but choosing it may have been all down to his unconscious mind making a decision for him.”

“Yes, I can see that making more sense.” She nodded. ”I wonder what else he does subconsciously, without ever really realising?”

“Probably a lot of things.” Jack shrugged and then smiled a little. “I can tell you this much, though. He still makes amazing coffee!”

“Right, the next time he makes you coffee, you need to bring a thermos flask of it back for the rest of us!”

Jack chuckled, but his voice sounded a little hollow in his ears. The sorrow that had taken residence in his heart refused to be pushed aside, and he felt it radiate outwards, gradually reaching all the way to his fingers and toes. He did not have the heart to say that he was not sure if there would be a next time.

It was as if Tosh was reading his mind however; after a brief lull in the conversation, she said quietly:

“Ianto asked me whether I, and by extension you, used to be in his life during the years he can’t remember.”

“And what did you say?” he asked.

“I avoided the question,” Tosh hedged. Jack noticed this and raised his eyebrows.

“Yes, but what did you say?” he asked again.

“I said that the past didn’t matter,” she admitted. “Not if he is happy now, which he quite clearly is. I must confess that seeing him so happy makes me wonder whether we shouldn’t just leave him be.”

She glanced at Jack, nervous of his reaction, and was surprised to see him smiling.

“You’re right, of course you are.” He looked at her with a great deal of affection. “Like I said, Ianto deserves to be happy and you want what’s best for him, as you should. We can’t change the past, but we should at least make the most of the future.”

Tosh searched his face, trying to read him in light of his unexpected answer. She was fairly certain he was hiding something from her, but she could not deduce in that moment what it might be. As tiredness overcame her she let the conversation lapse.

Jack dropped Tosh at her flat on the way to the Hub. She had fallen asleep for the last fifty miles of the journey, and he had been oddly grateful for the silence. He knew she worried about him and as a result he tried to put on a brave face for her; though he also knew that she would see right through it. Jack also knew that apart from himself, Tosh was the one who missed Ianto the most. Although she wanted him back in Cardiff, Jack could see that she too felt conflicted after seeing him doing so well in London. Ianto was happy in London, with Mark. He might have felt attracted to Jack when they saw each other, but for the majority of the time he was in London with Mark, while Jack was in Cardiff. As a result, it was Mark who was there to make Ianto laugh, make him happy and make him feel like a young man in his twenties should – carefree and unburdened by too much death and too many horrors. Mark did that for Ianto, while Jack was away, facing new nightmares on a weekly basis.

What was he thinking? Jack rubbed his tired eyes, disrupting his disconcerting train of thought. It was late, the very early hours of the morning, and he felt the need to crash into bed for a few hours. He left the car in the garage and dragged himself wearily into the Hub. 

Myfanwy landed nearby to greet him with her usual enthusiasm and very efficiently frisked him for chocolate. He felt his willpower give away under her insistent glare, and he fetched a bar of Bourneville. He was careful to keep the signed print away from her sharp beak, but Myfanwy seemed particularly interested in it, as if she knew who it had come from. While she snacked on her treat Jack escaped to his office and down to the bunker. He barely had the energy to remove his shoes and jacket before curling up on the bed and succumbing to exhaustion. 

The following morning, a shrill ringing woke Jack from his slumber. He groped around for the source of the noise, his fingers stiff from clutching the stopwatch all night. Finally finding his mobile phone, he brought it to his ear without checking the caller id, desperately hoping it was not one of his team alerting him to Rift activity.

“Nnght?”

“Oh gods, did I wake you up?” Ianto sounded horrified.

Realising who was on the other end of the line, Jack sat up, raked a hand through his hair and tried to get his sluggish brain into gear.

“Ianto?” was all he managed.

“I’m so sorry! I’ll let you go back to sleep and call you again later, okay?”

“No, it’s fine, really.” Jack finally regained the ability to speak coherently. “I probably should be up already anyway. What time is it?”

“Just gone eleven.”

“Wow, that late, I definitely need to get up then.” Jack rubbed his eyes to clear his vision and grimaced at the sight of his incomplete state of undress. He really should not have slept in the tuxedo. “I’ll be sure to engage your services as my alarm clock more often.”

“Duly noted,” Ianto laughed.

“So, how are you feeling after last night?” Jack asked while he got up and stretched.

“Surprisingly good considering how much champagne I drank. I was expecting to be more hung over this morning.”

“Did you have a good time?” For some reason Jack was a little scared to hear Ianto’s response.

“Yes, I did.” Jack could hear the smile in Ianto’s voice. “I was terribly nervous to start with, but once I got over it I did have fun. I’m really glad you and Tosh were able to make it, even if you couldn’t stay long.”

“I was glad to be there and I know she was too,” he replied. “I’m really pleased with how well all our plans came together in the end.”

Jack climbed the steps up to his office to see the Hub still bathed in minimal lighting. Only then did he remember that he had given everyone the day off. Feeling relieved that he had not overslept after all, he picked up his comms unit and switched it on, so that he could continue the conversation without needing to hold onto the phone.

“Yeah, me too. Let’s just hope that people will enjoy looking at my photographs.” 

“I have no doubt about it. I heard only good things about the collection last night.” 

“We’ll see. Mark is certainly excited for me and he suggested we have a long weekend in Rome to celebrate. Basically we’ve spent the whole morning planning the trip and everything is already booked. It’s a little sudden, but what the hell. There’s much to be said for being spontaneous. So I was partly phoning to let you know that after next Wednesday we’ll be out of the country for a few days.” Jack could hear Ianto’s excitement about the upcoming trip. Jealousy rose unbidden within him, and without thinking he blurted out a question he was not sure he could bear to hear the answer to:

“Do you love him?”

The silence that followed his question lasted so long Jack began to wonder whether the call had been disconnected. He got his answer, however, when Ianto let out a sharp breath.

“That’s a very personal question, Jack,” Ianto sounded guarded. “After all, I hardly know you. Or probably more accurately, I don’t remember knowing you all that well. Whether that’s really the case, I’m becoming less and less certain.”

“I’m sorry,” Jack was quick to apologise. “I didn’t mean to pry.”

“Yes, yes you did.”

Another silence followed while Jack furiously tried to figure out what to say. Ianto sighed and continued:

“But to answer your question, I think I’m coming to love him, but these are early days and it’s complicated, Jack.” Ianto sounded wary.

“It shouldn’t be.” Jack ploughed on, despite his mind shouting at him to let the matter drop. “Either you do or you don’t.”

“I don’t know.” retorted Ianto , “But if you’re interested I can tell you how I feel about him now.”

“Go on,” It was part command, part challenge.

“Mark is amazing. I’m still not entirely sure what he sees in me, but I’m glad I’m with him. He treats me with respect, like I’m interesting and worthwhile, and he also helps me to believe that I am. But it’s not just about me, it’s also about him: he’s really smart, very funny and also playful. He is interested in learning new things, experiencing new things, and he is not afraid of trying something even if he may not be any good at it. In many ways we are very similar and there’s a lot for me to like. ”

There was a pause as if Ianto was thinking about what to say next. It was a silence Jack refused to break for fear that he would say something out of place and then not hear all of the truth of Ianto’s feelings.

“The days I day spend with him make me happier than I think I’ve ever been before. I never really considered myself as a ‘one and done’ kind of man, but when Mark and I are together I begin to think it is possible. I feel like I should love him, I want to, but it’s like something is holding me back.” 

There was a slight edge of frustration in his voice as Ianto finished, “and we all know it’s something in those memories that are lost.” 

_I am, I’m that something_ Jack thought, _I’m holding you back. You may not be able to remember it, but deep inside, I think you still love me. So I hold you back from moving on, because after all this time, I’m selfish and wanted you all to myself. I came to reclaim you because my happiness matters more than yours._

The regret in Jack’s heart smouldered. He had been wrong in thinking he knew what sorrow felt like. This sorrow enveloped him in a blanket of grief woven with frustration that both numbed and burnt him at the same time. Oblivious to Jack’s inner struggle and pain, Ianto continued speaking:

“I’m trying to let it go, since I expect that’s what makes me hesitate, but I can’t seem to manage it. I mean, how do I let go of something I can’t even remember? And then there are moments, like last night, when I almost remember it all. I can feel the memories, but it’s like a pane of frosted glass separates me from them. Maybe it sounds crazy, but knowing the memories are still there makes it almost impossible to accept that I may never get them back. I wish I knew for certain, one way or the other. Either let me remember, or promise that the memories will never come back.”

“I wish I could do that for you,” Jack murmured before finding more strength in his voice to continue. “And it doesn’t sound crazy at all. I’m sorry you have to live with such uncertainty.”

“It’s not your fault.” Ianto let out a hollow laugh. “Sorry about the rant, by the way. Sometimes it’s just bloody frustrating living in limbo.”

“I understand completely, “Jack was quick to assure him. “And no need to apologise. I’m here whenever you need someone to talk to. Even if you need to wake me up first!”

“Thanks.” Ianto’s laugh sounded a little more cheerful. 

There was a pause in the conversation, as a comfortable silence settled between them. They had once shared such silences in Jack’s office at the end of the day, when the others had gone home. They had enjoyed spending time together without the need to necessarily say much. It was an ease of companionship that Jack missed a great deal.

This time Ianto broke the silence. Jack heard him mutter something that sounded like “In for a penny…” before saying more strongly: 

“You asked me once whether I wanted to get my memories back, if I had a choice, despite what might have happened. Do you remember?”

“I do” The irony of the circumstances in which he was saying those words to Ianto was not lost on Jack. “Go on.” 

“Last night I finally figured out my answer.”

“And?” Jack felt his heart speed up.

“No. I don’t want to remember. But that doesn’t mean the memories won’t come back. Last night showed me that they could. And if and when they do I’ll have to try to sort through them and make sense of them.”

“That could be hard work” Jack suggested with some sympathy.

“I’m an archivist Jack, I’m practised at sorting through the past and making order out of chaos. Doesn’t mean I want to do it, though. I have been thinking for some time that I might be better off not knowing, since I don’t want whatever happened in my past to change the life I have now. I thought last night, and not for the first time either, that it would be nice to have a simple life without this complication and that’s the truth of it. So, I don’t want them back; but the reality is I’m unlikely to have any say in it.”

“I understand,” was all Jack could force out of his suddenly thick throat. He was not certain he truly did understand, but on the other hand he was not about to start explaining to Ianto about the two years the Time Agency had stolen from him.

“That was probably not the answer you were looking for?” Ianto asked quietly.

“It’s your choice, not mine,” Jack pointed out, feeling a sudden urgency to get away from the conversation.

“Yeah, I think it is.”

“Look, I’ve got to get on with some work,” Jack said with regret. “You take care and enjoy your trip to Rome, okay? It’s a magnificent city.”

“Yes, I definitely will, and thanks again for last night. I really did appreciate everything you and Tosh did. I’ll call you when I get back.”

“I look forward to it. Bye, Ianto.”

“Bye, Jack.”

Jack clicked off the comms unit with a thoughtful expression. He headed towards the kitchen to make himself a cup of instant coffee and some porridge for breakfast, with one very clear thought reverberating in his mind:

_I may not be able to promise that you’ll never get your memories back, but I can and will do the next best thing._

\--------------------------------------

The next two weeks were mercifully busy for Jack. The Rift kept spitting out problem after problem, until the whole team was running purely on caffeine and adrenaline. The moment things calmed down, everyone crashed. They were on light rotation for the next few days, and even on duty they spent as much time snoozing on the battered sofa as they did monitoring the Rift.

When they had all recovered and were back on normal duty, Jack asked them to convene in the conference room. He stood at the head of the table while the others filed in and sat down, looking refreshed and happy. Jack, however, still looked exhausted. There were dark circles under his eyes, and he appeared to have aged more in the past few weeks than in all the years they had known him. Tosh in particular looked at him with a great deal of concern after taking in his tired demeanour. 

He looked serious, surveying each of them in turn, and they all had a disconcerting feeling that they would not like what he was about to say. He took a deep breath, looking like breathing alone required a great deal of effort, and then spoke:

“I hope everyone is feeling rested and generally better.”

They all nodded and gave him hesitant smiles.

“The last couple of weeks were tough on us, and they made me fully appreciate that we’ve been operating short-staffed for some time now. So I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s time to find a replacement for Ianto.”

He ignored their surprised expressions and carried on “What I’m after is a general manager and/or field operative, ideally someone who could do a bit of both. We can leave the archives as they are for now, although we will need to figure out how to keep them in some semblance of order in the future. Perhaps the answer is to hire a full time archivist; I’m not sure at the moment. I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.”

The team exchanged glances at Jack’s news, confusion and alarm evident on their faces. It was Gwen who voiced what they were all thinking:

“But what about Ianto? Mightn’t he come back eventually? Or will he be a full time field operative when he does?”

“Ianto is not coming back.” There was a collective gasp at Jack’s quiet words. “It’s been foolish of me to think otherwise. Ianto quit Torchwood, erased his memories and has built himself a new life. He has a real shot at happiness; of a normal, mundane, beautiful ordinary life that Torchwood can never offer him, that I can never offer him. It’s not fair of me to expect him to choose me, to choose Torchwood over everything he has now. It’s time to let Ianto Jones go as someone who left Torchwood and lived to not tell the tale.

“What’s more, Ianto has actually told me that he wouldn’t want to get his memories back, if he is ever given the choice. He is concerned, and rightly so, that what he has forgotten might jeopardise the life he has built for himself. As it is, he has chosen his future over his past and I think we need to respect that, as hard as it might be.”

Gwen and Owen both stared at him; speechless from Jack’s words and the deep sadness they conveyed. Unlike the others, Tosh was not surprised by his announcement. Her face betraying her sorrow, she nodded gently. It was as she had expected. After a moment’s silence, she spoke, wanting to offer the others a small measure of reassurance:

“I agree with Jack. If you met Ianto walking down a street, you would hardly recognise him.” Tosh smiled, her expression warm with love for her friend. “There’s very little left of the burdened young man, who worked here and whose main goal every day was to do his job without being noticed. He’s happy. He’s so alive. He’s standing tall and welcoming everything life has to offer with open arms. He has blossomed into the man he always deserved to be. And he has a good man to share that life with. That, I think, is why he needs to live the life he has now, rather than return to Torchwood. That’s why we need to let him go.”

Owen and Gwen remained silent, as they considered her words. Jack and Tosh shared a look full of understanding, before he dropped his eyes to the polished surface of the table, unable to face the sympathy coming off everyone in waves. He spoke more at the table than to his team:

“So, I would like you all to keep an eye out for anyone who might be suitable candidate for joining our merry band of brothers. Gwen, I would particularly like you to think about whether there’s anyone we could poach from the police. It helps that you lot are already field trained. I’ll put some feelers out to UNIT, but they won’t be too happy if we start nicking their staff.”

Gwen nodded, still too stunned to speak.

“That’s it, folks,” Jack continued. “The Rift has given us a bit of respite, but I don’t expect that to last forever. So let’s try to deal with the backlog of paperwork before the next catastrophe strikes.”

They all nodded and rose to leave. Owen and Tosh walked out, but on an impulse Gwen stayed behind, circling the long table until she was next to Jack. He was lost in his thoughts, so she gently touched his arm to attract his attention. When he looked up, he saw that her eyes were bright with unshed tears.

“I’m sorry, Jack,” she whispered. “I should have done more to stop him from leaving or to help fix things. This is all my fault.”

“No.” Jack shook his head as he stood to pull her into a hug. “It’s mine. I shouldn’t have left like that; or at the very least I should have warned him in advance. Even more importantly, I should have made a promise that I would always come back to him. I just didn’t tell him the truth Gwen. If anyone is to blame, it’s me, not you.”

They stayed like that for a while, each drawing some comfort from the embrace, and then Jack pulled back enough to look at her. He tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear and smiled sadly.

“I’m trying to do the right thing. For the first time in a long while, I’m trying to do right by Ianto, instead of by me because he deserves that chance to be happy, even if it hurts like hell to let him go. It’s doubly hard – usually if I lose people it’s because they die or leave me behind. But Ianto will still be there, a tantalising presence such a short drive away and yet I have to stay away from him.”

“That’s very brave of you.” Gwen hugged him a little tighter.

“Yeah, aren’t I just the ideal hero,” Jack muttered with a great deal of self-loathing.

“But what are you going to tell him? You two are friends now, aren’t you?”

“I don’t know.” Jack raked a hand through his hair. “I guess I’ll tell him that my work is taking me overseas and I don’t know when, if ever, I’ll return to Europe. I can then get Tosh to write a programme that shows my number as disconnected, if he ever tries to contact me. After a while I’ll just become one of many people who were briefly in his life and with whom he has lost touch. He may wonder what happened to me from time to time, but eventually he’ll forget about me. He will finally be able to move from his past and be happy with Mark or fall in love with someone else.”

“But what if he does get his memories back?”

“Then he knows where to find us..., me, if that’s what he then wants.”

Gwen hugged him close once more, feeling some of the tension leave him. After a little while it was her turn to pull back and she spoke quietly.

“You know me, Jack, I always want to be sure, and this time I don’t know what to think. But maybe you are right; you and Tosh are the ones who have seen him. I never thought I’d say this, but this time I think you are doing the right thing. Only this time, mind you!

They chuckled together at her self-assessment, before she continued “It’s just that it all feels so permanent. And getting a new staff member really seals it. I know we’ve all hoped that he would come back, but I think he’ll be happier if he doesn’t. We all miss him; I didn’t fully realise just how much I did until now, but it helps to know that he’s safe and leading a good life.”

“I don’t think any of us will ever forget Ianto, or all that he did for us.” Jack smiled wistfully.

“But we can check up on him occasionally, can’t we?” Gwen asked. “Just to make sure that he’s okay.”

“Sure we can,” Jack assured her, as he steered them gently towards the door. “We’ll just have to make sure he doesn’t spot us.”

When they reached the workstations, they could see that Tosh had been crying. Owen was hovering next to her, a hand on her shoulder. He looked like he wanted to offer her even more comfort, but was not sure quite how to do so. Gwen left Jack’s side and went to give Tosh a quick hug. Jack noted that Owen still did not move his hand.

“I wish I could say goodbye to him,” Tosh said as fresh tears filled her eyes. “I’d like to be able to thank him for everything he did for me.”

“You won’t be able to quite do that.” Jack approached them slowly. “But maybe you could do at least something. I was going to tell him that I, or better yet the whole team, is being relocated overseas. If you want to say goodbye, why don’t you write him a letter? I’m going to see him one last time to tell him the news in person. Anything you want me to pass on to him, I’m more than happy to take with me.”

“I think I’d like that.” Tosh brightened a little. “And I promise not to say anything that might trigger his memories.”

“I trust you.” Jack smiled. “I trust all of you.”

The team smiled sadly at one another, drawing comfort from the familiar people around them to alleviate the absence of a friend now seemingly gone forever.

“Oh, by the way, I do have a small announcement.” Jack suddenly remembered what he had been meaning to tell the team for some time now. This was an opportune time to bring it up, as it would take everyone’s mind off of having to replace Ianto.

“I’ve been thinking that we all need to get out of the Hub on a more regular basis. We could also do with getting fitter, especially considering how most of the time we eat pastries and takeout. So I thought we could do regular exercise together every week. It will do us good to do something together outside work that doesn’t involve alcohol.”

“Oh bloody hell, team building” muttered Owen. As the others stifled their giggles Jack pretended to glare at Owen before continuing,

“It’s up to you to decide what you might like that to be and Torchwood will of course pay for all the gear. I may be a little influenced by Ianto’s new hobbies, but I thought we might like to give cycling a try. I’m up for anything, though, even kayaking in the sea.”

“If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather not freeze my balls off in a flimsy vessel at the mercy of the Celtic Sea.” Owen was the first to speak. “But, seriously, as your doctor, I must admit that Jack does have a point. He may not suffer any long term effects of heart disease, but the rest of us will if we keep going like this.”

Jack was a little surprised to have Owen support his plan, but as the team doctor he did have to consider their continued wellbeing. Jack was pleased at this further evidence that they had all begun to appreciate the importance of a tightly knit Torchwood Three team. Hopefully they would all put in the effort to make it happen. 

_It’s going to be tough bringing a stranger in now,_ he thought. _But what choice do I have?_

“I think I’d quite like to try cycling.” Tosh smiled. She was trying not to giggle at the prospect of seeing Owen in tight cycling gear.

“Sure, why not.” Gwen shrugged. She wondered whether Rhys might be up for something like that on their days off. “But maybe hire bikes for the first time, in case we all hate it.”

“Good idea.” Jack nodded. “Let’s make it happen next week.”

“I’m not sure I have anything to wear for a bike ride,” Tosh remarked.

“Me neither,” Gwen replied, deep in thought. “Do you want to do a short shopping excursion over lunch?”

“Yes, that seems like a good idea,” Tosh agreed. 

“My wardrobe doesn’t exactly specialise in sports either,” Owen said a little uncertainly. “Maybe I could tag along?”

“Of course!” Tosh’s smile brightened into a wide grin. “We’ll soon sort you out, who knows, we might even get you into some lycra cycle shorts.” 

“Fine,” grumbled Owen, looking a little worried “but you are not allowed to buy me anything pink, okay?” 

“We promise, just this once.” Gwen winked at Tosh and both women laughed. 

With everyone in a slightly better mood, they dispersed around the Hub to get on with their work. Jack had watched their last conversation from the sidelines, the affection he felt for this small team easing his sadness just a little.

While the others were out shopping, Jack’s feet led him into the archives. He wandered around the central room, aimlessly picking up random objects and setting them down without ever really looking at them. He found Ianto’s notes on the way the archives were organised and traced his finger over the neat writing. Soon someone else would carry on the work he had started and make this their domain. The mere thought made Jack’s whole body ache.

Memories bubbled to the surface of his mind. More than once he had found Ianto down here, working late, and had persuaded him to do all sorts of highly unprofessional things. In his mind’s eye he could vividly see them playing naked hide and seek, laughing when they ended up on the floor with Jack’s coat the only thing to keep the chill of the concrete floor at bay. Jack wished he could live through some of those moments again, to forever fix in his memory every precious second of time spent with Ianto.

He had spoken to Ianto briefly during the two hectic weeks, each phone call cut short by the Rift disgorging another disaster onto his lap. Still, he had gleaned enough from the conversations to know that Ianto and Mark had thoroughly enjoyed their time in Rome and they were now busy planning more holidays to exotic locations. Even if Ianto did come back to him, Jack doubted he could ever take Ianto diving in Thailand or cycling in the Vietnamese mountains. Even a weekend in Swansea might be too much of a stretch. Yet another reason why Ianto really was better off with someone else.

_As if I need another reason,_ he thought darkly. _There’s quite a list as it is._

The thought reminded Jack of another memory and he pulled the stopwatch out of his pocket. Ianto had been right; there were plenty of things one could do with a stopwatch, especially together with a very eager partner. Ianto had not only been able to produce the said list, but they had meticulously worked through it and rated the relative merits of each suggestion. That had been the beginning of _them_ , gradually growing from casual fun to a great deal more. Now that the end of them was approaching Jack deeply regretted things had not gone differently.

He placed the stopwatch in a pocket by his heart, where it had found a new home. He would carry it with him always; a reminder of what it was to love and lose an extraordinary man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More author’s notes: My beta pointed out that if I was evil, I could just finish this story here. But I’m not going to. Plenty of stuff to say.
> 
> I’m going to deviate from my recent trend slightly and not tell you what the next chapter is called.
> 
> At the advice of my beta... *ducks*


	14. Answers from Above

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood.
> 
> Author’s notes: Thank you so much for all the kudos and comments I’ve been getting. I love them”
> 
> Kudos to my beta, Darcy58! This chapter required a lot of work.

Answers from Above

“Wow, your boyfriend is really something!”

Ianto glanced down and felt his heart jump. He had been lost in his thoughts while he ate his lunch and he had been doodling again. On the paper was a rough, but instantly recognisable drawing of Jack. Every aspect of him was exactly right, down to the twinkle in his eyes and the crooked grin. He dropped the offending pen that had created the sketch as though it had burnt his fingers. He had never consciously attempted to draw Mark. Why then, had his hand produced a drawing of a man he had only met four times; and created a perfect likeness of him at that? How could he know so well someone who still amounted to being little more than a stranger?

“He’s not my boyfriend.”

“Well, whoever he is, he’s handsome. Maybe he’s your dream man!” His colleague Jennifer leaned forward to get a better look at the drawing and then smiled at him. “You appear to have many hidden talents, Ianto.”

_Perhaps, but figuring out my own life is clearly not one of them_ , he thought grimly as he watched her walk towards her desk.

Still, Jack continued as a presence in his thoughts. It was as if he was the personification of all the lingering doubts he had about his past. He stood by what he had said to Jack on the phone; he did not want his memories to return. He did however wish that the mystery of Jack, and more importantly who Jack was to him could be resolved. All he really had to go on were suppositions and questions that were always carefully sidestepped. Even more importantly, while he was actively trying to let go of his past and move on with his life, he was not certain how to fit Jack and his developing friendship with him into it. A friendship with Jack would be a reminder of an unknown past. With Mark it was easy to look ahead, towards what the future might have in store for them.

Despite all of this, his thoughts kept turning to Jack and all the questions he raised. The recent trip to Rome had been a perfect example of his lingering confusion.

As Jack had predicted, Ianto had loved the ancient city. There were so many sights to visit, so many stunning foods and wines to taste, and an endless number of photographs to take. Mark had been to Rome before, so he had been an ideal tour guide for the long weekend. They spent the three days going around the usual sights, despite the sweltering heat.. They ate too much ice cream, debated the relative merits of having both pizza and pasta during the same meal and sampled a wide selection of Italian wines. Rather than staying at a hotel, they had rented a flat, and by the end of the weekend, their elderly landlady was in love with both men.

Every moment spent with Mark in Rome had been glorious. But there had been moments when they were apart – Mark going off to find a place to buy more water, while Ianto stayed behind to photograph a particularly obstinate cat – and Ianto found himself wondering what Jack would think of the shot he was taking. He had checked his phone to see if Jack had tried to call him, despite having told him that he would be out of the country. When he had returned to his flat after the trip, he had fought hard against the impulse to call Jack straight away.

They had of course spoken in the weeks since the holiday, but Jack always sounded busy and preoccupied. Each time they had not got far beyond the usual pleasantries before an ear-piercing alarm had erased all hopes of a proper conversation. Jack signing off with a rush of apologetic words always left Ianto wondering what it was exactly that he did for the government.

Returning from Rome, Ianto and Mark had resolved to take more holidays together. They both had plenty of time to take off from work and with their well-paid jobs they could easily afford the kind of excursions they were planning. Their discussions on where to go had been fun and full of light-hearted argument. As tempting as the trip sounded they had agreed they would need to be fitter before attempting the Vietnamese mountains by bike. They had debated going to Merimbula on the New South Wales coast, as Ianto wanted to learn how to surf. In the end they had picked two islands in Thailand so they could learn to dive, and hike through the rainforests. Mark had won the argument by pointing out the opportunities for Ianto to expand his portfolio of photographs. They would conquer Australia after Thailand.

Mark also wanted to take Ianto to America to meet his family. Ianto wondered at times whether he must feel homesick, living so far away from home. Although Mark never said so out right, Ianto suspected that he hoped to return to America at some point in the future.

All of their various plans, and the fun they had in making them, created a warm feeling in Ianto. It was oddly exhilarating to make plans as a couple. Granted, they were not particularly long term plans yet, as their trip to Thailand was booked for the following month, but it showed they each saw a future together. Moreover, they had both recently started saying ‘we’, which delighted Ianto. It never ceased to amaze him how good it felt to be so wanted by Mark and to want him back in equal measure. Things had changed since the opening night of his exhibition; as if by silent agreement they had taken the next step in their blossoming relationship.

Yet here he was, doodling at his desk and thinking about someone else when he would much rather have been thinking about the man he was falling in love with.

* * *

 

The following Saturday, Ianto lay sprawled on Mark’s bed, his head resting on his lover’s bare thigh. The remains of their breakfast lay on a tray next to him. Sinta was asleep in her basket in the corner of the room. Ianto was idly contemplating the advantages his current position granted him, while listening to Mark read from a newspaper:

“…His photos have a very special quality of lightness, as if the photographer has managed to transfer some of his own joy for living to his subjects. There is a certain freshness to his work, and it appears as though he is seeing the world anew. Whichever direction Ianto Lloyd’s photography goes from here, we warmly recommend that you keep an eye on this rising star.”

Mark folded the newspaper and dropped it on the floor. He bent down to kiss Ianto, wide grin on his face.

“Did you hear that? You’re a star!”

“I hardly think one review saying so makes it true.” Ianto pointed out, feeling his cheeks heat from the praise.

“Do you trust me?” Mark asked.

“Of course.”

“In that case, trust me when I tell you that you’re a star.” Mark leaned forward to claim another kiss.

“I walked right into that one, didn’t I?” Ianto chuckled.

“Yes, yes you did.” Mark laughed.

“Oh well.” Ianto shrugged, not feeling particularly worried by the turn of events.

”Now, what would you like to do today, my rising star?” Mark asked with a dramatic flourish. “We have the whole day ahead of us. Although having said that, I do have plans for us for this evening.”

“You do? What are we going to do?” Ianto was suddenly curious.

“You’ll have to wait and see.” Mark winked and gave him a mysterious smile.

“You have me intrigued now,” he chuckled, but allowed Mark to keep his secrets.

“So, what shall we do before then?” Mark prompted him.

“Well, we could go for a bike ride and then try that new Italian place for a late lunch. In the afternoon, provided that the weather stays nice, I’d quite like to take some photos of you and Sinta doing some more obedience work in the park, if that’s okay?”

“Of course.” Mark grinned. “As if you ever need to ask.”

“Just checking.” Ianto smiled.

“The first step would be to get up, I suppose,” Mark noted with slight reluctance.

“Indeed, but there is one thing I want to do first.” Ianto’s grin grew wicked.

“What?”

“This,” Ianto said as he took full advantage of his position.

Mark was right; he really was a rising star.

* * *

 

“So that Italian we had lunch in was excellent,” Mark declared. “Not as good as the food we had in Rome, but excellent nevertheless.”

They had collected Sinta and were now walking towards a secluded area of the park, which was perfect for obedience training and taking photographs with relatively few interruptions. Sinta was running around, chasing pigeons and bumblebees and generally showing how pleased she was to be outside with both Mark and Ianto.

“Agreed.” Ianto smiled. He glanced at his boyfriend and seemed to hesitate for a moment.

“What?”

“I was just thinking, you’re getting pretty good at cycling,” Ianto remarked. “Soon I’ll be struggling to keep up with you.”

“I don’t see that happening any time soon, but I must admit, I do enjoy it a great deal. I suspect it helps that I’m always following you and you do look great in your tight cycling gear. Especially from behind.” Mark grinned as Ianto’s eyes widened at the implications of his words.

“That explains why you seem to like staying behind me during the rides.” Ianto rolled his eyes.

“I just like to take my time admiring the view, that’s all.” Mark winked.

“Right, from now on you will be riding ahead of me!” Ianto retorted. “Can’t let you have all the fun, especially considering how much I appreciate good visuals.”

“Are you sure you can keep up with me?” Mark asked, attempting to look innocent.

“Didn’t I just demonstrate this morning that I have no trouble keeping up?” Ianto was determined to give as good as he got, literally.

“Perhaps we ought to do a bit more research in that area,” Mark suggested with a laugh. He pulled them to a stop so he could kiss Ianto, who seemed more than happy with the public display of affection.

“But being a bit more serious now, cycling wouldn’t be anywhere near as much fun if I was doing it on my own of course.” Mark continued.

“I know what you mean.” Ianto grinned, licking his lips after the kiss and trying to remember what it was he had meant to say. He hesitated again. “So I spotted an advert for a charity cycle ride that I thought we could attempt, if you wanted to?”

“Where, when et cetera?” Mark sounded interested.

“It’s the St Albans Charity Cycle Ride, in St Albans, obviously, and it takes place every May. The have routes of different lengths, but I thought we could aim to do the 40 mile route. It would give us something to train towards.”

It was Mark’s turn to glance at Ianto and he could not help a wide grin spreading across his face. Ianto saw this and looked intrigued.

“What?”

“You do realise that you suggested we do something together almost six months from now?” Mark clarified.

“And?” Ianto quirked an eyebrow.

“Well that implies that you see us still together six months from now.”

“Yes, I know. Why wouldn’t I?” Ianto frowned, confused.

“No reason, I’m just glad you think that way. I do too, you know.” Mark’s smile was a little shy.

“I’m glad we’re on the same page regarding our relationship,” Ianto grinned, grabbing Mark into a rough embrace and kissing him deeply.

“Me too,” Mark responded between kisses. “You have no idea how glad I am about that.”

It was Sinta’s bark and clambering at their legs that finally broke them apart with a laugh. As they wandered off Ianto’s arm casually came to rest across Mark’s shoulders and then slid down to his waist.

“Keep going, a little further down,” Mark growled in his ear. Ianto could hardly deny Mark his request, now could he?

* * *

Today was the day. The Rift looked calm and Jack could no longer think of a single reason to delay saying goodbye to Ianto. A few days earlier Tosh had given him her letter to Ianto, with the comment that he could not keep putting it off any longer. Her letter was now safely tucked in his leather jacket and he was ready to go, despite the struggle to get his feet moving.

Myfanwy had been restless all night, waking him just before dawn with low mournful crying. She remained unsettled throughout the morning, so Jack decided to let her out as he prepared to leave the Hub for London. She brushed her beak against his leather jacket, uncharacteristically affectionate with him in a way she had only ever been with Ianto. Jack frowned a little as he watched her hop to the edge of the aerie and spread her large wings. He hoped that exercise would make her feel better and that she would fly off some of her sadness. It was a risk letting her out during the day, but she was good at flying in high altitudes; at a casual glance she could be mistaken for a bird. To be on the safe side, Jack released her through one of the long tunnels leading out of Cardiff and opening into a cliff face further up the coast. Ianto had spent many an hour training her to fly in the tunnel and at times like this all his efforts paid off.

Jack stayed in the aerie long after Myfanwy had disappeared from sight, lost in his thoughts. Ianto had always taken such good care of the pteranodon. She had been pretty cranky and unpredictable when they had first brought her to the Hub, but under Ianto’s patient handling she had soon settled into her new home. Jack loved having her in the Hub, she was unique and simply brilliant, but it had been Ianto who treated her with true affection. For him, she was a beloved member of Torchwood and not just an impossible guard dog. Jack felt a little guilty about not having tried to forge a better bond with Myfanwy, especially now that Ianto was not coming back.

When he descended from the aerie, he found his whole team waiting for him with solemn expressions. His steps slowed and he felt strangely reluctant to close the distance between them.

“Good luck, Jack,” Tosh was the one to speak for everyone. “Today is not going to be easy, but we want you to know that we understand what you are sacrificing. We’ll be here for you, all of us, when you get back.”

“Thanks guys.” Jack did his best to force his features into a smile. “I really appreciate it. I guess I’ll see you later.”

With a nod and another attempted smile he walked past the team and headed for the garage. Throughout the drive he did his best to think about anything except the ache inside him and what was coming. The only comfort he found was in knowing that he was doing the right thing for Ianto.

He was on the outskirts of London when his phone rang. He checked the screen, and seeing who it was he clicked on his comms unit.

“Gwen?”

“Umm, we have a problem,” she sounded nervous and unusually hesitant.

“Go on.” Jack frowned.

“I went to let Myfanwy back in, but she was nowhere to be seen. She hasn’t come back so Tosh checked the satellite feeds for Wales and spotted her heading out of Cardiff.”

“Heading in which direction?” Jack asked with a growing sense of dread.

“Towards London, Jack, she is heading straight for central London. We can see her on the feeds. Why London? Is she trying to find Ianto?” Gwen’s voice trembled with panic.

Jack uttered a long string of curses, some of which caused Gwen to blush. Pieces were suddenly falling into place in his mind. Myfanwy’s moodiness after Ianto had left had only lifted slightly after Jack had been to see him in London for the first time. The way she had been spending longer outside and venturing further from the Hub than she had done in the past. Had he not wondered months earlier whether she might be looking for Ianto in her own way? The affectionate greetings he had received every time he had returned from visiting Ianto. The pteranodon’s restlessness that morning when he had emerged from his office dressed in the now familiar leather jacket. Her eagerness to be let out right before he headed for London.

“Gwen, get everyone on the comms,” he ordered, thinking furiously.

“We’re all here, Jack,” Owen said, deadly serious.

“We need to figure out how she knows where to go and why she had chosen today of all the days. Anyone else noticed Myfanwy acting strange recently?”

“Well,” Tosh hesitated, “she did come to greet me the morning after the exhibition. She doesn’t usually do that, but I was so busy thinking about Ianto and the night before that I didn’t really pay much attention to her.”

“She was very affectionate with me when I got to the Hub after dropping you off,” Jack recalled straight away. “In fact, I had to bribe her with chocolate just to get away from her. She seemed particularly interested in the signed print Ianto gave me. Tosh, could she have recognised him in the picture?”

“I doubt it,” she replied. “It’s far more likely that she could smell Ianto on you.”

“But how?” Jack snapped. “There were a hundred other people in the room and I never even touched him!”

“There must be something special about you…” Tosh trailed off, furiously typing as she continued to speak: “I’m running an environmental analysis of the Hub when you returned from the exhibition. Perhaps there were chemicals in the air that she reacted to.” She sounded distracted, like there was something she should have figured out by now.

“While you’re doing that, Owen, how does she know where to go? Run a satellite image matching or something to map her flight patterns during the past few months. Perhaps that will tell us something new about what she has been up to.”

“She was moody after Ianto left,” Gwen said thoughtfully. “Her behaviour only changed once you got back and found Ianto.”

“Yes,” Tosh exclaimed. “That’s it! You Jack, you’re the answer. It’s your 51st century pheromones that she is reacting to! You spent a lot of time with Ianto in the Hub out of hours and I bet you anything Myfanwy could smell Ianto’s scent on you. When you got back and found Ianto gone, your chemical signature would have been subtly different. It changed back when you found Ianto in London.

“She was probably able to smell Ianto on you, particularly as you mostly wore that same leather jacket when you were around him, but I suspect she reacted even more to the changes in your pheromone levels. And since I spent so many hours in the car with you before and after we were at the exhibition, some of the scent would have transferred on to me too. That’s why she reacted to me the way she did the morning after."

“Yes, that makes sense,” Jack acknowledged. “So she knows that we went to see Ianto, but how does she know where we went?”

Right on cue, Owen swore.

“What?” Jack urged him.

“The reason she now knows where to go is because she’s done it before.”

“What?!” Jack spluttered.

“The night of the exhibition. Jack, she followed you and Tosh all the way to London and back. I have the satellite feed to prove it. She got in a bit before you drove into the garage, so she was right on time to greet you when you entered the Hub.”

“Why didn’t she try to seek out Ianto that night? He did go out for a while, Tosh was with him for some of the time.”

“Perhaps she didn’t venture quite close enough. She might have been content to follow your car to London and then explore the city while you were at the party.”

“But why did she pick that night to follow us?” Jack demanded.

“It might again have something to do with your pheromones, Jack,” Owen speculated. “You would have been pretty emotional that day. Think about it, you had helped Ianto organise something hugely important to him and you were going to be there to witness him in the spotlight. At the same time, you were also going to meet Ianto’s boyfriend, your rival for Ianto’s affection. And Tosh was going to have a chance to talk to Ianto for the first time since he left Torchwood. Your pheromones will have been keyed into your feelings for Ianto.”

“The chemical analysis confirms it, Jack,” Tosh agreed. “Your pheromone signature that day was very distinctive. In fact, there is only one other day that matches the level of pheromones you were producing on the day of the exhibition.”

“And when was that other day?” Jack asked impatiently.

“This morning.”

“I guess that explains why she chose today as the day to find Ianto,” Owen noted dryly.

“Besides, who’s to say that Myfanwy isn’t slightly empathic?” Tosh pointed out. “Your emotions have been pretty up and down since you’ve been back and it isn’t a great jump to think that she could have picked up on that. You have made a huge decision and were about to act on it today. I wouldn’t be surprised if all of us, Myfanwy included, are unconsciously reacting to the changes in your pheromone levels and the changes in your moods. You are our leader after all.”

“How could I have been so stupid?” Jack slammed his fist against the steering wheel. Pain flared in his hand but he barely felt it.

He floored the accelerator and the car shot forward. Behind him, he saw lights begin flashing and he let out more curses. He could hear the sirens, which only made him push the car to higher speeds.

“We’re speeding towards a major disaster. Myfanwy is clearly determined to find Ianto, whether he likes it or not. Owen, get your ass to London as soon as possible. Coming by car is too slow, so I want you to commandeer a helicopter either from the police or the army. I don’t really care how you do it, just make it happen. Oh, and bring retcon. Lots and lots of retcon. There are going to be a shitload of people who need to forget what they are about to see.

“Gwen, I want you to contact UNIT. Tell them that we have a situation heading towards London but that we are handling it. Make it clear that they are not to interfere under any circumstances and order them to keep the London police out of it as well. This is Torchwood problem and Torchwood is going to handle it our way. Oh, and get the Highway Patrol off my tail right away. I may be speeding, but I’m not about to stop so they can hand me a ticket for it.

“Tosh, you need to do damage control online. The internet is going to be full of videos of a flying dinosaur. I want you to find as many of those entries as you can, delete it and then hack into whatever device uploaded it and erase all traces of such footage. Gwen, once you are done with UNIT, help Tosh. I’d rather not have evidence of Myfanwy’s existence available online. Oh, and lose the satellite images showing her as well. Check every satellite that might have been recording over Europe today, commercial or otherwise, and lose it all. It won’t be subtle or pretty, but in this case I’ll take whatever I can get.”

“We’ll get right on it.” Owen acknowledged the orders curtly.

“So, every thing I’ve just said is all well and good, but it’s just the tip of the ice berg. We need a cover story to deal with all the people who will see Myfanwy but may not openly indicate that they have done so. It’s an awful lot of distance she’s going to be covering, and she’ll cover it twice since she is eventually going to come back home. I hope. Any thoughts, people?”

A moment of silence followed as they all considered Jack’s words.

“Let’s set up a news story about sighting a flying dinosaur,” Tosh suggested.

“How would that help?” Jack queried, sounding puzzled.

“If we doctor some footage of Myfanwy to make it look fake and then release it as authentic, people will discover it’s fake. Then we’ll mock up an interview where an embarrassed news anchor confesses that they were duped and that the footage was fake all along. That will discredit any videos of Myfanwy online that I can’t delete for whatever reason.”

“I know a couple of actors locally,” Gwen said. “No doubt they’d be willing to help for a fee. We should be able to use the logo of one of the local news stations since it will basically be free publicity for them, if we say the whole things is meant to be a huge prank. There’ll be some retconning involved at the end of the day, but I don’t suppose we were ever going to avoid that.”

“But what about the people who will see Myfanwy flying for real?” Jack prompted them.

“She’s going to be flying pretty high to make the most of the air currents,” Owen speculated. “The atmospheric reports indicate that there is a wind blowing on a higher altitude towards London from the Irish Sea this afternoon. I expect she is going to be taking advantage of that since it’s a long way for her to fly, even if she has done it before. Why don’t we include in the mocked up news report something about a Welsh bloke making his microlight plane look like a dinosaur, which in turn prompted some kids to fake the flying dinosaur video?”

“I like that,” Jack agreed. “Gwen, you’re going to need someone to play the part of that pilot as well.”

“That shouldn’t be a problem,” she replied. “I guess we can just show a picture of a microlight plane that vaguely looks like a pterodactyl. That should be easy to achieve on Photoshop.”

“What about London? If Myfanwy lands anywhere, we’re going to have to deal with crowds of people.”

“I recently hacked into the intranet of a Japanese robotics company,” Tosh admitted. “They make pretty convincing robots these days. If we can keep people from getting too close to Myfanwy, maybe we could pass her off as a robot prototype. Like an advanced version of the ones you see in dinosaur theme parks, with more functionality and a rudimentary AI. We could set it up as a sneak preview somewhere in London to test people’s reactions ahead of a big launch. There could be champagne and soft drinks, which would make slipping people retcon pretty effortless.”

“Why were you hacking a Japanese robotics company?” Owen jumped in.

“I was bored one day and I had watched Terminator 2 the night before, which made me feel a little paranoid,” she confessed, a little sheepish. “I just wanted to check they couldn’t really make robots like the T-1000.”

“You so need to get out more…” Instead of snarky, Owen’s comment sounded unusually reflective.

“Anyway…” Jack’s stern tone returned them to the task at hand. “I like your thinking, Tosh. Can you make a short promo clip for the robot Myfanwy? We need some supplies for that to work. Gwen, when you contact UNIT about this, see if you can arrange a car to meet Owen when he lands in London. Ask them to bring a few crates of champagne, an assortment of soft drinks, plastic cups, some folding tables, a screen and projector, and something we can use to cordon off an area for Myfanwy. Tell UNIT that we’ll naturally reimburse them for all the expenditure incurred straight away. Tosh can authorise a funds transfer in my absence.”

“Noted,” Gwen replied.

“Good, but Gwen, focus on the interview. We don’t have a great deal of time to sort this mess out.”

“Okay.”

“This of course assumes that Myfanwy does land somewhere. If we’re really, really lucky she won’t find Ianto and she’ll just return straight back to Cardiff.”

“Are you feeling lucky?” Owen asked, unconvinced by Jack’s optimism.

“Not particularly,” Jack admitted. “But who knows, stranger things have happened. Now, you’ve all got plenty to do, so let’s get to it, folks!”

“What are you going to do?” Gwen asked.

“Get to London as fast as I can and do the only thing I can do – try to keep Ianto and Myfanwy as far away from one another as possible.”

* * *

Ianto, Mark and Sinta had finished their photo shoot and were heading through the park towards Mark’s flat. The men were holding hands and Sinta was trotting ahead of them, investigating interesting smells but never venturing far. Ianto had noticed Mark gradually becoming tense throughout the afternoon, although he appeared to be trying to hide it. He was both concerned and a little curious, and his first conclusion was to assume that his lover’s behaviour had something to do with his secret plans for the evening. Still, he could not help being curious and decided to question Mark about it.

“Something wrong Mark?” Ianto stopped and cupped his lover’s cheek.

“What do you mean?” Mark asked, not quite meeting his eyes.

“Do you want to tell me why you’ve become so nervous?” Ianto smiled gently.

Mark swallowed and looked like he was furiously trying to come up with an answer. Fortunately for him, he was saved by Ianto’s phone ringing. Ianto checked the caller id and his heart jumped.

“Hi Jack.”

“Ianto, hey,” Jack sounded rushed and Ianto could hear squealing tyres in the background.

“Where are you?”

“At the park with Mark and Sinta.”

“Shit.”

“What’s going on?” Ianto asked frowning.

“Do you trust me?”

“Yes,” Ianto responded immediately, not even pausing to consider Jack’s question.

“Then I need you to do as I ask and get yourselves indoors as soon as you can. It doesn’t matter whether you go to yours or Mark’s, just get yourself inside. And don’t come out, not until I call you to say that it’s safe to do so.”

“But why?” Mark frowned at Ianto’s confusion and raised an eyebrow in silent query. Ianto could only shrug in response.

“Please don’t ask me, because I can’t tell you.” Jack’s voice was firm. “But it’s really important. Please, just trust me on this, get yourself inside.”

“Okay, we’ll go straight away,” Ianto agreed, although a little hesitant.

“Good. Thank you.” It was the relief in Jack’s voice that finally convinced Ianto to do as he was being asked. “And text me when you are safely inside.”

“Okay,” Ianto promised. Through the phone, he heard a car door slamming. The change in Jack’s breathing together with the sound of heavy footsteps led Ianto to conclude that he was running. On an impulse he glanced around the park, but Jack was nowhere to be seen.

“Thanks,” Jack said and ended the call.

“What’s going on?” It was Mark’s turn to ask the question as Ianto put his phone away.

“Jack told us to get inside as quickly as possible. He didn’t explain anything at all, just said to stay inside until he tells us it’s safe to come out.”

“Well, my place is closer, so I guess we better hurry.” Mark was baffled by the urgent orders, but he was not about to put any of them at risk simply because he was confused. He trusted Ianto, and he in turn seemed to trust Jack.

“I guess so.” Ianto shrugged as they increased their speed.

They had covered half the distance to Mark’s home when they heard the first mournful screech. The wild, impossibly ancient sound froze Ianto’s limbs and made him stop. His eyes automatically turned towards the sky. He heard another screech. He knew that call, he had heard it before, and it sent a tremor through his body. He had missed that sound, he had missed _her_.

“Ianto?” Mark asked, puzzled as to why Ianto had suddenly stopped.

A shadow passed over them and Sinta began barking furiously, determined to defend her men.

“What the hell is that?” Mark exclaimed, pointing at the sky when the shadow slid over them again.

Ianto's eyes widened when he saw the flying creature circling overhead. His thoughts flashed back to the drawing he had made months ago and he knew that it was this specific creature he had drawn. He wondered how he could possibly know such a thing.

“My...” he whispered, unable to tear his eyes away from the majesty of a scene that felt so familiar

The flying creature banked low, scanning the ground and then called again. Ianto knew that call was meant for him.

“Your what?” Mark asked, voice high with panic.

The reptile had spotted an open space a little further away and with unexpected grace she landed there. She turned to look in their direction, opened her beak and let out a plaintive screech.

“Not mine,” Ianto muttered. “My... Myfanwy!”

A terrible pain lanced through Ianto’s brain. He ignored it as he started to run. His mind was spinning and he saw that Captain Jack Harkness had arrived, as if on cue, and was also running. Ianto reached Myfanwy in no time and stepped close to her without hesitation. She buried her beak against his chest, just as she had done so often in the past, and used her wings to gently keep him close. Ianto let out a strangled sob and crumpled into her embrace.

Jack had stopped next to Myfanwy and he was looking at the pair of them with uncharacteristic fear. His expression was echoed on Mark’s face, as he too came to stand next to them.

A single tear slid down Ianto's face as he spoke:

“I remember everything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More author’s notes: Well, there we have it. My question is, did anyone see that coming? I’ve been quietly setting that up for quite some time now. Ianto was of course always going to get his memories back and it only took me 14 chapters to get there. Now onwards to the major fallout. The next chapter is rather aptly named ‘Fairytale of Lies’.


	15. Fairytale of Lies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood.
> 
> Author’s note: Another long one… I swear these chapters are going to get shorter. Maybe. Possibly. Eventually. Thank you again for all the interest shown in this story, I’m rather blown away by it all. :)
> 
> Special thanks to Gmariam for her help with the first draft. Your comments and advice is always greatly appreciated!
> 
> Last, but definitely not least, a huge thanks to Darcy58 for his continued efforts on this story. I wish I could include some of his comments on the final version posted here. Then again… *evil grin*

Fairytale of Lies

Silence hung in the air between the three men. The only sounds to be heard were Myfanwy’s low keening and Sinta’s uncertain growling. After uttering his heart rending words, Ianto had turned his face against Myfanwy’s neck while he tried to compose himself and process the three years’ worth of memories now crowding his mind. The solitary tear he had shed glistened where it had landed on her cheek. 

The familiar weight of Myfanwy’s bony crest resting on his shoulder was a reminder of similar quiet moments shared in the past. Her wings were shielding him from the rest of the world and for a moment he wished he could stay there forever. Pieces of the puzzle that had been his life were falling into place faster than he could process and yet he was not sure that the pieces now fitted what his life had become.

“Ianto?” Jack stepped closer, staying just outside the circle of Myfanwy’s wings.

At the sound of his name, Ianto turned to look at him. Jack watched as he struggled to rearrange his features into his old expressionless façade. He tried, but it was as if the mask would no longer fit. Seeing Ianto attempt to revert to hiding his emotions added another layer to Jack’s growing concern.

“Ianto,” Jack whispered,” I never meant any of this…”

“Doesn’t matter now, does it?” Ianto interrupted him, an edge of bitterness colouring his words.

He was still hugging Myfanwy and drawing comfort from their closeness. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Mark shift uncomfortably. Sinta strained against her tight lead alternating between growling and whimpering. Mark looked pale, his eyes wide as he stared at his lover and the creature before him. Ianto turned so that he could see them better, and Myfanwy let out a warning hiss. He ran a hand down her neck, and she settled.

“What is that thing?” Mark asked, his voice faltering from both awe and fear.

“What do you think it is?” Jack spoke impatiently, a little annoyed that Mark was there when he wished he could be alone with Ianto. “It’s a goddamn dinosaur!”

“Actually, I think you’ll find that _she_ is a prehistoric reptile and not a dinosaur.” Ianto’s tone was notably chilly. As an after thought, he added: “Sir.”

“Sir?” Mark asked, incredulous. 

“Ianto used to work for me.”

“Among other things.” Ianto let out a hollow laugh. He turned to face his boyfriend fully, laying his hands on Myfanwy’s beak and neck to keep her calm. “Look, you should take Sinta home. I know this is all kinds of confusing but Myfanwy has flown a long way to get here, and she may start eyeing Sinta as a potential snack.”

“Are you going to be okay?” Mark hesitated, feeling very reluctant to leave Ianto alone with the impossible reptile and his former boss-among-other-things. He too was surprised about the change that had come over Ianto. His usually open and expressive boyfriend now looked like an empty shell. He could not fathom how the return of his memories could have caused such a rapid change.

“I’ll be fine.” Ianto’s laugh was entirely devoid of mirth, which spoke volumes about the untruthfulness of his words. “I’ll call you later.”

Part of Mark wanted to argue, but he trusted Ianto, so he nodded his assent. There was clearly a lot for Ianto to deal with and he did not want to complicate things further. While he felt some disappointment that his plans for the evening were unlikely to go ahead, he recognised he needed to step back and allow Ianto time to deal with his new circumstances.

“I’ll cancel the plans for tonight,” he offered, “and if you need me for anything call me. Anything at all.”

“Thank you, I think that’s probably best, this is going to take a while.” Ianto agreed. For a moment, the mask he was trying to hide behind slipped and his eyes showed the confusion he was feeling. With genuine concern in his voice, he added: “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” Mark said with obvious affection, and then frowned at the way Ianto’s lips twisted ironically at his words.

“As I said, I’ll call you later.” 

After a brief hesitation, keeping his hand still on Myfanwy’s beak, he stepped forward and kissed Mark. Their lips lingered together, the contact lasting just long enough for Mark to catch Ianto’s ragged sob. Then Ianto smiled a little, the man Mark knew and loved hidden once more behind unreadable features, and turned his attention back to the pteranodon. 

Mark pulled Sinta away, stemming her continued growling with soothing remarks as they headed off toward home. He glanced over his shoulder every few steps as he pushed through the crowd of people that were gathering to stare at the impossible sight. Ianto was still holding onto the creature, while Jack hovered nearby, his body language a mixture of possessiveness and uncertainly. As he left the park, Mark wondered whether anything could ever be the same again.

While Ianto was watching Mark and Sinta leave the park, Jack turned away to get an update from his team.

“Owen, where are you?”

“I’ve just landed in London and UNIT has sent a car to meet me at the airfield. They’re also sending some back-up for us. Cheers for that, by the way, Gwen. My ETA at your location at the current level of traffic is half an hour.”

“You can have fifteen minutes,” Jack replied.

“Incidentally, I brought the dinosaur net with me, together with everything we need to sedate and restrain Myfanwy. I reckoned the easiest way to get her back to Cardiff will be by car.”

“Good thinking, thanks Owen,” Jack acknowledged.

Tosh’s voice, full of concern, came across the comms. Jack could hear the frantic clicking of her keyboard as she worked while worrying about her friend. “Have you found her? Did you get Ianto out of the way?” 

“Let’s just say that things here have gone straight from bad to nuclear. If I tell you that Ianto is currently cuddling Myfanwy, I’m sure you can get the picture.”

“Shit,” Owen and Tosh swore in unison.

“Pretty much my thoughts exactly,” Jack agreed.

While they were talking, Jack turned in a slow circle with his phone in hand and recorded a video of the crowd that was growing ever larger. He sent it straight to the Hub using their secure connection.

“Tosh, I’m sending you footage of the people at the park. Run them through every possible facial recognition software you can think of. I want every last one of these people identified and retconned.”

“At this rate we might as well poison London’s water supplies,” Owen muttered.

“That’s a little extreme, so let’s leave that as the last resort and focus on fixing this without eight million people losing their memories.”

“UNIT is decidedly unhappy about this situation, but they are willing to offer us what ever we need,” Gwen reported. “Their support crew is organised and should be with you about the same time as Owen.”

“Good. How is the mock interview coming along?”

“I’m just about to head out with my actor friends and a camera man I talked into helping us with this ‘prank’. Give us an hour, and we’ll be able to post something online.”

“I’ve created the fake dinosaur flying video, as well as some microlight dinosaur plane stills. So they are ready when Gwen is,” Tosh added.

“Brilliant, keep at it. And Owen, get here as fast as you can!”

“Working on it!”

Jack clicked the comms off and turned to see Mark gone. Ianto was hugging Myfanwy again and seemed to deliberately avoid looking at him. He strode closer, glaring at the reptile.

“I told you time and time again not to venture away from Cardiff, you bag of bones!” he snapped. It felt good to channel his fear and apprehension into anger.

Myfanwy hissed at him, and Jack had to step back to avoid being hit as she lashed out with her beak. He noted that even though Myfanwy was angry, she was careful not to hurt Ianto while she made her displeasure towards Jack abundantly clear.

“Jack, back off,” Ianto defended her.

“She’s the reason we’re in this mess in the first place!”

“No, she’s not.” Ianto countered. “She wasn’t to know that I had lost my memories and didn’t want them back, now was she?”

“I’m sorry, you’re right.” Jack said, his anger draining away at Ianto’s words.

Ianto nodded an acknowledgement to the apology and then stepped back from Myfanwy. Placing a hand on her wing, he spoke in a calm tone: “Come on, let’s settle you in the shade so you can have a rest after your long flight.”

Myfanwy followed him tamely, her hops clumsy now that she was on the ground. As they moved, Ianto spoke to her in a low voice, but Jack could not catch the individual words. Once under a large oak tree Ianto gently guided her to lie down. She settled easily under Ianto’s confident handling; content to rest in the shade and watch the man for whom she had flown so very far. 

Giving her an affectionate pat, Ianto took a few steps back. Jack was slow to approach and this time he knew not to get too close to Myfanwy.

“Jack, Owen is nearly there,” Tosh said through the comms. 

“Good.”

For the first time, Jack and Ianto had a chance to properly take each other in. Now that the time for hiding was over, Jack felt naked and exposed as Ianto looked him up and down. His expression gave away nothing about what was going on in his mind. Jack could feel Ianto building walls between them as if he was turning back into the man he had been at Torchwood. If everything Ianto had become, if all the happiness he had found was lost forever, Jack would never be able to forgive himself. He knew too, with certainty, that Ianto would not forgive him.

“Seems you came back after all,” Ianto remarked.

“Yeah, I did.”

Ianto nodded, fingers tucking at the hem of his t-shirt, his posture stiff and formal.

“Why are you here?” Ianto asked suddenly.

“What do you mean?” Jack frowned.

“Why did you keep coming to London? I could understand the first brief encounter, as you were probably checking to see whether I had taken the retcon I said I would, but why return after that? Why didn’t you just stay away?”

“Because I didn’t know how,” Jack responded. “Because I needed to see whether you were okay. Because I was selfish and thought that maybe I could at least become a friend.”

“At the risk of triggering my memories?”

“Yes, even at the risk of triggering your memories,” Jack said and looked away. “I know you left partly because of me, but I thought things might be different once I was back. I thought, perhaps wrongly, that you might still want me to be a part of your life. But after the opening night of your exhibition I realised that I couldn’t do it. I wanted all of you, and that was getting in the way of you and Mark. And you seem so happy. So I was coming here today to say goodbye and see you one last time.”

Ianto paled at his words and clearly struggled to maintain his mask of indifference. 

“You were really going to let me go?” There was a hint of disbelief in Ianto’s voice.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean, why?” Jack frowned.

“The Jack I knew from before would simply have taken what he wanted, which makes me wonder, what was in it for you?”

“Nothing” Jack said quietly.

“I don’t understand.” It was Ianto’s turn to frown.

“There was nothing in it for me, other than knowing that you would be safe and happy,” Jack explained, pain evident in his eyes.

“I’m not sure I believe you,” Ianto said slowly. “You’ve not exactly been truthful in the past, but then again, neither have I. You lied to me and the rest of the team. I lied to myself and to you. I wiped the slate clean and built a new life on a scaffold of lies about my past. You showed up with a fresh set of lies. Is any of this real?

“I’m real. So are you.”

“That’s the problem Jack, I don’t know which me and which you are the real ones.” 

Ianto turned his attention to the resting pteranodon, and considered her for some time.

“Where does Myfanwy fit into it all?” he finally asked.

“I was careless,” Jack admitted. “I guess I got so caught up in my own emotions that I didn’t see how much she missed you. I hadn’t realised that she could smell you on me, that she was so sensitive to the changes in my pheromone composition and I certainly never imagined that she would actually follow me all the way to London. If I had, I would never have let her out before leaving.” 

“And Mark, was he just a plant to keep an eye on me, while you bided your time?” Jack winced at the bitterness of Ianto’s words.

“What? No! I had nothing to do with Mark entering your life. He is just someone you met and fell for, and who fell for you.” 

The ice in Ianto’s eyes thawed a fraction at this. He looked thoughtful, unconsciously turning in the direction Mark and Sinta had taken. 

“Mark has nothing to do with Torchwood,” he whispered to himself, a little relieved.

“I’m truly sorry, Ianto,” Jack said. He stepped closer and rested his hand on Ianto’s shoulder. He could feel the warmth through the thin fabric and resisted the temptation to slide his hand down Ianto’s arm. “Having your memories back will probably change things.”

“This is not the time or the place to talk about that,” Ianto replied abruptly. He took a small step to his left to free himself of Jack’s touch.

“Why not?”

“For a multitude of reasons, but largely because Owen’s speeding towards us.”

Jack turned to see a pair of black SUVs approaching them across the park, completely disregarding the footpaths and the outraged pedestrians. The lead car sounded its horn several times to clear a path through the gathering crowds. Before it had screeched to a halt, a door was flung open and Owen leapt from the passenger seat.

“Ianto, good to see you, mate.” Owen clapped him on the shoulder as he came to a halt next to them. Without waiting for a response, he addressed Jack: “So shall we get this mess sorted?”

“Yes, let’s. Did you get everything we needed?” Jack asked.

“The second car is full of stuff, so I think so. They’ve even included a small, easy to set up marquee for us to prepare the drinks in. People are far easier to drug if they’re not aware that we’re trying to drug them. The dinosaur net’s in the back.”

“So, anyone want to catch me up on the plan?” Ianto interjected, suddenly all business.

It was Owen who responded. “The cover story is that Myfanwy is a prototype for a dinosaur robot, which is going to be launched in London later this year. Basically, a UK-based firm has been working on more believable exhibits for a prehistoric theme park, and she is the jewel of the collection.”

“Tosh’s idea, I suppose?” 

“No change there, mate” Owen chuckled “Seriously, that girl needs to get out more. Saw something in a movie, hacked into a Japanese Robotics company and here we are.”

Ianto smiled with real warmth “Still thinking outside the box then. Don’t suppose you’ve done anything to help her get out more?” 

“Yeah, right, thanks for that Tea-boy,” Owen grumbled “anyway, moving on. Our robotic dinosaur has improved functionality and also possesses a rudimentary AI, which is why she is so lifelike. We are doing market research and wanted to see how a small selection of the public might react to her without knowing what she is from the start. To celebrate this lovely event, we are serving everyone free drinks, complete with a secret retcon ingredient.”

Jack, who had been silently watching the interaction, could not help but notice how Ianto had lowered some of his defensive walls when bantering with Owen, allowing glimpses of the new Ianto shine through. It seemed Ianto became guarded and difficult to read only when his focus was on Jack.

Ianto listened to Owen’s explanation intently before turning to Jack. “What do you need me to do first?”

“Why don’t you cordon off the area immediately around Myfanwy? She is less likely to make a fuss if it’s you working near her. We don’t want people getting close enough to realise that she is in fact real.” Jack turned to Owen.

“Get the marquee up and start shifting the crates of drinks inside. I’ll set up the tables and the projector screen. Oh, and get those guys from UNIT to help, we need to do this quickly before people drift off.”

They all got to work on their tasks, effortlessly falling into the patterns of working together. If any of them noticed how easy it was to work as a team once more, they made no comment on it. More than once, however, Jack thought he saw a great deal of sadness in Ianto’s eyes even as he moved around the pteranodon with confidence. 

Once everything was set up, Jack started the projector, and Tosh’s hastily prepared clip appeared on the screen. While Jack stayed by the screen, ready to talk to people, Owen and Ianto started preparing retcon laced drinks for the crowd. As the video clip featuring a talking Myfanwy began to play, people became more interested. Many had been milling around, watching events unfold, and they began hesitantly coming closer. Jack and Owen wore their most charming smiles and began handing out the drinks, cheerfully gushing about their robot prototype. Soon large queues were forming, and Ianto was kept busy for a time pouring drinks at the required pace.

While people were sipping their drinks and staring at Myfanwy, Ianto took their photographs, so that Tosh could keep track of who had already been retconned. Jack could not afford to be choosy when a few came back for another free drink, which meant some were drugged a bit too thoroughly. The most important thing, in his mind, was to contain the damage as soon and as far as possible.

At one hectic point of the operation, Ianto rushed from his photography duty to prepare a new supply of retcon drinks. Seeing Owen’s case lying open on a small table in the marquee with the bags of retcon it contained, he glanced over his shoulder to where Jack and Owen were stationed. Both men were fully engrossed in pushing their drinks on to as many people as possible and neither was looking toward him. Seizing the opportunity, he discreetly pocketed a bag of retcon.

A little later Ianto paused to catch his breath and following an impulse he pulled his phone out to text Mark:

_‘This will sound strange, but if anyone comes to you and offers you anything to eat or drink, don’t accept it. Please trust me on this. I’m afraid this is all taking much longer than I expected. I’ll call you tomorrow. I xx’_

His phone buzzed almost immediately with Mark’s reply:

_‘You’re right, that does sound strange, but okay. Of course I trust you. I’m here for you if you need anything. M xx’_

Eventually the crowds started dispersing, many people already yawning, due to the sedative they had been given. It was time for the big finish, in other words they needed to remove Myfanwy from the park.

Jack retrieved Owen’s dinosaur sedation kit from the SUV and began pulling out everything they would need for containing her. He motioned to the UNIT officers standing nearby and they spread the heavy net out on the grass. While he kept half an eye on them, Jack measured out the correct dose of sedative.

“Jack…” Ianto started to protest, but he was silenced with an impatient wave.

Jack slipped under the rope separating the pteranodon from the few remaining stragglers and strode closer, a large metal syringe in his hand.

”Time for a nap, Myfanwy.”

As Jack got closer, Myfanwy pulled herself up from the crouching position she had been in and shook her wings. She hissed in defiance and took an unsteady hop towards Ianto, who was slowly approaching them.

“Don’t give me that, you over-sized chicken. You’re Going Home.” Jack snapped.

“Leave her alone, Jack,” Ianto intervened, taking the syringe from him and going to Myfanwy’s side.

“We need to get her out of London!”

“And you think that being mean to her is going to achieve that?” Ianto glared at him for a moment, before running a soothing hand up and down Myfanwy’s neck. He leaned closer to her and whispered something. She responded by making a sound that was almost a purr, and he pressed a gentle kiss at the base of her cranial crest. With Myfanwy now calm, Ianto carefully inserted the needle into her neck and gradually released the tranquiliser into her blood stream. As the sedative began to take effect, he eased her to the ground and sat down next to her. He arranged her head onto his lap and, murmuring softly, stroked her neck until her eyes closed. Only when she was definitely asleep did he indicate that Jack should approach.

“Get the stethoscope; I want to check her vitals.” Ianto ordered and Jack found himself obeying.

“As you can see ladies and gentlemen,” Owen spoke to the remaining people to distract their attention away from Myfanwy, “our dinosaur robot is so lifelike we need to sedate it to transport it back to our company’s Jurassic Park. We all hope that you have enjoyed this little sneak preview of the coolest theme park ever built and hope that you will consider visiting us once we are open to the public. In the meanwhile, I do believe we have a couple of bottles of champagne left and they need finishing off. Who’s up for a refill?” 

Those people who were still around all cheered and clapped. Happy to keep their attention on him, Owen grinned and took a bow. He then opened the remaining bottles of champagne and motioned for people to bring their glasses closer.

“What did you say to her?” Jack asked when he returned with the stethoscope, a little sheepish at the ease with which Ianto had calmed and then sedated Myfanwy.

“Whatever it was, clearly it did the trick,” he responded coolly. He then pointedly turned his back to Jack and focused on making sure that Myfanwy had not suffered any ill effects from the tranquiliser. Satisfied that she was fine and fully sedated, he motioned the UNIT officers to come closer so that they could move her. They silently followed his instructions on how to handle the unusual creature. Jack did his share of the heavy lifted, but he had a feeling Ianto was deliberately ignoring him in favour of Myfanwy.

Ianto arranged her comfortably in the back of the SUV, taking his time to ensure that her wings were folded properly and that she would not move around too much during transit. Finally satisfied that he had done everything he could for her, he took off his thin jacket and placed it by her head, so that even in her sleep his scent would comfort her. He kissed her warm cheek and then clambered out of the car, closing the door quietly behind him. Casting one last worried glance at Myfanwy through the window, he returned to the marquee to help Owen with the remaining drinks.

“Jack, the first news item reporting a flying dinosaur has been online for about an hour” Tosh confirmed through the comms. “People are already posting proof that the video is a fake. We think we’ll give it another two hours before releasing the second interview.”

“Sounds good, thanks Tosh.”

“No problem, let me know if you need anything further.”

While Jack was talking to Tosh, Owen took advantage of the lull in people approaching them and rested his hand on Ianto’s arm.

“I’m sorry, Ianto,” he said quietly.

“What for?” Ianto asked, looking puzzled.

“For everything. For you getting your memories back, when you clearly wanted to move on with your life. For not doing more to stop Jack from intruding again. For the way we - I - behaved before you left. Hell, I’m even sorry for calling you Jack’s part-time shag. I never realised how much you meant to each other.”

“Apology accepted.” Ianto smiled and for a moment Owen saw the man he had become, the unguarded photographer in love with life.

“You should know that we all miss you,” Owen continued, feeling unusually emotional. “And I don’t mean that we miss your coffee or the Hub being tidy, or any of the other thousand things you did for us that we all always took for granted. We miss _you_. I miss you: your dry wit, the way you always seem to have an answer ready for every eventuality, your compassion, the way you were always _there_ , a steady presence in the Hub.” 

Ianto looked as though he was surprised by Owen’s words but was stayed from interrupting by a raised hand. 

“And I’m not saying this to get you to come back. I just think it’s important that you know that you have been sorely missed. And if you decide not to come back, we will continue to feel your absence. We may find someone to do some of your old jobs, but we can never replace _you_.”

Touched by his words, Ianto drew Owen into a hug. The embrace was truly affectionate in keeping with the sincerity of Owen’s words. When they pulled apart, Ianto held onto Owen’s forearms.

“Thank you,” he whispered, blinking back tears. “Thank you, Owen.”

Owen merely nodded; no further words were required. He then turned to offer the final glasses of champagne to a couple of stragglers. Ianto started placing the empty bottles back in the crates for ease of disposal, while he got his composure back.

Jack had watched the scene unfold from a distance, wondering what had passed between the two men. 

Once Myfanwy was securely settled in the back of the SUV, and they had run out of champagne, the crowds dispersed quickly. The men dismantled their makeshift stall, took down the screen and the marquee and packed everything into the UNIT support car. Ianto uploaded the photos from his camera onto Owen’s laptop so that they could be sent to Tosh for analysis. She would compare them against the videos Jack had taken earlier and provide a list of people who had not stayed around for the retcon drinks. Jack knew they still had plenty of work ahead of them in retconning everyone on that list, but they could at least give themselves a short breather.

The UNIT crew drove off in the support car, leaving the three men in the now deserted park. Ianto was the first to break the silence:

“Well, this afternoon has been fun,” he said, voice dripping with sarcasm. “Exactly what I had hoped would happen when I woke up this morning.”

He nodded impassively at them both and then shared a brief look of understanding with Owen. He hoisted his camera bag onto his shoulder, turned towards his home, and left.

“Go get something to eat,” Jack told Owen, his eyes following Ianto. “I’ll finish clearing up in London. You should take Myfanwy back to Cardiff as soon as possible.”

“Yeah.” Owen nodded.

“I’m going to…” Jack’s sentence trailed off as he turned towards Ianto’s departing form.

“I know,” Owen said and clapped Jack on the shoulder. “Good luck, mate. Do it right this time.”

Jack gave him a grim smile and started to follow Ianto. Owen watched him go, hoping against all odds that the two men might find a resolution that would leave them both happy.

Jack caught up with Ianto at the edge of the park. He saw Ianto’s eyes briefly flicker in his direction, but otherwise he gave no acknowledgement to the man falling in step with him. They walked on in silence, both lost in their own thoughts.

Ianto opened the door to his flat and walked in without checking whether Jack was following him. Jack stepped over the threshold and closed the door behind him. He watched Ianto remove his trainers and place them in the shoe rack, meticulous even when his life had turned upside down. Remembering something, Jack pulled out an envelope and held it out to Ianto.

“This is from Tosh.”

Ianto stared at the outstretched hand for a long moment, but eventually he took the envelope. Instead of opening it, he walked into the lounge and placed it on the coffee table. He set his camera bag down by the sofa and then finally turned to face Jack. 

“So what’s going to happen now?” he asked. “Are you taking me back to Cardiff with you, since my memories have returned, or are you going to retcon me again?”

“I’m not going to do anything,” Jack replied. “It’s up to you to choose what will happen next. But at least now you can do so fully aware of what happened in your past.”

“But I was starting to accept that I would never know,” Ianto pointed out. “I think a part of me would always have wondered, but the stirring memories gave me sufficient glimpses of my past to know that something terrible had happened. They made me uneasy so I genuinely thought I would be better off never knowing.”

“I had two years of my memories stolen from me years ago, long before I ever joined Torchwood,” Jack said. “I have never stopped wishing I could get them back, even though these days I’ve accepted that it’s unlikely to ever happen. It kills me to know that I may never find out what I did during those years, or what was done to me. I think it would be the same for you.”

“And that’s the thing that you don’t seem to understand about me, makes me wonder if you know me at all.” Ianto shook his head. “I need you to listen to me Jack, there are things I want to say, things you need to understand, so can you hear me out without saying anything?”

“Of course.”

“I didn’t want to remember. Almost everyone I knew from One died in a single day. I spent six month watching Lisa in terrible agony, desperately clinging onto the shreds of her humanity in a body that was part machine. I fell for my boss, who shot my girlfriend, only to watch him die and come back to life twice. Then you kissed me in front of the whole team and vanished without a word to anyone.

“I’m sorry Jack, but it was more than I could take. All those lives lost, all those brushes with death. I simply couldn’t go on living my life like that and these past few months have shown me why that was the case. I only get one life Jack, and with Torchwood, with Three in particular - it wasn’t a life. I wasn’t _living_. I was merely biding my time until the day came when I would die from a stray bullet or at the hands of an angry alien. Each day brought with it a new kind of sorrow, a new nightmare to add to my growing collection, and there was precious little joy to balance all the darkness.

“And then there was you. In the past few months I came to believe we were lovers. I thought we had been in a relationship, but that something so bad had happened that even though you had returned to my life, you couldn’t tell me about it. But we weren’t, were we? What we had were stolen moments when the others had gone home, amazing sex but very little emotional connection. We were convenient for one another. Your eyes followed Gwen around the Hub even when you were flirting with me. I didn’t know if I really meant anything. And let’s face it, if I had actually meant something to you, you would never have left like that.”

Silence followed as Jack tried to understand all that had been said, and to think of how to respond to the final accusation.

“When I chased after the Doctor, I wasn’t leaving you.” Jack raked a hand through his hair, trying to find the words to make Ianto understand. “I waited over a century for my path to cross again with the Doctor’s and I couldn’t let the chance slip from my grasp. I needed him. I needed him to explain what had happened to me, why I couldn’t die. I needed him to fix me, to make me mortal again. That’s why I left. Not because I loved him, or because I wasn’t happy in Cardiff; but because he was the only man in the entire universe who could help me.”

“We didn’t know that Jack. I didn’t know it. All I knew was you had gone without a word. So tell me this: why did you ever come back when you found your Doctor? I’ve heard you talk about him. It’s plain for all to see that you love him a great deal.” There was an edge of challenge in Ianto’s voice.

“After the Doctor told me that there was nothing he could do for me, he could have dropped me off anywhere in time and space. I chose to come back to Cardiff. I chose you over everywhere and everyone, even the Doctor.”

“Would it have made a difference? If he’d fixed you? Would you have come back then or was I just second best again? Because that’s what it sounds like.”

Jack snapped, exasperated by Ianto’s refusal to see that he was genuine in the choice he had made. “Damn it Ianto, I came back for you! I came back so that I could be with you and only you.”

“And I wasn’t there.” Ianto stated flatly, staring at Jack; all fight draining from him. He sighed, closing his eyes as fatigue washed over him, and he walked to the window. He gazed out for a while, silence stretching between them. 

Jack scrabbled around for something to say, anything to break the awful tension rising with each passing second.

“I found your box of memories.”

Jack saw Ianto nod, largely to himself. He did not appear surprised in the slightest.

“And what did you do with that box?” Ianto asked evenly, tilting his head so he could observe Jack over his shoulder.

“I took it back to the Hub.”

“And my diaries, did you read them?”

Jack considered Ianto’s words carefully. 

“I couldn’t. I wanted to. I read one entry at the storage unit, when I was confirming that the journals were what I thought they would be. It was tempting, I must admit, having all those diaries just sitting by my bed. But I couldn’t do it. It would have been a violation of your privacy, and I have wronged you enough as it is.”

Ianto’s face finally registered surprise, and this time when he nodded, it was directed at Jack. The tension in his shoulders relaxed a little at this subtle change in Ianto.

“I imagine you want the box back?” Jack asked.

“No.” Ianto shook his head. “The memories in my head are enough of a reminder of my past. I don’t need the photos or the diaries.”

“Fair enough. I’ll make sure no one touches them.”

“Get rid of them Jack, wouldn’t want anyone to be tempted by them.”

The window captured Ianto’s attention again and he stood, simply staring out, lost in his thoughts. Jack barely caught Ianto’s next words:

“I’d like to be alone. And I want to read the letter from Tosh.”

“Of course. I have to finish damage control after Myfanwy’s little stunt anyway.”

“Damage control” Ianto laughed bitterly “seems we’ve both got that to do.”

“If you want me, I will be around, thought I’d check into a hotel, Owen’s on his way back to Cardiff, but I need to be here to finish mopping up. And I thought if you needed to talk… ” He was cut-off by Ianto,

“Don’t stay on my account Jack, I need to figure all this out and I want to do that alone without anyone hovering.”

“Alone, or with Mark?” Jack asked, unable to hide the jealousy in his voice.

“That’s really none of your business. But Mark at least respects my decisions.” Ianto’s reply was full of bitterness.

“Fine, but I will be around if you need me.”

Ianto merely nodded, turning away. Jack stared at him for a long while, desperately seeking some sort of hint of what was going on in his head, but as usual Ianto opted to give nothing away. Finally he swivelled on the spot and walked to the door with feet that seemed to weigh several tons. His hand was on the door handle when Ianto’s voice stopped him:

“Jack.”

“Yes.” Jack grimaced at the naked hope betrayed by his single word.

“You won’t retcon Mark.” Ianto had not moved, his back was still turned; but there was no mistaking the tone. This was not a question.

“Ianto, you know what he saw…” Jack started to argue, but his words were halted when Ianto turned to face him. 

“It’s not a choice you get to make.” The single icy statement was laced with contained fury.

In his eyes Jack saw a brief glimpse of how much anguish the day had caused Ianto. Whatever he had intended to say died in his throat.

“Very well.” 

At his agreement, Ianto turned again toward the window and Jack left, taking one final glance back. As he left the room he whispered so quietly that even in the smothering silence of the flat his final words were barely audible:

“I do love you Ianto Jones.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More author’s notes: Just to say that the next chapter is called Method to Our Sadness.


	16. Method to our Sadness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood.
> 
> Author’s notes: Here’s the next instalment. I’m fully expecting this to be the last of the really long chapters. Still, I have said that before. I know this story has gone in directions people haven’t expected, but I hope I’m doing right by the characters as they’ve developed throughout the story. Also, this time I’m not giving hints about the next chapter, mainly because it’s the only one that I don’t yet have a name for.
> 
> Special thanks for Gmariam for her encouragement and lots of kudos to Darcy58 as my beta for his continued efforts with this story!!

Method to Our Sadness

Jack was exhausted by the time he finally left London, but the Myfanwy problem appeared to be largely contained. He had to stop a few times on the way to retcon people who had been at the park and had left before their drinks reception was set up. Jack knew he should be grateful that they had caught Myfanwy’s absence when they had, otherwise things could have been significantly worse. Still, she had wreaked plenty of havoc in the lives of the few.

He was just pulling out of a service station, having stopped for a disappointing cup of coffee to keep himself awake, when his comms buzzed.

“Jack, where are you?” Owen asked.

“About an hour’s drive from Cardiff,” he replied. “You?”

“I just got to the Hub. There was an accident on the M4 and I spent hours crawling along in a bloody traffic jam. It should have cleared by now, so I don’t think you’ll have any problems for the rest of the journey.”

“How are the others doing?”

“Tosh and Gwen are still scouring the internet for Myfanwy related posts, but they reckon they are probably tracking down the last few. Gwen went out for a couple of hours to retcon people in the local area who saw Myfanwy when she first took off. The actors and the camera man she used for the cover story are also apparently fast asleep, all memories of today gone. Gwen is back in the Hub now, helping Tosh.”

“Sounds good. How’s Myfanwy doing?”

“I topped up her sedative to make sure she doesn’t wake up in the car. I’m going to need your help to get her out and into her aerie. So we’re waiting for you in the garage.”

“I’ll be there as soon as I can,” Jack said and switched off the comms unit.

Owen was snoozing in the front seat of the UNIT SUV when Jack pulled up next to him. The sound of the car engine woke him, and he slipped out of the car just as Jack got out of his. 

“You could have taken a nap on the sofa, rather than in the garage,” Jack pointed out.

“I didn’t want to leave Myfanwy, in case she woke up or something went wrong with the sedative.” Owen rubbed his face vigorously to rid himself of the some of the lingering fatigue. “I did get the extra large gurney, which will help us move her. She’s a tad heavy for the two of us to carry.”

“Let’s get to work.” Jack nodded and pulled the unwieldy gurney closer to the back of the SUV.

As they gingerly manoeuvred the sleeping pteranodon out of the car, Owen glanced at Jack, whose face bore deep lines of exhaustion and sorrow.

“Look, if you want to talk about what happened…” Owen started to speak, but Jack quickly cut him off.

“I don’t.”

“Good,” Owen replied, causing Jack’s eyes to flick in his direction, an eyebrow raised in surprise. “I was just going to say that if you do need to talk to anyone about today, I would recommend Tosh. You confide in her anyway and she is really good at all this emotions and feelings stuff. Whereas I most certainly am not.”

The corner of Jack’s mouth twitched as Owen continued:

“If, on the other hand, you need someone to get stupidly drunk with, then I’m definitely your man. Just say the word and we’ll be half way to oblivion before you even know what’s happened.”

“Understood.” Jack actually managed a proper smile. “And Owen?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it. We’re all here for you, mate, just in different ways. None of us wanted Ianto’s memories to return like this; and we certainly don’t want him to miss out on being happy – inside or outside Torchwood.”

“Yeah,” was all Jack managed to say around the lump that had formed in his throat.

Silence returned to the garage, but now it felt a little less oppressing. Owen watched Jack from the corner of his eye, but it was impossible to say what was going on in his head. They soon had Myfanwy secured to the gurney and before closing the car doors Jack leaned in quickly to retrieve Ianto’s jacket, which he placed next to her head. Even asleep she seemed to shift a little closer to the reassuring scent. 

It took a great deal of effort and inventive manoeuvring to get Myfanwy up to her aerie, but eventually she was settled in her nest, Ianto’s jacket still tucked next to her. Owen administered a small dose of a drug that would gradually start reversing the effects of the tranquiliser. She would stay asleep for a while yet, but the drug-induced sleep would give way to normal rest. By the following morning, she would be back to normal.

When the two men descended the stairs into the main Hub, Tosh leapt from her chair and ran to meet them. Gwen also approached them, but a little slower. Tosh pulled Jack into a tight hug and he rested his head against her soft hair. They stayed like that for a while, before Tosh pulled back a little. 

“Want to talk?” she asked quietly.

Suddenly lost for words, Jack merely nodded. Tosh gave Owen a sad smile and took Jack’s hand, pulling him with her. As Tosh walked past Owen, she felt him brush his fingers lightly against the back of her hand. She glanced back at him, a little surprised, and he looked at her with sympathy and just a hint of hesitation in his eyes. She smiled at him again and it grew a little wider when the beginnings of a blush crept across his cheeks. 

After she watched Tosh and Jack walk away, Gwen raised a questioning eyebrow at Owen. He indicated towards the door with his head, keen to give the others some privacy. He would update Gwen on everything while they made their way to their cars before heading home.

Tosh led Jack to his office and closed the door behind them. She steered Jack to the sofa and went to pour them both a drink. Ianto was not the only one who knew where Jack kept his scotch.

Jack took the offered glass, but made no move to drink from it. Instead he gently swirled the tumbler, appearing to be mesmerised by the amber liquid. Tosh was content to give him all the time he needed. She sipped her drink, letting the alcohol burn away some of the day’s tension. Eventually Jack heaved a sigh and whispered:

“He remembers everything.”

“How did he take it?” she asked gently.

“You know Ianto.” Jack let out a grim laugh. “He doesn’t give away much when he doesn’t want to. I will say this much, though. By the time we finished retconning the people who saw Myfanwy at the park, there didn’t seem to be much left of the happy, carefree Ianto he has become since he left Torchwood. He’s bitter and unsurprisingly furious with me.”

“What happens now?” Tosh queried, her heart aching for her friend.

“I honestly don’t know.” Jack sighed and downed his drink in one mouthful. The liquid burned his throat, but it was nice to feel something other than pain for a change. “Before I left him tonight, he asked for only two things: to be left alone and for me to not retcon Mark. I say asked, although he actually ordered me not to retcon Mark. So I imagine that means he has made his choice.”

“You can’t know that Jack. It doesn’t seem to me that he has had much time to process everything. He did work with you and Owen to deal with the people at the park, didn’t he?”

“Yes, he did.” Jack nodded. ”We fell back into the rhythm of working together like no time had passed; everything was exactly as it was when he was still with Torchwood. But still, he must have had a pretty good idea what he wants, since he told me to leave Mark’s memories intact. Not that Mark forgetting the events of a single day would make much of a difference.”

“It would if the day Mark couldn’t remember was the one when Ianto got his memories back,” Tosh pointed out.

“Perhaps,” Jack conceded, “I offered to stay in London, in case he wanted to talk or just needed someone there to be with him, but he was pretty insistent on being left alone. So I left. Oh, yeah, I gave him your letter and he was going to read it. He wanted time to come to terms with what has happened. And I suppose he is right.”

“I think it’s wise,” Tosh agreed and then hesitated for a moment. “Do you think I should go to see him? He might be in need of a friend right now and let’s face it you, and probably Mark as well, will have your own agendas. My main concern is for his happiness.”

“I think it’s a great idea.” Jack smiled. “But maybe start with a phone call and I’d leave even that until tomorrow. Right now he’ll be exhausted as well as confused. Sleep should help him clear his mind.”

“I’ll call him tomorrow, then,” Tosh promised. “But in the meanwhile, how are you doing?”

“I feel like I could easily sleep for a week.” Jack rubbed his stiff neck. “I failed him, Tosh, I failed Ianto. I kept saying how much he deserved to be happy, but at the same time I was too selfish to let him go. And when I finally accepted that he really would be happier without me, my carelessness with Myfanwy cost him the life he worked so hard to build. And what has he got now? Three years’ worth of pain and nightmares that he didn’t need. There was nothing in his forgotten memories that he needed in order to be happy for the rest of his life, and that includes me.”

Tosh pulled him into another hug. As they were sitting side by side, the angle was awkward and in the end she wrapped her arm around him, so that he could lean into her side and rest his head on her shoulder.

“There’s no way to know what might have happened,” Tosh pointed out. “For all we know, he might have heard another song tomorrow that succeeded in breaking the retcon. And shouldn’t all of us have considered how Myfanwy might have felt about Ianto leaving? She did always like him better than the rest of us, so if we miss him, why shouldn’t she?”

“Still, if it had been anyone else resigning and taking the retcon, I would have let you go. I wouldn’t have been happy about it, but I would have respected your decision right from the start. I didn’t with Ianto. With him, I keep forgetting that despite being so young, the horrors he has been through have matured him far beyond his years. I thought I knew what was best for him better than he did, but it’s abundantly clear that I was wrong.”

“But the difference is that you weren’t in love with anyone else,” Tosh reminded him. “I know you love all of us, but not the way you love Ianto. It is to be expected that you couldn’t easily accept his decision. And don’t forget that in the end you did make the right choice for him.”

“Not until it was too late,” Jack argued. “It feels like I’m always too late with Ianto.  
If I had been less of a coward, I’d have checked that he truly had lost his memories, wished him a good life and never gone anywhere near London again. As it was, I dithered and dallied until the choice was all but made for me. And even then, I attempted to swoop in and pick up the pieces like the hero I am. I failed myself, Tosh.”

Tosh’s heart clenched at the self-loathing in Jack’s voice. There may have been some truth in the words, she felt, but he was being a little too hard on himself.

“Little less melodrama, Jack,” she gently rebuked him. “Letting go of someone we love is never easy. I imagine it must be harder still for you, since you guard yourself so carefully against falling in love. Ianto got through your defences, he opened your heart to getting hurt. Who can blame you for not thinking straight when he is concerned?”

“I’m pretty sure he can.”

“I still stand by what I said.” Tosh raised her chin to give emphasis to her words. “The past doesn’t matter, unless Ianto chooses to let it matter. Sure he got his memories back, but if he hadn’t, we both know that he would have always wondered about them in the back of his mind. He would have got used to not knowing, no doubt about that, but he would have continued to wonder. Now he is free of the uncertainty. He can make his choice about what kind of future he wants with all the facts laid out in front of him. He is able to choose between you and Mark whilst knowing exactly who both of you are. And that is not an insignificant advantage for him. And please bear in mind that he is not just choosing between the two loves in his life, he also has to choose between Torchwood and the life he has now. And I don’t think it will be an easy decision to make.”

Tosh gave Jack’s hand a quick squeeze as she continued:

“However, he now has to make that choice. No one else can make it for him. We can stand by him, offer him our support and love, but we cannot decide his future for him. And if he chooses not to return to Torchwood, then we have to respect his wishes and let him go. But for now, all we can do is to give him the time he needs to make up his mind.”

Jack nodded and kissed the top of her head.

“You are a brilliant woman, Toshiko Sato. Perhaps I ought to hit Owen on the head with something hard so that your brilliance dawns on him a little faster?”

“He’ll get there,” Tosh laughed, sounding strangely carefree despite the difficult circumstances. “As odd as it might sound, I’m not in a hurry anymore. I would much rather things progress at their natural pace.”

Jack hugged her closer.

“Ianto is lucky to have a friend like you and I for one would be completely lost without you.”

“You know I love you both,” she said smiling. “I desperately wish there was a solution to this that would see everyone happy at the end of it.” Even Mark, she added in her mind.

“How did Mark react to Myfanwy showing up at the park?” Tosh asked, still thinking about the man who had made such a great impression on her the one time they had met.

“He was pretty shaken, but even then he seemed to be more concerned with Ianto’s wellbeing than his own.”

“I’m not surprised by that. Whatever Ianto chooses will by default impact him as well. Yesterday pretty much turned both of their lives upside down.” Tosh felt a wave of sympathy not just for Ianto but also for Mark.

“If Ianto does choose to come back to Torchwood, we’re going to have to go back to London and retcon Mark,” Jack noted with a hint of reluctance. “I worry about it, though, since it seems just a little suspicious that if his boyfriend, who has amnesia, decides to leave London he ends up with amnesia too.”

“Mmm,” Tosh mumbled, feeling unexpectedly guilty. “I don’t know Jack, the thought of having to retcon Mark feels wrong to me. He means a lot to Ianto, so I don’t like to see him get hurt, much less want to be complicit in hurting him.”

“I understand how you feel, Tosh, but we can’t let him remember Myfanwy. And who knows what else Ianto has already told him about his past. He did say he would call Mark later tonight. For all I know, Mark now knows the full history of Torchwood.” Jack sounded both worried and uncomfortable at the thought of Ianto sharing information about Torchwood with Mark.

“Ianto is nothing if not discreet,” Tosh pointed out. “He would never tell Mark anything beyond the bare minimum. Besides, considering how painful some of his memories are, I doubt Ianto wants to relive them in any great detail.”

“You’re probably right,” Jack conceded. “Still, Mark may become a problem that we are going to have to deal with, whether we like it or not.”

“It’s all in Ianto’s hands, so we’ll just have to wait for him to make his choice” Tosh said with unusual finality.

They sat in silence for a while, simply drawing comfort from the closeness of a good friend. Eventually Tosh smiled at Jack and said:

“You better get some rest.” Tosh squeezed his hand and untangled herself from the embrace. “I’ll just finish deleting the last footage of Myfanwy’s sojourn and then I’ll head home. I expect we’ll all be in later than usually tomorrow.”

“Come in as late as you wish,” Jack agreed. “You all deserve a decent night’s sleep after the fantastic work you’ve done today.”

“Thanks Jack.” she smiled. She had reached the door when Jack’s words brought her to a halt:

“We are still going on our first bike ride tomorrow afternoon, aren’t we?” There was a hint of vulnerability in his voice.

“Yes, Jack,” she reassured him. “We’re all looking forward to it. Even Owen.”

“Good.” He was almost able to hide the relief flashing across his face.

“Good night, Jack.”

“Night, Tosh.”

With a final nod and an affectionate smile she was gone, leaving Jack to the solitude of his office.

Jack got up slowly, feeling every one of his many years, and scaled the ladder down to his bunker. He got ready for bed without really thinking about his actions and slid between the cool sheets. The weight of the stopwatch was reassuring against his palm as he closed his eyes and prayed for oblivion.

* * *

When it was time to call Ianto, Tosh, like Jack, found herself heading for the archives. It was late the next morning and she had left programmes running on her computer, to finish the analysis needed before she could continue her work. It seemed like the perfect opportunity to make the call she had been thinking about since Jack had suggested it the previous evening.

Tosh paced as she listened to the dial tone, concern flooding her mind as seconds ticked by. She was about to give up when she heard the call connecting.

“Tosh.” Her name was spoken as a fact, not a question. She could only assume that Ianto had recognised her number.

“Ianto.” She released a breath she had not realised she was holding, feeling relieved and yet oddly nervous. “How are you?”

“Going straight for the most complicated question, eh?” Ianto chuckled sadly. His accent was more pronounced than usual, which to Tosh was a clear indication that he probably had not had much, if any, sleep the previous night.

“Ianto, I’m…” she began to apologise, but he interrupted her:

“It’s fine. The answer to your question is that I have no idea. I mean, how does one normally react in a situation like this? I discovered yesterday that I erased my own memories because they were too painful to remember. Not to mention that it would seem that aliens exist and that there is a pteranodon living in Cardiff who really likes me. Oh, and I had an affair with my boss, who can’t die. It’s quite a lot to come to terms with.”

After a brief silence he continued: “How is Myfanwy, by the way? I was worried when she had to be sedated for the journey back to Cardiff.”

“Myfanwy is more or less back to normal,” Tosh quickly reassured him. “She’s a little unsteady from the sedatives and definitely exhausted after her long flight, but otherwise fine.”

“Oh good,” Ianto said, relief clear in his voice.

“She seems utterly unrepentant, though,” Tosh continued. “In fact, Gwen remarked earlier that this was the first time she has ever seen a smug dinosaur.”

“Myfanwy isn’t a dinosaur,” Ianto said with a weary tone, as if he was tired of correcting people on that point.

“I know that.” Tosh laughed. “And Gwen does too, since Jack quickly pointed that out to her. Although to be fair, the way he said it make it sound like he hasn’t known for that long either.”

“I told him yesterday.” Ianto let out an exasperated huff. “You’d think he would at least bother to find out what type of creature his guard dog is.”

“That sounds like Jack,” Tosh agreed.

“You’re going to have to keep a closer eye on Myfanwy from now on, when she’s outside. She shouldn’t be making any further trips to London.”

“Yes, we’ll figure something out. Fortunately she’ll be too tired to venture far for the next few days. And then we’ll work out how to develop a closer relationship with her so she won’t want to wander off.”

Tosh took a deep breath and then continued:

“I thought you might need someone to talk to about everything that happened yesterday,” she offered gently.

“And who better to talk to than the best friend I had forgotten about, the only best friend I ever had.”

“I miss you,” Tosh all but sobbed the words.

“I miss you too, Tosh.” She could hear the warmth in his voice. “I’m sorry I left like that.”

“I’m sorry too, Ianto. I’m sorry I didn’t see that you wanted to leave, that you needed to leave.”

“It’s okay,” he reassured her, “you were hurting.”

“So were you,” she was quick to point out, “and you were hurting far worse than I was. But I was too wrapped up in my own feelings of betrayal to see it, and as your friend I should have done. I’m sorry I let you down.”

“I forgive you,” Ianto said softly. “Of course I do.”

“Is Mark there?” Tosh asked, her voice carefully neutral.

“No,” Ianto replied. “I need to figure things out before I see him again. I mean, I have a hell of a lot of explaining to do, and I don’t really know what to say to him.”

“Jack said that you told him not to retcon Mark,” Tosh commented.

“I did. My relationship with Mark has always been based on honesty and being open with one another; we’ve kind of had to be given what we thought of as my condition. I don’t want to start lying to him now, not until I’ve chosen what to do any way. I know it’s against Torchwood protocol and completely unprecedented, but…”

“It’s not.” Tosh interrupted him.

“What’s not?” Ianto asked, clearly confused.

“Not retconning someone. It’s not totally unprecedented,” Tosh explained. “While you’ve been away, Rhys got involved in something that Torchwood investigated. I won’t go into detail, because honestly I can’t bear to think about it, but the long and short of it is that he got to keep his memories afterwards.”

“He did?” Ianto sounded astounded.

“Yes. Admittedly Gwen threatened Jack a great deal. In the end he agreed that Rhys could be trusted not to put Gwen in any danger by revealing what he knows about Torchwood. So Rhys wasn’t retconned. We’ve monitored his phone and email accounts, but it seems that so far he has been just as trustworthy as Gwen said he was.”

“That’s unexpected,” Ianto murmured quietly.

There was a comfortable pause in the conversation and then Ianto asked hesitantly:

“How is Jack?”

“Feeling guilty, scared, nervous,” Tosh listed,” and a touch melodramatic, so no changed there!” They both laughed at that, before she continued: “He’s pretty exhausted after everything that happened yesterday. But I don’t think he knows what to think either. He’s scared of losing you, although I suspect part of him thinks that he may have lost you some time ago. He’s terribly torn between wanting to be with you and wanting you to go on with the life you’ve built. My feeling is he is beginning to realise that the two may be mutually exclusive. He really was going to let you go and it wasn’t an easy decision for him to make.”

“He doesn’t sound like the Jack I used to know,” Ianto remarked.

“He has changed, Ianto. He won’t talk about what happened to him while he was away with the Doctor, but he came back a damaged man. Finding out that you had quit hit him really hard. Since then it’s almost as though he has grown up. In fact, we all have. Losing you made us realise how important we were to each other and the importance of us being a proper team. We have all changed, Gwen more so than Owen and me. She’s got over her ridiculous crush on Jack and things are going really well between her and Rhys. Well enough in fact that they are getting married early next year.”

“Gwen is getting married?” Ianto asked. “She has really moved on from Jack?”

“There wasn’t much to move from,” Tosh huffed. “He may have flirted with her, but you are the one he truly wanted. She tried to offer him ‘comfort’ after he returned, but he turned her down without giving it a second thought. It was almost amusing to watch. And then something changed with her. Perhaps she finally realised where her priorities lay. Since then, she’s been a friend to Jack, but nothing more, and they both seem very happy with the way things are now.”

“If it was anyone other than you telling me this, I’m not sure I’d believe them,” Ianto remarked. “Jack has really stopped flirting with her?”

“He has. Jack… He’s older somehow. He makes an effort to connect with us now, whereas before he would have shut us out. He still has to make hard decisions, but he includes us more, explains himself more. It’s almost as if he has finally decided to let us in, regardless that eventually losing us will cause him sorrow in the end. He’s even got us all doing regular exercise together, in fact we’re going cycling later today. He’s still scarred from whatever happened to him and losing you has been tough for him, but he seems determined not to let the pain paralyse him. Before yesterday and Myfanwy he really was ready to let you go and move on. We all were.”

There was silence on the other end of the call, it seemed to Tosh that Ianto needed some time to comprehend this new information.

“He said he does love me,” Ianto eventually confessed, clearly affected by what Tosh had told him.

“He does,” she assured him. “You should hear how he speaks of you. And he really admires you Ianto, with all the things you’re doing now. I think he really does respect you, and he would never have put your happiness above his own if he didn’t both love and respect you.”

“I think Mark also loves me,” Ianto whispered so quietly that Tosh struggled to catch his words.

“Consider yourself lucky,” she chuckled. “You have two men who love you while I have none!”

“You’ll get there,” he said with a great deal of warmth. “You are far too special and precious not to.”

“I know,” Tosh smiled. “Thanks, Ianto.”

“Lucky or not,” Ianto muttered, “I still have to make a choice between Jack and Mark. But its more than that, I have to choose what kind of life I want to have, or indeed can have from here on. ”

“Yes, I thought it would be more than choosing which man you want to be with,” Tosh noted.

“Indeed. I can’t pick Mark and Torchwood, likewise it would be impossible to try to have a relationship with Jack if I opted to stay in London. Therefore a fundamental part of my decision will be – Torchwood or London? Although having said that, there is a third option.”

“Ianto…” Tosh started to speak, but he continued on regardless.

“I could choose neither man, neither life. I could vanish again. This time I would do it better, not being hampered by amnesia, so that not even Jack would ever find me. I could start a new life somewhere else. I’ve done it twice before; first in Cardiff and then in London. It would hurt a great deal to have to walk away from Mark, and from Jack again; but perhaps that’s the true cost of having got my memories back. Perhaps I have to make a sacrifice too, considering I created this mess of my life. If there is a price for the end of my self-inflicted amnesia it seems only fair that I have to carry some of the cost too.”

“Don’t say that, Ianto,” Tosh implored, worried by the edge of speculation in his voice.

“But it’s true,” Ianto argued. “I must face the fact that there is a price to pay for the truth I now possess, and the consequences of _my_ actions; just as I have to choose between the three different lives that could be ahead of me.”

“I wish I could help you with it, but only you know what your heart truly desires.”

“That does rather assume that my heart knows,” he murmured. “Everything is so confusing. I thought I had my life pretty much figured out and I was okay with the amnesia. Turns out, I had no idea, especially that I did it to myself. I thought I was beginning to get to know Jack, the new Jack who has been part of my life for the past few months, but it seems I was completely wrong about that too. And that’s really frustrating, because I _liked_ the new Jack. In hindsight, I liked him better than I liked the old Jack. But now I don’t even know which Jack he is anymore. Especially after what you’ve told me. I thought I knew what I wanted, but now I’m not so sure.”

“Well, whatever life you choose, I will support you. All I want is for you to be truly happy,” Tosh said. “Even if that means a life away from Torchwood.”

“Oh, Tosh.” Ianto let out a small laugh. “I wish I could hug you right now.”

“That would be nice,” she agreed. “But believe me, as I said at the exhibition, the only things that truly matter are your life and your happiness right now.”

“I wish my memories had never returned. I wish I could forget Torchwood again. Other than you, of course.” He chuckled lightly “Now that I’ve remembered you I don’t want to forget you. I’ll always want to remember you.”

“That’s me Ianto, unforgettable!” Tosh quipped before becoming serious again. “I know it’s hard, Ianto, but you’ll get there. You’ve proven you’re able to do that. I suspect we all have a thing or two to learn from the way you’ve embraced your life.”

“The past few months have been the happiest of my whole life,” Ianto admitted. “I’ve discovered all these things I love doing; cycling, running, photography. It’s been a long time since I’ve done something purely because I wanted to instead of having to do them. Even more so, it’s pretty amazing to have time for hobbies. It has also been a revelation to find things that I’m good at that have nothing to do with my job.”

“You’re making me envious” 

“Sorry, didn’t mean to do that. And I like my job at the National Archives. My colleagues are nice and there is a lot less drama going on, which is rather refreshing. It’s been interesting to lead a life that’s not defined just by my job.”

“Sounds like the perfect recipe for a happy life.”

“I suppose it does, and the truth is I have been happy. And Mark has been a large part of that happiness. He’s special, Tosh, a really special man. He deserves to be happy and to be with a good man. Which makes me wonder, am I really good enough for him? Considering what I’ve seen, the things I’ve done. Tosh, I have blood on my hands. People have died because of me. Surely he deserves someone better, someone without that kind of background and memories?”

“Oh, Ianto,” Tosh became impassioned; “don’t you dare ever think that you are not good enough. He may be a good man, but so are you Ianto; a really good man. You said he deserves to be happy; well, what I saw at the exhibition was a man incredibly happy to be with you.”

“Yes, you’re right; he really was happy that night.” Ianto sounded somewhat wistful.

“Well think about it Ianto. You think he loves you. You know he wanted to be with you. But you don’t know what he thinks about yesterday. You don’t know if any of what he wants or feels has changed.”

“True, I don’t. It would be much easier to accept all that if I didn’t remember my past. Now I’m going to have to live with it; and if Mark is still around after all this he will have to, as well. And what if it has changed everything for him, Tosh? What if it changes how I am with him?”

“You don’t know that yet Ianto, you won’t know that until you see him and talk to him.”

Ianto sighed. “I know; and right now I wish there was a way to erase those three years but leave the time I’ve been in London intact.”

“Sadly retcon doesn’t work that precisely,” Tosh remarked.

“Shame indeed,” Ianto said, sounding distant.

“Look, I could come to London for a few days, if you wanted company?” Tosh offered. “Jack, as usual, owes me some holidays and no doubt he’d be okay with my taking some time now.”

“That’s okay,” Ianto replied slowly, as if he was just reaching a conclusion. “Maybe a bit later. There are some things I need to do first and I need to do them alone.”

“If you’re sure,” she hesitated.

“Yes, I’m sure,” he said and he did sound sure. In fact, he sounded more decisive than he had during the entire conversation. “I appreciate the thought, though, very much.”

“For you, always,” she said smiling.

“Thanks for calling me, Tosh.” Ianto’s voice was full of affection. “You’ve helped me clarify my thoughts a great deal.”

“I have?” Tosh was a little surprised, as she was none the wiser about how Ianto would choose.

“Very much so,” Ianto replied. “I think I know what to do now.”

“I’m glad.” Tosh hoped he might tell her, but she did not want to pry. 

“Enjoy the cycling, by the way,” Ianto said. “If you’re anything like me, you’ll love the feeling of freedom it gives you.”

“I’m looking forward to it already, and not just because of the cycling shorts Gwen and I persuaded Owen to buy.”

They laughed together at the thought and for a brief moment everything was right in the world.

“I’ll let you get back to work,” Ianto said and Tosh could hear the smile in his voice.

“Okay,” she agreed. “I’m glad we had a chance to talk.”

“Me too.”

“Bye, Ianto.”

“Goodbye, Toshiko.”

Tosh smiled as she ended the call and headed back to the main area of the Hub. It had felt good talk to Ianto properly, the real Ianto who was her friend. She hoped that she had truly helped him with the difficult decision he had to make and that he would find a way to be happy. Whatever he chose, she was determined to make sure that they would spend more time together in the future. 

It was only as she climbed the stairs from the archives that the tone of Ianto’s formal farewell struck her as odd. She paused in her climb, feeling a sense of impending dread. Why, she wondered, didn’t he say “Bye Tosh”? Was there something in his decision that caused Ianto to say instead: “Goodbye Toshiko”?


	17. Burning Bridges in the Dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood.
> 
> Author’s notes: In terms of timing, this starts straight after 15. This chapter contains a paragraph, which probably falls under the ‘mature’ rating. But it’s just one paragraph, so can easily be skipped if you’re offended by that sort of stuff. The total chapter length of this story was supposed to be 20, but it’s now gone up by one. I blame my beta for putting ideas in my head. *grin*
> 
> Thank you again to everyone for reading, commenting and giving this story kudos. I still can’t quite believe how well received this has been, particularly considering some of the more controversial routes I’ve gone down.
> 
> Last, but not least, a huge thanks to Darcy58 for all his help with this chapter. He has a way of making the betaing process both very pleasant and rewarding!

Burning Bridges in the Dark

As Jack left, Ianto stayed rooted to his spot by the window. He watched Jack exit the building and, with a final backwards glance, walk away. He felt nothing at the sight of the man he had once loved leaving, it seemed like he was far too numb to ever feel anything again. All the anger and bitterness from earlier had drained away and his mind was filled with a different kind of emptiness.

Ianto stayed up through the night, watching the head lights from cars throw dancing shadows on his walls. The darkness he was staring at eventually faded into the first rays of the morning sun. He looked around his flat, which he had hated at first, but which had gradually become home. It was the first place he had ever loved, the first place that had truly felt like a home. He memorised every inch of the walls, once bare, now covered in photographs and wildlife prints. He relived many of the happy moments he had experienced there; some alone, many with Mark. He thought of the life he had built for himself, suspended above the emptiness of his forgotten past, of the peace and simplicity he had found in London. He thought of the darkness and the horrors of his past, of all that he had witnessed as part of Torchwood. He thought of those he had loved and lost, and of those he just might love now.

The ragged emptiness in his mind had expanded beyond anything he had ever expected. It now fitted Captain Jack Harkness and Tosh; Owen and Gwen; aliens and cannibals; innocent bystanders and victims whose death he had helped cover up; technology from the future and a beloved pet from the distant past; Lisa before and after the Battle of Canary Wharf. Each old memory he examined seemed to splinter his present, until he was not certain there was anything left of his life as he now knew it.

Not every memory was dark. Amidst the bleakness there were memories of golden times. He smiled at the quiet moments with Tosh, sitting in her favourite bakery and talking about anything except Torchwood. He chuckled at the rememberance of the snarky bantering with Owen; and relived the confusion of jealousy inspired by Gwen. He thought too of Suzie, of the brilliant mind driven by curiosity before succumbing to the temptations offered by Torchwood.

He flushed at the thought of hours spent in Jack’s bunker after the others had left. He laughed out loud at the innuendos he and Jack had slipped into general conversation, each one more outrageous than the previous. It had been a game of theirs, to exchange ideas and flirtatious comments in front of the others, trying to see when the others would finally realise what was going on. They then laughed about it later in private, amused by Owen’s disgust, Gwen’s blushing and Tosh’s affectionate exasperation. 

Thinking of those private times brought memories of the quiet morning hours; those hours when he was alone with Jack in the Hub, before the others arrived to begin their day. He felt too the absence of the peaceful hours with Myfanwy at the end of the day, of a bond with a creature beyond ordinary comprehension. As his mind wandered he thought of earlier times; of Lisa and the love they shared before it had all ended in a blaze of anger and bullets. Small details emerged: of takeaway lunches in the boardroom, of laughing over Jack’s outrageous stories, of the coat - that damn coat.

It had not all been bad, amidst the terror and the horror there had been a purpose, a reason for doing what they did. And he had played his part in doing what they did for Torchwood. But was that enough? Were the memories of the purpose and of the good times enough to consider returning; to consider overturning the decision he had made a few short months ago to leave it all behind?

Ianto knew with chilling clarity that if he returned to Torchwood, he would not live to see his thirtieth birthday. But would returning to Torchwood be worth the greatly reduced life expectancy?

The night turned to morning and the morning to day. He moved when hunger or the need for the toilet forced him, otherwise he stayed lost in his thoughts. Eventually he pushed himself off the sofa and stretched his stiff muscles. Tosh’s letter on the coffee table caught his eye. He had not touched it since putting it down, but now he found himself ready to find out what she had written. With a trembling hand he opened the envelope and pulled out a single sheet of paper.

_‘Dear Ianto_

_I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to talk to you more on the opening night of your exhibition. But rest assured that your photos told me a great deal about what your life has become. I will always treasure the signed prints you gave me. You may not be able to remember your past, but there are people out there who WILL remember you with fondness and love. My wish is that one day we will get a chance to meet again._

_Yours,_

_Toshiko’_

“That’s Tosh, always so very clever,” Ianto chuckled to himself. “Only she could write a goodbye letter that said so very much, without giving away anything at all. Seems Jack told the truth about intending to let me go. Why else would Tosh be saying goodbye?”

He suddenly missed Tosh intensely. Their brief encounter on the opening night of the exhibition did not seem anywhere near enough time spent together. He wished she was there with him now, a steady presence by his side as he grappled with the choices before him. But she was in Cardiff; she was part of Torchwood. That fact alone made him wonder whether he would ever see her again.

It pained him that he was thus separated from his best friend, but the damage had already been done – he had created the separation with his leaving - and the one thing Torchwood did not possess was a time machine. And that indeed was what Torchwood did to people; it took ordinary people and hollowed them out, turning them into the walking wounded. Some people, like Tosh and Owen, were already damaged when they joined the institute, but their time in Cardiff had only widened their wounds. Had it not been for Lisa, he might have taken the offered retcon after the Battle of Canary Wharf and had a chance at a normal life. As it was, his path had led him to Cardiff and ultimately back to London; and that path was littered with broken bodies and dead dreams.

With each breath he took, the weight of his past settled more firmly on his shoulders. He had been right in believing that his past and his present might be in complete conflict and now he found them nigh impossible to reconcile. And yet, he had to choose a future for himself. He felt himself to be standing at a crossroads, unsure which way to go. One step in any direction would make the other paths vanish forever. There was love waiting at the end of two of the roads, but they were complete opposites. One was bright and hot and troubled, searing him to the core; the other was warm and gentle, whispering of moments shared and faithfulness to the very end. The third path was one of endless but as yet unknown possibilities.

His phone chose that moment to ring. He looked at it buzzing on the coffee table and after what seemed like an eternity picked it up. The number displaying on the screen was neither of the ones he was expecting, but he recognised it instantly. She was the only person whose call he would even consider answering. Although, as he accepted the call, it did occur to him that Jack probably knew that and might be tempted to use Tosh’s phone in order to talk to him. It was, however, a risk he was willing to take.

“Tosh,” he stated, hoping that he would be right.

Just hearing her voice eased some of his inner turmoil. It would have been better if Tosh was there in person and for a brief moment Ianto actually contemplated driving to Cardiff just to see her. But the thought of going near Torchwood, near Jack, was too overwhelming for him while he was still trying to decide what he wanted.

As they spoke, something unexpected happened. The cadence of their conversation and her soothing voice sorted through the jumbled pieces of his past and present life, until only a handful of pieces remained. They fitted together perfectly to form a picture of the future he knew he wanted. It was a future he could not wait to start living. 

In the end, there was no choice for him to make. There was only one road he could follow from here on and be true to himself. As he said his goodbyes to Tosh, he was finally ready to take the first steps along that road. He put his phone down gently; as if that gesture would preserve the connection he had with Tosh.

“You always were brilliant, Tosh,” he whispered to himself.

The inactivity of the morning and the long night suddenly became too much for Ianto to bear. He needed to get moving, needed to get away from the flat. He needed to run in order to clear his mind of any remaining uncertainties. Quickly donning his running gear, Ianto left the flat.

Once outside, he chose to keep away from the park and instead headed in the opposite direction. He started with a brisk walk, which soon turned into jogging and then into running. His long strides swallowed mile after mile of pavement; the breeze and the familiar ache settled into his muscles, clearing away some of the emotional confusion and physical tension. His pounding feet beat a steady rhythm against the road:

_Ianto Jones._

_Ianto Lloyd._

_Ianto Jones._

_Ianto Lloyd._

Who was he? He thought he had left his old name behind together with his past, but now that name and his memories had returned to haunt him. He no longer knew for certain who he was. To Jack he was still Ianto Jones, to Mark he was Ianto Lloyd. Yet as he ran, the rhythm of his trainers hitting the ground changed, until only one name remained. It was the name that was truly his. It was who he was, who he had always been, who he was always meant to be. It was everything he needed, everything he wanted.

Ianto ended up running for hours, lost in the soothing pace of flexing muscles and steady breathing. He pushed himself further than he had ever done before, further than was probably wise, but he needed the time alone on the road. When he finally half walked, half limped back to his flat, he felt like a new man. He had outrun the thoughts and feelings that had no place in the new life he had chosen for himself.

Once inside, he filled the bath tub with water that was just a touch too hot. With relief he immersed himself in the heat and allowed the water to ease the ache in his muscles. He lay there for a long time, almost falling asleep, until the cooling water and his growling stomach drove him to empty the tub and take a quick hot shower. 

As he sat down to eat his early dinner, a plan began to form in his mind. He needed to say goodbye, needed to explain himself, so that there would be no doubt about this being what he wanted. Having finished eating and tidying the kitchen, Ianto went to the lounge and started rooting around his desk drawers. Once he found a pad of paper and a pen, he sat at the kitchen bench. He had a letter of his own to write. 

The words flowed out of him effortlessly, his mind now clear. Each sentence merely reaffirmed that he was doing the right thing. He was done in no time and carefully folded his letter. Having sealed it in an addressed envelope, he left it on the dining room table, where it could be easily spotted. It only took a few moments to gather together everything he would need. He felt a strange sense of calm settle over him. Perhaps he ought to have been nervous, as he had no idea how things would play out from here on, but such emotion seemed far too distant to reach him. With a final look around his home, he picked up his keys and left.

* * *

Mark closed the book he had been reading with an exasperated huff. He had stared at the same page for over an hour and in that time he was fairly sure he had not taken in a single word. He checked his phone for the hundredth time, but no new messages had arrived in the five minutes since last checking it. In a fit of impatience he stood up and began pacing. Sinta watched him from under the coffee table, ears down in confusion at his strange behaviour.

After the text message the afternoon before, he had heard nothing more from Ianto. It had been a relief to receive that text; it momentarily reaffirmed the connection between them. He had spent the entire afternoon hoping that Ianto might call, but it was now early evening and still he had heard nothing. More than once he had thought about calling Ianto, but he felt he needed to let Ianto contact him. He had said he would and Mark trusted him to keep that promise. Nevertheless, the thought of Ianto having spent the previous evening with Jack niggled at his insecurities. He trusted Ianto, that was not the problem. However, the brief, bitter words spoken by Ianto to Jack demonstrated just how much history was between them; history that Ianto now remembered and would have to come to terms with. He had wanted to be there to help Ianto with that process, but Ianto had made it clear that he needed some space. That, to Mark, was understandable. What he did not know, and what niggled at him was whether Ianto’s desire for space extended to just him or whether it included Jack as well. Nor did he know what hold, if any, Jack might have on Ianto, who now remembered.

Mark massaged his temples, trying to ease the dull ache circling his head as fatigue washed through him. He had slept little during the night. Every time he closed his eyes he had seen the dinosaur – no, the prehistoric reptile – holding Ianto in her embrace. He could not decide which was harder to accept: that such a creature existed in the first place, or that she had such a strong bond with Ianto. It seemed that there was far more to Ianto’s past than either of them had anticipated. He could not help wondering, it was natural to wonder, what all the revelations meant for their relationship.

He was pulled from his thoughts by the door bell ringing. Sinta darted out from under the coffee table, and although she was barking her wagging tail indicated that she knew who was at the door. Mark’s heart beat quickened as he sent Sinta to her bed to wait for her turn to be greeted and strode to the door. He was relieved to find Ianto standing outside.

“Ianto!” he exclaimed and pulled him into a fierce hug.

“Hi,” Ianto greeted him softly, as he buried his face against Mark’s neck to inhale the familiar scent. They stayed like that for quite a while.

Sinta let out an impatient half bark, reminding them of her presence. She would not leave her bed and approach Ianto without permission, but that did not mean that she was happy with the longer than usual wait. Both men looked in her direction and laughed together. Ianto stepped inside, allowing Mark to close the door behind him, and then crouched on the floor.

“Come on then, girl!”

That was all the encouragement Sinta needed to launch herself off her bed. She ran to Ianto’s waiting arms, half climbing onto his lap in an effort to get as close as possible. He buried his hands in her silky coat, finding all the spots where she loved to be scratched. She licked his chin, making him laugh, and her whole body was wiggling from the force of her wagging tail. 

“Have you had a nice day, eh?” Ianto asked her, enjoying her unguarded affection.

“Yes she has,” Mark replied smiling. “We went for a long walk this morning and then attended an agility class at the community centre. I think I mentioned it to you a few days ago? Anyway, she was brilliant and really seemed to love all the jumps. I think the tunnel was her favourite, though.”

“Lucky girl,” Ianto spoke to Sinta, “soon you’ll be an agility champion as well as an obedience champion. What should we try next to keep you occupied?”

“I was thinking of training her to do my job for me.” Mark grinned. “I bet she could do it better than I can!”

They both laughed at the thought, making Sinta’s tail wag even harder. When Ianto eventually got up again, Sinta lay down next to them, much more at ease now that both of her men were home. 

Ianto finally met Mark’s eyes and the laugher slowly slipped from his face, replaced by an expression of seriousness and a hint of uncertainty.

“Why did you ring the door bell, by the way? Why didn’t you just use the key?” Mark queried.

He had given Ianto a key to his flat a few weeks earlier, since they spent so much time together there. It had felt like a great milestone for them both, particularly when Ianto had offered him a key to his flat in turn. This was the first time Ianto had chosen not to use his key.

“I wasn’t sure you’d want me to, after yesterday,” Ianto admitted with a hint of unease.

Mark stepped forward to lay a hand on Ianto’s arm and to scrutinise him. There were dark circles under his eyes, indicating that he too had not slept much the night before. The mask of indifference he had hidden behind the previous day was gone, but he looked distant and controlled, although he appeared to be struggling to maintain the calm exterior. Ianto had changed, Mark thought, in ways he could not yet fully understand.

“I’ll always want you, always, that hasn’t changed,” Mark said with conviction.

Ianto looked at him then, looked deeper into him than ever before. Mark felt himself laid bare before the searching eyes and he could only hope that Ianto found what he was looking for. It seemed he did, for his eyes softened and filled with an emotion Mark had never before seen in them. His heart jumped in a jumble of hope and fear.

“Ianto,” he began speaking, but a gentle finger against his lips stopped him.

When Ianto was certain he was not going to speak, he let the finger slip away, the lingering caress trailing heat over Mark’s skin. Instead of saying anything, Ianto pulled him into bruising kiss.

When they eventually broke apart, Ianto held him close, panting against his lips. All the while his eyes bore holes into Mark, who shivered under the intensity of the gaze. After a while Ianto took his hand and indicated that Mark should follow him. 

The man Mark had fallen in love with was an archivist, a photographer, a cyclist, an extraordinary Welshman with an unusual zest for living. The man leading him to his bedroom was different; with the command of a warrior. A warrior, who might carry emotional scars so deep that no amount of time could ever heal them fully. Putting aside his concerns for what that might mean for them, Mark allowed himself to be steered to his bed.

During the hours that followed, Ianto was in perfect control. He dictated every one of their moves, guiding Mark with silent gestures and burning looks. His composure never cracked, but his body spoke volumes of his intense state of desire. Mark became putty to be moulded as thoughts rapidly gave way to raw physical expression. The slow pace Ianto set had Mark whispering ragged pleas, but even when he had his lover begging Ianto did not lose control. Every movement took an eternity, every heated lick reduced time to exquisite slowness. Ianto raised himself above Mark and looked at him with desperate passion. A single tear slid down his cheek and Mark arched forward to wipe it away with his tongue. He was rewarded with a kiss so exquisite he found himself torn between hoping that the moment would last forever and wishing for release. When he was finally granted his wish, they shuddered together, clinging onto one another as the past and future was swept away for a few precious moments. Never before had Mark been made love to with such intensity and deliberateness. It gave him hope that they would get through the unexpected events together, that Ianto still wanted a future with him. 

They did not speak until much later.

“Even if I hadn’t been there yesterday afternoon, I would know you got your memories back.” Mark’s words were slightly muffled, as they were spoken against Ianto’s hair.

“How?” Ianto looked up in surprise.

“You’ve changed overnight. The way you carry yourself is different, you are more tense and alert, and there is darkness in your eyes that was not there before.”

Ianto said nothing, a deep sigh his only response to Mark’s accurate assessment.

“Something terrible happened during those lost years, am I right?” Mark prodded gently.

“A lot of things happened; dark, confronting things that I now know should have stayed forgotten forever.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Me too,” Ianto acknowledged the sentiment with a nod. “But let’s not talk about it tonight. I want to be just here, just with you in this moment, and nowhere else.”

“Sounds good to me,” Mark replied and leaned in for a kiss.

“I’m sorry I didn’t call, by the way,” Ianto apologised. “I wanted to, but I wasn’t ready, and then I just really needed to see you. So I came instead of calling.”

“I’m glad you’re here,” Mark assured him. “I much prefer this to a phone call.”

Ianto simply smiled in response.

“Are you okay?” Mark ventured to ask the question that had been uppermost in his mind since Ianto first rang the door bell.

“No.” Ianto shook his head. “But perhaps there’s hope for me yet.”

Mark was going to respond, but ended up yawning instead.

“Sorry. What time is it?” he mumbled, trying to stifle another yawn.

“It’s late,” Ianto replied, checking the time on his mobile phone. “In fact, it’s so late it’s actually early.”

“Brilliant, I look forward to going to work in the morning,” Mark groaned.

“Let me go make us a cup of coffee,” Ianto offered.

“That would be lovely,” Mark eagerly agreed. He watched as Ianto climbed out of the bed and pulled on his jeans. “You may have to make me a couple of litres of your strongest coffee to take to work later.”

“Can do,” Ianto promised over his shoulder. Mark noticed that an expression of calm intensity had returned to Ianto’s face. It had disappeared while they rested in each other’s arms, but now it was back. Another yawn distracted him from his sense of unease at Ianto’s expression.

A few minutes later, Ianto was back with two mugs. In his absence Mark had nearly drifted off to sleep.

“Here,” he said, offering one of them to Mark.

“Thanks,” Mark replied and inhaled the rich aroma. He felt more awake immediately.

They sipped their drinks in silence, sitting side by side on the bed. When they were finished, Ianto took the mugs back to the kitchen. Mark lay down once more, content to watch as Ianto stripped off the jeans and slid under the sheet to lie next to him.

“I bet by tomorrow, the whole London will be talking about how a prehistoric reptile landed here,” Mark commented. 

“By tomorrow morning, no one will remember.” There was a hint of regret behind Ianto's words as he spoke.

“I'll remember. I will never forget.” Mark's voice was becoming drowsy, despite the coffee he had just drunk.

Ianto leaned in to kiss the man who had come to mean so much and whispered: “You could.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to say that the next chapter will be called Hold on to Memories.


	18. Hold on to Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood.
> 
> Author’s notes: Well. I thought I was done with the really long chapters, but it seems I was wrong. This one literally doubled in size during the editing process and it’s now the longest chapter of this story. It’s all the better for its increased length, though. 
> 
> A huge thanks to my beta, Darcy58, for all his work on this chapter. I think we can safely say this one is definitely a joint effort!
> 
> I’m just going to… *runs for the hills*

Hold on to Memories

“How are we all feeling this morning?” Jack skipped down the metal stairs from his office, a wide grin on his face.

The others were just settling in for the day, Tosh already busy checking her Rift programmes. They were all rather conspicuously standing, rather than sitting, at their work stations. Owen glared at Jack.

“Of course, you haven’t suffered any ill effects from yesterday,” he grumbled.

“What can I say, faster healing rate.” Jack shrugged, still grinning. “In fact, I feel pretty good this morning.”

His grin widened, eyes dancing with mirth, as he watched Gwen gingerly lowering herself to her chair and with a wince getting straight back up again.

“You could have warned us,” she grimaced, attempting to stretch her sore muscles. “I never thought I could ache this much!”

“How was I supposed to know?” Jack asked. “Besides, surely you’ve gone cycling before?”

“Not for a long time and not that kind of distance.” Gwen shook her head.

“Hmm, perhaps twenty miles was a bit too much on our first time out there,” he conceded.

“A bit too much!” Owen exclaimed and threw his hands up. “I feel like my bloody legs are going to fall off!”

“That just means that you seriously needed the exercise.” Jack’s grin was back. “Do you have any muscle under that lab coat?”

Gwen and Tosh laughed as Owen made a rude gesture in Jack’s direction and then stalked, rather stiffly, towards the autopsy bay. They could hear him muttering curses all the way down the stairs. Tosh rolled her eyes and then smiled at Jack.

“Despite the pain, I had a really good time yesterday,” she said.

Ianto had been right in saying that she would enjoy cycling. Speeding down a quiet country lane with the wind howling in her ears and her friends by her side had been something very special. There had been moments when she had felt like she was flying and the exhilarating freedom of it had made her laugh out loud. Despite her aching muscles, she could not wait to get back on the bike again and she said as much to Jack:

“When can we do it again?”

Jack’s face lit up at the sight of her smile, glad to have least one convert. Gwen flinched at the suggestion, although the corner of her mouth was twitching. Owen, who had heard what she had said, called out from his domain:

“For the love of god, Tosh, give my arse at least a couple of days to recover!”

“I’m sure she would kiss it better for you, if you wanted!” Jack exclaimed, his grin impossibly wide.

“Jack!” Tosh protested, feeling her cheeks heat.

“Very nice, Harkness, you’ve got real class,” Owen muttered in response, just loud enough that they could all hear him.

“Hey, if you don’t want her to do it, I’m always happy to oblige!” Jack leered.

The only response coming from the autopsy bay was the sound of Owen gagging, which made them all laugh again.

“But seriously,” Jack said, although his expression was anything but, “don’t stay still too long, otherwise your muscles will stiffen up and you’ll ache even more. You should feel better in a couple of days and the next time will be easier.”

“So should we start looking for bikes to buy now?” Tosh asked, excitement evident on her face.

“Yes, although I get the feeling you’ve already found one that you like.” Jack winked at her.

Tosh blushed a little and called up a web page showing a sleek road bike. Jack noted absently that it looked very similar to Ianto’s bike. “Here.”

“Why that particular bike?” he asked.

“It’s light, so it’s easier to handle and ride. The roads around the city are in decent condition, so they are perfect for a road bike. I’m not that taken by the idea of off-road cycling, so I don’t need a hybrid or a mountain bike. Besides, it will go really, really fast.” Her smile widened at the last point.

“Hey, you could have convinced me with just the going fast bit!” Jack laughed. “Consider the bike yours!”

He turned to Gwen and continued: “You and Owen should also have a think about what kind of bike would suit you best, if indeed you would like to take up cycling as a more permanent hobby.”

“I would.” Gwen nodded. “Who knows, I might even be able to persuade Rhys to join us some time.”

“It would be nice to include him in this as well,” Jack agreed.

Owen came up from the medical bay and stopped by Tosh’s work station.

“Perhaps you could give me some suggestions,” he said, a touch hesitant, “since you seem to be an expert already?”

“I’d love to!” Tosh’s smile changed, her face showing the shyness that often appeared when she spoke to Owen. “But after we’ve narrowed down your choices, you should really try out the bike to see if you like it. The specs online only get you so far.”

“Have you already tested the bike you like?” Owen nodded towards her computer screen.

“No, I was going to do that over lunch, Rift permitting.”

“Well, if we’ve found a couple of potential bikes for me by then, perhaps we could go together?” Owen suggested, a hand rising to rub the back of his neck in a nervous gesture. Glancing towards the others, he hastily added: “I mean, it would make sense to get both bikes bought at the same time.”

“Yes, of course,” Tosh agreed. “No doubt Jack will be more than happy to lend us his Torchwood credit card for a few hours!”

“Why do I have a feeling this is going to be expensive?” Jack grumbled, but his eyes were dancing with laughter.

“Oh Jack, surely you trust us?” Tosh countered, giving him her most innocent smile.

“With my credit card? Not even slightly.” He shook his head. “But technically the Queen is paying for your bikes, so go crazy kids!”

Tosh flashed Owen a triumphant grin and then turned to her computer. “So my initial thoughts are that you might like something along these lines…”

Jack raised his eyebrows as he and Gwen watched Owen shift a little closer to Tosh. He rested his hand on the back of her chair, just high enough that his finger tips were brushing the fabric of her blouse. Gwen and Jack shared a knowing look and in silent agreement they moved away, heading towards Jack’s office.

“Perhaps there’s hope for Torchwood after all,” Jack said in a low voice as they ascended the steps.

“I still think we should lock them in a Weevil cell overnight to speed things up.” Gwen stifled a giggle.

“Nah, let’s leave them be.” He smiled fondly at Tosh and Owen over his shoulder. Recalling Tosh’s words from the day before, he added: “They’ll get there.”

“Let’s hope so.” Gwen looked through the glass towards the work stations, an affectionate smile playing on her lips.

The conversation lapsed into comfortable silence. Jack sat down by his desk, idly fingering the paperwork scattered around. Gwen walked closer and perched on the corner of the desk. She winced when her muscles protested, but did not get up.

“As much as I’m aching now, yesterday was a good idea, Jack,” she said. “We need to make sure that we stick to that routine, even when we’re busy and the winter rains start.”

“Yes, I think it will be good for us, in more ways than one,” Jack mused.

“I agree.”

Gwen reached over to touch his arm, smiling warmly. He seemed to be expecting her to say something else so she asked the question that was uppermost in everyone’s mind. “Still no word from Ianto then?”

“Not yet.” Jack shook his head. ”It’s been less than two days and there’s an awful lot he has to reconcile; I did promise to give him the space he said he needed so we’ll just have to wait.”

“Probably best; we’ll know soon enough I suppose. You seem to be handling it all pretty well.”

When Jack didn’t respond she continued with just a touch of snark. “You know, Captain Jack Harkness, underneath all the bravado and heroics you really are an honourable man.”

He looked at her with genuine surprise “You think?”

Noticing his surprise Gwen responded with complete seriousness. “I don’t think so, I know so. Of course I do Jack. This situation with Ianto can’t be easy for you. I know you Jack Harkness and I think your first instincts would be to go in there and play the rescuing hero. But you haven’t, and that’s really honourable of you.”

“I did make him a promise.”

“Yes, you did and you’re keeping it.”

They stared at each other, neither quite knowing what to say next. As the moments of silence stretched their bottom lips began to tremble, and soon enough they were giggling madly. As their giggling broke into full laughter Jack stood and gathered Gwen into a hug.

Releasing her he said simply “Thank you.”

“Well you know me Jack, always got to have my say. Anyway, things to do; best I go and see to keeping Cardiff safe.” She turned and made for the door but before leaving she turned back and said “I think we’re going to be okay.”

Jack watched her leave in silence. _I hope so,_ he thought, _I really hope so,_ because hope, and his team, were all he had left.

* * *

A few hours later, Jack was roused from his thoughts by the sound of running footsteps pounding up the metal stairs.

“Jack!”

Owen practically flew in. His abrupt entrance caused Jack to look up from the papers he was reading and he frowned in confusion.

“Owen, what’s wrong?”

“I’m a bleeding idiot, that’s what’s wrong. Jack, I’m sorry. I should have completed the report from our London operation last night after the bike ride, but then the rash of Weevils killing each other came up and that distracted me.” He paced across the room, looking both annoyed at himself and rather worried.

“Owen, please just tell me what’s going on!”

“I’ve just finished going through the papers for Saturday’s clean up and based on the number of people we retconned, there is an alarming quantity of retcon missing.”

“How much?” Jack asked, hearing the echoes of a similar conversation he had had in the very same office several months previously.

“Let’s say enough to wipe out the memories of one person for a period of roughly three and a half years.”

“You don’t think…” Jack could not bring himself to finish the question.

“All I’m saying is that amount of retcon didn’t just vanish into thin air. Did Ianto have a chance to steal some of our supplies at any point on Saturday?”

Jack leant back in his chair, rubbing his hands across his face in a gesture of tiredness and frustration. 

“I honestly don’t know, Owen. Things were really hectic, as you know, particularly when Myfanwy was still around. I suppose he could easily have done so while we were distracted by the crowds, particularly since he kept ducking in and out of the marquee to prepare more drinks for the people around.”

Owen continued to pace the floor; Jack’s answer not giving him the comfort he needed.

“Ianto can't remove his memories again. I'm surprised that the amount of retcon he took didn't fry his brain the first time round, but he will certainly not survive another dose as big as that.” 

Owen's voice lacked his usual snark, which showed just how serious he was about the consequences of Ianto attempting to retcon himself a second time.

“How much does Ianto know about retcon?” Jack queried. “Would he be aware that trying to retcon himself again would be equivalent to committing suicide?”

“He’s a smart man, Jack, so I would think he does know.” Owen continued his pacing. “Then again, Suzie retconned one person over and over and he survived.”

“Yes, but that was very low doses and he wasn’t exactly sane by the end of it,” Jack pointed out.

“That’s true,” Owen agreed. “But Ianto must know the risk involved. He must do.”

The tone of his voice made Jack wonder who it was that Owen was trying to convince.

“So, what do we do?” Jack asked.

“It’s been two days since he stole those pills. If he was going to take them, he would have had ample time to do so by now. If he has retconned himself, there’s nothing we can do for him. There’s no antidote for the drug.”

“Are you saying we’re too late?” Disbelief coloured Jack’s voice. 

“Most likely.” Owen looked down. “Who knows what he’s been up to for the past two days.”

“Who knows…” Jack trailed off. “Tosh might know, she phoned him yesterday!”

Together the men strode to the door.

“Tosh!” they shouted in unison.

Alarmed by such a loud summons, she came running. Gwen followed her, curious about why both Jack and Owen were calling for Tosh.

“What’s wrong?” Tosh groaned, muscles protesting the sudden burst of activity.

“You spoke to Ianto yesterday, didn’t you?” Jack demanded.

“You know I did.” Tosh raised her eyebrows in confusion.

“What did he sound like? Was he okay? Did he say how he was feeling? Do you know what he was planning to do next?”

Tosh raised her hands to stop the barrage of questions.

“Jack, stop!” She gave him a stern look. “You asked me all this yesterday. As I told you then, what Ianto and I talked about during our conversation is between me and him. He’s my friend and he trusts me. I’m sorry but I can’t betray that trust.”

Much to her surprise, it was Owen who replied. Stepping forward, he reached out as though to take her hand before apparently thinking better of it, and began speaking. “We understand that Tosh, but trust me, this is important, really important. We really do need to know the answers to Jack’s questions.”

Owen’s serious tone caused Tosh’s eyes to widen with concern and she slowly nodded her agreement. Jack shot Owen a grateful look.

Tosh took a moment to decide where to start, but when she began speaking it was with confidence. “He was confused, which is to be expected. He was happy that I called and we spoke for quite a while. By the end of the call he said I had helped him to make his choice, although he gave no indication what that choice might be. I offered to visit him in London, but he said he had some things he needed to do by himself first. He sounded…fine.”

Both men noticed the hesitation that had crept into her voice the more she spoke, and they exchanged a worried look.

“What is it, Tosh?” Jack prompted her. “What aren’t you saying?”

“I don’t know, there was just something about the way the call ended.” She frowned, thinking back to the day before. “I think it was the last thing he said that worried me a little.”

“What did he say?” Jack pressed her.

“Goodbye, Toshiko.” Her voice was barely above whisper. “It was so formal.”

The look of concern on both men’s faces intensified as they considered the implications of the seemingly innocent words. Gwen interrupted in frustration.

“Will you kindly tell us what’s going on already?!”

Jack gave a nervous laugh at Gwen’s impatience, an emotion mirrored on Tosh’s face, and then immediately sobered.

“Owen has just discovered a bag of retcon went missing in London. We’ve concluded that Ianto stole it,” he explained. “We think he took enough of the drug to erase about three and a half years of his memories.”

“He can’t,” Tosh gasped. “It’ll kill him!”

“We know,” Owen replied. “The question is, does Ianto?”

“He must do,” Tosh echoed Owen’s thoughts from earlier. “Surely he must do.”

“We certainly hope so. But the question is whether he is desperate enough to take the risk?” Owen asked.

“Does the name Lisa ring any bells? I think we know what risks he is capable of taking when he is desperate enough,” Jack reminded him curtly.

“Point taken, but is he that desperate this time?” retorted Owen.

“He said he wished he could erase the memories of his time with Torchwood again, while retaining everything from his life in London,” Tosh recalled. “But of course retcon doesn’t work that way.”

“It sounds as though his memories of Mark may be the only thing stopping him from doing anything seriously stupid,” Jack remarked grimly.

“No Jack, it isn’t just about Mark.” Tosh shook her head with some frustration. “Hear what I said. It’s everything about his new life. He’s created plenty of good memories during his time in London and he sounded very reluctant to lose any of them. Mark is just one part of a much bigger picture.”

“That’s something, at least,” Gwen said and offered the others a hopeful smile. “The more good reasons he has to remember, the better.”

“Gwen’s right.” Owen shuffled his feet, tense with nervous energy. “The higher the value he places on his current life, the less likely he is to put himself in danger.”

“Considering Ianto has lived through the battle of Canary Wharf and faced all manner of deadly threats during his time at Torchwood Three, it would be a cruel irony if he died from an overdose of the same drug that once allowed him to forget all that, and gave him a new beginning.” Jack murmured quietly.

“Even if he isn’t going to take the retcon himself, that doesn’t mean he’s not intending to use it,” Owen said slowly. “He might be planning to retcon Mark instead. He wouldn’t need all of the retcon for that, of course.”

“He could be planning to retcon Mark so he can return to Cardiff, to us,” Gwen suggested; the quiver in her voice betraying the hope in her words.

“I don’t know,” Jack hesitated, resisting the urge to get caught up in Gwen’s hope. “I don’t think he has any reason to come back.” He cast a glance at Tosh but she said nothing, so he continued. “Besides, Ianto must realise how suspicious it would be if Mark lost his memories of the day when his own returned.”

“That would depend on how much of Mark’s memory Ianto was planning to erase,” Owen argued. “If it was months rather than days, that might be rather different.”

Exchanging glances that mixed concern and doubt they stood for a few moments, absorbing the impact of Owen’s words. Allowing herself a sigh Tosh broke the silence.

“There is something else.” Tosh spoke as though she were making a confession. “He said that he had a third option, that he could choose neither Mark nor Jack, neither life, but start again somewhere else”

“But why do that?” Gwen interrupted, “If he sounded really reluctant to lose his London life he wouldn’t do that. And it would hurt Mark in the process and that would add to his burdens.” 

“I’m just telling you what he said. He said he could disappear again, this time so well that not even Jack could find him. He may be planning to retcon Mark as part of vanishing again.”

“He may be capable of doing all that, but that doesn’t explain why he would do it!” Gwen argued back.

Tosh grimaced, knowing that what she was about to tell them would give no comfort to the discussion.

“When he talked about his third option he said that it was only fair he paid a price because his amnesia was self-inflicted.” She held up a hand to forestall their reactions. “He said it would hurt but he thought the true price of his actions would be to sacrifice something too.”

“Always so bloody noble,” muttered Owen, looking at Jack “And it means it’s a real possibility.” 

“No wonder he said retconning Mark wasn’t a choice you got to make, Jack. He was keeping it for himself,” added Tosh.

Feeling all the enormity of the change in direction of the conversation Jack floundered for something to say.

“But to put together another new life at such short notice, it’s too difficult; and he’ll know we’ll discover the missing retcon.”

“Shit, shit, shit,” Gwen cursed, her expression horrified as a new realisation dawned. “He’s learnt from Suzie.”

“Care to explain that riddle?” Jack almost barked.

“Back up plans, a Plan B; I don’t know,” Gwen rushed on, words spilling out as the idea formed. “Suzie’s retconning of Max Edwards was only a small part of a much bigger Plan B. She knew that what she was doing with the glove might go wrong, so she created a Plan B to have us bring her back so she could make a new life. And don’t forget that Suzie also had a Plan C; she had programmed two more people from the Pilgrim group in case anything went wrong with Max Edwards. Ianto knew all that when he was preparing his plans. He could have done a similar thing. Given how meticulous he was, isn’t it likely he prepared his own Plan B just in case Torchwood came back to haunt him.”

“You mean he could already have everything in place for another new identity.” Jack groaned as he felt the rug being pulled from under him.

Gwen looked at him and simply nodded.

“We always did underestimate him,” Tosh remarked.

“And that is precisely why we’re in this mess.” Owen raised his voice to prevent further speculation. “So everyone take a deep breath and calm down. We don’t know what his plans may be, but we do know we can’t let him keep the retcon if he’s still got it. Imagine the damage those pills could inflict in careless hands.” 

“You’re right Owen, that has to be a priority. I agree.” Jack nodded. “Seems I will be making one more trip to London after all. Perhaps at the same time I’ll find out what Ianto has chosen.”

“Hang on, Jack,” Gwen said. “We should see what we can learn from here first. Tosh, could you try ringing Ianto again? If he picks up, perhaps we can find out his plans for the retcon that way.”

“Good idea, Gwen.” Jack gave her a grateful smile.

Tosh pulled her phone out and they all stared at her in tense silence while she dialled Ianto’s number. After leaving a brief message she ended the call and gave the others a small shrug.

“All I got was his voicemail,” she reported.

“Let me start running database searches then,” Gwen offered. “We can find out where he is by tracing his phone and if he’s not at home, we can run a facial recognition programme on the CCTV from his area to figure out where he might have gone.”

“I’ll keep trying to ring him,” Tosh added.

“I’ll help with the CCTV,” Owen said.

The tension in the room seemed to ease a little, now that everyone had something tangible they could do. Jack looked at his small team, a sad smile on his lips.

“You should still go to London sooner rather than later,” Owen suggested to him. “The thought of that much retcon unaccounted for makes me very uncomfortable.”

“Yeah, me too, so I’ll go straight away.” Jack nodded and walked to his desk to find the keys to the red convertible. They had given up any pretence of returning the car and Jack had to admit that it was handy to have around, even if it was a little indiscreet. Perhaps he ought to have it painted black.

“Jack,” Tosh’s worried voice stopped him just as his hand closed over the keys. She looked around, to check that Gwen and Owen had left the office, before continuing: “Please don’t be too mad at Ianto. He must have felt pretty desperate at the time he took the pills.”

“I’m not mad,” he reassured her. “I just want to make sure that he is okay and we get the retcon back. I can see a kind of terrible logic behind his actions. If I could grant him his wish to forget about Torchwood again while preserving his memories of his new life, I would. In a heart beat.”

Jack smiled sadly at the relief on Tosh’s face.

“If Ianto is not at home, I suspect he will be with Mark,” Tosh offered.

“How so?” Jack asked, wondering what else Tosh knew that she had not yet shared.

“He said that once he had made his choice, he would have to talk to Mark, regardless of what he decided,” she answered, thinking back to the conversation the day before.

“Yeah, of course he would.” Jack nodded. “Mark deserves some form of explanation and closure, one way or another. He’s a good man.”

“So are you Jack.”

“I’m pretty sure Ianto doesn’t think that.’

“Perhaps he does.”

Jack looked at her quizzically. “OK Toshiko, out with it; what else was said in your conversation. There’s obviously something you want to tell me; and if it’s anything that will help us now it’s best I hear it.” 

Smiling softly Tosh replied “Ianto asked how you were and it seemed he didn’t just mean the after-effects of Myfanwy’s exploits. So I told him how you’ve been since you returned; that you’ve changed, that you’re no longer the man who chased after the Doctor all those months ago. I also told him that you and Gwen are finally just friends and nothing more, and that she’s marrying Rhys.”

“You did! And what did he say?”

“He was surprised. Positively surprised, but surprised nevertheless, by all of it.”

“I can imagine. And what else did you say about me?”

“I told him that you genuinely admired and respected him for the new life he has created for himself.”

“Why?” Jack could not help asking. “Why did you tell him all that?”

“Because he hadn’t made his choice. Because he deserves to know who you have become, because he might come back.” Tosh replied without hesitation. “He needed to know that so he could make an informed decision. Ianto said that he liked the Jack he got to know during his time in London and in hindsight he liked that Jack more than he liked you before you both left. I felt it was important that he knows that the new Jack wasn’t just a front put on for him, but that it is who you have grown to be around us too.”

“Oh Tosh.” Jack hugged her and pressed a kiss to her temple.

“Ianto told me that you had said that you did love him.” Tosh gave him a sad smile.

“I wasn’t sure he heard me,” Jack murmured. “I wasn’t sure he wanted to hear me.”

“He did hear you,” Tosh assured him. “And it sounded like it affected him. You must know, you absolutely have to know, that it isn’t an easy decision he has to make. He was my best friend and yet I have no inkling what he will choose or has chosen.”

“I would have thought that Mark and London would be the obvious choice for him,” Jack said slowly, the words clearly making him feel uncomfortable. “But it sounds like you’re hinting that he could decide to return.”

“I don’t know Jack, I just don’t know.” Tosh shook her head. “There are no obvious choices here.”

Jack said nothing, merely looked a little sceptical. 

“Ianto cares a great deal for Mark, sure, but he also cares about you,” Tosh argued. “And you two have a great deal more history.”

“Yeah, but not all of it is good,” Jack muttered.

“No, but not all of it is bad either,” Tosh quickly countered. “And as I said, he likes the new Jack.”

“I’m trying not to get my hopes up too much,” Jack admitted. “I feel like my emotions have been put through a wringer as it is. I can’t imagine how much worse this must feel for Ianto.”

Tosh gave him a sympathetic smile before continuing: “You’ll both survive this, you’re both strong men. And in the interest of full disclosure, you should also know that I told Ianto that we didn’t retcon Rhys after he became involved in the space whale incident.”

“He must be relieved, potentially both for Mark and for himself,” Jack remarked.

“He said he certainly didn’t expect that.” Tosh nodded. “And it does set a precedent.”

Jack also nodded “It certainly does that.” 

He turned partly away from her and glanced around his office. His eyes landed on his coat, hanging up in its usual place. Tosh followed his gaze and on an impulse she went to fetch it. Returning to Jack, she held it up in a clear offer to help him put it on.

“Don’t,” Jack whispered. “Just, don’t.”

“I’m sorry, Jack,” she hastily apologised, realising that she had overstepped a boundary. 

“It’s fine.” He smiled tightly and took the coat from her, slipping it on with a practised ease. 

“I better go,” he then said and kissed her cheek. “Thanks for being such a good friend.”

“Always, Jack,” she replied and squeezed his hand. “I hope you find Ianto and the bag of retcon.” 

“I’ll keep you posted,” he said and walked out with a nod.

Tosh followed him out of the office and down the metal stairs. She paused by the work stations and Owen moved to her side to watch Jack walk out. They stood close enough that their shoulders were just touching. Gwen stayed back, watching them with a small smile and enjoying a brief moment of respite amidst their concerns for Ianto.

“I really, really hope he’s not going to find Ianto dead or in a coma in his flat,” Owen voiced the fear that plagued them all.

“Me too,” was all Tosh could say in response. “Me too.”

* * *

Jack drove to London in record time, his fear for Ianto’s safety making him push the car to its limits. Amazingly, he managed to avoid any Highway Patrols this time round, but he suspected that the average speed check cameras caught him speeding several times. Something for Tosh to take care of later.

He was forced to slow when he got to London and soon the rush hour traffic had reduced his speed to crawling; one in a seemingly endless queue of cars. He cursed the cars around him, but once he was in the thick of the traffic, there was nothing he could do but grind his teeth and wait it out. Eventually the queues eased and he was able to drive the remaining miles at a more reasonable speed. Unusually for London, there was plenty of parking by Ianto’s building, so finding somewhere to leave the car was easy.

It was likewise easy to pick the lock on Ianto’s front door. He rang the door bell first, but resorted to breaking and entering when there was no answer. The silence inside was no less oppressing than the one he had broken two days earlier when he had given voice to his feelings for Ianto.

“Ianto?” he called out.

His heart was beating wildly as he listened for signs of life. Hearing none, he conducted a brief sweep of the rooms, desperately afraid that around every corner he might find Ianto’s lifeless body. It did not take long to discover that the flat was deserted.

He switched on his comms unit and spoke to Gwen.

“Gwen, Ianto’s not home. Any luck with locating him?”

“None, I’m afraid,” she replied. “We can’t triangulate his phone, he’s either got it switched off or he has disabled the GPS on it. The last time it was used was when he spoke to Tosh. After that there’s nothing, no calls, no texts. Likewise we can’t seem to find him on CCTV at all.” 

“What!” Jack exclaimed “There has to be something.”

“There was, but it was yesterday; soon after his call with Tosh. He went out dressed in running gear and we’ve got him returning home some hours later. He looked physically exhausted like he’d run himself out completely. But after that there’s nothing.”

“Oh come on guys, look again, you’re missing something!”

It was Tosh who responded with some annoyance. “We’ve been over it and over it Jack, there’s nothing. If he’s not there he must have left again at some point after that, but when he did he managed to avoid being seen by all the cameras.”

“A sure sign that Ianto has his memories back and doesn’t want to be found,” Owen added darkly.

Frustrated by the lack of information Jack barked out some orders. “Okay, time for our Plan B. Find out where Mark lives. Find out his phone number, find out where he works, and try to locate him. It’s very likely that if we find Mark we’ll also find Ianto.”

“We’re on it,” Gwen said.

Jack paced around Ianto’s kitchen while he waited for his team to work their magic, every passing moment making him more tense. Eventually he brought himself under control and regained enough calm composure to conduct a thorough search of the flat. He found no trace of the missing retcon, but he did notice that some of Ianto’s belongings appeared to be gone. 

As he returned to the lounge, an envelope on the dining table caught his eye. Drawing closer, he saw that it was addressed to him. His hands trembled as he opened it and pulled out a thick sheet of paper filled with Ianto’s familiar handwriting. A tremor ran through him as he sat down and began to read.

Jack read the letter twice before abandoning it on the table. He stood, the seal around his emotions cracked by the contents of the letter. It was his emotions that carried him blindly to the bedroom where he pulled a suit jacket from the wardrobe. Burying his face deep into the fabric he inhaled the scent that was so familiar, so very Ianto. With a shuddering breath he let his tears fall.

Minutes later the comms crackled back into life; a practical reality drawing him back from his sorrow.

“Got it,” Gwen rattled off an address for him. “I checked the address and it’s not far from Ianto’s flat.”

“Tell me how to get there and I’ll go now; and ask Tosh to keep working on his phone.”

Returning the suit jacket to its place in the wardrobe Jack strode to the door, and then remembered the letter. He returned to the lounge long enough to pick it up and then rushed out. He did not bother getting in the car; it would be just as quick to run. And run he did, Gwen’s voice in his ear providing directions.

He was just ringing Mark’s door bell when Gwen delivered more bad news.

“We can’t get a location on Mark’s phone either, nor can we spot him on CCTV near his flat at any point today. He took his dog out for a walk yesterday evening, but there’s nothing after that. I’m sorry Jack.”

“Jack, there’s more.” It was Owen. “Security logs at Mark’s work indicate he didn’t enter the building today, but there’s no one about who can confirm that he didn’t show up for work. He might have been working off site.”

“What about you Tosh, any good news for me?”

“Sorry Jack, my news is just as bad. I hacked into the National Archives records and CCTV; Ianto didn’t appear at his desk all day.”

“OK guys, thanks for trying,” Jack said quietly, bracing himself for what might be about to come. “I guess we might know more in a minute.”

When no one answered the door and no dog was heard barking, Jack assumed that this flat was also empty. He quickly broke in and barely took in the spacious flat and the walls covered in Ianto’s photographs. All he cared about was finding Ianto and finding the retcon, or whatever might remain of it. Again he conducted a thorough search and again he came up empty. 

Feeling hopelessness wash over him, Jack sank to Mark’s sofa and pulled out Ianto’s letter reading it once again. It was clear: the choice was made and all they had left were consequences. With a heavy heart Jack left the flat.

Just as he reached the car, Owen spoke to him through the comms.

“We’ve got a report of Weevil activity at the docks. It may be continuation of the fighting that has been going for the past few days. Those Weevils are getting awfully bold and aggressive, and we may need to figure out a more permanent solution. For the time being, we have to go check it out, unless you need anything further from us?”

“No. You go ahead and take care of the Weevils. Mark’s flat was empty too and I’m pretty much out of ideas,” Jack replied. “I’ll talk to you all back at the Hub later.”

“Okay.”

“Oh, and Owen,” Jack continued. “Be careful out there.”

“We will,” Owen said with an unusual note of warmth in his voice. “And you do the same.”

Jack switched off the comms and slid into the car. He rested his head against the steering wheel, willing himself to find the motivation to get moving. Ianto’s words kept echoing in his mind and fresh tears slid down his face unnoticed.

It was well after midnight when he arrived back at the Hub. The team was waiting for him when he entered, despite the late hour. They crowded around, anxious for more news. One look at Jack’s drawn, tear-stained face and Tosh paled.

“Did you find them?” she asked

“Did you find the retcon?” asked Owen, his voice barely above a trembling whisper.

“The retcon is gone,” Jack said, fighting hard against a fresh wave of anguish,” and so is Ianto. And I don’t know exactly where or how for either.”

They gasped in unison. Tosh staggered a little and Owen placed a steadying arm around her. Gwen was the first to lose the fight against tears, frustrated by news that really was no news.

“It can’t end this way!” she exclaimed through her tears.

Owen cut across her. “Hang on, what do you mean by exactly where or how?”

Without saying a word Jack pulled the letter from his pocket and handed it to Tosh. A range of emotions flickered across her features as she read Ianto’s words. When she was finished, she handed the letter to Owen and pulled Jack into a tight hug. Gwen tried to control her tears as she moved to stand next to Owen so she could read the letter over his shoulder. Once they too had taken in its contents, Owen allowed the paper to slip from his grasp and flutter to the floor. Both he and Gwen moved close to Jack and Tosh, who still stood in an embrace, and tentatively wrapped their arms around them.

A low, keening cry floated down from above them; the sound a perfect echo of the anguish they were all feeling. Alerted by the sounds of sorrow and the changes in Jack’s pheromones, Myfanwy had stirred in her aerie. She swooped down and landed gracefully next to the team. She too seemed to know that Ianto was not coming home. Jack extracted an arm from his embrace with Tosh and gently rested it on Myfanwy’s neck, so she would also receive comfort from those who still remained. She leaned into his touch, her mournful cry never faltering.

For a long while the remaining members of Torchwood Three simply stood in the circle of arms, each of them grieving for the one they had lost.

* * *

In the early hours of the morning, and after the others had departed in tiredness and sorrow, Jack slowly made his way down to the morgue. He walked past rows and rows of steel doors that marked the resting places of so many Torchwood operatives, most of whom had died far too young. Towards the back of the cavernous space, empty gurneys were waiting for a time in the future when they would bear the lifeless bodies of his current team members.

With a sigh he gently laid his precious burden on the tiled floor and pulled open one of the metal doors. On the steel bed, a white fabric body bag was neatly folded, waiting to become the cocoon shrouding yet another broken body in its eternal sleep. He pulled it off the gurney, careful to preserve its precise folds. There was no body to be laid to rest this time, so the shroud was not required. Just this once, the one to be recorded and honoured would not be resting here.

Jack picked up a long, flat metal box and laid it reverently on the gurney. Three different locks and a welded seal guaranteed that no one would disturb its contents. Everything from Ianto’s box of memories had been transferred to a more durable container to ensure they were kept safe for as long as Torchwood existed. It felt appropriate somehow to place them here in the morgue; a sign of the team member, of the friend, of the lover, they had lost. No one but he knew what objects lay here and he knew no member of his team would ever open the door once he had sealed it.

He ran his hands over the cold surface of the box, thinking about the items to be stored. He had never read Ianto’s diaries beyond the one entry read when at the storage unit; and he was content to let them keep their secrets. Going through page after page of Ianto’s thoughts now would only bring further regrets and he was already burdened enough. It was best to let the past remain undisturbed.

With one sweeping motion he pushed the gurney back into its allotted space, the wheels moving with a quiet hiss. He pulled from his pocket a card that identified that particular cabinet as occupied and slotted it into the door. His hand rose unbidden to touch the stopwatch in his pocket. It was the only item belonging to Ianto that he had kept. He would carry it with him wherever his travels would take him in the future, a keepsake to ensure he would never forget the Welshman he had once loved.

Resting his forehead against the closed door, his warm breath fogging the dull surface, he took a deep breath to steady himself. He then spoke the words he had once believed he would not have to say for many, many years:

“Rest in peace, Ianto Jones.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More author’s notes: While I usually love hearing people’s speculations about what’s going to happen next, in this instance could I ask you please not to do so in a review. If you think you’ve figured out the implications of this particular cliff hanger and want to talk to me about it, please could you do so via a PM? I’m more than happy to talk about it; I just want to avoid spoilers as much as possible.
> 
> The next chapter will be called Love Worth Remembering.


	19. Love Worth Remembering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood.
> 
> Author’s notes: I’m officially going to stop saying that the chapters will get shorter. In fact, they’ll probably continue growing. Next one will be 50k long! Not really. This one broke a new record, however, since the editing process saw it grow from 3.5k to 8.5k in length. Greatly improved along the way, of course.
> 
> In terms of timing, this chapter runs parallel with chapter 18.
> 
> Thanks for everyone’s continued support!
> 
> A huge thanks as ever for Darcy58 for his amazing efforts as my beta!

Love Worth Remembering

Mark awoke slowly from dreams filled with blue eyes and a sensual Welsh voice. He stretched, enjoying the feeling of delicious fatigue in his muscles. He loved waking up like that, aching in all the right places. What a night it had been; Ianto…

His drowsy thoughts were interrupted by reality reasserting itself. The events of the last two days flashed across his mind. A prehistoric reptile landing in London had ended Ianto’s amnesia. Jack had turned out to be not just Ianto’s old lover but also his former boss. Ianto had been gone for over a day and last night he had come to Mark a changed man. He had no idea what all the shocking revelations meant for them, for their relationship.

Mark felt a pang of regret at how badly wrong that perfect Saturday with Ianto had ended. Up until the phone call from Jack, they had been as happy as they had ever been. They were so right for each other, he and Ianto, that his plans for the evening had developed almost on their own accord.

He rolled over in bed so he could reach the bedside cabinet. From the drawer, hidden under boxes of cufflinks, he pulled out a black velvet bag. The weight of the platinum ring it contained felt reassuring on his palm. He had bought the ring on an impulse a week earlier. It was of course far too soon for him to propose to Ianto. They had only known each other for a few short months, but nothing had ever felt so right. He had loved his previous partners, but not the way he loved Ianto. Despite the uncertainties of his past, he also knew that Ianto cared for him a great deal. He wanted to bind his life to Ianto’s; to publicly declare who it was he loved.

But the man who had made love to him for so many hours was not the one he had first encountered in the park many months ago. Nor was he the man Mark had come to know so well. Ianto had changed overnight and something about his new demeanour made Mark question their future. He wanted his Ianto as much as ever, but he was not certain there was a place for him in this Ianto’s life.

With a sigh he put the bag containing the ring back in the drawer. As he pushed the drawer shut, he felt eyes on him. He glanced over his shoulder to find Ianto casually leaning against the door and watching him with an inscrutable expression. He was dressed in a pair of Mark’s boxers and a t-shirt. Despite the apprehension he was feeling, the sight of Ianto wearing his clothes sent a flush of arousal through Mark. He felt strangely exposed, lying on the bed, barely covered in a sheet and pinned in place by Ianto’s expression. He wondered how long Ianto had been watching him.

“Ianto,” he whispered, when the intensity of the moment became too much. He forced his features into a smile.

“Hey,” Ianto said softly and walked closer. He sat on the edge of the bed and reached for Mark’s hand, entwining their fingers. The contact soothed away some of Mark’s apprehension.

“How long have you been up?” he asked.

“About an hour.” Ianto shrugged. “I didn’t want to wake you since you seemed pretty exhausted. I fed Sinta earlier, by the way.”

“I can’t quite believe how I fell asleep so quickly after drinking that coffee last night,” Mark mused.

“That’s easily explained,” Ianto said with a smile. “I gave you decaf.”

“Ah, that does make sense.” Mark nodded, “but I thought you detested decaf.”

“It seemed like the best thing to do,” Ianto explained. “I didn’t want to ruin your chances of getting some sleep and given the time, I thought it would be unlikely that we’d make it to work today. I figured, what the hell.”

“Work… Shit, I’m going to be so late for work today!” Mark suddenly realised. He sat up, looking for his phone.

“Don’t worry, I called in sick for both of us earlier,” Ianto reassured him. “I’m not sure how convinced your boss was, but she didn’t saying anything to me.”

“Phew, thanks.” Mark relaxed back onto the bed and gave Ianto a quick kiss. “And in that case, thanks for letting me have my beauty sleep.” Mark grinned.

“You hardly need it,” Ianto said, rolling his eyes. “You’re beautiful enough as it is!”

Mark gave Ianto a warm smile. They lapsed into silence, both wondering where to start with all the things they needed to say to each other. It was Mark who spoke up first.

“Ianto, last night was…” he trailed off, uncertain how to finish the sentence. He felt an uncharacteristic coyness creep across his cheeks.

“I’m sorry about last night,” Ianto said, breaking the eye contact and staring instead at their linked hands.

“You are? Sorry for what?” Mark was suddenly perplexed.

“I wasn’t feeling myself and I was rather…demanding.” Ianto looked a little embarrassed. “I’m sorry if last night overwhelmed you.”

“It didn’t,” Mark was quick to reassure him. “It was unexpected and at times a little unnerving, but it was also pretty incredible. No one has ever made love to me like that before. And it wasn’t just about it being amazing sex. Truth is it felt like I saw more of the real you than I ever have, like I saw you at your most raw, most unguarded.”

Ianto’s eyes widened in surprise and they rose to meet Mark’s.

“You do understand,” Ianto whispered, voice filled with awe.

“It was a privilege.” Mark brought their entwined hands up to brush his lips against Ianto’s fingers.

“Mark,” Ianto uttered his name, sounding hoarse from the emotions that were threatening to overcome him.

Mark did the only thing he could think of and pulled Ianto into a kiss. He poured all his love and uncertainty into the kiss, seeking to convey everything he could not find words for. Ianto responded with equal passion and it was a long time before they pulled apart.

“Are you okay?” Mark asked as they both caught their breath.

“Can’t deny it’s been a tough few days,” Ianto admitted. He scooted onto the bed, so that he was leaning against the headboard, never letting go of Mark’s hand. “We need to talk about it all, if you’re ready.”

“I am, but I’m not sure where I would start,” Mark said and shifted up so that they sat shoulder to shoulder. “There’re just so many places to start.”

“Let’s start with Myfanwy,” Ianto suggested. 

Mark laughed ironically. “Sure, why not… the existence of a prehistoric reptile is as good a place as any!”

They both chuckled lightly before Ianto became serious.

“Look, Mark, you can’t ever tell anyone about her existence.”

“But how is she even possible?” he asked.

“She flew through a Rift in time and space that runs through Cardiff - ” 

“What the hell is a Rift in time and space?” Mark interrupted him.

“I can fully explain all of that later; but I need to explain first why you can’t say anything about Myfanwy.” 

“OK then…” Mark tried to think of something to add. “Funny name by the way.”

Ianto chuckled briefly before continuing:

“It’s Welsh. I named her because I found her on the outskirts of the city, lost and confused, and sort of persuaded Jack to adopt her. I looked after her for a year and she became quite fond of me.”

“Yes, I did rather get that impression at the park.” Mark nodded with a smile. 

“But the thing is, if the general public found out about her, she would be locked in a cage for people to gawk at, or worse dissected in the name of science. So she must remain a secret.”

“I understand and I’ll certainly never tell a soul about her; who would believe me anyway!” Mark promised.” But Ianto, she was seen by dozens of people. And how many more saw her flying? You – or they – can hardly keep her a secret now.”

“I’m afraid you’re wrong.” Ianto let out a hollow laugh. “Of all the people who saw her, you and I are the only ones outside Jack’s team who remember that afternoon at the park.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that there is a drug that erases memories and everyone there will have received a dose.” Ianto cringed at the casual way he uttered the words.

“How do you know?”

“Because I helped Jack and Owen administer the drug. The rest of Jack’s team will have erased any photos and video footage of her posted online. The whole Myfanwy coming to London incident has been well and truly covered up.”

“You did what!” Mark looked horrified “God, Ianto, that’s just …well, I don’t really know what it is…it seems somehow so wrong. That you could do that…” 

As Mark stumbled for words to capture his thoughts Ianto watched his reaction carefully. When it seemed he could find no more words Ianto said simply:

“It’s part of what they do, it’s part of what I used to do. I realise that it must sound awful to you, but there are plenty of things out there that people are not ready to remember, that they should never have to remember. Sometimes, the amnesia drug can be a good thing, or at least the best of bad alternatives.”

“I see,” Mark said, still trying to process everything Ianto had told him. 

Ianto was about to speak again when he was interrupted by the ringing of his phone. Letting go of Mark’s hand he moved off the bed and grabbed his jeans. He pulled the phone out from the pocket and frowned as he recognised the number. Instead of answering, he simply stared at the phone.

“Do you need some privacy to take the call?” Mark asked, motioning that he could leave the room if Ianto wanted him to.

“No,” Ianto said slowly as he let the call go to his voicemail. “I don’t want any interruptions today. This day is just about you and me.” To emphasise his words, he switched off his phone and tucked it back in the pocket of his jeans.

“Agreed.” Mark smiled and followed suit with his own phone. 

“Tell you what,” Ianto continued after a moment’s silence. “I know we have plenty more we need to talk about, but let’s not have the conversation here. Let’s get out of town for the day. We’ll take Sinta with us and make it a road trip.”

“I’m up for that,” Mark agreed, grateful for the interruption. He welcomed the chance to gather his thoughts. “Did you have a particular destination in mind?”

“There’s this restaurant I’ve wanted to try called the Fat Duck in Berkshire. Fancy trying it today?”

“Heston Blumenthal’s restaurant in Bray? Absolutely.” Mark grinned. “A beautiful autumn day in Berkshire. Who knows where else we might end up?”

“The whole of Britain is our oyster,” Ianto chuckled.

“Sounds like a plan,” Mark agreed.

They got up together and started locating their clothes, which had been scattered around the bedroom floor. Ianto was about to change Mark’s t-shirt for his own when Mark stopped him. A faint blush was creeping across Mark’s cheeks as he said with a hint of shyness: “I rather like you in my clothes.”

Ianto chuckled in response and kissed Mark’s bare shoulder.

They got dressed quickly and grabbed a slice of toast each for very late breakfast. Sinta got excited when she saw them packing her things, and she parked herself at the front door to make sure her men could not leave without her. Mark and Ianto laughed quietly at her quirks, their shared affection for her plain on their faces.

Once they were outside, Ianto quickly took charge.

“Come this way.”

Ianto took Mark’s hand and steered them both and Sinta along the rear of the flats, rather than heading straight for the car park.

“Where are we going?” Mark frowned in confusion.

“To the car.”

“Okay, but why are we going this way? The car is over there.” Mark pointed over his shoulder.

“I know,” Ianto replied evenly. “I’m just being a little discreet.” As he spoke he glanced towards a CCTV camera that they were dodging. 

Mark followed his eyes and looked even more baffled. “You’re avoiding the camera?”

“Yes.”

“But why?”

“Because all sorts of people will be watching.” Ianto gave him a grim smile. “And today I’d rather not be seen.”

Mark looked concerned at his words, but followed him without a word. Clearly there was much Ianto still had to explain.

Once Sinta was secured in the back seat and they were in the car, Ianto gave Mark directions out of London. The route he chose was convoluted and Mark could only assume it was because he was avoiding more cameras. While Mark drove, Ianto kept his body turned away from the windows, so any passing cameras could not capture a good picture of his face.

After they reached the motorway, Ianto gradually relaxed. The tension in the car remained, however, as Mark considered everything Ianto had told him so far. What Ianto had said about the drug caused a sliver of fear to run through Mark. It must have shown on his face because Ianto captured his hand in his own and looked at him with concern.

“What is it?” he asked.

“I…” Mark hesitated, unsure how to put into words the terrible thought slowly forming in his mind.

“Go on,” Ianto urged him.

“I was just wondering… You said the drug erases memories, so it basically causes amnesia…” He took a deep breath and blurted out the question: “Was your memory loss really caused by the head wound?”

“You are so brilliant.” Ianto smiled ruefully. “You are really very clever. You know that, right?”

“I’ll take the compliment but, come on Ianto, no secrets. We’ve said that all the way along.”

Ianto stayed silent, turning to stare at the scenery flashing by.

“Well?” There was a note of challenge in Mark’s voice.

“No,” Ianto whispered. ”My amnesia was not caused by the head wound.”

“They erased your memories?” Mark’s mind rebelled at the injustice, at the violation of it. He gripped the steering wheel tightly with the hand not held by Ianto, trying to hide his response.

“No.” Ianto shook his head and returned his eyes to Mark, his words barely audible. “They didn’t cause my amnesia. I did.”

As Mark inhaled sharply, Ianto broke the eye contact again, sorrow etched on his face. This time the car swerved a little, before Mark brought it back under control.

“But why?” Mark struggled to voice his astonishment. “Why would you ever choose to do something like that to yourself?”

Ianto sat in silence for a long time, gathering his thoughts. Shadows of past pain and despair flickered over his features. When he finally met Mark’s eyes again, his own showed anguish and wisdom in equal measures.

“Because I’ve seen things, terrible things that no one should have to remember. Some of them were not of this earth…” 

At Mark’s quizzical look Ianto said “I promise I will explain that but there’s worse; I have also seen the darkest depths of the human soul – true human evil. I have sacrificed everything for love and I have lost everything. I’ve stopped counting how many times I’ve come within inches of death. I have seen blood spilled in the line of work and my hands have been covered in the blood of someone I loved. I came very close to accepting that instead of living my life I was merely waiting to die in the line of duty. I was so nearly okay with it. Jack’s departure was the final straw. I couldn’t stay, but I also couldn’t leave and still remember. I wanted to not remember any of it. In the end, the amnesia drug was a blessing.”

“I’m not sure I can really even conceive of what you’re saying,” Mark said quietly.

“You probably can’t, and rightly so,” Ianto told him, his voice flat and drained. “No one should be able to conceive of the things I’ve seen.”

“What kind of life did you have before?” Mark asked, his words heavy with a mixture of curiosity and shock.

“As I said, it wasn’t a life,” Ianto replied with a rueful smile.

Without a word, Mark steered the car onto the hard shoulder and stopped it there. 

“I never thought that there would be so much suffering in your past,” Mark spoke quietly, reaching to brush his fingertips gently over Ianto’s cheek.

“Look on the bright side,” Ianto said with a forced chuckle, uncomfortable with the pity he saw in Mark’s eyes, “it led to me London and to you.”

“But now you remember everything that happened to you.”

“But now I remember it all,” Ianto conceded.

“You must have been pretty desperate to erase your own memories.” 

“I know it sounds terrible, but it was the only way out I could take.”

“That is one hell of a decision to have to take about your own life” was all Mark said before he started the car again and eased them into the flow of traffic. Once the car was travelling at a steady speed, Mark found Ianto’s hand.

“What happened with Jack?” he asked. Part of him loathed asking the question, but he needed to know. 

“I had a girlfriend, Lisa, as you know. Unlike what I told you before, and what I thought happened to her, she died in a horrible way, and Jack was there for me. He stopped me from ending it all. In his complicated way, he needed me too. I’m not sure I could in all honesty call what we had a relationship; it was messy, hot and felt both incredibly wrong and oh so good.”

When Mark gave no reaction to this new information Ianto continued:

“Something terrible happened. We, Jack’s team, let him down and he sacrificed himself for us. For three days I thought he was dead. For three days I mourned him. But he came back. He kissed me in front of the team and then vanished with a man I knew he loved. I – we – could only assume that he was gone forever.”

“And that’s when you made your decision?”

“Yes, or soon afterwards. Without Jack there, the team started falling apart at the seams and I had very few reasons to stay.”

Silence settled between them as Mark processed everything Ianto had told him. He could tell there was much left unsaid, details glossed over, but he suspected he might come to know many of these in time if Ianto so chose.

“Seems he came back,” he remarked eventually.

“Seems he did,” Ianto agreed, “but as for me and him, we’re broken; possibly beyond repair.”

“So…” Mark scarcely dared to say the words. “You don’t want to repair it? Or go back to your old life?”

Again Ianto was silent for a long while, so long in fact that Mark nearly repeated his question. This time, however, there was a small smile playing on Ianto’s lips, which halted Mark’s words.

“It wasn’t all bad, my old life,” When Ianto finally spoke it was with a small measure of the delight that had become familiar to Mark over the preceding months. “Tosh, who accompanied Jack to the opening of my exhibition, was my best friend. She still is my best friend. She called me yesterday and helped me sort through my past and present to figure out what kind of future I want. I’ve missed her, without even realising that it was _her_ I was missing.”

“She seemed lovely, from the brief conversation I had with her that night,” Mark said.

“She is lovely and so brilliant.” Ianto smiled fondly. “I’ve missed Myfanwy too, although perhaps being around Sinta has made it a little easier. Often when the others had gone home I would go up to Myfanwy’s aerie and just spend time with her. I used to read her Welsh poetry, so she would know where her name came from. I think perhaps she was lonely too. She is so very far from her time and from her kind, after all.”

Ianto paused to consider what to say next.

“I had good moments with the others in the team as well, although there was also plenty of drama and conflicts. And Jack… Well, it certainly wasn’t all bad with Jack.”

Ianto smiled and squeezed Mark’s hand, a small gesture of reassurance to counter the weight of his words.

“On balance, however, the darkness outweighs the good moments. So, no.” Ianto shook his head. “I don’t want to go back to my old life.”

“But does that mean you want this new life, the one you’ve been living?”

“When I left Cardiff, I never even dared to dream that I might have a life like the one I’ve built for myself in London. Perhaps in some ways I didn’t think I deserved such a life. I have the kind of inner peace I could never have found in Cardiff. I’ve been happy and indeed I’ve been in control of my own happiness for the first time. I can see a future for me in a way I could never see before.”

Mark felt relief flood through him; but there was more he wanted to know; so many questions were filling his mind. One question in particular had been worming its way to the forefront of his mind and he realised he needed to have it answered. 

“Ianto, I can ask anything, right?” Mark spoke quietly.

“Of course, yes.”

“You said that no one other than you and me outside Jack’s team will remember My…Myfanwy?” He was still trying to formulate the thought as he spoke, faltering over the unfamiliar name of Ianto’s pteranodon.

“Yes?”

“Why do I still remember her?” Mark figured being blunt was the best way forward.

“What do you mean?” Ianto tilted his head to the side, asking the question even though he knew what Mark meant.

“Why wasn’t I given a dose of the amnesia drug? You could have slipped it into the coffee you made me last night, but you didn’t. Indeed, you warned me against accepting food or drink from anyone on Saturday. Why?”

“Because it felt wrong,” Ianto said, looking away. “It would have been a violation of the trust between us. I couldn’t let Jack drug you any more than I could do it myself. I told him he had no choice in the matter.”

Mark noticed the gravity in Ianto’s tone, and squeezing the hand holding his he responded in kind “Thank you for that trust. It means a lot.”

He thought for a moment than remarked “I suppose it would have been a little odd if I had forgotten about the day you got your memories back.” His speculations caused Ianto to chuckle.

“See, you continue to be brilliant,” Ianto said with a great deal of affection. “That’s exactly what I thought. Besides, it would have meant my having to lie to you and I don’t want to do that. Not now, not ever.”

“Good.” Mark nodded. “I much prefer honesty.”

“You and me both.”

They lapsed into thoughtful silence, while Mark was trying to figure out which of the many questions in his mind to ask next. 

“So you have access to a supply of amnesia drugs, then?” He picked the logical question to continue with.

“Jack has,” Ianto replied. “It often comes in handy in his line of work.”

“But you don’t?”

“I do now,” Ianto hesitated for a moment, “I stole some from them on Saturday.”

“Why?” Mark asked, although he thought that perhaps he already knew.

“Because on Saturday I still had no idea what to do,” Ianto spoke to their linked hands. “Because I didn’t know where to go from there. I knew I had some options, and two out of my three options would have required the use of the amnesia drug, which is called retcon by the way.”

“What were your options?” Mark tried to keep his voice level to counter the unease he felt at knowing Ianto had a supply of the drug.

“To stay with you here in London, or to return to Cardiff, or to vanish altogether.”

“And how would you have used the drug?” Mark continued his questioning.

“If I had chosen to vanish, chosen to start a new life somewhere different with a new identity, I would have erased your memories of Saturday.”

“Only of Saturday? Or would you have erased my memories of you completely?”

“Your brilliance again.” Ianto’s words held a touch of irony. “If I chose to I could have erased your memories of our entire relationship, to make it less painful once I disappeared without a trace. And it really would have been without a trace. No one, not even Jack would have been able to find me.”

“That’s a big claim.” Mark sounded slightly sceptical.

“Trust me, it is possible, in fact I considered such a possibility might be needed when I was planning this.”

“God, Ianto, you keep surprising me.”

“There’s more. If I had chosen to return to Cardiff again I would have had to erase your memories of Myfanwy, just in case. Jack would never have allowed you to keep your memories of her if I abandoned my life in London. If I didn’t drug you, he most certainly would have, despite my protests.”

“That sounds so ruthless. Tell me, would he have allowed me to keep my memories of you?”

“I honestly don’t know.” 

They travelled in silence for a time as Mark took in all the new information. It seemed that with every new detail Ianto revealed, there were several more questions to ask.

“Is that what you did before, then, just vanish from your old life?”

“Yes.” Ianto nodded. “I created myself a new life, a new identity in London and simply vanished from Cardiff one evening. I erased my memories once I got to London and made a fresh start with amnesia. I created an injury to my head which was an excuse for the amnesia.”

“And yet he still found you.”

“He did. There must have been some detail I didn’t consider. Somehow Jack found me, despite my careful plans. I suspect he ran a facial recognition programme on London’s CCTV footage and got lucky.”

“Hang on, that means Ianto Lloyd is not your real name then?” For some reason, amidst all the questions and revelations, this was the one thought that shook Mark to the core.

“It is now,” Ianto said softly. “It’s who I truly am. In so many ways, it feels like it’s who I was always meant to be; it simply took an extraordinary set of circumstances for me to understand that.”

“What were you called before?” Mark asked, feeling Ianto’s relief at being able to say those words. 

“Ianto Jones. Lloyd is my mother’s maiden name. It feels fitting in more ways than one, considering how difficult my relationship with my father was.”

Mark nodded in understanding; Ianto had told him previously about his troubled childhood.

“Were you…” Mark hesitated, before finding the right words for his next question. “Since you erased your memories once before, were you tempted to do so again? I mean, with what you’ve described so far who could blame you. And since you took some of the drug on Saturday and all?”

Ianto gave him a small smile before responding:

“I was tempted,” he admitted. “But it’s a little more complicated than that. In order to again wipe clean the three years I erased before, I would have had to give up all of the memories of my life in London as well. And I didn’t want to give up those memories.”

Mark was about to reply, but Ianto indicated that he was not finished.

“There’s more. The dose I took before to scrub clean so much of my memory was large, perhaps larger than anyone has ever taken before. In hindsight I was probably lucky to have survived it at all, and I’m utterly certain that I wouldn’t live through another dose that big. So trying to erase my memories would have been akin to a suicide and that’s the last thing I’d want.”

“I’m certainly glad to hear that,” Mark agreed. “But couldn’t you just erase your memories of Saturday, so you wouldn’t remember that you now remembered, if that makes sense?”

“I’m afraid it wouldn’t work like that in practise. I could forget what triggered the return of my memories, but the earlier amnesia would still remain reversed and I would still remember my past. I did consider it, though.”

“So” Mark finally said, his gaze fixed firmly on the road ahead, “You can’t repeat the wiping of your memory but you thought about it. So you might have if it was possible. I’m wondering if that means that you’re keeping your new life only because you can’t vanish again.”

“Not at all” Ianto responded immediately, recognising the implied question. “I could just as easily vanish again without wiping my memories. In some ways it would actually be advantageous, as it would enable me to avoid detection better. It’s what I was saying before: I like this new life. So very much.”

He fixed his entire attention on Mark who was still resolutely staring at the road.

“But there’s more to it than that; honestly I never thought I would find a partner like you. You weren’t put off by my unknown past and you seemed to see in me the person that was only just emerging. You’ve helped me become that man. Even today you’ve shown me just how incredible you are, simply by accepting Myfanwy’s existence and the need to keep her a secret. You’ve listened and questioned and not judged me in any way. That’s just extraordinary. You have been and continue to be so strong and supportive, and so much more than I ever would have thought to wish for.”

Mark flushed a little at Ianto’s praise, glad that he was held in such high regard. Part of him, however, could not help expecting a ‘but’ to follow.

“Mark…” Ianto started, before pausing to take a steadying breath. “I love you.”

The statement was so unexpected that Mark did not know what to say. Stroking the back of Mark’s hand with his thumb, Ianto continued:

“You’re a smart man Mark, so I figure you know that already. And I know that you understood that all the unknowns of my past were holding me back from really committing to it. You’ve allowed me time to come to terms with that, which is one of the things I so value in you. And with the return of my memories, and knowing who I am and who I have been I’m able to love you without reservation.

“But I’ve seen terrible things, I’ve done terrible things. As much as I want nothing more than to move on from those three years, I fear that my past will always linger in the background. I want to be completely honest about that, so that you know exactly what I’m offering. I no longer want to avoid my past.” 

Mark was about to respond but Ianto’s finger on his lips silenced him.

“And so you have a choice Mark. I’m giving you a choice. You now know who I am and what I’ve done. You know now how I feel about you. But what has happened, what you’ve learnt about me may be too much to accept. I’ll understand if it is, and if you want to walk away. 

At seeing Mark’s look of surprise Ianto confirmed “Mark, it’s a serious offer.”

“I hear that. You’d do that; just let me walk away?”

“Yes, you have as much right to choose as I do.”

“Such a strong man” Mark murmured, more to himself than as a response to Ianto, before finally finding his full voice.

“I…I love you too, I love you in ways that I’ve never experienced before.” It was Mark’s turn to stop Ianto responding. “Let me finish. This morning when I woke I wondered what all of this would mean, what it was about. I had no idea, none; last night you were a different Ianto and so of course I wondered.”

“I would have been surprised if you hadn’t.”

“Indeed. And all of this is weird and strange, like some science fiction show, but somehow it all makes sense. It helps make sense of you. So it hasn’t changed what I know is true for me and that is I love you Ianto Lloyd. And I would share the rest of my life with you.” He chuckled wryly “Of course I would, you’re giving up a prehistoric flying reptile for me!”

And with that the tension that for so long had been present in the car dissolved. 

The relief in Ianto’s eyes matched his own feelings so closely that Mark had to swallow around the lump lodged in his throat. It was strangely pleasing to realise that he was not the only one who had been nervous about having this conversation. 

As a feeling of giddy lightness and relief overtook them both, Mark turned to Ianto with a bemused grin. 

“I have one last question.”

“OK, let’s get it over with.”

“What the bloody hell is a Rift in time and space?”

Ianto roared with laughter. “Of course, the one great unanswered question. A Rift in time and space is a weak spot in the fabric of reality that allows objects and creatures from vast distances and times away to slip through into modern day Cardiff,” he explained. 

“Jack is the head of an organisation that works beyond the government, under the direct decree of the Queen herself. It was founded to protect the interest of the British Empire against enemies that were beyond normal comprehension. These days it’s more about defending Britain and to some extent the Earth in a rather specialised way. The Rift runs through Cardiff – Jack and his team monitor that. That’s what I did when I still worked with him.”

“If I ask what the enemies beyond normal comprehension are, am I going to like the answer?”

“Probably not.” Ianto waited for Mark to put two and two together.

Mark mused for a minute “so…defending the Earth from a Rift in time and space.” As amazement and disbelief washed over his face he blurted out “My god, you mean creatures from space!”

“Told you, you are brilliant. Yep, Aliens. Or ‘Spooky dos’ as one of the local coppers called them.”

“They really exist?”

“They do.”

“I am seriously going to need a drink when we get to the restaurant.”

“Only one?” Ianto laughed.

“Perhaps I better not answer that particular question.” Mark agreed with a grin.

Ianto’s attention was diverted away from Mark when Sinta, responding to the relaxing of the tension, reached forward from the backseat and prodded his arm with her nose. He released his hold on Mark’s hand and twisted around so he could see her better. She was staring at him intently, clearly looking for some attention. With a small laugh Ianto extended his hand to scratch her ears. Sinta half closed her eyes and shifted as far forward on the seat as her harness allowed, thereby giving Ianto better access for cuddles. 

After a while, Ianto returned to face forward in the seat and watched the beautiful scenery they were driving past. Both he and Mark were content to sit in comfortable silence, each thinking about all that had been said. 

They soon reached Bray and after giving Sinta a quick run on the village green they located the restaurant. It was relatively quiet, and they were given a table by the windows, well away from the other diners. This pleased them both, as it enabled them to continue with their conversation without having to worry about anyone overhearing them speaking about amnesia drugs and pteranodons.

Mark ordered and received the drink he had needed. He took a sip of it as he thought for a moment and then spoke again.

“Before Myfanwy came you were becoming more comfortable with not having your memories. I understand why you don’t want to go back but in the end you’ve got them back and I am curious: how do you really feel about having the memories back?”

Ianto considered the question carefully, taking his time to find the right words.

“I’m actually glad. I’ve realised that I can’t avoid my past. It is a part of me, and trying to hide it just created more difficulties in the end. There’s a price to be paid in terms of the consequences of my actions and living with those memories is the price I have to pay.”

“Go on, because I’m not sure I fully understand.”

“My third option, to vanish again, would have been the price I paid for my self-inflicted amnesia. My actions had caused a great deal of pain and it seemed right that I should sacrifice something tangible to atone for what I’d done. So I would have given up all the good new things - including you - as the price.

“But I realised that I would have to pay a price in any case, because all options carried a cost. That’s when my options narrowed down to the choice between you and Jack, London and Cardiff, my past and my present. In the end, I couldn’t bear the thought of giving you up, of having to start again from scratch, but this time with memories of how happy I had once been.

“With Jack, well, there were always so many secrets and half-truths between me and him that it was almost impossible to know if any of it was ever real. Jack has changed a great deal from the man who left me and the rest of team in Cardiff, but much of his growth came too late for me and him. Had I never met you, things would no doubt be different. But it was more, a lot more, than just about Jack; it was about the rest of my life. The thing about the organisation Jack leads is that none of the employees ever reach retirement age. Most die in the line of duty far, far too young. And I knew that would be the fate waiting for me back in Cardiff and I don’t want to die yet. That is a price too big to pay. There’s far too much out there for me to see and experience and share.

“Indeed, with you I can have the life and the relationship I have always deep down wanted. I can grow old side by side with someone I love and who loves me in return. I could have a family, instead of just a pet pteranodon. No doubt we will have our fair share of problems along the way, but at least we have a chance to really live our lives to the fullest and explore the love we have. What more could I possibly want from life? And if I have to live with those memories as the price for that, then it is one I will pay without hesitation.”

“Good answer,” Mark chuckled, more than a little moved by how passionately Ianto spoke of the future he envisaged for them. 

Their starters arrived and for a moment they were both engrossed in puzzling out the bacon and egg ice-cream on their plates. Initial sampling revealed the unusual combination of flavours to be delicious and their plates were soon empty.

While they waited for their main courses, Mark picked up the thread of the conversation once more.

“Any other secrets I should know about? Still not expecting a wife and three kids to show up to reclaim you as their own?” Mark asked with a small laugh.

“Still no wife and kids,” Ianto confirmed. “And unless you want details of my past, which I really don’t recommend, then no, I have no more secrets.” Ianto raised his head to look at Mark, so that he could read the truth from his eyes.

Their main courses arrived during a natural lull in the conversation.

“Well then, since we’re being honest, there’s something I’d like to discuss with you,” Mark said with slight hesitation as he cut into his venison steak.

“What is it?” Ianto asked, looking intrigued.

“A friend of mine, from college, Marie, recently got in touch with me. We’ve been corresponding sporadically over the years and she knows that I now live in London. She is also in advertising and fed up with her current job, and she’s asked if I would be interested in starting an advertising business with her.”

It was Mark’s turn to look away from Ianto, uncertain how he might react.

“And are you interested?” Ianto prompted him gently.

“I’ve been dodging her questions so far, because it would mean my moving back to America. You’ve only just settled yourself in London and I’d loathe uprooting you again. I must admit, I do miss America, but not as much as I’d miss you if we weren’t together. And I can’t imagine not being with you. So I haven’t said anything since I wasn’t sure how to bring it up with you and…”

“Mark,” Ianto interrupted him. “Are you interested in her offer?” He lifted Mark’s chin so that their eyes could meet.

“It would be an amazing opportunity,” Mark admitted. “We made a great team in college and I think we could run a very successful business together.”

“Then email her and tell her that you’re interested.” Ianto said.

“But what about us?” Mark asked, eyes widening.

“I’m open to the idea of moving to America.” Ianto smiled warmly.

“You are?” Mark had to check.

“Yes.” Ianto nodded. “I do like my job at the National Archives, but it’s not something I want to do for the rest of my life. I must admit I’d be interested to see if I could make a career out of photography. I’ve been toying with the idea of opening my own studio, or maybe working as a freelance photographer. I could do that just as easily in America.”

“Maybe we could find a venue for your photography exhibition over there?” Mark suggested. “It’s due to finish in London in a month’s time, so why not see if it could have a second showing elsewhere?”

“I hadn’t thought of that,” Ianto admitted. “But it’s a good idea. The exhibition has been pretty well received, so perhaps people might be interested to see it in America as well. It would be harder to set up of course, what with us both still living in London.”

“Ah, but that’s were it’ll be useful to know someone like Marie,” Mark pointed out with a grin. “She will without a doubt be happy to help us out by organising things from that end. Even more so after she’s seen some of your work. I have to make it clear to her that you’re taken, though.” He said the last bit with a grin and a wink.

“As if I’d want anyone other than you.” Ianto rolled his eyes affectionately.

“Moving all the way to America would be a big decision, though,” Mark steered the conversation back to the more serious topic. “Are you sure you would be willing to do that?”

“I moved to London to get away from my life in Cardiff. Now that I have my memories back, I’m wondering whether I should have moved much further. So while I quite like living in London, I also like the possibility of making a fresh start somewhere else. The last thing I want is to get sucked right back into my old life just because I’m relatively close to Cardiff. I don’t want to run away from my past, but I do want my past to leave me alone, and London seems to be a magnet for exactly the kind of events that interest Jack.”

Silence fell between them as Mark thought about Ianto’s words. He took a sip of wine and gave Ianto a searching look. Ianto saw it and raised an eyebrow.

“What is it?”

“I was just wondering…” Mark hesitated, unsure how Ianto would react to what he was about to say. “You said that perhaps you should have moved further away from Cardiff. Did you ever consider whether you did that deliberately?”

“I’m not sure I follow,” Ianto said, looking confused.

“What I mean is, is it possible you chose London as your new home because deep down you wanted to be found?” 

He watched as realisation dawned on Ianto’s face as he slowly nodded.

“That’s an interesting thought,” he replied slowly. “And no, it hadn’t occurred to me. But it is one that does seem to make sense. I didn’t know if Jack was ever going to come back, none of us did, but perhaps I did make my plans in such a way that he could find me, should he ever return. No matter how angry and disappointed with him I was, it seems conceivable that part of me wanted him to come after me.”

“And he ended up doing just that,” Mark noted sadly.

Ianto gave him a smile, his eyes reflecting Mark’s sadness. “He did, only it was too late by then.”

“And so he pays a price too.” Mark noted with some sympathy. “If you had met him first, before I talked you into inviting me to your place for a coffee, would we be here today?” 

Ianto considered the question for a long while, idly pushing crumbs around his plate with his dessert fork.

“The truth is, I don’t know,” he finally admitted. “You know as well as I do that although I couldn’t remember who Jack was, he evoked very strong reactions from me. He respected the boundaries I set him by telling him that I was involved with you, but if I hadn’t been, I have no doubt he would have wanted something beyond a friendship with me.”

Mark nodded, while Ianto continued to speak:

“Then again, I was strongly drawn to you. There was a great deal of chemistry between us that deserved exploring, that I wanted to explore, but I was hesitant to take the next step, particularly because I wasn’t sure how you would react when you found out about my amnesia. But I’m glad I took the hint and invited you over. And what a cup of coffee it turned out to be!”

They chuckled together softly at the memory of their first date and how fast things had progressed between them.

“And you must know Mark,” Ianto added, “that I’m really glad things turned out the way they did. When it comes to you and me, I have no regrets.”

“Me neither,” Mark agreed, taking Ianto’s hand into his. He let his thumb run over the familiar knuckles, thinking back to the first time he had done so in the park, their hands buried in Sinta’s long coat. “Whatever happens to us in the future, I will never regret a single thing about being with you.”

Ianto leaned across the table to kiss Mark. 

“So my answer remains that I would be willing to move to America with you,” Ianto said. “I know it would be a big change, but I’m okay with that. Being with you is what matters the most.”

“Wow.” Mark shook his head, smiling. “You say I’m brilliant, but really you are just as brilliant. I’ll email Marie later and tell her that I, that we, are interested. It may not come to anything, of course, but time will tell.”

“Sounds good,” Ianto agreed, also smiling.

“It does indeed.” Mark nodded. 

“To the future,” Ianto toasted, raising his wine glass.

“To the future,” Mark echoed his words and watched as a wide grin spread over Ianto’s face. They gently touched their wine glasses together then drank from them.

Mark grinned as widely as Ianto did, feeling oddly giddy. The final uncertainty between them had been removed and they were now free to follow through with such enormous ideas. They were finally free to dream together. This moment, this Ianto was more than Mark had ever dared to hope to know.

As he drained the last bit of wine from his glass, Ianto suddenly remembered something he had meant to ask Mark earlier:

“So, what did you have planned for us on Saturday night?” 

“It doesn’t matter, we can do it at a later stage.” Mark smiled, love in his eyes. “We have all the time in the world now.”

“We do, so how about we get the bill, and spend some of it giving Sinta a chance to escape the car.”

“Sounds perfect.”

As they were walking back to the car Mark stopped Ianto with a hand on his arm.

“There is something I think you need to think about.”

“What’s that?” Ianto asked, curious at the seriousness of Mark’s tone.

“Does Jack now that you stole some of the amnesia drug from him? I know the word ‘stealing’ implies that he doesn’t know, but surely they keep a record of a drug that powerful?”

“I expect he knows by now,” Ianto replied, thinking back to Tosh trying to phone him earlier.

“Presumably he’ll want it back, now that you’ve not had to use it?” Mark queried.

“I expect he does,” Ianto agreed. “In fact, I suspect he’s looking for the drugs even as we speak.”

“Is that why you wanted to avoid being caught on CCTV?” Mark suddenly understood.

“Yes, for a large part.” Ianto nodded. “But also I really do want today to be about us and no one else.”

Mark thought for a moment.

“You should return the pills to Jack,” he finally said. “I don’t want you to get into trouble for theft, especially since you’ve decided not to use the drugs.”

“I intend to,” Ianto assured him. “Perhaps I’ll send them to Jack in the post.” He laughed softly at the thought of sending such a package to the Tourist Office, perhaps with a note saying “In the end, love is worth remembering”.

“Or you could return them to Jack in person.”

Ianto glanced at Mark sharply at his suggestion. A distant look appeared on his face as he considered the possibility.

“Perhaps I will,” he finally murmured.

“Might be a good way of laying some demons to rest”

Ianto studied Mark and saw nothing but genuine concern and love.

“You’re right.” He pondered for a moment. “Looks like I am going back to Cardiff.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More author’s notes:
> 
> It was RhianaStar over in FF, who suggested that Ianto send the retcon back to Jack via the Tourist Office with the above note. I loved the idea, but I had something else planned, so she was kind enough to let me incorporate it into this chapter. Thanks!
> 
> Chapter 20 is yet to have a definitive name, although my beta did refer to it today as ‘Poison Weed’s Blossom’. Make of that what you will.


	20. Flying without Wings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood.
> 
> Author’s notes: Thanks to everyone for reading, reviewing etc. I remain indebted to my beta for the wonderful work he does in keeping me in line. :)

Flying without Wings

It was a clear, calm night; Cardiff’s lights glittering below matched the stars far above. Jack was enjoying some moments of solitude, of being able to let his guard down. He needed such moments, even if those moments were brief.

Alone on the roof of the Millennium Centre, he pulled out Ianto’s letter with a wistful smile. He had read it so many times in the past week he had memorised every word, but it felt reassuring to trace his fingers over the familiar writing. With a sigh he opened the letter and began to read once more.

_‘Dear Jack_

_By now you must realise that I have made my choice. By now you must know that I’m not coming back. Ianto Jones is not coming back._

_As Tosh has no doubt explained by now, I had three choices: you, Mark or the unknown. I thought long and hard about what the true cost of my amnesia was. I wondered whether giving up all I have done and all I love or have loved could be my atonement. Not just for erasing my memories but also for all the things I did before, for the lives that were lost because of me._

_In the end, I couldn’t do it. To begin again, when either of the other options had costs of their own, seemed inconceivable._

_Still a choice remained: London or Cardiff? You may be thinking that meant it was a choice between you and Mark. It’s not that simple. It is important that you understand that it was not just about you and Mark, but deciding between two very different futures. It was a choice between old and new; duty and freedom; things I know and things I’ve yet to learn; old friends and complete strangers; half-truths and honesty; the familiarity of the past and a leap into the unknown. Between an Ianto Jones who went back, or an Ianto Lloyd who went forward._

_Whichever way I was to choose, I knew there would be consequences, and not just for me and my life but for others too. It seemed that, no matter what my choice, hearts, including my own could be broken, that sorrow or grief would visit someone._

_In the end, it came down to a choice between life and death. You know as well as I do that people who work for Torchwood don’t live long; you, it appears, are the notable exception. So I had to choose between a few brief years, possibly with you, filled with love bright enough to burn but also dark, twisted nightmares; or a lifetime of ordinary days filled with love and laughter, possibly with Mark. It probably doesn’t surprise you when I say that I have already lived through enough nightmares to last a full lifetime._

_I wonder if you think this selfish of me? I hope you do not think me selfish for saying that I have done my duty for Queen and country. I have given as much of myself to Torchwood as I can bear, perhaps even more._

_Of course, we have both arguably acted selfishly in the past, when we each ran away without a word. I could defend my actions by saying that I didn’t think you would ever come back, but deep down I’m not sure that’s true. I still ran away from my past, the ghost of you that lingered after you left; just like you ran away from Torchwood, from me. We both chose for ourselves at the time Jack, we each did what we thought we must, whatever our reasons may have been._

_As I sat here trying to make sense of all this I wondered: what is a selfish act? Is it selfish of me to say I choose this option, I choose this life for myself as my own preferred life. Now, in this moment, even though I now know that you do love me, I can’t see that making such a choice for myself, for how I would like to live my life is a selfish act._

_If there was a way to erase those three years of my life again, I would jump at the chance. I would much rather keep the memories of you from the past few months, when you were the kind of man I always hoped you would be, the kind of man I needed you to be. Had it not been for Mark, I could have fallen head over heels for the Jack I met in a London park. He is a different Jack to the Jack I once knew. But I wonder too, Jack; I wonder if even the new Jack would have kept things hidden away, just as the old Jack did – just as we both did. Do you understand, as I now do, just how much the secrecy between us prevented us from doing anything more than begin to scratch the surface? And I know again, I deeply know again, how I violated your trust with my own secrets._

_My new life unfolded, and I did meet Mark. And I began to make choices and build a new life that involved him. And we have no secrets. I guess you will understand what that may mean. Meeting the new Jack came too late, and it’s too late now to turn the clock back, as much as it may hurt to hear that. We had our chance and we each made our choices; and the result was we slipped away from us._

_I am going to look to the future, lead a new life, perhaps in London, perhaps somewhere else. I hope it will be a life with Mark, but at this point, I don’t yet know how he feels about what has happened, nor indeed how it may change things. I know you can track me down if you want to, but please don’t. If the last two days – indeed the last few months - has taught us anything it is that there are times when life needs to be left alone. I need you to let me become just one of the many ghosts of Torchwood – gone, but not forgotten._

_Please don’t let the loss of me keep you away from the world. Live your life, truly live each day. Allow yourself to love and be loved in return; really allow it, Jack, be vulnerable to it even if losing people will bring you some grief. But this is something I suspect you know too well already. You are a good man, a brave man, and you deserve every happiness in life. I wish that for you Jack._

_I need you to know that I will always remember you with love. Wherever I may be, every night I will look up at the stars and think of you; of all that you did, and all that you were, for me._

_As Tosh said, the future is the only thing that matters. Let’s make it count._

_Yours_

_Ianto’_

He carefully folded the letter back into the envelope for safe keeping, grimacing at the way Ianto’s words still made his heart weep, both for the absence of the man and the wisdom of some of his words. How he wished things had gone differently and that…

“I thought I’d find you here.”

Jack whirled around at the sound of a familiar voice. He gasped at the sight of Ianto standing a few yards from him, hands tucked in the pockets of his jeans and a small smile playing on his lips.

“Ianto,” he whispered, a little afraid that speaking his name would make the man before him vanish again.

“Hello, Jack.” Ianto nodded.

“I thought I’d never see you again,” Jack said, still astonished that Ianto was there.

“So did I,” Ianto confessed with a small laugh. “But the more I thought about what I had written in my letter, the more I realised that you deserved more than that. I owe you more than a letter written in haste. So I came to say goodbye in person.”

“I really appreciate it,” Jack said softly.

They stood in silence for a while, content to just regard each other.

“I must admit, I’m wondering whether your being here means you’ve changed your mind,” Jack confessed. There was no reason to be anything but completely honest now. 

“No, Jack.” Ianto shook his head. “I stand by that part of my letter. My life with Torchwood, it’s in the past now and I can’t come back, not anymore.”

“I understand,” Jack said and he thought that perhaps he finally did understand.

“Tosh said you had changed,” Ianto said softly. He took a few steps closer, so that he might see Jack better in the dim light. “Reflecting on how you’ve been since your return in the context of my memories and who you used to be makes me think that she is right, you really have.”

“A lot of things have happened since I left, since you left.” Jack looked away, as if considering the events of the past months. “But no, I’m not the same man that chased after the Doctor all those months ago.”

“From what I’ve gathered, you’ve changed for the better,” Ianto offered with an affectionate smile.

“You said that in your letter, the kind of man you hoped I could be.” Jack said. “I hope it’s so because I needed to change. You deserved better than what I gave you. You deserved so much more and I’m sorry I didn’t see it until it was too late. And you’d already gone by the time I understood.”

“It’s okay, Jack,” Ianto reassured him. He looked out at the night sky. “I understand more now Jack than I did. I don’t know why you left but I understand now, when I didn’t before, that you had to go. Just as I had my own reasons for leaving, so must have you. Reasons that you felt were important. I didn’t think about what they might have been, how important they may have been to you.”

“They were.” 

Ianto turned and looked Jack fully in the face. “I know. I suppose, in my own convoluted way, I’m trying to apologise for not understanding that at the time. For not thinking that you may have had them. You deserved more too Jack, you deserved more from me than what I gave you. I didn’t give you my complete trust.”

“You couldn’t have Ianto. In so many ways I stopped you from being able to do that. Did I fully trust you? If I’m honest with myself: No I didn’t, of course I didn’t.” 

Seeing that Ianto was about to respond Jack shook his head, and went on. 

“I’m not talking about Lisa, and what happened to us then. I’m talking about after that, when things got better again and we moved to being something else. I still kept my secrets; I still pretended we were one thing when- even to myself - the truth was we were becoming something more. That scared me Ianto. It felt safer behind my secrets, my pretences. And then the Doctor came, and I went. And yes, I really did have reasons for going. But I’d never trusted you enough to tell them to you, nor did I tell you that one day I might go like that. And so I left you hanging. When I came back and began to understand what you not being here meant for me I realised I did love you, still do if the truth be known.” 

Pointing to the sky he laughed wryly “Somebody somewhere out there once told me I missed someone because I loved them. That sounds like such a cliché, but I’ve really learned that these last few months, and in learning that lesson I hurt you and for that I am sorry. My secrets hurt you.” 

“It really is okay Jack.” Ianto spoke to the dark sky.

“It might have all been okay, Ianto, if I had left it alone, but I didn’t. I intruded when I shouldn’t have done and that was selfish of me. My feelings for you clouded my judgement, prevented me from remembering that you’re more than capable of deciding the course of your life for yourself. I failed to recognise that I believed that my choice for you would be better than your own choice. I guess I thought that if you knew I was back, that would change things, even though you didn’t even remember who I was. I interfered where I had no right to do so. Your letter was right. I have learnt from this that there are some things that I should leave alone. That sometimes others may know what is best. As a result of my belief that I knew best, Myfanwy found you in London, and the choice you’d made for yourself was disrupted completely.”

“No guilt about Myfanwy, Jack. Now that I’ve had a chance to reflect on everything, I’m actually glad she did find me.” Ianto chuckled at the look of surprise on Jack’s face. “I honestly am. You know how I was in London, we spoke about how I didn’t want my memories back but that if they did come back I would somehow make order out of the chaos.” He chuckled again. “Of course I didn’t realise just what sort of chaos those memories contained but I am actually grateful to her for finding me. I’m done running from my past, done hiding parts of who I am. I realise that it is a part of me, that you, that Torchwood, that all the dark as well as the light are part of me. So I have to own it all. Otherwise I can only really limp into the future.”

“Perhaps that is what I need to do; perhaps that’s another lesson I can learn from you Ianto. If I stop hiding my secrets in the shadows, if I own up to them I might not stumble and mis-step as much.”

“Only you can know if you need to Jack.”

They stood in silence for a sometime watching the changing lights of the city and the movement of planes across the sky.

“I know I said in the letter that I wished I could erase my memories of Torchwood again, but I’ve changed my mind about that. It’s like I said, I need to remember, in order to be me, all of me.”

Jack nodded slowly. “I’m nevertheless sorry that I couldn’t let our history remain just that, when you were clearly involved with someone else, when you’d so clearly made a new life.”

Ianto stepped closer still, until he could cup Jack’s cheek with his hand “I forgive you. I already have. And the blame, if that’s what it is, is not yours alone. We have to share it Jack.”

Jack closed his eyes briefly, savouring the touch he had wanted to feel for such a long time. He knew it did not mean what it had in the past, not anymore; but Ianto’s hand against his skin carried such affection that it eased some of the sorrow, and much of the guilt, that he carried.

“You’ve changed too,” Jack remarked. “I was afraid that getting your memories back would erase the Ianto you’ve become during your time in London, but you’ve changed again. You’re new again.” 

“I am. I think it’s all down to accepting my past as something I can’t change but that I can also can’t spend the rest of my life hiding from it. Coming here today is part of that acceptance for me. But you’re right; I’ve changed so much now that I barely remember who I used to be.”

“I think maybe this is who you were always meant to be and Torchwood got in the way of that.”

“Maybe.” Ianto smiled and let his hand slip off Jack’s face. Jack immediately missed the warmth of the contact. “I must admit, I do like who I’ve become. I feel right. I feel free to be the Ianto I think I was always meant to be.”

“You are free, and part of me envies that, you know.” Jack said. “And I truly hope that what you’re saying is right, that the darker memories of your time with Torchwood won’t weigh you down in your new life.”

“It wasn’t all dark and painful, Jack,” Ianto said with a small smile.

“No?” There was a great deal of hope in that single word. This time Jack was not afraid to show it.

“No.” Ianto shook his head. “I saw incredible things, I worked with extraordinary people. Without Torchwood, I would never have made a friend in Tosh. And you and I, what we had was…complicated. It was confusing and messy, but there were also plenty of good moments were shared. We may have gone about it completely the wrong way, but it was still special in its own way. You made me feel…worthy. Like I was more than just the sum of all my failures and shortcomings. You made me feel beautiful. And although I couldn’t remember any of it after I took the retcon, perhaps something about the way you changed me stayed with me. I think it helped me to find out who I truly was.”

“You are beautiful, Ianto, and stronger and braver than I ever appreciated,” Jack stated with certainty. “And you are worth far more than you can possibly imagine.” Ianto looked away at the compliment, but the small smile did not leave his lips. It was Jack’s turn to reach out and gently lift Ianto’s chin so that their eyes could meet. “Trust me, you are an extraordinary man.”

“Thank you, Jack,” Ianto said quietly. “You played a part in that.”

Jack wanted to move his fingers higher, to allow his finger tips to memorise Ianto’s features, as they had done so many times before, but he knew the gesture would not be welcomed. He did not want to ruin this rare moment of honesty between them by overstepping the implicit boundaries. That level of intimacy was now reserved for someone else. Smiling wistfully, he voiced his regrets:

“Mark is a very lucky man.”

“Mark.” Ianto spoke the name softly, warmth flooding his eyes. He moved away for Jack, breaking the contact between them.

“Does Mark know you’re here?” Jack asked.

“Of course.” Ianto smiled at him over his shoulder and then turned back. “He’s the one who told me to come here in the first place.”

“He did, did he?” Jack murmured.

“When I gave him an outline of what I had said in my letter, he told me in no uncertain terms that I was being a coward,” Ianto explained with an affectionate smile lighting his features. “He told me that given our history, given everything that happened since I left Torchwood, you deserved more than a letter. He was right of course.”

Jack was not sure what to say, so he gave Ianto an uncertain smile. 

“He also thought it would be a good idea for me to return to Cardiff one last time, to lay to rest the ghosts of my past. My memories are back and I can’t ever erase them again. I can’t hide a part of myself any more than I can hide from myself. When I said that to Mark he told me he thought that there was a difference between not hiding something and facing it. He encouraged me to face it, so here I am, not hiding anything but also not pretending that it – you, Torchwood – can be ignored. So here I am, all of me; the past, the present and the future, not hiding.” 

“I never thought there was any need to hide who you were,” Jack said quietly. “And as I said, you’ve certainly shown me that hiding my past will only return to haunt me at some point.”

“You might not have thought that about me, but I did,” Ianto replied. “Perhaps it’s because we’ve gone through this together, but Mark has helped me to accept that the past is the past. It will always be a part of me, but it doesn’t have to define me. I can learn from what happened, distance myself from the nightmares, but to do that, I too need closure. Which is why I’m here, to face up to it.”

“Did Mark come with you?”

“No.” Ianto shook his head. “I’m sure he would have come, if I had asked, but he seemed to sense that this was a trip I needed to make by myself.”

“But he knows about Torchwood, knows about you and I?” Jack had to ask.

“Yes, he does,” Ianto said, giving Jack a piercing look. “Jack, Mark and I keep no secrets from one another. Our relationship has always been based on openness and honesty and both of us are keen to keep it that way.”

“Unlike us,” Jack voiced the words Ianto had left unspoken.

“Unlike us,” Ianto agreed. “What’s a little unexpected, though, is that with him it’s easy. I’ve never felt the need to keep things from him, to hold back. Perhaps it is because he so openly offered me all of himself that it would have been impossible for me not to reciprocate. Whatever the reason, the end result is that he knows me, knows all of me and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Since you two have no secrets, I take it that he still remembers Myfanwy?”

“Yes, he does. And he will continue to do so.” Ianto confirmed what Jack suspected. “I trust him with my secrets, all of them.”

“I take that to mean that he also knows about what Torchwood does and not just our existence?”

“He does, in broad terms. Perhaps in time he will find out some of the detail, when everything that happened is a little less fresh in my mind. But as he’s done with his knowledge of Myfanwy, he won’t tell a soul about Torchwood.”

“I trust your judgement of his character.” Jack slowly inclined his head. “I know you made it clear that the choice was not mine to make, but I want you to know that I do accept the decision you’ve made for both of you. And you were right, it wasn’t my choice to make. As long as you’re with him, you need not worry about Torchwood interfering with his memories.”

“Thank you, Jack.”

“You can thank Tosh for making me truly understand it because, since we’re being honest, I didn’t at first. But she sat me down and, well, I really do accept it was your choice and your decision to make.”

“She’s a remarkable woman.”

“She is that. So how did he take it?” Jack asked with curiosity. “I mean, things must have gone pretty well since you two are together and he suggested that you come to Cardiff.”

“He was incredible,” Ianto told him with a smile. “He listened with an open mind, questioned me a great deal, and never judged me. Naturally he’s uncomfortable with some things, like the part I played in erasing everyone’s memories last Saturday, but overall what I told him hasn’t changed how he feels about me. What I mean by that is it hasn’t lessened what he thought of me or how he feels about me. If anything it has strengthened those feelings. Pretty amazing, all things considered. And bearing in mind all of that, retconning him was never an option.”

“I am glad, Ianto, for both of you. And, if it makes any difference to you, I liked him…no, not only liked him, I was impressed with him the night I met him.”

Ianto walked to stand on the edge of the roof, gazing out at the city lights. Jack shifted so they stood together. Glancing sideways at Ianto he struggled to interpret the look on his face.

“I think Mark was going to propose to me the day Myfanwy came to London.” The words were spoken so softly Jack had to strain to catch them.

“What would you have said?” he asked, although in his heart he knew he was only seeking confirmation of the answer.

“I would have said yes.” Ianto turned his head slightly to give Jack a sad smile.

“But Myfanwy happened. It would have been too soon, perhaps, but I still would have said yes. I was ready to let go of my past, of all the mysteries it held, and maybe, just maybe that would have been the final step to acceptance. And it – he – feels right.”

Jack nodded, not trusting his voice.

“I love him, Jack,” Ianto continued. “It’s completely different from the way I loved you, but I do love him. I think this is it for me.”

“I’m glad you are able to find such happiness, such a man.” He started softly, but with each word his voice gained more conviction. “You absolutely deserve it, and him.”

“I’m really beginning to understand that” Ianto said and finally turned back to face him. “You know that, don’t you?”

“I do.” Jack nodded. “I see it Ianto, it’s what I meant before when I said you’d changed again. I’m angry with myself for not having taken the time to appreciate you and let you know how much you meant to me, when I still had the chance. Had I done that, things might be different; we would be different, but together. And my anger with myself forced me to realise that neither of us would be happy until I accepted that you had left Torchwood, left me for good. It was why I was coming to London that day, I was going to say goodbye and let you go on with your life. I was going to let go of the last of my false hopes I suppose. It doesn’t mean I don’t have plenty of regrets, but they’re my regrets Ianto, and they don’t get in the way of wanting you to be happy, of wanting you to have that which you so deserve.”

“You can never know for certain what might have happened anyway. And you certainly can’t live your life wishing things were different. What’s done is done. All we can do now is to accept the consequences of our actions and move forward.”

“Were you always this wise and I just didn’t notice?” Jack chuckled.

“Like you said, we’ve both changed.” Ianto shrugged. “These past six months have certainly given me a whole new perspective on the past, on my life.”

“I thought I had a chance to reflect on things while I was away, but it turned out that it was just a prelude to all the soul searching I ended up doing upon my return,” Jack said. “It made me a better person, I think. And as much as it pains me to say this, your leaving has changed the team, changed Torchwood. It may have been just what we needed to be ready for the changes that are coming. But that’s not to say that I wouldn’t welcome you back with open arms, of course. Torchwood Three will always have a place for you, if you ever wish to come back.”

“Thanks Jack, but I don’t think that’s going to happen.” Ianto smiled ruefully. “There are far too many things to see and experience out there. And I’ve got the chance of making something of a new career with my photography. Besides, it’s more than just my own happiness that hangs in the balance. I have to think about Mark and Sinta too. They are my family now.”

Ianto’s expression softened as he spoke of Mark and Sinta, the love he felt for them plain on his face. Jack could not suppress a twinge of envy that someone else had Ianto’s love, but he could never begrudge Ianto the happiness he had found in London.

“Do you think you’ll stay in London?” he asked carefully.

“Who knows at this point,” Ianto replied, glancing again at the city lights. “It’s possible, although we’ve also spoken of potentially relocating to America. It doesn’t really matter where Mark and I live, as long as we’re together.”

Jack looked away, wanting to hide the envy he felt as Ianto spoke of his plans with Mark. He too stared at the twinkling lights in the distance, although they seemed just a fraction blurrier than they had been before. He was startled from his anguish by a hand taking his.

“I’m sorry Jack,” Ianto spoke quietly.

“It’s fine,” Jack replied, unable to meet Ianto’s eyes.

“No, it’s not fine.” Ianto let out a hollow laugh and the sound finally made Jack look at him. “It hurt, Jack. It hurt me just as it hurt you. I was in love with you but I had to let you go. And now you’ve done or are doing the same.” 

Ianto used his free hand to rake his hair, shifting his weight from foot to foot. He looked like he wanted to start pacing, but he could not do so without letting go of Jack’s hand.

“Yeah,” was all Jack could manage.

“Would it have been better…” Ianto hesitated. “Would you rather I hadn’t come here today?” There was a great deal of uncertainty in Ianto’s voice.

“What? No!” Jack squeezed his hand. “I’m glad I got to see you one last time, even if it is just to say goodbye.”

“I’m sorry about the things I said last time in London,” Ianto apologised.

“Don’t worry,” Jack reassured him. “You had every right to be angry and you weren’t wrong about what you said.”

“Some of it was still unnecessarily harsh,” Ianto pointed out.

“And I deserved every one of your harsh words and then some.”

“I’m not so sure about that,” Ianto murmured, “not anymore.”

They looked at each other then and a great deal of understanding passed between them. Jack thought it was rather tragic that they had finally reached a stage in their relationship where there were no lies or half-truths between them and it was now time to say goodbye. This time, Jack knew, they would part ways for good.

Jack took a step closer almost instinctively, so that their bodies were mere inches apart. Ianto looked utterly serene as he ran his finger tips gently over Jack’s cheek bones all the way down to his lips. Jack started to speak, although he was not sure what he was going to say, but the fingers on his lips silence him. He closed his eyes just as the fingers ghosted away and were replaced by Ianto’s lips. 

The kiss was intimate and affectionate, but it held none of the passion that had once fuelled both men. It tasted of regrets and of farewells. They pulled back at the same time and Ianto offered Jack a smile full of understanding.

Jack was the first to step back, needing to put distance between them.

“I hope you were also intending to see Tosh tonight,” Jack said, gazing down to the Plass. “She’s going to kill me if she finds out that you were in Cardiff and I didn’t warn her.”

“Yes, I had planned to say goodbye to her in person,” Ianto confirmed, aware of the sudden awkwardness between them.

“Good.” Jack nodded and released his grip on Ianto’s hand. “She’s still in the Hub, working late, so if we go down to the Plass, I can text her and ask her to come outside.”

“That sounds good,” Ianto agreed.

Jack headed towards the exit, but before he had taken more than two steps Ianto’s voice interrupted him.

“Jack.”

He turned back towards Ianto, who caught up with him.

“Here.”

Ianto pulled something from his pocket and held out his closed hand to Jack. He reached out with his own hand and found a bag of retcon deposited on it.

“It’s the retcon you took,” Jack said and then winced at the way he stated the obvious.

“I thought you’d want it back.” Ianto nodded. “Besides, I won’t need amnesia drugs for the kind of life I will lead. Normal people don't have a choice to retcon the bad things that happen to them. And that’s what I’m going to be; just a normal, ordinary person. There will be no problems that I should ever solve with retcon.”

“Thanks.” Jack swallowed around the tightness in his throat and deposited the drugs safely in his coat pocket.

“How is Myfanwy?” Ianto asked as they began the long climb down from the roof.

“She is fully recovered from her trip to London and the sedatives we had to give her. She was cranky at first, when you didn’t return, but she is starting to settle now.”

“Good.” Ianto nodded.

“We are taking turns not just to feed her, but to spend time with her,” Jack continued. “We thought if we could train her to do more things, that might create a bond between us, which in turn would make her less likely to miss you so much that she would fly off again.”

“I’m glad you’re putting so much effort into making her happier,” Ianto spoke with a smile.

“She is part of the Torchwood team too.” Jack shrugged. “I didn’t appreciate that before, but I do understand it now.”

Ianto gave him a warm smile, but did not reply.

“Tosh is working on a rudimentary perception filter for her, so that her exercising during the day doesn’t cause such a stir,” Jack continued.

“That sounds like Tosh,” Ianto chuckled. “Tell me, has Owen figured out yet just how brilliant she is?”

“He’s starting to,” Jack replied with a smile. “But she seems content to let things develop at their own pace.”

“Good for her,” Ianto said with a great deal of affection.

“I think you’ve reminded her, reminded us all how important it is to be happy despite what we do for living,” Jack murmured softly.

“What did you do with that box of mine?” Ianto changed the subject to a question he had been wondering about over the past week. “The one with my diaries and all those photos in it?”

“It’s down in the morgue, in a box sealed and welded shut,” Jack explained. “I couldn’t bring myself to destroy it, even after you got your memories back. If you want it back, just say so.”

“It sounds like it’s in a place where no one will disturb its contents,” Ianto mused. “I’m happy to leave it there.”

“I’ve also marked Ianto Jones as deceased in our database, so no one from Torchwood will ever come looking for you.”

“Thank you, Jack.” Ianto nodded. “In many ways, Ianto Jones is dead.”

“Yes, I thought that,” Jack said with a hint of melancholy.

Ianto’s fingers brushed the back of Jack’s hand, but he said nothing.

Once they reached the Plass, they stopped some distance from the water tower. Jack took his phone out and sent Tosh a quick text message:

‘Come up to the Plass on the invisible lift now.’

Even despite his absence from Torchwood, Ianto had retained enough of his training to be able to see through the perception filter. He watched the invisible lift disappear into the Hub and a few moments later Tosh appeared. He saw her eyes scan the Plass and then widen with delight when she spotted the two men standing side by side. She was running before the lift had finished moving.

“Ianto,” she exclaimed as she launched herself into his arms.

“Tosh,” he whispered into her hair, wrapping his arms tight around her and lifting her off the ground. He spun her in a full circle before setting her back down again. 

“But what, I mean why, I mean…” Tosh struggled to voice her astonishment, which made Ianto laugh. “You’re here!”

“I wanted to say goodbye,” he gently explained. “To both of you.” He nodded in Jack’s direction, “in person.”

“I wasn’t sure I’d ever see you again,” Tosh said. She stepped back a little to watch Ianto, but did not let go of him.

“I’m sorry, Tosh,” Ianto apologised. “As I said, I had some things I needed to deal with by myself.”

“And have you done so?”

“I have,” Ianto confirmed.

“How are things with Mark now?” Tosh asked.

“Everything is perfect, we’re perfect,” Ianto replied with a wide smile. “How are you?”

“Getting there,” she said with a rueful smile. “Although we all knew that you might not come back, reading the confirmation of it hit us all hard. We’ve been reeling all week and today was the first day when we’ve got our bearing back a little.”

“I’m sorry, Tosh.” Ianto felt like every other sentence leaving his mouth was an apology.

“It’s okay,” she reassured him. “I understand why you made the choice you did, we all do. You had to do what was best for you, and I do think that’s what you’ve done.”

“Yes, I think so.” Ianto smiled warmly.’ And it was you who helped me understand that, you told me the future is what matters.”

“What you are going to do now?” Tosh asked.

“That’s the beauty of it. I can do anything I want. I can be anything I want to be,” Ianto replied and then laughed out loud at the sheer excitement of the thought.

“Now you’re making me envious again,” she pointed out with a smile.

“Good,” Ianto said unexpectedly. “Use that feeling to make a change for yourself. Anything is possible and you can have anything you want in life. I’m not saying leave Torchwood, but it and life don’t have to be mutually exclusive. Certainly not for someone as brilliant as you. And if Gwen can manage it, so can you.”

“Great motivational speech,” Tosh teased him. “But you’re right, of course. I do need to make more of an effort to have content in my life beyond just Torchwood. I’ll work on that, I promise.”

Jack interrupted “You’ve taught us all that Ianto, and we’ll work harder to keep that in mind in the future. Torchwood is a complicated place to work, but it shouldn’t be a life sentence that means that no one can have a life outside the Hub. It’s far better for all of us, and therefore by default for Torchwood, if the team is close, works well together and most importantly if people want to be there. What’s the point of us saving the world on a weekly basis, if we don’t get to enjoy what we’re protecting? What’s the point if we don’t remember what it is that we’re fighting for?”

“Jack’s right,” Tosh agreed. “We’re all trying harder to get out of the Hub more and not just to chase Weevils. The regular bike rides will be a step in the right direction, but that’s just the beginning.”

“Having someone in your life wouldn’t hurt either,” Ianto said to Tosh with a cheeky grin. His comment earned him a gentle punch on the arm.

“Working on that too.” Tosh rolled her eyes, her lips twitching in a grin of her own.

“Maybe work a bit harder?” Ianto suggested. He dodged the second punch coming his way.

“You’ve been back in Cardiff for what, an hour, and already you’re interfering with my love life,” Tosh huffed.

“I’d interfere even more if there was more to interfere with!”

This time Ianto ducked behind Jack, who had been following the exchange with a fond grin on his face. Tosh tried to look annoyed but failed completely.

“Hey!” Tosh protested. “Just because your love life is going so well doesn’t mean we’re all so lucky!”

“But you should be.” Ianto stepped forward and gently took hold of her arms. “You absolutely deserve to be as lucky as I am. You’re an incredible woman and it’s about time Owen finally realised that.”

“I think he’s starting to.” Tosh gave him a smile full of hope and just a touch of shyness. “But I’m not in a hurry anymore.”

“That’s what Jack said. But if that’s the case, then let me feel impatient on your behalf,” Ianto offered. “I’ll gladly have a word with him.”

“You will do no such thing, Ianto!” Tosh exclaimed aghast. “You leave whatever may or may not be going on between me and Owen well alone!”

“Only if you promise me that there is something going on between you two and that you actually intend to do something about it.” Ianto gave her a knowing look, complete with a raised eyebrow.

“There is and I do,” Tosh promised and rolled her eyes again. “Happy now?”

“Very much so,” Ianto agreed with a grin.

“Cheeky young man.” Tosh shook her head in mock disgust.

“Oh, you love me really!” Ianto declared, his eyes dancing with laugher.

“I do,” she conceded. “Of course I do.”

“And I love you too, Tosh.” His grin softened into an affectionate smile as he leaned in to kiss her cheek.

“I know, Ianto.” Tosh nodded. “And now I have you back.”

They looked at each other fondly for a moment, before Tosh continued:

“Your exhibition has done really well. I’ve kept a little scrap book of all the reviews.”

“Oh great, my very first fangirl.” Ianto joked with pretend sarcasm before continuing “It really has done well, I’m quite surprised, but also very pleased, obviously.”

“It’s still running for another month, isn’t it?” Tosh checked. “I’m minded to go and see it again.”

“Yes, it’ll be in London for another month.” Ianto smiled, eyes alight with mirth. Tosh gave him an unimpressed glare.

“You’re hiding something,” she declared. “Out with it!”

“You know me too well.” Ianto shook his head, pretending to look sad.

“Go on, details, details,” she prompted him.

“Very well,” Ianto gave in. “After the exhibition finishes in London, there’s every possibility that it will get a second showing over in America.”

“What?!” Tosh and Jack exclaimed together.

“Mark has various contacts on that side of the Atlantic, for obvious reasons, and we sent one of them a sample of my photos,” Ianto explained to them both. “She liked them a lot and thought that she knew at least a couple of places that would be suitable for my exhibition. We’re still working out all the details, but it’s looking pretty positive at the moment.”

“Wow, Ianto, that’s incredible!” Tosh hugged him, absolutely delighted about the news.

Jack, who had taken a step back to let the two friends catch up, squeezed Ianto’s shoulder and smiled at him. “That is brilliant news.”

“It’s been a pretty crazy but also very exciting week,” Ianto mused.

“I bet.” Tosh thought for a moment. “Why America, though? Why not somewhere else in the UK or in Europe?”

Ianto looked away, a wistful smile playing on his lips. When he finally spoke, his words were directed at the dark sea spreading just beyond the deserted Plass. “Because Mark and I are considering moving over there.”

“A new beginning,” Tosh said softly.

“A new beginning.” Ianto nodded.

“And a whole new adventure,” Tosh added with a wistful smile of her own. “Perhaps that’s exactly what you need after everything that has happened.”

“I think so,” Ianto agreed. “Besides, it will be an adventure together with Mark.” Love was again plain on his face. “For both of us.”

“Will I…” Tosh hesitated. “I’m not going to lose you again, am I?”

“Of course not,” Ianto reassured her. “Now that I’ve found you again, I’m not ready to let go of our friendship.”

“Good, because neither am I.” Tosh’s smile brightened.

“I did tell you you’re unforgettable.”

Ianto noticed from the corner of his eye that the invisible lift disappeared down to the Hub a second time and moments later rose back bearing both Gwen and Owen. 

They approached a little hesitantly, unsure whether they were intruding on something private. Ianto turned to watch them and wrapped an arm around Tosh’s shoulders. He was amused to note the way Owen’s eyes darkened when he saw this; and waved them over.

“We spotted you on CCTV after Tosh rushed out,” Owen explained, stepping in to give Ianto a hug. “We figured you probably hadn’t come to Cardiff to make us a coffee so we thought you might be here to say goodbye; and we didn’t want to miss out on the chance to wish you good luck with your new life.”

“Thanks Owen,” Ianto said, as he released his arm from Tosh’s shoulder to return the hug with a great deal of warmth. “And you’re spot on, I did come to say goodbye.”

Owen’s smile was broad and genuine. “I’m glad you did mate. And as your former doctor I have to say you look well. So I presume…”

Ianto cut him off. “No retcon used. It’s back with Jack, all of it.” Jack nodded to confirm this.

“Glad to hear it.” Owen looked serious for a moment “You gave us quite a scare.”

“Time and place Owen,” muttered Tosh.

“So what’s next for you?” Gwen asked a little hesitantly, conscious this was the first time since he left that she and Ianto had met. Her relief was palpable when Ianto flashed her a friendly smile.

“A new stage in the life of Ianto Lloyd, a life shared with the man I love,” Ianto replied. “Possibly in America, if certain plans come to fruition. There or in London, doesn’t really matter as long as Mark and I are together.”

“From what Tosh and Jack have told me about him, he sounds like a good man,” Gwen remarked.

“He is,” Ianto agreed with a bright smile. “He’s an extraordinary man.”

“You look really happy, Ianto,” Gwen said and then cast a glance in Jack’s direction. He gave her a reassuring smile, which made her relax. “Oh come here you, I want one of those hugs.”

“I am really content Gwen,” Ianto replied with conviction as he gave her the hug she wanted, “and I hear that congratulations are in order for you.”

Gwen was about to respond, when a wild beeping from Jack’s wrist strap caused them all to freeze. Before they had a chance to react, the PDAs of the entire team blared into life with the unmistakable sound of the Rift alarm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More author’s notes: So… There’s one more twist to come in this story. I blame my beta really. He puts evil ideas in my head and then sits back to watch me go crazy with them. 
> 
> Next chapter will be called Once More into the Fray.


	21. Once More into  the Fray

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood.
> 
> Author’s notes: This and the next few chapters extend this story beyond what I had originally intended, but once my beta put an evil thought in my head, I couldn’t resist running wild with it. This was a challenging chapter to write, but so much fun too! 
> 
> A huge thanks, as always, to Darby58 for his efforts as my beta.

Once More into the Fray

While Jack silenced the alarm on his wrist strap, Tosh pulled out her PDA and called up the details of the alert with practiced ease. One look at the figures made her frown with concern. 

“It’s a big one,” she said. “We need to get back in the Hub.”

“Going through the Tourist Office is quickest with all of us,” Jack stated.

They all headed in that direction, all except Ianto, who stayed where he was. After a couple of steps Jack realised that someone was missing and turned back. The others paused behind him.

“So I guess this is goodbye then,” Ianto said.

“Aren’t you coming?” Jack frowned.

“I’m not Torchwood anymore,” Ianto reminded him gently.

“If whatever came through was as big as Tosh thinks, we might need an extra pair of hands,” Jack suggested carefully.

“Jack, I walked away from this life,” Ianto protested.

“I’m not asking you to come back permanently,” Jack said, shifting from one foot to the other impatiently. “Just help us with this one alert if it turns out that we do need your help. After that we can say goodbye.”

“Jack…” Ianto started to speak, but Jack interrupted him.

“Please.”

Ianto closed his eyes as he considered Jack’s request. He was very tempted, but at the same time he did not want to be drawn back into the madness that was Torchwood. Was this not exactly what he had feared might happen? In the end, Jack’s heartfelt “please” decided it for him.

“Very well,” he said quietly. Jack let out a visible sigh of relief and turned to head back towards the Tourist Office. Ianto caught up with him with a couple of long strides and stopped him by grabbing his arm. “On one condition.”

“And what’s that?” Jack’s voice was tight with urgency. 

“Mark comes to Cardiff and meets the team.”

“What?” Jack motioned the others to go on without them and instead steered Ianto towards the invisible lift.

“I want Mark to come to Cardiff, meet the team and see the Hub for himself,” Ianto replied evenly.

“What on earth makes you think that I’ll agree to that or indeed that it’s in any way a good idea?” Jack’s face darkened.

“If you truly need my help, then you’ll agree to it,” Ianto explained, utterly calm. “Either you get me and Mark, or neither. The choice is yours.”

“I still don’t think it’s a good idea,” Jack grumbled, but he could not deny the logic behind Ianto’s words.

“I do,” Ianto countered. “As I said, I’m done running from my past. Mark is now a fundamental element in my life and seeing the Hub will be a tangible connection to my past. If he sees what my life was really like, what I did with Torchwood, he’ll be able to understand me that much better. And don’t forget, Mark and I have no secrets. There’s nothing I don’t trust him with.”

They arrived at the invisible lift.

“Fine,” Jack all but growled. “We’ll assess the situation and whether we need you. We may not.”

“Fine with that too.” Ianto nodded and stepped onto the lift stone. Jack followed suit and activated the lift mechanism with his wrist strap.

It felt surreal to descend to the Hub. Ianto had thought he would never see the water tower again, or the work stations, or the greenery just peeking through the windows of the hot house. An alarm sounded and the cog door rolled to the side to let the rest of the team through. Tosh ginned at the sight of Ianto riding the lift down and waved at him. He waved back, but then his attention was diverted by a familiar cry rising from above them. In a rustle of leathery wings, Myfanwy dove from her aerie to investigate who had arrived. The tone of her cries changed as she smelled Ianto. She circled the lift as it descended and Ianto responded by throwing his head back in carefree laughter. Myfanwy landed next to the lift and Ianto leapt off the paving stone before it touched the ground. He landed with a thud and strode straight into an impossible embrace.

Torchwood Three gathered around them, silently bearing witness to their joyous reunion. Ianto spoke to her quietly in Welsh, the words passing his lips in a continuous stream of affection. Only Gwen understood what was said and the words made her smile warmly while brushing away a stray tear. Myfanwy shifted closer to Ianto and rubbed her beak gently against his side. She made a sound akin to a purr; one the others had never heard her make in response to anything they had done.

After a few minutes, Jack shattered the illusion of peace and serenity.

“Tosh, what have we got?” 

Tosh tore her eyes from Ianto and Myfanwy and hurried to her monitors. She called up the full data for the alert and scanned the figures with a deepening frown.

“It’s even bigger than I initially thought,” she muttered.

“Just how big?” Jack asked as the others gathered around them. Ianto was the last to move, giving Myfanwy a fond pat before releasing his hold on her.

“It’s either a small spaceship or a huge piece of alien scrap metal,” Tosh replied, still busy interpreting the data. “Based on the trajectory, I would guess the former, since it was in flight when it came through the Rift. It looks like passing through caused some kind of explosion and it burst into flames.”

“Gwen…” Jack partly turned, but she interrupted him.

“Already on it.” Gwen called up the database for local calls to the emergency services. “Someone has called the fire department about a large fire in Fforest Fawr near Tongwynlais. Three fire engines are on their way there as we speak.”

“That area matches the ship’s course over Cardiff,” Tosh confirmed. “More likely than not, the fire department is going to find an alien ship burning in the woods.”

“Owen…” Jack started again, and again he was interrupted.

“I know, stock up on retcon,” Owen completed the order and then turned to smile at Ianto. “And you can bloody well stay away from it.”

“I don’t have a problem with that,” Ianto told him. “I have no need for retcon in the future.”

“I know that but I’m not taking any chances,” Owen called out over his shoulder as he hurried towards the autopsy bay.

“Anyway, back to the matter at hand,” Jack barked impatiently. “Gwen, keep an eye on the radio communications from the responding fire department units. If we’re lucky, they can put out the fire for us and we can take it from there. Tosh, keep working on the figures to see what else you can glean about what came through. If it is a spaceship, it would be helpful to know sooner rather than later.”

“I’m feeding in the data to the new imaging software at the moment,” Tosh spoke absently, fingers flying over the keyboard. “We should have visual in just a moment… There.”

On one of Tosh’s many screens appeared a flickering picture of a blunt-nosed triangular vessel. “It seems to be missing a chunk on one side, which may have caused it to crash or could be the result of it flying through the Rift,” she advised.

“Definitely a spaceship, then,” Ianto noted with mild interest.

Jack’s eyes flickered over to him with a flash of annoyance. He would have thought Ianto might be thrilled at the prospect of an alien vessel, but he then reminded himself Ianto was there, at this stage, merely as an observer. Forcing his eyes back to the screens, Jack tried to estimate the size of the ship.

“Tosh, how big are we talking here?”

“I’d say about 30 metres long, 20 metres wide at the widest part of the wings. I can’t calculate the weight until I have a better understanding of what sort of material it’s made of.”

“We’re going to need a lorry to get it back to the Hub,” Jack muttered.

“Assuming there’s anything left of it after the crash,” Ianto pointed out.

“Ianto’s right.” Tosh nodded. “Without seeing the crash site we won’t know whether any of it has survived and the fire is likely to cause even more damage to it.”

“Do you recognise the type of vessel, Jack?” Gwen asked.

“It does look vaguely familiar,” Jack said frowning. “Let me download the image to my wrist strap and see if anything pops up from the database.” He started punching the buttons on the display and soon a notification appeared on Tosh’s screen showing that the image had been successfully transferred. 

Tosh looked at Jack’s wrist strap with longing. “One day I’m going to get my hands on that so I can figure out how it works and how much information is stored in it.”

“I can’t let you do that.” Jack shook his head. “It would be like letting you prod and poke me. Although now that you mention it, I’m sure we could come to some sort of arrangement.” He winked at her while she flushed.

“That’s quite enough, Jack!” Tosh exclaimed, quickly turning back to her monitors.

“That’s a shame,” Jack said with a grin. “I’ve always found technical genius in a woman - or anyone or thing for that matter- a heck of a turn on.”

Behind him, Jack heard Ianto huff and mutter “Some things clearly haven’t changed around here” and so he turned to wink at him too. He did, however, make a conscious effort not to flirt with Ianto, who gave him a small smile just as his wrist strap beeped. Jack stared at the display for a moment, fingers dancing over the buttons, and then his face brightened.

“Ah, of course! Wow, you’re a long way from home, even by your standards.”

“Care to share with the rest of us?” Tosh queried.

“Oh, it’s a Seloanthian vessel,” Jack explained. “I’m not exactly sure about when it’s from, but my guess would be about the 78th century. As for where, that would be Selorax 7.”

“Are they hostile?” Gwen asked.

“Are humans hostile?” Jack raised an eyebrow at her, which made her flush. “The Seloanthians are generally known as explorers and travellers. They often spend decades moving from galaxy to galaxy without going home. They are a long-lived race, so their initial inter-stellar excursion is seen as a rite of passage of sorts. Many get the bug for travelling and only return to their home planet to repair and refuel their ships. The ships themselves are actually very interesting. Seloanthians use Rifts, like the one we have here, to charge the power cells of the ship’s engine and that usually lasts them quite a while. It wouldn’t surprise me if our Seloanthian got too close to the Rift while refuelling and therefore ended up here in Cardiff.”

Gwen was about to speak when something on her monitor caught her eye. She looked between the various windows she had open, and groaned. Ianto had already shifted towards her to ask why when she spoke:

“Shit, we have a problem.”

“Another one?” Jack winced.

“The initial report from the firemen at the crash site indicates that the fire is nothing like they’ve ever seen before. Water only fuels the flames and using potassium bicarbonate and sodium chloride compounds created a series of explosions that left several people severely injured and caused one of the fire engines to catch fire.”

“Just what we needed,” Jack muttered, rubbing his yes. “Right, Gwen, get in touch with whoever is in charge at the scene and tell them to establish a safety parameter around the crash site, but to not do anything about trying to extinguish the fire. They should take measures to stop it from spreading, but leave the original blaze untouched.”

“I’m on it.” Gwen nodded and reached for her phone.

“We could let the fire burn itself out,” Owen suggested, coming up from the autopsy bay with a full field kit. He had been listening in on the conversation even as he had been packing his supplies.

“We have no way of knowing how long it would burn for and how liable it is to spread.” Jack shook his head. “Besides, there may be all sorts of explosive chemicals inside the ship itself. We don’t want half of Cardiff to blow up while we wait for the fire to go out.”

“True,” Owen conceded.

“Without knowing exactly what the ship is made of, I can’t determine how best to quench the flames,” Tosh spoke with a note of frustration. “And in all likelihood the flames will be too hot for me to get close enough to analyse the hull.”

“Damned if you do, damned if you don’t,” Owen muttered.

“I might be able to help,” Ianto remarked, letting out a small laugh. “Oh, the irony!”

“How?” Jack demanded.

“I logged something in the archives about an alien device designed to put out exceptionally hot fires. It’s fairly slow acting, but it might be just was you need.”

“That sounds like our best option,” Tosh said, a hopeful smile lighting up her face.

“I agree.” Owen nodded.

“Seems you need me after all, Sir,” Ianto said, the challenge clear in his tone and the way he stood a little straighter.

Jack’s face darkened. “Make the call.”

Ianto nodded and walked away from the others. He sat down on the steps to the hot house and pulled out his phone. Hitting speed dial he called the familiar number.

Mark answered after just two rings. “Hey.”

“Mark, hi.” Ianto’s lips spread in a wide smile.

“So, how did it go?”

“Surprisingly well,” Ianto replied. “Up until everything went wrong in its usual way.”

“What happened?” Ianto could hear the concern in Mark’s voice.

“Something very large came through the Rift and the team can’t deal with it without me. So I made a deal with Jack. I would help him with this one Rift alert in return for you coming to Cardiff, meeting the team and getting a tour around the head quarters. It would also give you a chance to meet Myfanwy properly.”

“What did he say?”

“He’s not happy, but they do need me so he told me to make the call. So here I am, phoning you to see if you’re interested in an ex tempore trip to Cardiff?”

“Are you kidding me? Do I want to see where you had your alien hunting heydays? As if you even need to ask!” Mark sounded breathless with excitement.

“Excellent,” Ianto said with a grin. “I know it’s short notice, but it would be good if you could head towards Cardiff straight away. Since I drove here, you should take the train and we can then drive back to London together. We’re leaving the base shortly, but hopefully we’ll be back by the time your train gets here. Just aim for the Roald Dahl Plass and I’ll come to meet you.”

“Sinta can stay with her ‘Aunty Joan’ next door and I can get a tube over to Paddington and catch a First Great Western train to Cardiff central. How long are you anticipating staying?”

“I’m hoping this will be a quick thing to sort out, although I know that things rarely go to plan here. And we could have a look at the city together. So maybe pack for a couple of nights. Oh, and if you could book us into a hotel, that would be very helpful, since I doubt I’ll get a chance to do that.”

“All sounds good. And Ianto, thank you.”

“What for?”

“For giving me an opportunity to see something of your past,” Mark explained softly. “I know it’s all top secret, so I really appreciate the fact that you choose to share this with me, even though you don’t have to.”

“I may not have to, but I want to,” Ianto pointed out. “I want you to know who I was, as well as who I am now. This will help, I think.”

“Yes, I agree and I really can’t wait to get there. I’ll text you when I’ve arrived in Cardiff.”

“I’ll see you later. Better go tell Jack I’m in and you’re coming to Cardiff so bye for now and Mark …”

“I know; me too. See you in a few hours.”

Ianto disconnected the call with a small smile. He stood up and took a moment to watch Myfanwy soar high above. She seemed determined to keep an eye on him, now that he was finally home again. Giving her a reassuring wave, he headed for the archives. He knew exactly where to locate the alien artefact.

Gwen had watched Jack while she was still on the phone with the firemen at the crash site. She had noticed he was glowering as he watched Ianto sit down on the stairs and pull out his phone. She had also seen the tension leaving Ianto’s body once the call was connected. Finishing her own call she moved to stand alongside Jack.

“Is he calling Mark?” she asked.

“Yep,” was the terse reply.

“To be expected of course.”

“Suppose so.”

“So why the sulks Jack?”

“Because he only agreed to help us with this Rift alert if I allowed Mark to get a tour of the Hub and meet all of you,” Jack replied grimly.

“What’s so bad about that?”

“He is a complete outsider with no business in seeing the inner workings of Torchwood,” Jack grumbled. “I’m trying to run at least a semi-secret organisation here and bring your partner to work days have never been on the agenda!”

“You allowed Rhys to see the Hub,” Gwen pointed out.

“He was connected with a case. Besides, it’s not as though you gave me a lot of choice on that matter.”

“Just like Ianto isn’t giving you a choice now,” Gwen noted. “We do need him, Jack. It would take us hours, if not days to find the alien artefact that he was talking about.”

“That’s why I agreed.”

“And in any case, things worked out okay with Rhys. He hasn’t told anyone about Torchwood and it has made my life easier since he’s now far more understanding and accepting of my hectic work schedule.”

“That’s all very well, but Mark’s opinion on Torchwood doesn’t matter in the slightest, since Ianto doesn’t work here anyway,” Jack argued.

“He is today. And helping us out with this case may lead him to reconsider his choice.” Gwen gave him a pointed look. “If that’s the case, he’s going to need a hell of a lot of understanding from Mark.”

Jack opened his mouth to speak and then closed it without a word. He stared at Ianto for a moment, a thoughtful look appearing on his face. “I hadn’t considered that,” he eventually confessed.

“Well, now you can. Cheer up, Jack. Mark coming to Torchwood is not going to be the end of the world and, who knows, you might not have to find a new archivist.”

Jack wasn’t ready to give up his ill-humour. “Rhys got shot when he got caught up in Torchwood business.”

“True, but he was out in the field with us,” Gwen said. “Mark will just come to the Hub for a tour and that’s it. We can keep him away from the shooting range and the weapons room too, if you’re worried.”

“Perhaps we better. Ianto will find a way to kill me permanently if anything happens to Mark, I’m sure,” Jack winced.

“I have no doubt about that,” Gwen agreed. They watched as Ianto finished his call and, turning to give Jack a thumbs-up, disappear toward the archives. “So let’s just keep Mark healthy and happy while he’s enjoying his stay in Cardiff.” 

“Mmm,” Jack mumbled, a gleam suddenly lighting up his eyes. “Do you think they’d be open to a game of naked hide and seek tomorrow?”

“Don’t even go there, Jack!” Gwen rolled her eyes and walked away at a brisk pace.

He stared after Ianto for a moment, not quite ready to shake off his gloomy thoughts. Still, as Gwen had suggested, perhaps the unusual situation might lead to something positive. Jack was about to turn to Tosh for an update on her analysis of the Rift alert, when a wail of anguish was heard coming from the tunnels. Glancing at each other in alarm, they all rushed towards the sound, which led them to the archives. Ianto was standing in the middle of the room, looking around with wide eyes, an expression of utter disbelief on his face. Hearing the team arrive behind him, he whirled around and the shock changed into fury.

“Someone care to explain what the fuck has happened to the archives?!” he growled.

“Umm…” Jack hesitated.

“Well…” Tosh started and then did not dare to go any further.

“Err…” Gwen chipped in.

Owen wisely stayed silent and hid behind Tosh.

“Look around you!” Ianto explained, waving his hand in a circle to cover the whole room. “Does this look like the proper state of an archive to you?”

“Ah, well, the thing is,” Jack started, but his voice faltered under Ianto’s stern glare. “No?” he ventured.

“Quite so,” Ianto said curtly, eyes blazing with outrage. “I left you pages of notes on how to keep everything in order. Took me two days to write those bloody notes. And that after a year of getting this place into some semblance of order. A year!! And what good did any of it do? Huh? You are four adults; all literate, all at least moderately intelligent and all theoretically capable of following simple instructions. You lot can operate alien machinery but can’t keep the fucking archives in order. Would you care to explain to me the sort of universe where that makes any sense at all!”

As Ianto ranted at them, he had slowly advanced forward and the team backed away at a matching pace. Eventually their backs hit a row of filing cabinets and there was nowhere further to go to escape Ianto’s wrath. He finished his final question by poking Jack’s chest with his finger several times, eliciting a very quiet “ouch” from him. 

Ianto stared at them for some time, clearly waiting for an answer, which none of them were suicidal enough to give him. His chest heaved as he tried to rein in his anger and Jack could not suppress a wayward thought that angry Ianto was an incredibly erotic sight; if only much of that anger was not directed at Jack himself. Eventually Ianto turned away to control himself and the team took the opportunity to quietly slip out of the door.

Gwen caught a few phrases of Ianto’s swearing to himself in Welsh, and blushed furiously as she hurried away behind the others.

When Ianto eventually emerged form the archives, he appeared calmer, but still paused to throw a filthy glare in Jack’s direction. He was carrying a large metal box in his arms, which he put down next to the cog door. 

“Tosh,” he called out, stretching his back after the weight of the box.

“Yes,” she asked a little hesitantly, still worried that he was mad at her about the archives.

“We’re going to need spare energy cells for this device. I do believe six of the usual Teriamn cells will be sufficient. I’m assuming you’ve got some fully charged up?” He raised an eyebrow in query, all business.

“I do,” she replied, a little relieved that he seemed less angry. “I’ll get you a set of eight, might be good to have back-up just in case. You’re also going to need a field kit and the standard issue weapons.”

“I’m not thrilled about the prospect of having to arm myself,” Ianto admitted. “But despite my misgivings it would be foolish not to.” 

Ianto watched Gwen approach them wearing a thoughtful look. “Why don’t you come with me to the weapons room and I’ll get you kitted out,” she offered.

“Thank you, Gwen, but I do know where the weapons are stored,” Ianto pointed out with a small smile.

“I know you do, but we’ve upgraded some of the security since you left and you now need access codes to get into the weapons room,” she explained. “And since you’ve been officially listed as deceased, your codes no longer work.”

“Ah, in that case.” Ianto offered her his arm. “Shall we?”

“Let’s.” Gwen smiled as she slipped her hand through the crook of Ianto’s arm and they headed out side by side.

They walked to the weapons room in silence and Gwen punched in the access code to unlock the door. Ianto held it open for her and she flashed him a grateful smile. She had missed his impeccable manners.

The layout and the contents of the weapons room had not changed since Ianto had last been in there, and so he walked straight to where the stun guns were kept. Pulling one out, he checked that it was fully charged and then slipped on a holster for it. Gwen in the meanwhile picked up a hand gun, checked the magazine for bullets and then handed it to Ianto. The special holsters they stocked had space for both the stun gun and the pistol. She also handed him a spare comms unit, which he put on. 

“It’s been a while since I fired either of these weapons, but hopefully I still have some of my old aim left,” he remarked with a quiet chuckle.

“Whatever you do, don’t ask Jack for a refresher course down at the shooting range,” Gwen laughed and rolled her eyes.

“Oh no, I really don’t think that would be a good idea. I’d only end up having to clean up his blood. And I hate trying to get blood stains off concrete!”

They grinned at each other at the slightly morbid thought, Ianto slipping easily back into the black humour that was rife at Torchwood. After all, they needed some way of lightening the dark things they saw.

Gwen’s grin slipped off her face and she regarded Ianto seriously. “Ianto, I owe you an apology.”

“What for?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.

“For the way I behaved before you left. It was unprofessional and as the self-appointed leader of the team I should have paid more attention to its members. I’m ashamed of the way I neglected to include you more in everything we did. But even more than my actions were unprofessional, they were unkind and I can’t apologise enough for that.”

“It’s fine, Gwen,” he reassured her with a small smile.

“No, it’s not.” She shook her head. “I was jealous of the attention Jack was giving you, of the bond that grew between you. And I was foolish enough to think what you two had was casual, that it didn’t mean anything. When I realised how wrong I was, how appalling my behaviour towards you had been, you had already left. So I hoped you would come back, you’d return to Torchwood and to Jack, partly so that I could fix things between us. But now I see how happy you’ve become in your new life and again I realise I was selfish. Perhaps we were all selfish in wanting you back with us. You need to do what’s best for you, you’re doing what’s best for you and I want you to know that you’ll have all of our support in your choices. But I also want you to know I’m sorry for the way things were between you and me before.”

“Apology accepted,” he said softly and pulled her into a warm hug. “And thank you. And since we are doing apologies, I owe you own. You’re not wholly responsible for what happened between us Gwen. I didn’t seek you out, didn’t talk to anyone really. I could have but I didn’t. So I’m sorry too. Fine pair we are. ”

As they pulled apart, Gwen gave him a bright smile. The guilt that she had carried with her for months was finally lifted off her shoulders.

“And I really am delighted to hear about your engagement. I have no doubt that Rhys and you will be very happy together.” Ianto leaned in to kiss her cheek.

“Thanks, I think so too,” she said with a smile. “We haven’t set a date for the wedding yet, but when we do, would you come? I’d like you to be there, you and Mark both.”

“I’m sure I speak for both of us when I say that we’d love to be there,” Ianto replied. “With the caveat that we’ll come if we’re in this country at the time” 

“That’s good enough for me,” Gwen grinned. “Rhys is keen to meet you, after I’ve spoken so much about you at home. Now that I can, now that he knows about Torchwood and what we do here.”

“I’d like to meet him too; he sounds like a great man; especially if he can accept all this.”

“He is.” Gwen nodded. “I should warn you though, he doesn’t believe you make the best coffee in the world.”

“Well, it shouldn’t be too difficult to cure him of that disbelief,” Ianto chuckled. He picked up two extra magazines of bullets and tucked them in the pocket of his jeans. 

“Ready?” he asked her and she nodded. “Then let’s go deal with a Rift alert.”

The others were all gathered by the cog door when Ianto and Gwen reached the main area of the Hub. The stack of crates had increased significantly, but Ianto estimated that they could probably manage with just one trip to the SUV. 

“Are we all set?” Jack asked, wondering what had taken Gwen and Ianto so long. He made a mental note to check the CCTV footage later. Whatever had transpired between Ianto and Gwen, Jack noted, had removed the last of Ianto’s anger about the state of the archives and had also eased some of the tension that had always lingered between the two of them.

“Yes, we’re ready,” Ianto replied.

“Great, let’s move out people.”

At Jack’s words they each picked up a couple of crates or cases from the stack and headed towards the garage. Ianto brought up the rear with the alien device. Myfanwy let out a plaintive cry high above in her aerie and Ianto turned around long enough to wave goodbye to her.

They loaded the car in silence, each thinking about the mission ahead. By some wordless agreement, Gwen, Owen and Tosh all settled in the backseat, leaving Ianto to ride at the front with Jack. As soon as Tosh had fastened her seatbelt, she powered up the in-built computer and continued working on the technical images. Next to her, Gwen resumed monitoring the communications from the crash site.

“The firemen have successfully established a parameter around the site,” she reported. “Ambulances have taken away the injured fire fighters, but unfortunately one of them died at the scene. The fire engine is no longer on fire and it seems that so far the original blaze has been contained. But they’re estimating that the fire is getting bigger rather than showing any signs of burning out on its own accord.”

“Who knows what kinds of flammable materials the ship picked up as it crashed through the Rift,” Jack murmured, concern evident in his voice. Ianto glanced in his direction, but said nothing. 

They heard the fire long before it was more than a faint flicker in the distance. The noise grew steadily louder as they sped along a narrow, uneven road. Trees crowded over them, making the darkness almost impenetrable. The only light sources were the SUV’s headlights and the fire they were driving towards. When they were close enough to see the flashing lights of the fire engines, what had started as an angry hum had grown into a roar. It sounded almost alive, changing in tempo and intensity; and the team found they were straining to make out individual words amidst the thundering noise.

They reached the parameter set up by the firemen before they saw the crash site. Jack slowed down as a fire fighter in full gear approached the SUV. He lowered the window so he could address the man.

“Captain Jack Harkness, with Torchwood,” he introduced himself. “Thank you for establishing the safety parameter.”

“Andrew Davies, Chief Fire Officer. We’ve had to do so quite a distance from the fire because the heat is too intense.”

“That’s fine, my main concern is that your men are safe and that the fire doesn’t spread. We’ll see to the original fire.”

“With all due respect Captain, I’m not sure how you’re going to manage that,” Davies said with concern. “I mean, you don’t appear to have any of the necessary equipment.” 

“You’d be surprised,” Jack chuckled without any real humour. “Let us worry about the fire and how to put it out.”

The Chief Fire Officer gave him a sceptical nod but he stepped back from the car so they could pass. With a final wave Jack sent the window back up and eased the car forward.

The ship had created a wide crater in the woods when it crashed and Jack stopped the SUV on the crest. They all stared down at the crater in mute shock. The flames reared high into the air, the dazzling white colour of them the first indication of how hot they were. In places they appeared translucent amidst the heat haze. The hull of the ship was deep purple in colour, although it was impossible to tell whether that was its natural pigment or whether the fire had caused it to change colour. Around the vessel, the sandy ground was bubbling and hardening into a glass like surface. On the far side they could see the charred remains of the destroyed fire engine.

“Bloody hell,” Owen muttered, summing up what everyone was thinking.

Tosh was the first to move, she opened the car door and wave of heat rolling in took her breath away. She put her hand out long enough to point her PDA at the fire and once she had a reading she quickly closed the car door. Jack cracked the air conditioning on the lowest possible temperature. Tosh glanced at the readings she had taken and paled.

“From this distance away, the data indicates that the fire is burning at a rough temperature of 5,000 degrees Celsius,” her voice was tight with tension.

“How the hell are we going to get close enough to use that alien device?” Ianto asked.

“That’s what the extra kit is for, we packed suits that are designed to withstand extreme temperatures,” Jack explained. “They should enable us to get close enough without roasting.”

“I hope they were designed with this kind of heat in mind,” Ianto said with obvious scepticism. Owen’s answer did not make him feel any better.

“So do I mate, so do I.”

“They will at least buy us some time,” Jack said firmly. “Now let’s get suited up.”

They got out into the blistering heat and within minutes sweat was dripping down their faces. They discarded their jackets and their jumpers, preferring to have as few clothes under the suits as possible.

“Get into the suits as fast as possible!” This close to the fire, Jack had to shout to be heard over the roar of the flames.

The suits were made of thick, silvery material that yielded somewhat when bent, but provided a protective cocoon around them. They suited up clumsily, helping one another with fastening the hoods and switching on the cooling system. The power pack of each suit was covered in the same material as the suits to protect it. There was a set of controls situated on the underside of the left wrist of each suit. Jack showed them which button to press and the comms units built into the helmets crackled into life. Inside the helmets, the noise from the fire was much less noticeable. 

“Now we can talk to each other and be heard,” Jack said. “Here, press this combination to darken the visor. We need to be able to see even this close to the flames.” 

He demonstrated what to do and everyone followed suit. Immediately the flames became less blinding.

“There’s no point in all of us getting close to the fire,” Ianto’s voice sounded tinny through the comms. “The alien device has two hand held components, which ideally need to be on opposite sides of the fire. So it’s best we do this in twos, with someone standing by for each person using the device.”

“Agreed.” Jack nodded inside his helmet. “Gwen, you go with Ianto, since he knows how to activate the device. Owen, you’re with me. Tosh, I need you to monitor the heat of the blaze as well as keep track of how long we stay near the fire. I would estimate that these suits can only take about 20 minutes of that level of heat before the cooling systems will fail. So we’re relying on you to tell us when to move back and let the others take over.”

“20 minutes, got it,” Tosh acknowledged. 

Ianto opened up the container holding their means of putting out the flames. The device consisted of two long, elaborately twisted metal arms, which ended in a green crystal, roughly shaped like a suction cup. At the other end a smooth bulge housed both the cells powering the contraption and its controls. Ianto checked that the cells in each arm were fully charged and handed Jack a set of four spare power cells.

“So how does this thing actually work?” Owen asked as he watched Ianto work.

“The crystal cup is placed against the material that is burning and it sends pulses through that cool the material until it can no longer sustain the flames. As I said, it’s pretty slow acting, but hopefully it will be powerful enough to tackle what we’ve got here. If it isn’t, I’m officially out of ideas.”

“Let’s just see if this works before we start thinking about the worst case scenarios,” Jack jumped in. He picked up one of the appendices and hefted it up. “It’s heavier than I expected.”

“It’s made from an extremely dense metal to withstand the kind of temperatures it needs to operate it, Sir,” Ianto explained. He demonstrated how to operate the controls as he continued to speak. “The inside is actually filled with hollow tubes that can change their positioning and size depending on the settings of the device. I believe it’s to do with the power and duration of each pulse.”

“How do you know this stuff?” Jack had to ask.

“It was my job to know how to operate what was kept in the archives and not just how it was organised,” Ianto replied with a grin. “Once upon a time, I knew everything that went on in Torchwood.”

“Ianto…” Jack started to speak, but he was interrupted when an explosion sent them stumbling against the car. They whirled around to look at the fire and the flames appeared even brighter and larger than before.

“We better hurry,” Jack said. The others all nodded in agreement. Ianto picked the other half of the device and motioned Gwen to follow him. They ran awkwardly along the edge of the crater, the stiffness of the suit making their movements clumsy.

“Ianto, Gwen, let me know when you’re in position and I’ll start the timer for everyone at the same time,” Tosh spoke through the comms.

“Copy that,” Gwen replied. 

While Ianto and Gwen were circling the fire, Jack and Owen approached it from their side. They were careful not to get too close, until they were all ready, but even then Jack could feel the cooling unit tucked against his back working harder as the heat around them became intense.

After what seemed like an eternity but what was, in reality, only a couple of minutes, they heard Gwen speak again. “We’re in position.”

“Your first 20 minutes starts now,” Tosh said as she set her PDA to count down.

“Okay, let’s do this,” Jack said and moved forward, hoisting the alien device up. Owen stayed where he was on the edge of the crater, watching Jack intently, and ready to take over when it was his turn.

Ianto gasped as he got close to the hull, the intensity of the heat taking his breath away even inside the safety of the suit. As the cooling unit kicked into higher gear, he could not help wondering whether he would last the full 20 minutes. Pushing the thought aside, he lifted the device and pressed the crystal against the side of the ship. Powering up the device he felt the first pulse ripple along the shaft and through the crystal into the wreckage before him.

Tosh alternated between staring at her PDA and at the fire intently, desperately seeking any signs that what they were doing was working. She scanned the ship continuously, checking the readings for any changes in the flame temperatures. Much to her relief, a cooler spot began forming where Jack was working.

“It’s working, I think it’s working!” she exclaimed, relief evident in her voice. “The area around Jack’s crystal is cooling and the flames around it are a little less hot.”

“Still feels plenty warm to me,” Jack replied through gritted teeth. It was hard work keeping the pulsing cup still against the metal and the heat was rapidly sapping his strength. “How are you doing, Ianto?”

“I’ve reached the conclusion that fire fighting is certainly not a career path that interests me,” Ianto replied, his strained voice ruining the effect of his light-hearted comment.

“You have five more minutes before you need to retreat,” Tosh informed them.

As far as Jack and Ianto were concerned, the next five minutes might as well have lasted five hours. By the time Tosh ordered them to hand over the cooling arms to Owen and Gwen, both men were exhausted. They stumbled back, until the heat felt more bearable and the machinery powering their suits had quietened down. Ianto rested his hands against his knees and simply panted. He was grateful for every hour spent cycling or running, for despite his excellent fitness levels his muscles were cramping from the effort. He was not surprised when Gwen spoke a short while later:

“I’m not sure I can keep this up for 20 minutes,” she spoke with concern. “It’s much harder than it looks.”

“I’ll take over whenever you need me to,” Ianto promised.

“In that case, move further from the fire, Ianto,” Tosh advised him. “That way you’ll give your suit more opportunity to recover.”

“Thanks Tosh,” he said and did as he was told.

When Gwen could no longer keep the crystal steady against the constant pulses, Ianto stepped forward again and Tosh started a secondary timer on her PDA. The second round with the machine seemed much harder, but Ianto gritted his teeth and ignored the protests from his muscles. By now he could see visible results from his efforts, as the flames around the crystal were turning first blue and then yellow. The change was spreading outwards, but at a very slow pace.

On the other side of the ship, Tosh was starting to feel quietly optimistic about their chances of putting out the fire. She watched as Jack took over a second time and Owen backed gratefully away from the blaze. Her heart jumped when Jack shifted position, which caused the crystal to move to one side. Through the cooler flames, something caught her eye. 

“Jack, can you move two feet to your right?” she asked, a new kind of worry colouring her voice.

“What is it?” Jack asked even as he moved.

“I’m not sure. I thought I saw…” Tosh trailed as she squinted through the dazzling flames. She was about to give up, convinced she had imagined things, when she saw it again.

The reduced flames had revealed a change in the material of the hull. It was not a window in the traditional sense, but it enabled Tosh to make out shapes within, illuminated by reddish glow that was probably the ship’s emergency lighting. Amidst the dancing flames, she was certain she saw movement and it sent dread flooding through her.

“Jack, there’s movement inside,” she said. “Oh god, I think we have a survivor.”

Jack swore loudly. He had assumed that passing through the Rift and crash landing would have killed the Seloanthian on board. It seemed he had been wrong.

“Ianto, Gwen, move to this side,” Jack ordered. “We need to concentrate on putting out the flames on this side of the ship first.”

“On our way,” Ianto responded immediately.

They emerged around the front of the vessel a few minutes later, stumbling over the uneven terrain and the ground slowly turning into molten glass. Ianto took position to Jack’s right and resumed his efforts to control the flames. The pulses from the two devices seemed to amplify each other and Tosh noticed a marked reduction in the heat levels around the two men.

“It’s working much more efficiently now. But both of you, take two steps to your right,” she told them, squinting to see through the fire. “Ianto, you have another four minutes before you need to step back again.”

“Copy that,” Ianto replied absently. He could feel a change in the flames, but it was still dangerously hot around the ship. Staring past the brightness in front of him, he too thought he could detect faint movement inside. At Tosh’s command, Gwen took over from him and Ianto was grateful to step back and rest. He moved away until he was standing next to Tosh so that he could see more of the ship. Once Owen relieved Jack of the other device, Jack also joined them.

Now that the flames were cooling and dying out around the area they were working on, the window seemed to become more transparent, until they could make out a shape inside. It appeared to be right by the window, feebly waving several arms at the creatures working outside the ship.

“Jack look,” Ianto caught his attention and pointed further towards the nose of the vessel. Jack followed Ianto’s hand and saw what he had spotted. Just beyond the window, the section of the ship the Seloanthian was in appeared to be partly detached from the rest of the hull. Once he had noticed this, he was also able to trace the seam further back.

“It’s an escape pod,” he murmured, realisation dawning. “The Seloanthian knew he was going to crash, so he transferred to the escape pod. Something went wrong, because it failed to detach from the rest of the ship. Perhaps passing through the Rift damaged the controls or he tried to eject it too late.”

“We need to get him out of there,” Owen said, voice tight with tension and concern.

“If we focus our efforts on extinguishing the flames around the escape pod’s window, then maybe Tosh can determine the material and we can cut through the window and help him out,” Gwen suggested.

“That sounds like a plan,” Ianto agreed. “Tosh, is the area around Owen and Gwen cool enough for you to analyse the composition of the hull and more specifically the window?”

“I think so,” Tosh started to speak, but Jack interrupted her.

“Wait.”

They all turned to him then, even Owen and Gwen by the fire, keen to hear if he a better plan. Although his suit was air tight against the smoke billowing around them, the words tasted ashen in his mouth as Jack spoke:

“The Seloanthians aren’t a carbon-based life form like everything that lives on Earth. The mixture of gases that gives this planet its life, that enables all of us to breathe, is poisonous to him. Open that escape pod and he’ll suffocate within minutes.”

“Then we need to get the escape pod back to the Hub,” Gwen’s words were rushed. “Down in the vaults we have air tight cells and all sorts of different gases. Do you know what kind of combination he needs to breathe?”

“We can’t get the pod in the SUV, it’s far too large,” Owen pointed out grimly. “We’d need a lorry to transport it.”

“Then let’s get a lorry,” Gwen snapped. “We’ll call Rhys and borrow one of Harwood’s lorries. He won’t mind helping us again, I know he won’t.”

“We’d have to be sure we could detach to escape pod from the rest of the ship without damaging it,” Tosh joined in. “I’m not sure why it failed to launch without running full diagnostics on the ship, but there may be far more damage to it where it attaches to the hull.”

“Do we have anything in the SUV that we could use as a sealant?” Owen asked. “Something to insert between the pod and the hull to preserve its integrity before we attempt to detach it.”

“Listen to me, guys”, Jack spoke gently, but with an edge of command. “We’ve been working on putting out the fire for over an hour. We’re getting there, certainly, but the flames haven’t even been extinguished over the escape pod. He’s been in his burning ship for at least two hours, not to mention that we have no idea how much damage he sustained from the crash. How much longer do you think he’ll last?”

“We have to do something,” Gwen argued.

“There must be some way we can help him,” Owen added.

Tosh’s quiet question stopped them “Jack, are you suggesting he has only two options and both involve his dying?”

“Yes Tosh, that’s exactly what I’m suggesting,” Jack said with a great deal of compassion. “We can break the escape pod and he will die quickly. Alternatively, we can continue our efforts to fight the fire, but he will be dead long before we’ve put it out.” 

“So we’ll just have to watch him die?” Gwen asked in disbelief.

“I can’t see that we have any other choice.” Jack shook his head.

“Why not give him the choice?” Ianto suddenly spoke, having been unusually quiet during the conversation. Jack turned to look at him, clearly confused.

“What do you mean?”

“If he is to die then he should have the choice of how, it is his death after all. If we can find a way to communicate with him, we can ask him which option he prefers. And there might be a third option, he might have some sort of breathing apparatus in the escape pod that would enable him to survive the trip back to the Hub. It makes sense that he would have some means of breathing in hostile climates, being a traveller and all. If that’s the case, all we need is enough of a break in the fire to get him out of the ship safely. Although considering the intensity of the heat around the ship that in itself may turn out to be impossible.”

“Ianto, that’s brilliant!” Jack grinned, new hope filling his eyes. “Tosh, see if you can’t establish a line of communication with him. Hopefully the escape pod will have a functioning comms unit, although our radio waves may be pretty primitive means of communicating for him. I’ll see if I can’t dig out from my vortex manipulator the most likely frequencies for you. I can’t do it in this suit, so I’m going to have to back away far enough to be able to safely remove the suit. I may also have to brush up on my inter-galactic trade languages. Now, did ‘cro-un’ mean ‘hello’ or ‘bastard’? I guess only one way to find out…” Jack trailed off, hurrying up the side of the crater and away from the fire.

He deemed the heat levels safe once he reached the SUV and quickly stripped off the suit enough to free his left arm. He kept the helmet on, so that he could read out radio frequencies to Tosh, who tried each of them with her PDA. After several tense minutes, during which Ianto took over from Gwen by the hull again, she finally heard a crackle in her comms unit that signalled a connection having been established.

“Jack, it worked!” she called out. “Now I need you to do the talking, I’m patching the connection through to our internal link.”

“Thanks, Tosh.”

Jack quickly did the suit up again and then rushed back to where Tosh and Gwen were standing. As he spoke what he thought was most likely to be a polite greeting, Tosh motioned him to relieve Owen from using the alien device. 

The response he received was partly garbled by the fire interfering with the communication; and the others listening in struggled to discern any kind of words from the high-pitched sounds the Seloanthian made. Jack must have understood more than they did, since he responded with words that began hesitantly but which became more confident as he recalled the rhythm of a language he had not spoken in a very long time. 

It seemed to the others that Jack and the Seloanthian conversed forever. Eventually Jack bowed his head almost reverently and whispered something that sounded very much like a goodbye. Throughout the conversation Jack had kept both his expressions and his emotions under control, giving away nothing about what was being said. Now, however, he motioned Owen to take the alien device from him and he moved along the hull until he was face to face with the alien. He pressed his hand against the window, ignoring the heat searing his flesh even through the protective suit, and repeated the last phrase again. Tosh thought that the Seloanthian may have made a similar gesture inside the pod, but it was impossible to say for certain.

Jack backed away from the ship, his body language speaking of deep respect and disconnected the link to the ship on Tosh’s PDA. She gasped when she looked up from the PDA and saw that tears were streaming freely down his face. Jack’s voice was heavy with all of the emotions previously hidden as he recounted the conversation to his team:

“He told me that he does indeed have a breathing apparatus in the escape pod but that Earth air has been leaking into the pod since it failed to eject and he is almost out of his own air. He was grievously wounded in the crash and does not think that our primitive equipment, even the alien technology we’ve salvaged over the years, could do anything to save his life, assuming we could get him to the Hub alive. This ship has been his home for many decades and he would much rather die at home than in this world that seems so hostile to him. He said that once he runs out of air, it will be a quick way to go and he is not afraid to die.

“He told me we should concentrate our efforts on putting out the flames towards that rear of the ship, since that’s where the engines are located and they contain some fairly volatile components. He thinks the hull will burn for several more hours before the fire penetrates far enough to risk an explosion, but he wants us to be cautious in any case. He wishes his death to be hidden behind a curtain of flames; for his people, passing on is considered an extremely private matter, and we should not be privy to it.”

“So that’s it, we just let him die?” Gwen asked, moved by Jack’s words but still unwilling to give up so easily.

“There is no way to save him, Gwen,” Jack replied gently. “I would gladly save him if I could, you know that.”

“I know that, Jack,” she replied slowly, her shoulders slumping in resignation. “It’s just, I hate feeling so helpless. I hate it when we get there too late. I hate it when there isn’t a right answer, only several bad ones to choose from.”

“I know you do,” Jack’s voice was soothing. “I do, too, you know. Moments like this are hard on all of us. But in this instance, there’s nothing we can do. And as Ianto reminded us, it is his death and his choice. We have to respect that.”

“You’re right.” Gwen nodded. “I now understand how hard these decisions must be for you. I had to make a number of them in your absence. I never appreciated what a burden they can be and I’m sorry I wasn’t more supportive in the past.”

“Thank you,” he said, giving her shoulder a gentle squeeze through the thick material of the suit. “I have noticed since I’ve been back that you seemed to share that burden in a way you perhaps didn’t before. In fact, I think the whole team does, which can only be a good thing. These kinds of decisions are never easy, but it does help if we can make them together. I should have seen that before and included you more in my decision making process.” He smiled gently to himself “We keep on learning, don’t we.”

“Time to switch again,” Tosh interrupted them. While Jack and Gwen had been talking, Ianto and Owen had followed the Seloanthian’s advice and moved to the rear of the ship. By experimenting with the controls, they had found a pulse frequency that seemed to have the greatest effect on the fire. Towards the front of the ship, blue flames obscured the cooler area around the window, hiding the Seloanthian from their view.

It took them several hours of hard work to put out the flames, but eventually the hull cooled down enough that the fire died out. The team staggered away from this ship, mindful of the cooling ground around them, relieved that the hard work was finally over. They wearily climbed out of the crater, stripped off their soot-stained suits and slumped on the ground by the SUV, side by side. Jack stood only long enough to pull out bottles of water from the car for everyone, which they accepted gratefully.

They watched the ship and the ground around it smoke for some time, each thinking about the creature that had perished in the flames. It was Ianto who finally broke the silence.

“What was his name?”

Jack looked up in surprise. It was a question he had certainly not expected.

“Da’Erall,” he replied softly. “Or that’s as close to it as I can get with human vocal cords.”

“Da’Erall,” Ianto repeated thoughtfully. “I hope he had a good death, one that his kind would approve of.”

“He died doing what he loved best – travelling,” Jack explained. “He was one known as a wanderer, someone who had never settled down after his first journey out to the stars. He died far from the planet of his birth, but at least he was home. And we respected his choice.”

Ianto said nothing as a look of understanding passed between them.

They rested in silence, the night’s chill creeping in and drying the sweat on their skin. Ianto idly fingered his t-shirt, hating the feel of the clammy fabric clinging to him. Owen saw this and nodded towards the car.

“We brought some spare clothes, they’re in the back. We should all get changed before we cool down too much and catch a cold.”

“Good idea,” Jack agreed and lifted himself off the ground with a weary groan.

The others followed suit and Owen handed them each a dry fleece and track suit bottoms. They got changed where they stood, far too tired and uncomfortable to worry about partial nudity. Even Jack seemed too exhausted and sad to think of any innuendo to lighten the mood.

Once they were more warmly dressed, they packed away the alien rods and their stained suits. Jack glanced towards the ship with a thoughtful frown.

“I think we are going to need Rhys’s help with the ship,” he remarked. “The hull has been damaged by the fire, but until we know exactly what it’s made of, we don’t know whether we can get the ship back to the Hub in one piece. Who knows, the whole thing might fall apart as soon as we touch it. On the other hand, these ships are designed to be tough so it might have retained some structural integrity despite the crash and the fire. If that’s the case, I doubt Harwood’s has lorries wide enough to accommodate the width of the wings, but Rhys will probably know where to hire one with as few questions asked as possible. We might even be able to do it via Harwood’s. We’re going to need a crane too, in order to move the ship.”

“I’ll talk to him tomorrow morning.” Gwen nodded.

“We need to keep a safety parameter around the ship for some time, I think,” Jack continued. “It’ll take days before the hull has cooled down enough that it will be safe to move it. For now, I think it’s best to leave maintaining the parameter to the fire fighters, just in case any further fires break out. And let’s hope for a clear day tomorrow, given how water fuelled the fire.”

“The weather forecast for the next 24 hours is clear skies,” Tosh confirmed, looking at her PDA.

“Good, we should be safe to return to the Hub then. After a day or so, we can probably relieve the firemen and instead ask the police to lend us the man power needed to keep people away from the crash site until we’re ready to move it.”

“If the firemen stay here, does that mean that we should delay retconning them until later?” Owen queried as he zipped up his jacket.

“I think that’s best,” Jack replied. “No use having a safety parameter of firemen who are all sleeping off sedatives.”

“I’ll make a note of all the mobile phones in the area,” Tosh said and slipped into the back seat to use the computer there. “That way we can intercept any messages and photos of the Seloanthian ship the firemen and later the police on duty here may be tempted to take and share with others.”

“Good thinking.”

“I would quite like to set up a PDA here as well to take regular readings of the heat levels around the ship,” Tosh added. “But I don’t think it’s safe to leave that kind of equipment unattended.”

“I think you’re right,” Jack agreed. “It would be better if some of us return tomorrow afternoon to check how the cooling process is going. This is certainly one reason to be grateful for all the cold weather we’ve had recently.”

The team conducted a last sweep of the area around the crater to make sure they had packed up all their equipment and there was no debris from the ship that could be moved to the Hub straight away. Jack in the meanwhile relayed the new orders to the Chief Fire Officer, who was astounded to hear that the fire was out and immediately agreed that the area needed to be kept under surveillance. Jack instructed him not to let his men near the ship, in case the cooling hull released toxic chemicals. In truth there was little danger of that happening, but it should keep the firemen from investigating the wreckage too closely.

As Ianto climbed into the car, he reached for his phone and saw that he had a message from Mark, who had arrived in Cardiff just over an hour earlier. He stared at the message, uncomprehending for a long moment, before the reality outside Torchwood reasserted itself. He quickly typed a reply with a small smile playing on his lips.

_‘Sorry to keep you waiting, we’ve just finished for the night and are headed back now. Meet me by the water tower on the Plass. I xx’_

Mark replied almost immediately.

_‘Can’t wait to see you. M xx’_

Ianto grinned and could not resist typing back:

_‘Can’t wait to see me or the aliens?’_

_‘I better not answer that.’_

_“Thought so!’_

_‘Damn…’_

Ianto chuckled as he put his phone away. All of a sudden he wanted nothing more than to be with Mark, take Sinta for a walk in the park and have a quiet dinner at home; all things that were completely different from what he had just experienced. He saw Jack give him a sideways glance.

“Has Mark arrived in Cardiff then?” Jack asked.

“Yes, I told him to meet me by the water tower.”

“Very well.” Jack nodded, some of the earlier tightness creeping into his voice.

They rode the rest of drive in silence, all of them weighed down by the night’s work and their inability to save the Seloanthian. Tosh dozed off, her head coming to rest on Owen’s shoulder. Ianto happened to glance at the rear view mirror at the right moment to catch Owen turning his head to breathe in the scent of her hair. He smiled to himself, knowing that there really was still hope for Tosh and Owen. If only it had not taken them so long to figure things out.

Jack circled the Plass and was headed straight for the garage, when Ianto stopped him.

“Can you drop me off somewhere up here?”

“Don’t you want to come in first?” Jack frowned.

“No.” Ianto shook his head. “Mark’s already been here over an hour and I don’t want to keep him waiting any more than I have to.”

“Fine. So you’ll bring him down then?”

Ianto looked out through the windscreen and thought for a moment. “Actually Jack I’d sort of thought we could leave it until tomorrow, since everyone’s pretty exhausted.”

Jack accepted Ianto’s suggestion with relief, pleased to be able to defer having to play tour guide until he had recovered from the night’s events. His physical tiredness was matched equally by an emotional exhaustion and he wanted nothing more than to sleep for hours. He stopped the car. “Yeah, that’s probably best. We can unload the car and then I’ll send the others home. You’re right; we could all do with a good night’s sleep.” He paused to glance at the tired man beside him. “And thanks for what you did tonight, it was good of you.”

“We’ll see you tomorrow morning then, quite late I imagine.”

Ianto was about to get out when Jack’s hand on his arm halted him. He gave Jack a quirked eyebrow.

“How are you going to get in tomorrow? Your old access codes no longer work.”

Ianto chuckled “I do have my comms unit and your mobile number Jack. Besides, you’ll be able to see us on CCTV.” His tone made it clear he assumed Jack would be watching.

“And that just shows you how tired I am. Let me know when you’re ready to come down, so we can roll out the red carpet.” Jack muttered in an attempt at humour and relinquished his hold on Ianto’s arm.

“I will. Good night Jack. Night Owen” Ianto added, quietly addressing the only other awake passenger, as he exited the car.

Instead of continuing to the garage, Jack kept the car idling, watching Ianto’s retreating form. Owen nudged Tosh awake and indicated that she should watch quietly. Tosh gently woke Gwen. They both exchanged concerned looks with Owen, all of which Jack missed.

Outside, Ianto walked briskly towards the water tower and the man standing beside it. He could feel the exhaustion of the night seeping in, as if he was only just starting to process everything that had happened. His thoughts lingered on Da’Erall and his brave choices, choices that had ultimately cost him his life. Without really noticing, his steps sped up, until he was running towards Mark.

Mark grinned and waved, but his smile faltered when he saw the look of weariness on Ianto’s face. Ianto did not slow down until he reached Mark and threw his arms around him.

“Ianto! You look knackered. Must have been a tough night. Come on, let’s get you back to the hotel.” Holding him close, Mark spoke gently into Ianto’s ear with a great deal of warmth. “You need some rest.”

Ianto said nothing, burying his face against the crook of Mark’s neck, as he drew on all the comfort being offered by his own brave choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More notes: The title is from a poem from the film The Grey. The whole poem, which seems pretty appropriate, is below:
> 
> “Once more into the fray  
> To the only good fight I’ve ever known.  
> Live and die on this day.  
> Live and die on this day.”
> 
> The next chapter will be called Blast from the Past.


	22. Blast from the Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood.
> 
> Author’s notes: I had to split this chapter in half, as otherwise it would have been enormous. Sorry for the delay in posting, I like to have the next chapter written before I post the earlier one, and 23 had some tricky bits in it. 
> 
> Once again a huge thanks to my beta, Darcy58, for all his help with this story. Couldn’t do it without you.

Blast from the Past

They stayed in the embrace for a long time. Mark was content to give Ianto the time he needed to regain his composure. It was late and he was tired after the train journey, but he felt a wave of relief now that Ianto was with him again. He had been very excited about coming to Cardiff and about the insight into Ianto’s old life, but he was beginning to think that the horrors Ianto had spoken of were more common place than he had anticipated.

Ianto eventually pulled back enough to give Mark a shaky smile.

“Hey.”

“Ianto, are you okay?” Mark asked gently.

“Not really.” Ianto shook his head. “It’s been a long night.”

“What happened?”

Ianto glanced around the Plass to find it all but deserted. Not wishing to take any chances, he steered Mark to the lift stone, where his words would be masked by the perception filter. Mark raised an eyebrow at the precise way Ianto positioned them.

“We could have this conversation back at the hotel?” he suggested.

“Here is better, trust me.”

“Always.”

Ianto thought for a moment before finally speaking.

“A spaceship crashed thought the Rift earlier tonight.”

“Are you kidding me? A real spaceship?” Mark asked with a broad grin.

“A real spaceship,” Ianto confirmed, but he shared none of Mark’s excitement. “It crashed in the woods to the north of the city centre and caught fire. The fire department were first on the scene, but their attempts to put out the fire only fuelled the flames. At least one man died in the explosion that ensued.”

“Poor man,” Mark whispered, a look of horror replacing his grin.

“Jack needed me to find something in the archives; an alien device designed specifically to put out extremely hot fires. When we got to the scene, we found an inferno beyond belief.”

“Wait. You went with them to the scene? Surely you weren’t involved with putting out the fire?” Mark asked, incredulous.

“Yes, I was. They needed extra help tonight.”

“Was it safe?”

“As safe as any work with them ever is.” Ianto let out a hollow laugh. Mark opened his mouth to speak but Ianto indicated that he should wait.

“There’s more. Our alien devices worked against the fire, but the progress was slow. Then Tosh spotted movement inside the ship.”

“There were survivors?” That had clearly not occurred to Mark before.

“Just one. An alien from the seventy-eighth century. His name was Da’Erall. He was a traveller, so very far from his home planet and his own time.”

“Was?” Mark had a suspicion he could guess what was coming.

“He was wounded in the crash, when his escape pod failed to eject. The fire was slowly killing him. It’s possible we could have cut him out of the pod without the flames and the heat killing him instantly, but the problem was that Earth air was poisonous to his species. So we could either let him die in our air quickly or let him perish in the fire.”

“How awful,” Mark whispered, aware of just how insufficient were his words. He wrapped his arms around Ianto to give him the reassurance of physical contact.

“We managed to establish a line of communication with him and Jack knew an inter-galactic trade language that Da’Erall understood. So we explained the options to him and asked how he would like us to proceed. He told us that air had been leaking into the pod gradually and that he was almost out of his own air. He chose to die in his ship, which had been his home for many decades. It was his choice to go that way.”

“I’m so terribly sorry, Ianto,” Mark said with empathy.

“Yeah, me too. We were able to put out the fire eventually, but by then it was far too late for him. It was hard, wanting to find a way to save him and not being able to do so.” Ianto rubbed his tired eyes and winced at the grittiness of his skin. 

“I would say I can imagine, but in this instance I really don’t think I can.”

“It’s fine,” Ianto reassured him with a sad smile. “Just you being here and my being able to talk about it all with you is enough.”

Mark hugged him a little closer and pressed a kiss on Ianto’s temple. “Are you still needed tonight?”

“No. Jack was going to send the others home as soon as they had unpacked the car. I said we’d see everyone late morning tomorrow.”

“In that case, why don’t we head to the hotel and get some rest?” Mark suggested. “It’s only a couple hundred metres from the Plass.”

“That sounds wonderful, although the thing I need most is a long hot shower.”

“I should think that can be arranged,” Mark chuckled. “Incidentally, I packed a few days’ worth of clothes for you too, since I know you were intending to return to London tonight.”

“Thank you so much, you really are amazing.” Ianto gave him a grateful yet weary smile. He took Mark’s hand and together they headed for the hotel. As they left the lift stone, Ianto could not help his eyes straying to the nearest CCTV camera.

“Well, what can I say? You are a good influence on me.” Mark grinned.

Ianto laughed. “I suspect it’s more likely to be the other way round.”

The room Mark had booked for them turned out to be a suite in a small boutique hotel at the edge of the Plass. Large bay windows overlooked the Plass and Ianto walked straight to them. He noted absently that they overlooked the water tower and therefore the entrance to the Hub, but he resolutely turned his attention to the rest of the view. Mark walked up and wrapped his arms around him, resting his head on Ianto’s shoulder.

“It’s very posh,” Ianto noted softly.

“I figured we might as well do this in style.” Mark smiled and kissed the back of Ianto’s neck. “There’s a hot tub in the bathroom.”

“I imagine we’ll end up spending a fair amount of time in there, but not tonight,” Ianto said with a tired sigh. “Tonight I just want a shower.”

“I should think the bathroom will be able to accommodate your wish.”

Ianto walked to inspect the bathroom while Mark unzipped his bag and started pulling out clean clothes for them both. He did not notice Ianto reappear and lean against the bathroom door frame.

“Join me?”

Mark looked up at the vulnerability in Ianto’s tone and his eyes softened into familiar affection. “Of course.”

He stripped where he stood and then joined Ianto, who had been watching him with unusual hesitation. Mark slowly undressed him, grateful that Ianto had not been hurt. Trying not to show his worry, he took Ianto’s hand and steered him to the shower.

Ianto relaxed visibly once he was in the shower. The hot water washed away the sweat and smell of smoke off his skin, as the heat eased some of the tension in his muscles. Mark poured shower gel onto his palm and slowly, with great care, began soothing Ianto’s tight muscles. Ianto relaxed further into his touch, and came to feel utterly at ease. When he finally felt clean, he pulled Mark into a kiss. Mark kept him close, but his kisses were hesitant and he was clearly holding back from letting his usual passion take over. Ianto noticed this and licked their lips in a clear invitation. This caused Mark to pull back and regard him with unusual seriousness.

“Ianto, I’m not sure…” he started, but Ianto interrupted him.

“I am. I need you.” 

Mark nodded at Ianto’s quiet words. If this – he – was what Ianto needed, then who was he to deny him the comfort he sought? Pulling Ianto into a kiss filled with love and passion, he felt Ianto get lost in the moment before he allowed himself to do the same. 

Ianto was asleep almost before his head hit the pillow, curled up in Mark’s arms. Despite appearing visibly less burdened, a small frown on his face indicated that he would not escape the fresh sorrow even in his sleep. Mark pulled him a little closer and whispered into his damp hair:

“I love you.”

Mark woke up to find Ianto’s eyes fluttering open more or less at the same moment. He could tell the exact moment Ianto remembered the previous night’s events, as fresh burdens gradually filled his eyes. He reached out for Mark without words, once again seeking to lose himself in the loving embrace.

They ate breakfast in bed, deliberately keeping the conversation light by discussing their forthcoming trip to Thailand. Mark was keeping an eye on Ianto, but he tried to be discreet about it. He found himself at a loss as to how best to offer support in light of these new complications. Just how did one comfort a lover who was mourning a dead alien?

Ianto dressed in the fresh clothes Mark had packed for him and then got out his holster and guns from the deep pockets of his jacket. He had left them there after the fire was finally out, assuming correctly that he would not need them on the way back to the Hub. He slipped on the holster and the guns with the ease of experience. It was only when he finished retrieving the spare magazines from the jeans he had worn the previous night that he realised Mark was staring at him. He appeared to have halted half way through putting on his t-shirt and his mouth was hanging partly open.

“What is it?” Ianto frowned and glanced behind him, looking for anything that could have evoked such a reaction from Mark.

“You’re armed,” Mark said after a couple of false starts and Ianto finally understood.

“It’s standard issue; they each carry a stun gun as well as a pistol. I did too.”

“So you know how to use them?” Mark asked, still looking shocked.

“It would be extremely irresponsible and dangerous for me to carry weapons if I didn’t,” Ianto pointed out. He gave Mark a soft smile to take the sting off his words.

“Its just, wow.” Mark shook his head. “You keep surprising me, that’s all.”

Ianto zipped up his jacket to hide the guns from view as he considered Mark’s words. “It was a different life. Not everyone out there is as friendly as Da’Erall. We needed to keep ourselves as well as the general public safe.”

“I get that,” Mark rushed to say. “It makes sense too, but somehow I never really thought about it. What I mean is that I never thought it equated to real guns with real bullets. It’s stupid, really.”

“Real stun functions too,” Ianto added with a small smile. “And it’s not stupid. I guess the guns make it all very real, in a way that talk of aliens and creatures from other times doesn’t.”

“Yes, that’s it,” Mark agreed. “I guess I never appreciated just how dangerous your job was. But it must have been, for you to even need a gun.”

“Yeah.”

“Have you…” Mark hesitated. “Have you ever shot anyone?”

“Shot anyone? Yes.” Ianto nodded. “Killed anyone? No, never. Nor have I ever shot to kill, either.”

“That’s good,” Mark said, sounding relieved. “I’m glad.”

“Does that make a difference?” Ianto asked, oddly curious.

“I don’t know, maybe.” Mark shrugged. “Perhaps because guns are so…common place.”

“I get it.”

“Anyway, after we get back to your old work, you’ll hand the weapons back and things will go back to the way they’ve been,” Mark said and then had to check. “Right?”

“Yes, that’s right. I’ve held up my end of the bargain and helped Jack with the Rift alert. Now he has to hold up his end of it.”

Mark quickly finished dressing and then smiled. “I’m ready.”

“Me too.”

They walked out of the hotel and across the Plass hand in hand. Much to Mark’s surprise, Ianto steered them back to the water tower where they had met the night before. When they paused at the spot where they had spoken the previous evening, he looked at Ianto with a confused frown.

“I thought we were going to meet your old team now?” 

“We are.” Ianto smiled. “I thought you might appreciate the scenic route.”

Mark’s expression grew even more baffled. Ianto pulled the comms unit out of his pocket and put it on. Flicking the switch to turn it on, he swivelled to stare at the nearby CCTV camera. “Jack, we’re ready.”

“Ready for – “ Mark’s question was cut short when the paving slab they were standing on shifted and began descending. Ianto tightened his grip on Mark’s hand as the lift entered the Hub.

Mark gasped at the cavernous space spread beneath them. He had never thought that below the Plass there existed a whole different world. His heart started racing as he took in the work stations, the water tower and the various rooms connected by metal walkways. He could see people by the computers as well as a man coming up from what was clearly a medical area. The familiar figure of Jack appeared at an office doorway, his expression inscrutable. 

“Welcome to Torchwood.” Ianto said with a sweeping gesture.

Mark barely had time to take in Ianto’s words when a cry above them caught his attention. He glanced up to see Myfanwy swooping down to greet them, alerted by Ianto’s voice and scent. Mark instinctively took a step closer to Ianto when she banked near them, the air current from her flight ruffling their hair. Ianto grinned and reached out with his free hand to brush the very tip of Myfanwy’s wing as she flew past. She responded with a joyful screech, dropping down to land by the lift in anticipation of them reaching the floor level. Once the lift had stopped moving, Ianto let go of Mark’s hand and motioning him to keep back, stepped to greet Myfanwy.

“Hello girl,” he murmured, running his hands up and down her neck. She made a purring sound and gently nudged him closer with her wings. He stayed in the embrace for a moment, before pulling back to pat her cranial crest. 

“I’ll come and see you in a little while,” Ianto promised. “Possibly with a treat.”

Myfanwy rubbed her beak against his arm and then spread her wings. Ianto stepped back to give her enough room to take off. He watched her fly back to her aerie before holding out his hand to Mark.

“Come and meet the others.”

The rest of the team had watched them from the work stations and they now approached. Jack stepped forward, offering his hand to Mark.

“Captain Jack Harkness, now that we can be introduced properly.”

Mark shook his hand and gave him an uncertain smile. “Hello again.”

Ianto dealt with the rest of the introductions.

“You already know Toshiko Sato, Torchwood’s resident technical genius and my best friend.”

“Pleasure to meet you again, Miss Sato.”

“Ugh, far too formal,” she protested with a friendly smile. “Please, everyone calls me Tosh.” She leaned forward to give him a quick kiss on the cheek.

“In that case, it’s lovely to see you again, Tosh,” he corrected.

“Likewise, Mark.”

Turning to Owen, Ianto continued: “Doctor Owen Harper, Torchwood’s medic. I wouldn’t call him Doctor Harper, though, wouldn’t want it to go to his head.”

“Why is it that you’re still here?” Owen quipped before reaching forward to shake Mark’s hand. “It’s nice to finally meet you.” He frowned when Mark’s eyes flicked between him and Tosh, his smile widening slightly in the process.

“You too, I’ve heard a great deal about you.”

“Nothing good, I imagine?” Owen asked with a grin.

“No comment,” Ianto replied on Mark’s behalf. He then gestured towards Gwen. “And finally, PC Gwen Cooper, our police liaison.”

Gwen stepped forward, flashing Mark a friendly grin. “What the others already said. I’ve been dying to meet you for some time now.”

“Thanks. And it’s nice to meet you too.”

Ianto found Jack watching them both intently, his expression carefully guarded, and briefly wondered if he had thought his plan to bring Mark to visit Torchwood completely through. The tension between Jack and Mark was different now that he remembered who he was and by extension who Jack was. In a flash of understanding he realised that it would have been more tactful to ask the team to meet them elsewhere, at least to start with, rather than bringing his new lover straight to Jack’s home.

The others seemed to sense the tension building between the three men and glanced at one another, unsure of what to say.

“Would anyone like a coffee?” Ianto asked hastily to end the awkward moment and then frowned. “Assuming that you haven’t dealt permanent damage to my poor coffee maker, that is.”

Mark was amused by the enthusiastic chorus of agreements from the team. No doubt they had suffered a great deal following the disruption to their regular supply of Ianto’s coffee. He did note a flash of worry as though they all thought the state of the coffee maker might not meet Ianto’s standards.

Mark followed Ianto to the small kitchenette and was surprised when Ianto pulled him into a hug.

“What is this for?” Mark asked as he wrapped his arms around Ianto.

“No reason in particular, except that I can.” Ianto grinned and rested his chin on Mark’s shoulder. “I like having you here.”

“Will this sort of thing form part of each stage of my tour?” Mark queried innocently.

“It could,” Ianto said with a wink. “I know plenty of places here that aren’t covered by the cameras. The hot house is a particular favourite of mine.”

“A hot house you say? Aren’t you worried that things might get a little…steamy?” Mark asked before turning his head to nip at Ianto’s earlobe.

“Not worried at all,” Ianto gasped, content to hold Mark close. “In fact, I’m counting on it.”

They stayed in the embrace for a moment, both grinning and simply watching each other, until Ianto’s comms unit crackled to life with Owen’s unmistakable voice. “Oi, Tea Boy, less snogging and more coffee!”

Ianto made a rude gesture towards the camera, and let go of Mark with some reluctance. “We weren’t even doing anything!” Turning to the coffee maker, he groaned.

“Is nothing sacred around here?”

He spent the next half an hour cleaning and servicing the coffee maker, pointedly ignoring Owen’s requests for coffee. When the machine had been returned to an acceptable condition, he prepared two batches of coffee. He poured three mugs of each, but he kept them carefully separate.

“Here’s yours; and you can give this one to Tosh.” Ianto handed Mark two cups of the first batch. He put the other cups on a tray, keeping one of them well away from the others.

“One pot is decaf, isn’t it?” Mark asked with a widening grin.

“Yup. It should teach them to take better care of the coffee maker; but I doubt it will work.”

“Why Ianto Lloyd, I never knew you could be so very spiteful.” Mark set the cups down on the counter and snaked an arm around Ianto’s waist.

“Are you worried?”

“It’s kind of hot, actually,” Mark murmured against Ianto’s ear, letting out a low chuckle when Ianto shivered in response.

Once again Owen’s voice crackled over the comms. “Enough already. Bring the bloody coffee.”

They were wearing matching grins by the time they emerged from the kitchenette. Tosh saw this and rolled her eyes fondly, flashing Mark a grateful smile when he handed her the cup. Ianto looked positively impish as he delivered the others, which made Owen instantly suspicious.

“Dare I ask which unpleasant substance you’ve slipped into my cup?”

Gwen took a sip of hers and winced. She gave Ianto a rueful smile. “Even decaf made by Ianto is better than any other coffee we can buy in Cardiff. And we did pretty much deserve it.”

“Good answer, Gwen.” Ianto nodded in approval.

They all settled own on the battered sofa and assorted chairs. Ianto’s hand found Mark’s and his thumb traced lazy circles on Mark’s skin as they sipped their coffees.

“So why is this place called Torchwood?” Mark asked after a moment’s silence. To his surprise, it was Jack who answered:

“Queen Victoria named the institute after a landed estate in Scotland. There used to be four branches and we here in Cardiff are actually Torchwood Three, but after what happened at Canary Wharf we’re the main branch remaining.”

“And you catch aliens?”

“Among other things.”

“What do you do with the aliens after they’ve been caught?”

“That depends,” Jack explained. “If they are friendly, we help them stay hidden during their stay on Earth. If they are lost or stranded, we do our best to help them find a way home. If they are hostile, they are kept in the vaults here until we find a longer term solution. If they attack us and cannot be reasoned with, the confrontations unfortunately tend to lead to death.”

“Do you have aliens staying here now?” Mark asked, glancing around.

“Only our resident Weevil, Janet.”

“What’s a Weevil?” Mark frowned.

“They are the rats of the universe. They slip through the Rift regularly and inhabit the sewers here in Cardiff. They are pretty good at keeping out of people’s way, but occasionally one of them develops taste for human flesh and we have to step in. Janet is one such case,” Jack said, trying to keep the explanation as simple as possible.

“Would you like to see her?” Gwen asked Mark.

“Could I?” he replied, eyes widening a little.

“Of course. I’ll take you down to the vaults,” she offered with a smile.

Mark finished his coffee with one swallow and then set the mug down on the coffee table. “Yes please.”

Mark, Gwen and Ianto headed for one of the tunnels leading from the main area and Gwen led them to the lower levels. Ianto noted with approval that everything there appeared neat and tidy, so clearly not all standards had dropped following his departure. Gwen used her access code to unlock the door to the vaults and then pointed Mark towards the correct cell. While he walked forward to the right spot, she gradually turned up the lighting in the cell to reveal the Weevil. Ianto stood to one side, carefully studying Mark’s reaction.

“Jesus,” Mark muttered when Janet was fully visible, instinctively taking a step back. “That’s an alien?”

“Yes.” Ianto nodded. “I’m sorry we don’t have anything less vicious to show you.”

“It’s just…wow.” Mark struggled to find the right words. “I mean, it’s not human. It’s clearly not human. And yet, look at it, look at her. She has two arms, two legs, two eyes, one mouth. The same basic structure as we do. It sort of makes you wonder where evolution of this creature diverged from ours, if that makes sense?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever really thought about it like that,” Gwen admitted, her expression growing thoughtful.

Ianto came to stand next to Mark and took his hand. Leaning forward, he whispered: “I told you, you are brilliant.”

Mark flushed a little at the compliment but then shrugged. “I guess I just have a fresh perspective on things.”

“That can sometimes be the most helpful thing,” Gwen said, still looking thoughtful. “That’s partly what I was hired for, but it seems that I’ve been here too long to still retain that.”

“You were bound to lose it sooner or later,” Ianto pointed out.

“Perhaps, but I thought I’d notice when it happened. Which is silly, since how could I notice without someone pointing it out, like Mark has just done?” Gwen considered the matter for a moment and then shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. Ianto is right, though, that was a brilliant reaction to seeing your first Weevil.”

“Hopefully your last one too,” Ianto interjected.

“I agree. She looks vicious and I’m certainly grateful for the barrier between me and her,” Mark agreed.

Gwen dimmed the lights in Janet’s cell again and then gestured towards the exit. “Shall we?”

When they returned to the central area of the Hub, Tosh was back at her computers, busy analysing the Rift data. Ianto walked up to her and, leaning over her shoulder, glanced at the figures on the screens.

“Everything still okay at the crash site?” he asked.

“Seems like it.” Tosh nodded. “No new fires have broken out and the fire department have had no trouble keeping the curious bystanders away from the ship. I’ll make a quick trip to the crash site after lunch to check the heat levels and start analysing the composition of the hull. In the meanwhile I’ll do more work on the Rift data, something about it doesn’t seem quite right to me.”

“You do that, I’ll take Mark to see Myfanwy and stop bothering you,” Ianto said with a smile. He gave Tosh’s shoulders a quick squeeze and then motioned Mark to follow him.

They climbed past the hot house, but despite Ianto’s words earlier they did not go in. The walkways led them higher and higher, the route Ianto chose being the more scenic but definitely longer way to reach the aerie. Finally, when they had climbed almost to the top of the cavernous space, they stepped onto a level surface and before them opened up Myfanwy’s domain. It consisted of an open platform, suitable for landing and take off, as well as a smaller cave which enclosed her nest.

Myfanwy had watched the men approach and she was waiting for them on the platform.

“Hey girl,” Ianto greeted her and walked closer. Mark hung back, conscious of both the long drop down and the creature’s powerful wings. Ianto stepped forward to hug her, unfazed by their surroundings. Myfanwy gave him a gentle nudge and then pulled up to her full height. Ianto looked her up and down and shook his head.

“When did you grow so very tall, eh?”

Myfanwy simply made a purring sound in response and nudged him again. He took the hint and reached up to scratch her neck. After a few moments he pulled back slightly to regard her.

“Myfanwy, there’s someone I’d like you to meet properly,” he said motioning towards Mark. Mark took a hesitant step forward and Myfanwy hissed in clear warning. Ianto immediately quietened her. “None of that! Mark is very important to me, just like you are. So be nice.”

Myfanwy craned her neck to sniff Mark and then pulled back to look at Ianto. He nodded in encouragement and Mark inched a little closer. Myfanwy sniffed Mark again and then nudged Ianto. He rested his hands on her beak and neck, and nodded to Mark. “Give her neck a quick pat, but don’t move too suddenly.”

Mark did as he was told and reached forward with a trembling hand to gently stroke her neck. He was surprised by how smooth her skin was and how warm it felt under his hand. It felt surreal to touch a creature that had been extinct for 85 million years. Myfanwy again started to hiss, but Ianto’s hands soothed her.

“Now back away slowly,” Ianto instructed Mark and he again did as he was asked, careful not to venture too close to the platform edge.

“Good girl,” Ianto turned to Myfanwy. “You need to learn to like more people, because I’m not going to be around to look after you, no matter how much we’d both like that.”

Myfanwy responded with uncertain purr and rubbed her beak against Ianto’s chest. He pulled a chocolate bar from his jacket pocket, unwrapped it and offered it to her. She picked it up delicately and tossed her head back to swallow it in one gulp. Ianto laughed at her fondly and gave her one last pat. He then wrapped his arm around Mark’s waist and steered him to the tunnel opening out into Myfanwy’s cave.

“We can take the service lift down. It won’t be as scenic, but it’s much quicker,” he explained.

“Do you ever get used to it?” Mark asked. “Petting an extinct pterosaur, that is?”

“It took quite a while,” Ianto admitted. “But these days I don’t really think about what she is, I just see her as Myfanwy.”

“That makes sense.” Mark nodded as they stepped into the lift. “This is all pretty incredible.”

“I can well imagine,” Ianto chuckled. “It isn’t every day that you meet aliens and extinct reptiles. Unless you happen to work for Torchwood, of course, in which case this would count as a fairly uneventful day.”

“So, if this counts as an uneventful day by your standards,” Mark spoke thoughtfully as the lift reached the bottom and they walked out of a tunnel near the giant cog door, “then what does count as a normal day?”

Mark had just finished his question when Tosh swore and called out from her work station. “We have a problem!”

“That would be it,” Ianto muttered as they hurried closer. Jack strode from his office and came to stand behind Tosh.

“What’s wrong, Tosh?” he asked with a frown.

“I’ve been going through the data for yesterday’s Rift spike as something about it seemed a little odd to me. I finally figured out what,” Tosh explained; her words rushed. “The Rift spike is unlike anything I’ve seen before and I think it’s because of what came through. You said that the Seloanthians’ ships use Rift energy to charge up their power cells and because the ship passed through the Rift rather than just parking near it, it caused a chain reaction within the Rift. The ship caught fire as a result, but there was a further consequence.”

Tosh paused to point towards a blinking dot on one of her monitors. “There. It created a secondary Rift opening; one that was purely temporal.”

“Have you been able to determine exactly into what time the other temporal portal opened?”

“I can give you a vague timeframe, but in this case it should tell you everything you need to know,” Tosh replied, looking uneasy.

“And?” Jack urged her.

“Eighty-five million years ago.”

“Bloody hell,” Owen swore, having walked up from the autopsy bay during the conversation.

“Not hell, but the Cretaceous period,” Ianto corrected him with a wry gin. “Myfanwy’s own time.”

“I’m almost scared to ask this, but did anything come through?” Jack asked.

“Something large,” Tosh said, deadly serious.

“Like a tyrannosaurus?” Owen suggested with a hint of awe. “Will this day turn into Jurassic Park Cardiff?”

“Not quite that large.” Tosh squashed his hopes. “But pretty large anyway. Let me see if I can get a visual.”

She accessed Cardiff’s CCTV records, focusing only on cameras in and around the park where the temporal spike had occurred. The others, Mark included, waited in tense silence while she worked. Jack was just starting to shift impatiently when she suddenly gasped.

“No way!”

“Do share Tosh,” Jack urged her.

“Look,” was all she said, replaying a short video clip. It was grainy and there was too little light for a decent picture. All they could make out was the silhouette of something large flying past; something far larger than any bird native to Wales; something with a very familiar cranial crest.

“Is that what I think it is?” Gwen asked slowly.

“Looks that way,” Tosh replied, eyes wide.

The team all turned as one to look at Ianto, who gave them a weary eye roll. “Seems to me you need to go catch Torchwood a second pteranodon,” he remarked.

“It’s technically the same Rift event, so…” Jack pointed out, looking carefully optimistic.

“You are definitely our dinosaur expert,” Owen added and held up his hand before Ianto could protest. “Yes, I know that isn’t a dinosaur!”

“And Myfanwy loves you,” Tosh chipped in.

“You have the right temperament for dealing with such creatures,” Gwen finished off the list of compliments. Their combined efforts earned them another eye roll.

“I hadn’t intended on refusing to help you, but thanks just the same,” Ianto said with a wry grin. “The first step to catching it is locating it. I’m guessing that’s as much footage of it as we’re going to find?”

“There aren’t that many cameras in that park and their night time settings aren’t exactly brilliant. I’ll keep looking, though,” Tosh offered.

“By now that over-sized chicken could be half way to Dublin for all we know,” Owen grumbled and once again halted Ianto’s protests before he had a chance to say anything. “Yes, I know it’s a reptile not a bird!”

“I don’t think it’ll have gone far.” Ianto shook his head. “When Myfanwy flew through the Rift, she was disoriented for quite some time. Think about it, it will have been quite a shock for the poor creature. All the familiar landmarks will be gone. The climate is completely different. This world is full of artificial light, artificial noise and pollution. Everywhere you look, there are man-made structures. That’s quite different from the way things looked like eighty-five million years ago.”

“So tell us then, oh master of all things prehistoric, what will our wayward pterosaur have done since flying through the Rift opening?” Owen asked in his most sarcastic tone.

“I would expect it to have found some sort of shelter and slept through the night. By now I imagine it will be both awake and hungry.”

“We need to find it then, before it goes after someone’s child, or even worse, someone’s pet poodle,” Gwen said, voice filled with concern.

“I agree, but do we have any way of narrowing down our search area?” Jack asked, turning to Tosh.

“We could scan for residual Rift energy in the park and that might give us a general direction to follow,” Tosh suggested hesitantly. “It’ll be much harder because the creature was airborne, but it might have left behind enough traces for the scanner to pick up.”

“You may need to recalibrate the scanner to pick up on smaller than usual Rift readings,” Ianto remarked.

Tosh nodded in response. “I agree, but we need to strike a delicate balance. If I go too far, you’ll be side-tracked by every Weevil that has passed through that park in the past week.”

“I trust your judgement, Tosh,” Jack reassured her.

“In the meanwhile, we’re going to need a lot of kit,” Ianto listed things with his fingers. “We need tranquilisers, lots of them, that dinosaur net of yours, which hopefully we won’t have to use, padding for the back of the SUV for the journey back, some sort of gentle restraints, raw meat to use as bait and I’d be inclined to throw in a first aid kit as well, given the near death experience I had when Jack and I were catching Myfanwy. Retcon will be useful if we have to do this in plain view of the general public. I’m not sure we’ll be lucky enough to keep the creature hidden until nightfall and then herd it into a conveniently empty warehouse for easy sedation. Since it came through in the park, chances are we’ll be doing most of the hard work in the park.”

Ianto took a deep breath and thought for a moment. “Did I miss anything?”

Mark had hung back during the conversation, acutely aware that as an outsider he had nothing to contribute to the discussion. He felt an unexpected sense of pride well up within him at the way Ianto took charge of the situation. There was a new light in Ianto’s eyes at the prospect of hunting a prehistoric reptile in the heart of Cardiff. It was calmer, more collected than the excitement he saw in Ianto when they were cycling or when Ianto picked up one of his cameras. Something about the intensity of his expression made Mark shiver. This must have been what Ianto used to look like, before he turned his back on this life and everything it contained.

_How will Sinta and I ever compare to hunting dinosaurs and aliens,_ Mark wondered with a flash of concern. _There’s so much out there that we can’t offer Ianto but that Torchwood – Jack – can._

Jack’s voice interrupted Mark’s train of thought before he got any further. 

“We could probably do with a second scanner that looks for large heat signatures. There’s no way we’d mistake a Weevil or a human for the pteranodon. And with Ianto on board, one of us can co-ordinate the operation from the Hub, keep an eye on the CCTV, monitor calls to the emergency services, the usual deal. Tosh, are you happy to do that? We need Ianto out there for obvious reasons, Owen will deal with the sedatives, Gwen can take care of the general public, if needs be, and well, you all know where my talents lie.”

“Some better than others,” Owen muttered. “And the rest of us really don’t want details, so don’t even go there!”

“That’s fine, Jack,” Tosh agreed with a nod, pointedly ignoring Owen. “I’ll get started on calibrating a scanner straight away.”

“Thanks Tosh. But actually, it might be worth calibrating more than one scanner, just in case we need to split up. If you have time, can you do one for each of us?” Jack glanced at Ianto, who nodded his agreement.

“It will take longer, but I should get them sorted fairly quickly.”

Jack gave Tosh’s shoulder a quick squeeze. “That sounds fine.”

“I’ll get out the extra large syringes and stock up on tranquilisers,” Owen said and turned towards the autopsy bay. “I already have a full kit of retcon from yesterday.”

“I’ll get in touch with Andy and see if any reports of dinosaur sightings have come in to the police since last night,” Gwen added, pulling out her phone. “That might offer us a clue as to what our reptile has been up to since it arrived.”

“In that case I’ll get the general supplies ready, assuming that the store rooms haven’t been fitted with locks while I’ve been gone?” Ianto said and once Jack shook his head in response, he continued. “I imagine I’ll also find the dinosaur net there.”

“Thanks Ianto,” Jack replied with a small smile.

“Mark, care to give me a hand?” Ianto turned and asked, consciously wanting Mark to feel included.

“Of course, anything you need.”

“I should hope not quite anything,” Owen called out from his domain. “We don’t have time to wait for you guys to have a shag on top of the dinosaur net!”

“You’re always welcome to join us if you don’t want to wait,” Mark retorted with a smirk, emboldened by the banter he had witnessed over the course of the morning. Ianto glanced at him with a grin, eyes full of surprise and approval.

“Gods, where do you find these men, Ianto?” Owen ran up the stairs, making gagging noises along the way. “Mark is nearly as bad as Jack!”

“Are you sure they didn’t start off normal and end up corrupted by my warped, wicked influence?” Ianto deadpanned. 

“Nothing normal about Harkness, I can tell you that,” Owen muttered under his breath, just loud enough that everyone could hear him. Behind them, Gwen was trying to stifle her giggles by biting her fist.

“You do realise I’m standing right here, don’t you?” Jack had to check. He was trying to look offended, but his eyes were dancing with amusement.

Owen winked at Ianto and Mark. “Wouldn’t be half as funny if you weren’t.”

Jack turned to Tosh and Gwen, spreading his arms in the process. “Would you two lovely ladies also like to have a go at mocking me, or might you actually come to my defence against these mean men?”

“Sorry Jack, you’re on your own.” Tosh grinned. Gwen’s composure finally cracked and she started giggling. Tosh joined in and soon they were all laughing. The tension in the room eased, the bond between them reaffirmed by their shared mirth.

“Alright, guys,” Jack said, wiping tears from his eyes. “We still have a pterosaur to catch, so let’s get the equipment together and then move out.”

They all nodded in agreement, still smiling. Everyone dispersed, and Ianto and Mark headed for the lower level where the general equipment store rooms were located. They walked side by side, just close enough that their shoulders brushed every so often.

“So what happened when you caught Myfanwy?” Mark asked while he watched Ianto start opening various crates and boxes. “You said you had a near death experience.”

“Oh, things went a little wrong,” Ianto explained as he started making a neat pile of gear they would need with them. “I had lured her into a warehouse to help in catching her and Jack managed to inject her with the sedative in mid flight. She shook Jack off and I caught him, but then the tranquilisers kicked in and Myfanwy nearly fell on top of us. We just managed to avoid being crushed, or being skewered by her beak. It’s not an experience I care to repeat.”

“I can well imagine.” Mark thought for a moment. “How dangerous will hunting a pteranodon be?”

“Hard to say without having seen the creature. But last time it was just Jack and me, whereas this time we’ll have Gwen and Owen there to help. Plus much better gear. It should be fine.” Ianto flashed him a reassuring smile as he pulled the dinosaur net from a box.

“Do you want me to go back to the hotel and wait for you there?”

“If you wish, but I thought you might like to stay in the Hub and keep Tosh company,” Ianto suggested.

“Do you think that would be okay?” Mark asked, his voice betraying his eagerness.

“I’m sure that’ll be fine. Tosh will no doubt appreciate the company. Doing the co-ordination is in some ways the hardest job, because you get news of what’s happening at a slight delay.”

“I’ll gladly keep her company.”

Ianto added two more crates to the pile and then surveyed the collection. He nodded to himself. “I think that’s everything we need.”

He was about to pick up an armful of equipment when Mark stepped forward. “Ianto?”

“Yes?”

“You will be careful, won’t you?” Mark finally let the concern he was feeling show on his face. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Of course,” Ianto reassured him. “I have no desire to get hurt either, quite the opposite in fact.”

“Good.” Mark nodded and pulled Ianto close. “I love you the way you are; in one piece.”

Ianto chuckled softly. “And I love you; you know that, right? I love you just as much amidst the manic pace of Torchwood, where even a simple tour turns into a dinosaur hunt. I’m glad you’re able to see all of this and see me here, even if things didn’t go quite to plan.”

“Thanks, I think I needed to hear that.” Mark gave him a smile that belied some of his feeling of insecurity. 

Ianto kissed him to reaffirm his words. As he pulled back, he reached up and pressed a kiss on Mark’s forehead. “We better go, before Owen thinks that we have actually stopped for a quick shag.”

“Yeah, wouldn’t want him changing his mind and deciding to join us after all,” Mark smirked.

“Ugh, now there’s a mental image I could do without,” Ianto cringed and released his hold on Mark. He picked up half of the items on the floor, while Mark took the other half. They started walking back up to the main level. “I must say, you handled Owen brilliantly, though.”

“I figured if he was being snarky he could probably handle my being snarky back.” Mark shrugged. “There’s good bantering going on within the whole team actually.”

“Yeah, there is,” Ianto agreed slowly. “There didn’t used to be, not like this. When I was still working here, things were far more serious, more tense. The team dynamic has changed dramatically while I’ve been gone. For the better too, I should say.”

“And this new you fits right back in the team,” Mark said with a hint of concern in his voice.

Ianto glanced at him, but before he had a chance to reply, they reached the main area of the Hub where the others were waiting. Mark hurried to set down everything he was carrying by the cog door, with Ianto following him at a slightly slower pace.


	23. What We Fight For

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s notes: Just one more chapter, plus the epilogue, to come after that. And I’m definitely not accepting any more crazy ideas from my beta! 
> 
> I should mention by the way that I’ve never been to Cardiff and all my knowledge of the park referred to in this chapter comes from Google Maps. So a great deal of artistic licence has been used.
> 
> A huge thanks for Darcy58 for being my beta! I really wish I could include some of his comments in the version I post online…

What We Fight for

As Ianto and Mark placed the gear for the dinosaur hunt by the door, Jack emerged from his office and noticed they had returned. 

“Good to go?” Jack asked Ianto, walking closer. He frowned a little, noticing the slight uneasiness between Ianto and Mark.

“Yes,” came the distracted reply.

Together they watched as Gwen finished her phone call with a smile. Picking up her jacket, she approached the others. “Andy hasn’t heard anything about dinosaur sightings, but he promised to let me know if any get called in. He sounded pretty unconvinced by my explanation of us investigating a series of hoax stories involving dinosaurs, though.”

She thought for a moment, carefully considering her next words as she slipped on her jacket. “You said we should think about possible new Torchwood recruits; Andy would be my recommendation.”

“Go on,” Jack encouraged her.

“I already know him to be trustworthy and a good policeman. He’s hard working and reliable. Besides, he already sort of knows about Torchwood, since we keep taking over his crime scenes. He’s curious about us and I think he would be open to the idea of joining the team.”

“Not a bad suggestion, Gwen,” Jack said slowly. “I’ll give it some thought once the pterosaur situation is under control. In the meanwhile, Tosh, perhaps you could run the usual background checks on Andy?”

“Of course,” Tosh replied with a smile.

“Okay, we’re all set to go.” Jack turned to the others. “Let’s go catch us a dinosaur.” 

As if remembering something, Jack glanced at Mark and Ianto. “Mark, are you happy to keep Tosh company?”

“Yes, certainly.”

“Good.” Jack nodded to Mark and picked up a stack of crates as a signal to move out.

Mark turned to follow Tosh to her work station, but a hand closing around his wrist stopped him. He glanced over his shoulder to see Ianto look at him with a hint of uncertainty.

“Mark…” he started to speak.

“I know; me too. Be safe out there.” At his words and the smile that accompanied them, some of the concern melted from Ianto’s eyes. 

“I will. See you later.” 

Mark watched the team gather up the equipment and head to one of the tunnels in silence. Ianto turned back long enough to send one last smile in his direction. Only when they had vanished from sight did he join Tosh by the computers. She glanced at him in acknowledgement of his presence as she set up her monitors with all the programmes she would need for supporting the team.

As she worked, she flashed Mark a quick smile. “I’ve re-routed the comms frequency through my computer so we can both hear what’s going on.”

“Thanks.” Mark smiled at her thoughtfulness. “And let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.”

“It should be fine. This job is pretty straightforward so long as no problems arise.”

“Is it usually you who stays at the Hub during missions?” Mark asked with genuine curiosity.

“It varies these days.” Tosh paused for a moment to reflect. “It used to be Ianto doing this, but then he started joining us out in the field. After that, it depended very much on what we were expecting to find out there. And once Ianto left, particularly while Jack was still away, there were only three of us, so we couldn’t spare anyone. Even now, if the Rift spews out anything big, like it did yesterday, we need everyone out there.”

“It sounds to me like you could do with more people working for Torchwood,” Mark commented carefully.

“We do, absolutely. And we are working on it. It’s just that recruiting new staff isn’t exactly straightforward. We are a secret organisation and we hunt aliens; neither are common descriptions for job ads. Besides, even after Jack said that we would have to look into hiring new people, we were all sort of hoping Ianto might yet decide to come back.”

Tosh considered her words and winced. “Sorry, you probably didn’t want to hear that last bit.”

“It’s fine,” Mark reassured her, although his smile was a tad forced “I can certainly see why you would want Ianto back; I can see why he might want to come back. After everything he has told me about his past, about this place and about the team, I expected something different. But he fits here. He looks like he belongs here.”

“Mark,” Tosh started to speak but his raised hand halted her words.

“It’s silly, really. He loves me, I have no doubt about that. And he has been so open about everything that I truly believe there are no secrets between us. And Ianto made his choice; he chose London and us over Torchwood. But now, being in this incredible place, seeing him here, I wonder whether he was too hasty in making that decision.”

Mark paused to consider how to best put his thoughts into words, while Tosh waited patiently for him to continue.

“When you said there was another pteranodon to hunt, did you see the way his eyes lit up? Did you see how easily he abandoned his role as a tour guide and took charge of the situation? He fits well within the team here and he says things have changed for the better in Torchwood. It seems to me that many of his reasons for leaving Cardiff no longer apply. Who knows, having been reminded of the purpose he has here, of the good that Torchwood does, he may well regret his decision to leave. He may even want to come back. And who am I to stand in the way of that?”

“Oh Mark,” Tosh sighed with a great deal of empathy and reached over to take his hand. “Even if Ianto did wish to return to Torchwood, that wouldn’t have to be the end of you two.”

“Not by default, no, but it certainly complicates things a great deal. Not least because of Jack.”

“Ianto coming back to Torchwood wouldn’t mean that he would resume his relationship with Jack,” Tosh gently pointed out. “There are plenty of people out there who have to work closely with ex-lovers without lapsing back into a past relationship. It might be tense and awkward at first, but they are both mature enough that they could work together, maybe even be friends.”

“You’re right.” Mark nodded. “And who knows what will happen. But whatever happens, the most important thing for me is that Ianto is happy. And if it means that he’ll move back to Cardiff, then so be it. I’ll do my best to support him, whatever he chooses.”

Tosh gave him a warm smile but before she had a chance to reply, something on one of her many monitors caught her eye. She held up a finger to Mark as a clear sign to hold that thought and then spoke to her comms unit:

“Jack, park as near to the Bute Park Education Centre as you can, and that will get you close to the site of the Rift opening. I’ve sent the exact location to everyone’s PDAs.”

“Copy that.”

Tosh turned back to Mark, and picked up their conversation. Her smile widened. “Ianto was right, you really are a remarkable man.”

Mark flushed slightly at the compliment. “Oh I don’t know about that. Besides, Ianto himself is extraordinary.”

“You’re pretty much making my point for me.” Tosh grinned. “Ianto told me how brilliantly you have handled his amnesia and the past that revealed itself in such a dramatic fashion. I don’t think anyone could have asked for a better reaction.”

“To be honest, I’m still reeling from all the revelations of the past week,” Mark admitted. He chuckled softly. “I expect at some point in the next month or so I’ll suddenly wake up in the middle of the night and go ‘Shit, aliens exist!’. But right now I’m busy trying to wrap my head around everything Ianto has told me and everything I’ve seen here today.”

“Well, even if you are still processing it all, you’re remarkably calm about it.”

“I suppose it’s my nature.” Mark shrugged with a grin. He looked around the Hub. “This place is really something.”

“It is, isn’t it?” Tosh grinned back. “Even after I discovered that aliens exist, but before I joined Torchwood, I could never have dreamt of a job like this. Every time I think I’ve just about got used to it, something else pops up – something incredible or terrible – and I’m proven wrong. I like it though, as it keeps me feeling alive and useful. Every day is a new challenge.”

“I’m guessing you don’t get many dull days around here, huh?”

“Not many, but when we do, I rather enjoy it. There’s a certain novelty to them.”

“I can imagine.”

The comms crackled to life with Jack’s voice. “We’re on site now. We will be splitting up to use the scanners so that we can cover more ground more quickly. I’m concerned about the number of people here, though. Wrestling with a dinosaur isn’t going to be discreet.”

“Once you’ve narrowed down your search to a smaller area, I can get it cordoned off. But I don’t think I can easily close off the whole park and the adjoining streets.”

“That’s fine, Tosh, just start thinking about a cover story we can use. We’ll keep you posted.”

“Thanks Jack.”

Mark waited until it was clear that he was not disturbing Tosh and then asked: “So what does co-ordinating things from the Hub entail? Assuming I’m allowed to know, that is.”

“Of course you are!” Tosh exclaimed. “Pull up a chair and I’ll explain.”

He did as he was told and settled next to her. She kept one eye on the monitors as she explained. “Basically I keep track of where everyone is, liaise with all the emergency services, in case they are needed, as well as in rare cases with the army or other government branches. Within Wales we are very well known and we can usually get most things done with no questions asked, but sometimes further afield things get a little trickier. I also lay the foundations for any cover stories we require to distract the general public from what is really going on. For example to close off a part of the park, I may need to set up a false gas leak warning or, if things get really bad, perhaps a bomb threat. To facilitate all this, I have various programmes set up on my screens.”

“Don’t people wonder why there are so many gas leaks and bomb alerts and so forth in Cardiff?” Mark mused. “Surely some smart journalist has noticed?”

“Fortunately the really major cover ups aren’t needed all that often. And as long as things don’t inconvenience the same people on a regular basis, they are unlikely to put two and two together. Occasionally, however, a smart journalist does start asking difficult questions. In those instances, we have ways of…encouraging the said journalist to move on to something different.”

“When you say ‘encourage’, what exactly do you mean?” Mark queried, looking both a little concerned and sceptical.

“Oh, nothing like that!” Tosh rushed to explain. “We don’t send Jack out to break people’s knee caps or have Owen deposit dead horses’ heads in people’s beds. I more meant a discreet word with the journalist’s editor to redirect them to a different project, or as a more drastic measure a small dose of retcon.”

Mark looked relieved “That sounds slightly better.” He inclined his head towards the monitors. “Sorry, I’m distracting you from your explanation.”

She pointed to the monitor to the far right. “Here I have a map of Cardiff city centre, which is linked to satellite feeds, so that I can switch between a normal map view and real time images. The red dot on the map is the SUV. It’s parked on the edge of the park. The blinking green dots are the team, who are all on the move. We have GPS chips in the comms units, so that we can track everyone out in the field. If I hover my cursor over the dot, it tells me who I’m looking at.”

Tosh demonstrated by choosing two dots that were moving side by side. “See, there are Jack and…Ianto. They must have teamed up to use the scanners.”

The next screen was full of flickering images. “You can probably guess what that’s doing?”

“Looks like something to do with the city’s CCTV network?” Mark accurately guessed.

“Correct. I’ve taken footage of Myfanwy flying around the Hub, simplified it a little and I’m now running a modified facial recognition software to see if our prehistoric guest is caught on any more footage within the city limits. Think of it as a dinosaur recognition algorithm. I’m not terribly hopeful that we’ll get a hit, but it’s worth a shot.”

“Fingers crossed that you’ll get lucky.” Mark smiled, “and it’s incredible you can come up with something like that so quickly.”

Tosh shrugged with a smile. “I’m pretty good with computers.”

Mark rolled his eyes at her modesty. “From what Ianto has told me, you’re amazing with computers, and anything else that has electrical components.”

“There’s something reliable about technology; I always know where I stand with a machine.”

Noticing the wistfulness of her smile, Mark reached to give her hand a gentle squeeze.

Tosh’s smiled brightened in response to his gesture and she turned her attention to the next monitor, which was filled with text. “This screen shows a running log of all the calls placed with the emergency services. This includes calls made via non-emergency phone lines. We have standard key word and phrase searches running on them permanently, but I’ve added certain extra search terms relevant for this current mission. That way, if someone does report a dinosaur sighting somewhere in Cardiff or the surrounding countryside, we’ll hear about it as quickly as possible.”

“It’s convenient that you can use computers for that.”

Tosh nodded. “This kind of monitoring would have taken forever before we were able to use computers to do the bulk of the work for us. I’ve been refining the search algorithms over the years and they are pretty good these days.”

“As Ianto said; a technical genius.” 

Tosh smiled at the compliment and then nodded towards the next monitor. “This one is linked to the scanners the team have with them. The data collected by them is sent straight back to the Hub via a secure satellite link and much of the actual analysis is done by the super-computer deep below us. Jack and the others will see immediate results out in the field and I can run an in-depth analysis to pick up wider patterns. So far most of it just looks like background radiation, but you can see distinctly where they are tracking higher levels of Rift residue. Because of the presence of the Rift in Cardiff, everything here carries trace elements of the Rift residue, hence the background radiation you see on the screen.”

“Including me?” Mark asked, astonished.

“Yes. By now you will have picked up some trace, particularly since you’ve spent time at the Hub, where the residue levels are much higher.”

“Wow,” Mark mumbled and stared intently at his hands.

“You can’t detect it with naked eye; indeed up until fairly recently we weren’t even aware of how prolific that stuff is. Once we calibrated our scanners to detect it and found that it was everywhere, we conducted studies to determine whether long term exposure to Rift residue had any adverse health effects. We found none.”

“So it doesn’t matter that I have it on me?” Mark had to double check. 

“Not at all,” Tosh reassured him. “I’ve probably made you temporarily hypochondriac by mentioning it to you in the first place, but you’ll be absolutely fine. The traces will wear off in a few days after you return to London.”

“And there’s no harm to dogs either? I don’t want Sinta to catch some sort of space bug.”

“She will be fine, too.” Tosh smiled. “Dogs lead very happy, healthy lives in Cardiff.”

“That’s a relief!”

Mark realised that he had distracted Tosh from her explanation again and nodded towards the final screen directly in front of him, which was filled with incomprehensible equations. “And what are these?”

“That’s the programme monitoring the Rift itself. It’s permanently on and wired to send remote alerts to us whenever a Rift event occurs. That way even if we’re out of the Hub we’ll pick up things immediately. Considering the enormity of what happened yesterday, there may well be secondary Rift spikes occurring in the next few days.”

“Are they like aftershocks following an earthquake?” Mark clarified. Tosh looked both surprised and impressed by his quick deduction.

“Yes, exactly. The spaceship’s engines reacting with the Rift created ripples extending outwards. When they come into contact with other instabilities, they are likely to create openings and things or beings will enter Cardiff through them. I expect we’ll be pretty busy in the coming weeks. The programme contains a predictive element that calculates Rift spikes ahead of time, but it doesn’t always catch everything. We got no warning about yesterday, for instance, and the after effects may prove a challenge to the programme”

“So your life really does revolve around the Rift, huh?”

“Pretty much,” Tosh agreed. “Occasionally other things come up via the police, UNIT or very rarely even via Torchwood Two, and we investigate accordingly. But mostly it’s the Rift keeping us busy. And the Rift can be active at any time, so it’s certainly not a nine to five job.”

“What’s UNIT?”

“It stands for Unified Intelligence Taskforce. Sort of us on a global scale, except with more military style organisation and more guns.”

“And Torchwood Two? Where is that based?”

“Glasgow. It’s just one man in a cramped office, which is why after London fell Jack has been the de facto head of the Torchwood Institute.” 

“How did you end up working for him? If you don’t mind my asking, of course?”

“Not at all,” Tosh replied. “Jack rescued me from a bad situation. Compared to the alternative, coming to work here was a godsend. Now I can’t imagine doing anything different.”

“So you’ve never been tempted to make the same choice Ianto did?” Mark queried.

“To leave and forget about it all…” Tosh trailed off, deep in thought. “On the worst, darkest days, maybe. But then the next morning things look just a little brighter, not quite so permanently hopeless. So no, I could never make that choice for myself.” 

She stared at the monitors before her, seemingly lost in thought. Having amended one of the Rift equations, she quietly spoke again. “But I can understand why Ianto chose the way he did. His losses were more…tangible than mine. He watched what was left of his girlfriend die in front of him; he washed the blood stained concrete floor until his own hands bled. I don’t think the stains ever did come off; not that we ever used that particular room again. And then Jack left us. For a long while after Lisa’s death Ianto barely got by and Jack’s departure winded him so badly I think he almost forgot how to breathe.”

Mark paled at the picture Tosh was painting, finding it hard to comprehend what Ianto had gone through. He wondered if he might over time find a way to ease the past burdens that still haunted Ianto.

Tosh stared at her hands for a moment before continuing. “I wish I had done more to support him when he needed his best friend. But then again, he found happiness with you in London that I don’t think he could ever have attained here, even if he had stayed until Jack’s return.”

“You really think so?”

“Yes, I do,” Tosh said with conviction. “He always carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. He doesn’t anymore. He’s always been mature for his age, but he no longer looks old or indeed acts old. He looks like a 25-year-old in love with life, which is precisely how he should look. And that’s in large part down to you.”

Mark smiled, his face softening into affection. “I’ve been incredibly lucky to have found him and for him to love me as much as he does.”

“Do you really think it’s down to luck?”

“I don’t believe in God, any kind of god in fact.” Mark shrugged. “I don’t know, karma maybe? I must have done something right to have Ianto in my life.”

“Or perhaps the universe owed Ianto a break and it came in the form of you,” Tosh challenged him back.

Mark was about to respond when the comms buzzed again and Jack’s voice came through: “Gwen, Owen, I think we’ve got something. I need you here. Tosh, can you guide Owen to us via the fastest route possible?”

“Of course.”

“Good. Gwen, I need you to go back and get the SUV. We’re going to need all of the heavy gear and the car itself. You’ll have to drive to the other side of the park and then find a maintenance access point where the car can enter the park proper. Once there, Tosh can guide you to the rest of us.”

“Copy that, Jack,” Gwen responded.

“Tosh, once you’ve guided Owen to us, I need you to get that cover operation going,” Jack ordered. “We need to clear the south side of the park of all civilians and we will need the police to help us with that. Get in touch with Andy and get him to set something up. Tell him that once the police are on the scene, he is to liaise with Gwen on the specific details.”

Tosh focused on the monitor with the map of the park and everyone’s locations. “Okay.”

“Gwen, Owen, get here as fast as you can!” Jack signed off.

Tosh started giving directions to Owen with practiced ease. Mark watched as two of the green dots went their separate ways, one returning to the SUV while the other slowly approached the dots identifying Jack and Ianto near the south edge of the park. Once Owen confirmed that he had reached the others, Tosh turned her attention to Gwen and directed her around the park to a maintenance entrance and then into the park. Soon the team were all together and the dots on the screen converged around the SUV.

While Mark watched the map, Tosh called up a number from their internal database and dialled it on her phone. “PC Davidson, I’m with Torchwood.”

“Afternoon. Yes, Gwen is fine. As her enquiries may have indicated earlier, we are dealing with a situation in the town centre and need some police assistance. I need to have the south end of the Bute Park closed to the general public. As you can no doubt appreciate, I’m not at liberty to say why, beyond that it will be for everyone’s safety and best interest to stay away.”

She listened for a while.

“Thank you. Gwen will be at the scene to liaise with the police officers and offer any assistance she can.”

“That’s fine. Thank you very much for your help.”

“I know you don’t have a choice, but I’m still going to say thank you.”

“Have a good day, and thank you again.”

Tosh finished the conversation with a weary huff. “The local police don’t like us telling them what to do and then keeping them in the dark about what is actually going on. They have to obey, because we outrank them by miles, but they don’t have to like it. Andy was complaining about having to explain the sudden need for manpower to his superiors. Technically he’s correct, since it should have been Jack making the request to the head of the police force. In any case, Gwen has eased the relationship since she joined, but things are still pretty strained between us and most of the emergency services.”

“I can imagine it being tough taking orders from a shadowy organisation and not really knowing what is actually happening,” Mark commented.

“I get it too and I feel bad about it, but we can’t let them know what it is we do.”

“No, I understand that.”

Tosh nodded and reported to Jack that police help was on its way. They watched as the green dots moved around the SUV, readying the required equipment. A short while later Jack confirmed that the police had begun to close off the area. On the screen, the team moved away from the SUV and spread out.

“Looks like the mission is close to being finished,” Mark noted.

“Hopefully they’ll manage to sedate the pterosaur without any major trouble,” Tosh responded, a small frown belying her concern.

“It must be hard, just sitting and waiting, rather than being out there,” Mark mused, looking at Tosh with sympathy.

“Yes, I suppose it is. But they are all competent, field trained people, with skills that complement each other. I’m sure they’ll be fine.” 

“Ianto told me about you and Owen,” Mark said carefully, hoping he was not overstepping any boundaries. “Or rather about the possibility of you and Owen. I imagine you worry more when he’s out in the field?”

“That’s pretty much always,” Tosh hedged. “The role of the Torchwood doctor is not a passive one.”

Mark said nothing, merely tilted her head to the side and gave her a pointed look.

“Okay, fine,” she conceded. “Yes, I do worry about him. How could I not, considering the kind of situations and creatures we have to deal with. But he knows how to take care of himself and I trust him to do so. At least he won’t have to worry about me on this occasion, since I’m safe here with you. But it’s not just Owen I worry about, it’s all of them.”

“Ianto said that people don’t…grow old at Torchwood,” Mark commented with a great deal of hesitation.

“No, I suppose not, but I believe it’s work that has to be done.” Her eyes showed sadness and determination in equal measures. She seemed conscious of the fate that most likely awaited her, but she had accepted it as just another part of Torchwood.

“Which does make it a worthwhile job.” Mark smiled.

“Torchwood is pretty much a calling,” Tosh chuckled. “The pay is very good, but the hours are terrible.”

“It must be tough to have relationships with people who don’t know what you do?”

“It is. Gwen is really the only one who has managed it and I think things are much better with Rhys now that he knows the truth about Torchwood. In fact, I don’t think I could ever have a serious relationship with someone who didn’t know. Very few would have enough understanding to handle the erratic nature of our work here.”

Mark looked thoughtful, but said nothing.

Tosh’s eyes softened as she watched him, guessing what he was thinking about. “But since you do know the truth about us, you could still make it work with Ianto even if he did return to Torchwood.”

“Maybe,” he said, mostly to himself. “Not from London, though. Even a two-hour train journey is too far with a job like Torchwood, so it would be impossible to plan. But then I don’t suppose moving to Cardiff would be such a terrible thing. The city looks nice from the brief glimpses I’ve had so far.”

He shook his head, as if to rid himself of his gloomy thoughts and then grinned. “Given the difficulties with outside relationships, it’s pretty lucky you and Owen have found each other.”

Tosh rolled her eyes, which made Mark wink. “Honestly, you’re almost as bad as Ianto! You two are officially forbidden from ganging up on me.”

“Well, I don’t think I can really speak for both of us…” Mark teased her. He absently noted that the green dots were moving very fast on the screen.

“You’re definitely as bad as Ianto,” Tosh groaned. “Looks like you’ve both found your match.”

“I hope so,” Mark said, suddenly serious. “I want to be with him for the rest of my life.”

Tosh reached over to take his hand again. “Then don’t let anything stop you. At the exhibition you promised me that you would be good to him. I intend to hold you to that promise.”

“Duly noted.”

They shared a smile full of affection and understanding, both glad for the friendship fast developing between them. The moment was shattered by Owen’s voice barking through the comms:

“Tosh, Mark, I need you to prepare the med bay!”

* * *

The team loaded the SUV in tense silence. Ianto was reliving the night he and Jack had captured Myfanwy, trying to think of any little detail that might help them with their current mission. The memory of rolling himself and Jack across the floor to dodge a falling Myfanwy kept bubbling to the surface of his mind, but he firmly pushed it aside. Remembering Jack’s solid weight under him would certainly not aid them in a pteranodon hunt.

Ianto took the front seat next to Jack again and checked his PDA for the third time to make sure he had the co-ordinates for the spot where the temporal shift had opened. In the back seat, Gwen was doing the same, while Owen was checking over each of the scanners Tosh had recalibrated for them.

“I’m beginning to think that I should invoice you for consultancy services,” Ianto quipped in an attempt to ease some of the tension in the car.

“Oh damn! I hadn’t thought of that,” Jack swore, and his response was serious. “Of course we’ll compensate you for your time and for putting yourself in danger for us.”

“I was only joking, Jack,” Ianto objected with a small smile.” Besides, I’m not sure you could afford my consultancy rates.”

“You know full well the financial means of Torchwood, even after half a year’s absence. Torchwood – I – can afford to pay you any kind of salary I want.”

“If that’s the case, I’d like a raise please,” Owen jumped in.

“Me too,” Gwen added.

“I’ll consider it when your next appraisal comes up.” Jack smiled knowingly at them via the rear view mirror.

“Since when have you conducted official appraisals?” Ianto queried, looking puzzled.

“Shush, don’t give the game away,” Jack admonished him in a whisper just loud enough that everyone heard him.

“I sense a great deal of favouritism here,” Owen grumbled at Gwen.

“Perhaps we ought to set up a union to look after our rights?” she suggested in turn, grinning at Owen.

“Excellent suggestion! Maybe Tosh will want to join us too.”

“It would certainly be unfair to leave her out.” Gwen nodded.

“Yes, very good guys,” Jack grumbled. “It’s three against two, it seems.”

“Actually, I’m here just as an impartial consultant,” Ianto reminded him. “So it’s three against one, really.”

“Is that meant to make me feel better?”

“Just putting it out there, Sir.” Ianto shrugged, trying to hide his grin.

“Why is it that I never win in these situations?” Jack queried with an air of resignation.

“I wouldn’t like to speculate,” Ianto deadpanned.

“Do you share my sudden desire to have a tub of popcorn at hand?” Gwen whispered to Owen.

“This is certainly more entertaining than any movie I’ve seen this year,” Owen agreed with a grin. Hearing his words, Ianto twisted around in his seat and winked.

“Hey,” Jack started to speak, but his protests were cut short by Tosh advising them where to park.

The mood in the car sobered up immediately and they rode the rest of the journey in silence. More than once Jack caught Ianto watching him with an inscrutable expression on his face.

Jack checked their position on his PDA as he got out of the car. “The spot we’re looking for is about fifty metres straight ahead. Let’s take a light load of equipment for now and leave the rest for when we need it.”

Ianto packed the dinosaur net and the first aid kit into a backpack and slung it over his shoulder, while Owen filled several large syringes with powerful tranquilisers and placed them in padded cases.

“I’m having to do a fair bit of guestimating here,” Owen explained. “From the short video footage I’d expect the pterosaur to be about the same size as Myfanwy, maybe even a little bigger. So we may need several syringes to fully sedate the creature. I won’t know for certain until I see it and even then there are several variables to consider.”

“We’ll know much more once we actually locate the creature.” Jack nodded.

Once everyone had their equipment ready, they headed away from the car. Ianto had his scanner out and, as they walked, he took continuous readings to determine the sensitivity of the device. Jack noted with increasing concern the number of people in the park. It was a cold, but sunny day, so the park was quite crowded. Ianto noticed his eyes darting around and gave him an understanding smile. “Lots of people around.”

“Yeah, I suspect it’s going to be a major problem,” Jack replied quietly.

“Tosh can probably sort out some kind of cover story for us,” Ianto suggested.

“It may require a fair bit of organising, so it may be best if we ask her to get on with it sooner rather than later,” Jack muttered.

A chorus of beeps from their PDAs indicated that they had reached the spot where the Rift had opened the previous night. Ianto turned to scan it and the screen lit up with Rift readings far higher than those he had been picking up while they approached the spot. The residue levels had been steadily increasing, but now they jumped almost off the scale.

“This is definitely the right spot,” he confirmed.

Jack turned to survey the park again while he updated Tosh on their location. Ianto continued to scan the area around the Rift site, moving out in series of concentric circles. Every so often he frowned at the scanner and retraced his steps a few yards before advancing more confidently.

When Jack finished talking to Tosh, Ianto approached him with a frown. “The scanner is picking up Rift energy leading away from the site, but unfortunately there appear to be two trails. Either the creature returned to this spot at some point after flying off or there is a fresh Weevil trail confusing the scanner.”

“Damn. Looks like we’re going to have to split up.” Jack motioned for Owen and Gwen to come closer.

“That’s what I thought too,” Ianto agreed.

Jack waited for everyone to reach him and then spoke in a low voice, mindful of all the people walking by. “Ianto has detected two trails leading away from this spot. I think the best thing is for us to separate until we’ve ascertained which trail is genuine or whether they are both dead ends. Owen, Gwen, I want you to take one of the trails while Ianto and I’ll follow the other one.”

“Understood.” Owen and Gwen switched their scanners on and Ianto pointed them to the spot where the Rift energy traces were the strongest. After they confirmed that their scanners had picked up the trail, Ianto and Jack headed in a different direction. The two trails initially ran parallel, but soon diverged away from one another. After they had walked for a few minutes, Ianto broke the silence.

“I would guess this trail was definitely left by the pterosaur.”

“How come?” Jack asked.

“Look at the path we’ve been following,” Ianto responded, indicating back the way they had come from. “It’s pretty much in the middle of the park, away from the brightest light sources. More importantly, it has avoided both of the small woods we’ve passed so far. That makes sense for a creature, even a predator like a pteranodon, who could never know what might attack it from the cover of the trees. Plus we’ve had to dodge around three benches so far and I doubt a wayward Weevil used them as hurdles on its way through the park.”

“All good points,” Jack conceded.

“I’m just a little concerned about where this trail will lead,” Ianto murmured, looking at the edge of the park looming in the distance.

“We’re fast running out of park.” Jack realised what Ianto was thinking.

“And if the creature flew over those buildings, we’ll lose the trail for sure.”

Jack frowned, trying to imagine searching the city for the wild, confused creature. He knew that if it had flown out of the park, they were unlikely to locate it any time soon. He did not want to consider the kind of mischief a frightened pterosaur could get up to in the meanwhile.

Jack stopped Ianto by placing a hand on his arm and asked, “you know Myfanwy best; you were the one who found her in the first place. What would she do?”

Ianto considered the questions for a long moment. He was very aware of the weight of Jack’s hand but rather than being distracting, the contact grounded him, helped him focus on the question placed before him. “We know the pterosaur flew through the Rift at night. It found itself in an alien world, one full of strange, frightening things. The park, which at least makes some sense to it, is surrounded by bright, noisy things. I imagine that the park began to very soon feel like a safe haven.”

“So you think it stayed in the park?” Jack asked, suddenly hopeful.

“That’s my best guess.” Ianto nodded. “But it would be tired and would need a place to rest, somewhere safe and hidden away from the strange things of this new world.” He looked around the park for such a place and then he thought he knew.

Jack followed his gaze. “There?”

Ianto continued to stare at the small dense grove of trees ahead of them. “I think so. The forests in its own time were potentially full of dangers, but given the choice, would you choose a danger you understood or a complete unknown?”

“I’d rather face a danger I already knew,” Jack replied without hesitation.

“If our instincts are correct, then we’ll find the pterosaur sheltering in that grove, or in one of the others in the park.”

They hurried closer, although Ianto kept them following the Rift residue trail as they did so. “Why this particular grove?” Jack asked.

“It’s more overgrown than the others we’ve passed, and it’s surrounded by thick bushes. It’s less likely that people go in there frequently, which makes it more appealing to the creature.”

“That makes sense,” Jack agreed. “I should call Owen and Gwen and tell them to meet us here.”

“Let me just confirm my theory first, so we won’t pull them off their trail unnecessarily,” Ianto said, speeding up. “If I’m correct, we’re going to need the SUV closer to us; carrying an unconscious pteranodon through the park isn’t going to be discreet.”

“Good point. One of them can get the car on the way to us.”

They followed the trail almost to the edge of the park, where it veered sharply. It led them around the dense growth of trees before disappearing into it. Ianto switched the scanner to a different setting and the screen lit up to show an indistinct, large heat source some distance away. He shared a serious glance with Jack. “Seems I was right.”

Jack nodded. “Let’s back away a little and I’ll call the others to join us.”

Jack spoke with the rest of the team over the comms, while Ianto divided his attention between looking out for Owen and watching the trees where they assumed the pterosaur was hiding. He jumped a little when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“How are you doing?” Jack asked, while they both watched for Owen.

“I’m fine, Jack,” Ianto replied with a small smile. “I just want to get on with the capture.”

“I never had you down as an impatient man,” Jack remarked.

“I was always good at hiding stuff.”

“That you were. But then again, so was I.” Jack paused for a moment, his hand gently squeezing Ianto’s shoulder. “I really appreciate you helping us; today and last night.”

“You’re welcome. I wouldn’t be much of a friend if I didn’t help you out, particularly with the pterosaur.”

“Are we friends?” Jack asked hopefully. 

“I’m not sure, yet I think we can be,” Ianto admitted. “And I hope we will be, given time.”

“Me too,” Jack was quick to accept the answer.

Ianto was trying to figure out what to say next when he spotted the familiar figure of Owen jogging towards them. He brought this to Jack’s attention by nodding his head in Owen’s direction and in response he felt Jack’s hand slip from his shoulder.

“So what did you find?” Owen called out even before he reached them.

“Our trail leads into that small grove and the heat signature setting on my scanner confirms that there’s something big there,” Ianto said, pointing behind them. “We’re pretty sure that’s our creature, but we figured we better have back up before going in to investigate.”

“Good. Gwen should get here pretty quickly.”

Soon enough the SUV eased through a maintenance entrance and drove up to them. Gwen waved to them, but stayed by the car, watching the monitor of her PDA intently. Some five minutes later, three police cars drove in through the same entrance she had taken and parked next to the SUV. Andy was the first to emerge.

“So what sort of Spooky-do are you dealing with this time?” He called out to Gwen as he walked closer.

“A real dinosaur,” Gwen replied with a grin.

“Very good, Cooper.” Andy rolled his eyes. “Seriously though, anything good?”

“Seriously though, you know I can’t tell you,” Gwen reminded him with a rueful smile. “But it’s something potentially dangerous, so we need this part of the park emptied of people and kept off limits until we’re done.”

“Any chance I can stay and watch?” Andy queried with a hopeful smile.

“You could, but then I’d have to kill you,” Gwen quipped. “And body disposal is such a drag.”

Andy threw his hands in the air in mock anger. “Fine, keep your secrets, as usual! On behalf of the police force, we’re delighted to assist Torchwood in any way blah blah blah…”

“That’s nice, but maybe work on a bit more of a convincing tone.” Gwen flashed him a grin. “Seriously, though, thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Gwen. We’ll get on with securing the area and let you get back to…well, whatever it is that you lot do.”

“Thanks Andy!”

Gwen returned to the others. “That’s the general public taken care of. Let’s get to work.”

Jack nodded. “Okay folks, this is what I think we should do. And this is all assuming that the heat source in the forest is indeed our creature. Ianto, you get the meat we brought with us and try to get its attention. I don’t want you to lure it to you, just toss the meat a safe distance away to entice it to eat it. I’m hoping it will be hungry enough to just tuck in. While it’s distracted, I’ll try to sneak behind it to inject the sedative. That will hopefully calm it down sufficiently for Owen or I to administer a top up, if one dose of tranquilisers isn’t enough to knock it out. Gwen, I want you to also have some of the meat, in case the creature is aggressive and we need extra distraction. And just to be absolutely clear,” Jack said, glancing at Ianto and Gwen, “the meat is the distraction, not either of you guys.”

Ianto nodded. “Got it.”

“Okay,” Gwen agreed.

“Fine.” 

“Good, let’s get the gear from the SUV and then catch that dinosaur.”

Ianto flashed Jack a quick grin as he walked toward the back of the car. “Still not a dinosaur…”

Jack responded with an eye roll. “Pedantics, Ianto Lloyd, pedantics.” 

“Just making sure you get the full consultation service, Jack,” Ianto replied without missing a beat.

Jack pulled out a case of tranquilisers and took one of the syringes out. “Consider Torchwood thoroughly consulted.”

“I’ll be sure to reflect that in my invoice.” Ianto nodded and draped the dinosaur net over his shoulder.

“I imagine I’m going to regret offering to pay you,” Jack murmured as he checked his gun was fully loaded, just in case something was to go terribly wrong and the situation turned dangerous.

Ianto picked up a cool bag of chicken carcases. “I should think so.”

“Something to look forward to then...” Jack turned to the others. “Everyone ready?”

The team responded with an air of seriousness, despite the banter that had just taken place between Jack and Ianto. Jack locked the SUV and motioned the team to follow him into the grove.

The foliage was thick, despite the late autumn and there was very little light under the cover of the trees. They pushed they way in between tall blackberry and hawthorn bushes, Owen swearing under his breath as the large thorns snagged and tore his clothes. The dense undergrowth indicated people rarely ventured there and they found it difficult to move. Fortunately further into the grove, the trees blocked out most of the daylight and the ground was merely carpeted with a thick layer of ivy. 

Ianto had his scanner out and, trusting the electronic sensors more than his eyes in the dim light he searched for the heat source he had earlier detected. Rather than speaking, he grabbed Jack’s arm and pointed in the direction they needed to go. Jack indicated that Ianto should take the lead, but stay close. Ianto led them on, until he could just about make a large shape huddling against a particularly thick bush.

“There,” he said quietly, as he indicated they had found their quarry.

In response to being disturbed, the pterosaur pulled itself up to its full height and hissed viciously at them.

The team were momentarily stunned and could only stare wide-eyed.

Owen found his voice first. “That’s big.”

Gwen cleared her throat. “Really big.”

Jack looked down at the syringe in his hand. “We’re definitely going to need more than one dose of sedatives.”

Ianto studied the pterosaur for a moment. “Looks like Myfanwy is going to get a boyfriend.”

Ianto’s quick estimate was that the pterosaur in front of them stood a good metre or so taller than Myfanwy and looked significantly heavier. It also appeared to be both angry and frightened, which seemed like a very bad combination for a quick sedate and capture exercise.

“Still the same plan, yeah?” he asked.

“Yes, we’ll go with the same plan,” Jack confirmed. “Just make sure you stay a safe distance away from it.”

“Him,” Ianto corrected Jack automatically.

“Just what does count as a safe distance with an angry prehistoric reptile?” Owen queried.

“I’ll let you know when I’ve figured it out,” Jack replied.

“Hey guys,“ Gwen huffed, exasperation evident. “Less talking, more dinosaur capturing!”

At her words, Ianto slowly opened the cool bag and pulled out a chicken carcass. Owen and Gwen backed away and to one side, while Jack started circling closer to the creature, careful not to move too suddenly. Once the others were out of the way, Ianto threw the carcass, aiming so that it landed about a metre in front of the pterosaur. 

The creature hissed again and then arched his neck to investigate the smell of meat. After a moment of deliberation, he hopped forward and gave the chicken a quick peck. When nothing happened, he grabbed the carcass and swallowed it whole. He then hissed at Ianto again, seemingly oblivious to Jack approaching him from the side.

Ianto was careful not to look directly at Jack, so as not to give away his position, as he threw another chicken carcass, again aiming about a metre from the creature. Mindful that he was in fact luring the pterosaur closer to him, he took a couple of steps backwards with the cool bag in hand. 

The pteranodon hopped closer, this time hesitating only briefly, and ate the second carcass. Again he hissed and again Ianto chucked him another chicken to snack on. He was beginning to worry that they would run out of bait fairly quickly at the rate he was going through the contents of his bag. Quickly glancing behind him, he made a note of the closest tree, in case he had to seek cover.

When the creature bent down to pick up the third carcass, Jack made his move, approaching quietly from behind with a syringe poised in his hand. He had been ducking in and out of trees to stay out of sight, but in order to get close to the creature, he had to rely on stealth and speed for the final yards. In his haste he moved a fraction too soon, however, and the pterosaur spotted him from the corner of his eye. He turned just as Jack stabbed forward with the syringe and the needle glanced off a bone instead of sinking deep into a muscle. Jack managed to push the plunger down part of the way before a long, powerful wing swept him off his feet.

“Jack,” Gwen called out, throwing a chicken carcass at the pterosaur. He hissed and shook himself, dislodging the needle in the process, before inspecting the missile that had hit him. Jack used the distraction to get up and he pulled the case out of his pocket to get another syringe.

Ianto also threw a chicken, hoping to entice him to eat to give the sedative time to calm him down. His actions seemed to annoy the creature, however, and instead of paying attention to the carcass, he advanced towards Ianto with an ear-piercing screech. 

“Ianto, get out of the way!” Owen called out. He too had pulled a syringe out and was approaching the creature, looking for an opportunity to administer a second dose of tranquilisers.

Ianto did has he was told, stumbling in the undergrowth towards the cover provided by the nearest tree. Sensing that things were about to go terribly wrong, Jack started running just as the pterosaur charged. Ianto tried to dodge away from the enraged reptile, but he was caught out by the creature’s incredible speed. The ivy tangled around his feet and he fell backwards. The cool bag went flying as he tried to fight off the creature, but the plastic container of meat hitting him only seemed to aggravate the reptile. The large beak shot down and Ianto felt a searing pain in his bicep as he twisted to the side at the last minute. His heart skipped a beat when he felt the heavy weight of the creature on his legs, as he hopped onto him to position himself for a better attack. Before the creature had a chance to attack Ianto again, Jack ran at him from the side, plunging the syringe deep into his neck. The pterosaur lashed out at Jack, who was thrown back, and then turned to back to Ianto. At the same moment, Owen charged from behind and emptied another dose of sedative into the creature’s spine. He shook himself, flapping his large wings to keep his balance as he swayed on his precarious perch atop Ianto. Owen had to duck further away so as not to get hit by the wings. 

Before the pterosaur had a chance to attack Ianto again, Owen launched himself at the creature’s back and yanked it off Ianto. Gwen grabbed the dinosaur net from where it had fallen during the scuffle and threw it over the pterosaur. He staggered, as the double dose of tranquilisers began to take effect, and tried to shake off the heavy net. Despite being tall, the bulk of the creature was in his wings, which made him susceptible to the fast acting tranquilisers. Owen and Gwen gathered the net tighter around him so his movements were restricted and managed to bring him down. While Owen used his weight to stop the creature from getting up again, Gwen secured the edges of the net together so that he could not move without getting further entangled in the net.

“Owen!”

They were interrupted from securing the creature when Ianto called out in a voice laced with panic. Owen turned around to see Ianto sitting on the ground, cradling his bleeding arm while trying desperately to staunch the blood pouring out of Jack’s chest, where the pterosaur’s beak had torn through his ribs.

“Shit,” Owen swore and leapt off the pteranodon. He yanked his jacket off as he ran to Ianto and handed it to him. “First aid kit in your bag, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Ianto replied as he used the jacket to apply pressure to the wound. Jack gasped at the fresh wave of pain that Ianto’s actions caused him.

Owen ran to the backpack discarded nearby and yanked out the kit. Pulling out every bandage and gauze the kit contained, he formed a better compression and pushed it as deep into the wound as he could. He took Ianto’s uninjured hand and pressed it over the gauze, while he had a quick look at his injury. Pulling a syringe of local anaesthetic out, he injected it around Ianto’s wound to numb the area temporarily, before wrapping a hasty bandage around it.

When Ianto tried to protest the attention, Owen shook his head to silence him. “You needed that, as I need your help carrying Jack.”

Ianto nodded in understanding, looking pale. “Thanks.”

“Gwen, is the dinosaur out cold?” Owen barked without looking behind him.

“Yes.”

“Good. You and Ianto go get my proper medical kit from the car, together with the stretcher. We need to move Jack as soon as we can.” As he spoke he took over from Ianto in applying compression to the wound and the others leapt to their feet and ran off.

“Just leave it,” Jack whispered between pained coughs. “I’ll die and then get better.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Owen responded without hesitation while he slipped a syringe full of morphine into Jack’s arm. “No patient of mine is going to be left untreated. And just because it might be easier doesn’t mean I’m going to just sit back and watch you die. So you can bloody well hang in there and let me see if there’s anything I can do to fix you.”

“Can’t be fixed,” Jack mumbled as his eyes closed, the drug starting to take effect. “The Doctor…’m wrong.”

“Don’t you listen to the Doctor,” Owen muttered as Jack’s consciousness slipped away. “Don’t you dare believe that you’re wrong.”

Owen put the needle away and simply looked at Jack for a moment. He knew there was probably not much he could do the save the man, but he was damned if he could not at least make sure that Jack was made as comfortable as possible, both before and after yet another death.

Ianto and Gwen returned soon after, carrying Owen’s heavy kit and the foldable stretcher. Ianto took over the compression again, while Owen inserted an IV-needle and found better materials for a new compression to replace the one already soaked through with Jack’s blood. He had Gwen hold the IV-line while he and Ianto secured Jack onto the stretcher.

As he and Ianto lifted the stretcher, Owen spoke to Gwen. “We need to get Jack back to the Hub as quickly as possible. We can make him much more comfortable there, whatever happens. But that does mean we have no time to load the dinosaur into the SUV. We don’t know how long he’ll be out, so it’s imperative that we get him too to the Hub as soon as possible. I need you to commandeer a police van for transport. And get a couple of policemen to help you load him in. You’ll have enough retcon in your field kit to wipe their memories once you’re done. Then drive the van back to the Hub at top speeds.”

“Got it.” Gwen carried the IV-fluids and held on the compression while they rushed Jack through the woods and to the car. Once he was loaded into the back, Ianto grabbed the bag from her and attached it to a hook in the ceiling of the car. Owen slammed the doors close and hurried around the car, contacting Tosh on the comms as he did so. Once in the driver’s seat he slammed the accelerator down and the SUV sped out of the park at a dangerous speed. Gwen watched them go for a moment, before turning to look for the closest police officers. She had a clean up to finish.

Ianto held the compression steady against the wound while Owen sped towards the Hub. Jack was losing blood at a steady rate, and Ianto could not help wondering whether Jack would make it back alive. Owen’s words about whatever happened percolated in his mind, and he realised that Owen had already intimated the outcome he expected.

“Why did you have to get hurt, Jack,” he whispered quietly enough that Owen could not hear him.

At the sound of his voice, Jack’s eyes fluttered open, although they remained unfocused due to the powerful drugs. “Couldn’t let you get killed, not on my watch. Mark would never forgive me.”

“Thank you, Jack,” Ianto replied and leaned forward to press a kiss on Jack’s forehead. He watched Jack’s eyes slowly close once more. “Thank you both for me and for him.”

Mark had followed Tosh’s instructions on how to help her prepare the medical bay, and they had waited in tense silence for the others to arrive. When they finally did so, there was little warning other than the rattle of the gurney’s wheels on the concrete floor. Owen and Ianto burst out of the tunnel leading to the garage, pushing the gurney between them.

“Jack,” Tosh exclaimed, recognising the figure on the gurney. She pulled Mark to the side, so that Ianto and Owen had space to get past them and to the medical bay. Mark’s breath caught in his throat as he noticed Ianto’s bandaged and bloody arm, but Ianto gave him merely a distracted nod, his whole attention focused on Jack.

Tosh steered Mark to the railing encircling the medical bay and together they watched as Owen and Ianto lifted Jack onto the steel table at the centre of the room. Owen snapped on rubber gloves, while Ianto grabbed a new handful of gauze to use on the wound. Mark was puzzled to note that Owen took the time to grab a towel and gently place it under Jack’s head to act as a pillow. Next he got out another needle of morphine and injected it into the IV-line. Turning to Ianto he said: “You attach him to the monitors. I’ll see if I can’t do anything about this wound.”

Owen pushed Jack’s coat out of the way as best he could and then cut off Jack’s shirts to reveal the gaping wound in his chest. “Bloody hell,” he muttered, taking in the damage. “You’re a mess.”

Steady beeping filled the room as Ianto attached Jack to the heart monitor and switched it on. Owen tried to wipe away enough blood and bone pieces to locate the main damage, but his hands and the table under Jack were soon slick with blood. “Shit, he’s losing blood too quickly.”

“What can I do?” Ianto asked.

“Try to clear away some of this blood, so that I can see the damage better,” Owen muttered quietly. “I want to see if we can keep him alive long enough for his regeneration process to take over and heal the wound for us. But I can’t do that if I can’t see a damn thing.”

“Will he heal, even with his ribs out of place like that?” Ianto asked quietly, even as mopped up the blood.

“I think so, but first –“ Owen’s words were interrupted by the heart monitor changing to a continuous beep.

“Bollocks!” Owen exclaimed and slammed his fist against the table next to Jack. “This was not the plan, Jack!”

Ianto let go of the bloody gauze in his hands and they fell on the floor around him. He stared at Jack in resigned disbelief, as if he had known this would happen but he was not willing to quite believe it.

“Shouldn’t we do something?” He slowly asked Owen, while Jack went into cardiac arrest on the table between them.

“You know what this means Ianto,” Owen whispered and pulled his hands out of the wound on Jack’s chest. “Jack’s dead, so now we wait.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More author’s notes: Just to say that the next chapter will be called Parting of Ways.


	24. Parting of Ways

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood.
> 
> Author’s notes: Here’s the final chapter! Just a short (by my standards) epilogue to follow. Epilogue is called ‘A New Day’ by the way.
> 
> My continued thanks to Darcy58 for doing such a great job as my beta!

Parting of Ways

After Owen declared Jack dead, silence reigned in the Hub. Ianto stayed standing by the operating table, shock and disbelief warring over his features. Owen moved away quietly and snapped off the latex gloves covered in Jack’s blood. He slowly walked up the steps until he reached Tosh and Mark, who had watched the battle to save Jack’s life from the gallery circling the medical bay.

Tosh hugged Owen and whispered: “You did everything you could.”

“Yeah, at least I tried” Owen said, his voice hoarse, and then pulled back without letting go of Tosh. “We could all do with a hot drink. I suggest strong, sweet tea. Do you mind?”

“Not at all,” Tosh said, releasing her hold of Owen with some reluctance. She walked away, glancing back every so often.

Their conversation broke Mark from the trance he had been in since they had wheeled Jack in, blood gushing from the wound in his chest. Confusion replaced the horror of seeing Jack die and he swivelled around to face Owen. His voice was quiet when he spoke. “But you didn’t.”

“Didn’t what?” Owen frowned, immediately on his guard.

“You didn’t do everything you could,” Mark stated, his perplexion at events evident in his voice. “You just stood there and watched Jack bleed to death.”

“Give it a rest mate, I have my reasons.” Exhaustion was evident in Owen’s voice as he tried to avoid a confrontation at all cost.

Mark pressed on. “You could have done CPR. But you didn’t. I don’t understand. Jack’s heart stopped and you didn’t try that. How could you not do that? How could you simply let your leader, your friend, die without trying at least that?”

“I’m the doctor here, so back off,” Owen snapped, finally letting his anger and frustration bubble to the surface. “Had it been anyone else on that table, I would still be fighting for their life. But it’s different with him. And I’m guessing that Ianto hasn’t told you the whole truth about our Jack. .”

At the mention of his name, Ianto turned his attention from Jack’s lifeless form and said in a quietly commanding manner “Enough.” When they turned to him he continued in a gentler tone “It’s okay Mark, really. Owen has done all he can, and he’s right - there are things you don’t know about Jack. Things I haven’t told you, things that make a difference to his treatment.”

As he turned back to Jack and began to remove the medical equipment Mark made to move down the stairs but was held back by the restraining arm of Owen.

“Get your hands off me!” Mark demanded angrily as his confusion peaked with Ianto’s words and he felt a need to lash out.

“Just let Ianto do the work for the next phase,” Owen replied straight away, calm once more. His unusual turn of phrase made Mark frown in confusion and cease his struggles. Only once he was certain Mark was not going to go anywhere did Owen let go of him.

Together they watched as Ianto removed the IV-needle from Jack’s arm and stripped away the pads that had monitored his vitals. The silence in the room was deafening after he switched off the heart monitor. Glancing around the autopsy bay in obvious dismay he shook his head. 

“Shouldn’t we do something to make him more comfortable? We shouldn’t leave him here, not on this cold, hard table” Ianto suggested, his voice growing hesitant. “What do you normally do in these situations?”

The question only increased Mark’s bafflement over their strange behaviour, but before he had a chance to say anything, Owen responded with a suggestion.

“How about we move him to the sofa?” 

“That would be good.”

Ianto nodded and waited for Owen to descend the stairs. Together they gathered Jack in their arms and lifted him off the table. Blood oozed from the wound on his arm, but Ianto did not appear to notice this. Even with Owen sharing the burden, he staggered under the weight of Jack’s lifeless body, but gritting his teeth they slowly made their way up the stairs and away from the cold sterile space. Mark wordlessly gave way as they passed, feeling completely out of place. Ianto and Owen settled Jack on the sofa and carefully arranged his limbs so that he was resting comfortably. Owen pulled off his blood-stained jacket and then used his jumper to form a makeshift pillow for Jack. Ianto grabbed a nearby blanket to cover Jack.

“Now what?” he asked.

“Tosh usually sits with him,” Owen replied. “They are very close these days and he finds comfort in her presence.”

Ianto looked around for Tosh, who emerged from the kitchenette carrying a tray of mugs. Mark’s frown deepened when he saw that she had prepared five cups of tea, even though there were only four of them around. Four of them alive, in any case.

“Oh good, you’ve moved him,” she said, setting the tray on the coffee table. “He hates that autopsy table.”

She perched herself on the corner of the sofa by Jack’s side and took one of his cold hands in hers. She motioned Ianto closer.

“It helps to have people around,” she explained. “I think it grounds him in the first few moments.”

“I don’t want to intrude on anything private between you two,” Ianto hesitated, but kneeled by her side next to the sofa.

Tosh shook her head. “It’s not just me and him, it’s the whole team. And for today, you’re part of that team.”

Ianto nodded and took Jack’s other hand in his, while Owen came closer and, squatting down alongside Tosh, laid his hand on Jack’s shoulder. “Gwen won’t get here on time,” he stated. “But we’ll be fine without her, I think.”

“We’re here, Jack, we’ll wait,” Ianto said gently.

Hearing Ianto’s unexpected words Mark took a hesitant step closer to the sofa and spoke softly: “Ianto, Jack’s dead.”

It was Owen who responded, shaking his head slowly.

“Mark, trust us, okay,” he said quietly. “Wait and watch, I promise it will then all make sense.”

Ianto nodded his agreement at this before glancing at Owen. “What if it doesn’t work?”

“It’ll work,” Owen reassured him. “It always works, and this wasn’t Abaddon.”

Ianto nodded and turned his attention back to Jack. He leaned forward so his lips were level with Jack’s ear and then whispered:

“Come back, Jack. Please wake up.”

“But he’s dead,” Mark murmured, now frustrated by their seeming willingness to ignore the obvious. “How could he possibly come back?”

“Just wait,” Owen replied in a low voice.

Minutes ticked by as Tosh, Owen and Ianto held on to Jack’s body. Mark was becoming restless, when finally their patience was rewarded. 

Jack let out a strangled cry that turned into a shuddering breath as his eyes flew open. The trio instinctively tightened their grips to stop him from flailing and falling off the sofa.

“Ssshh. You’re okay, Jack,” Tosh murmured quietly. “You’re okay, and you’re back again.”

Jack grabbed hold of Tosh’s arm and clutched it with enough force to turn his knuckles white. She did not flinch away, even though the force of his grip would leave bruises later. As his consciousness returned Jack relaxed against the sofa, drawing comfort from the people gathered around him. Mark watched with wonder as panic and pain slipped from Jack’s face and he became fully alive once more.

* * *

“There. All done.” Owen finished tying the bandage around Ianto’s arm and leaned back. The wound had been cleaned and stitched up to his satisfaction. It would leave a scar, but Ianto had got off lightly all things considered.

“Thanks,” Ianto replied quietly and gingerly pulled on a white t-shirt Jack had lent him. His own jacket and shirt were soaked in blood, so they had been unceremoniously marked for incineration. 

Jack too had changed into clean clothes, having taken a quick shower to wash away the feeling of another death on him. His coat would need another round of dry-cleaning, but he was grateful that at least it had not been torn to shreds by the pterosaur. 

Jack, Ianto and Mark were all sitting on the sofa, but no words had been exchanged since Jack had returned from taking a shower. Owen quickly packed up his medical kit, very aware of the tension in the room. He cast a grateful glance in Tosh’s direction when she returned with a new tray of steaming mugs of tea, the original ones having gone cold while Jack recovered from his death.

“I spoke to Gwen,” she explained as she handed each of them a cup. “She’s on her way with the pterosaur.”

“Oh good.” Owen nodded. “She’s going to need help with him once she gets here. Why don’t you and I go meet her in the garage with the extra large gurney?”

“Good idea,” Tosh agreed, her eyes briefly flicking to the three men sitting in silence before giving Owen an understanding smile.

“I’ll just put my supplies away.” Owen strode down to the medical bay as he spoke. He grimaced at the sight of all the blood in the room, but decided to ignore it for now. There would be plenty of time to clean up later. 

Returning a moment later, Owen took his cup from Tosh, their fingers brushing briefly in the process. “Thanks for the tea.”

“No problem. As you said, I think we all needed it.”

Casting one last glance at the others, Owen motioned to Tosh that they should leave. When they were out of earshot, he gave her a small smile. “I figured those three have a lot to talk about and they would probably prefer to do so in relative privacy.” 

“Good thinking. None of them have had an exactly successful day,” Tosh replied with a nod. “I doubt this was quite what Ianto had in mind when he said he wanted to show Mark around the Hub.”

“Typical day at Torchwood, though,” Owen pointed out.

“Nevertheless, no day when the medical bay ends up covered in the blood of one of the team members is a good one.”

“Point taken. Let’s hope that the rest of the operation at least goes without a hitch.”

“Agreed.” Tosh gave him a quick smile and sipped her tea.

They walked on without speaking for a moment, their footsteps echoing in the tunnel. Tosh was enjoying the comfortable silence between them, when Owen stopped her with a hand on her arm. She looked at him with surprise, to find him shifting nervously from foot to foot.

“Look, Tosh, I’ve been meaning to ask you this for some time now…and after what we’ve just been through, well ..” Owen trailed off. He briefly looked annoyed and then started again. “What I mean to say is that I would very much like it if… Oh bollocks, since when has asking someone out on a date been this difficult?!”

“You’re…you’re asking me out?” Tosh had to check.

“Yes, in a rather crappy way, and probably at the wrong time,” Owen said with a rueful smile. “I was hoping you might like to have dinner some time, maybe even tonight, if no other Rift related emergencies crop up?”

“Yes.”

“Yeah?” Owen had to check.

“Yes, I’d love to,” Tosh confirmed, a faint blush colouring her cheeks. “And it was never going to be the wrong time, Owen.”

“Great!” Owen grinned and reached to capture her free hand in his. “Once we know what time we can leave, we’ll figure out the details.”

“Sounds like a plan,” she said and gave him a smile; the one that was reserved only for him. The one he was beginning to love.

They started walking again, but Owen did not let go of Tosh’s hand. Perhaps today was not going to be such a disaster after all.

After Tosh and Owen had left, the three men on the sofa continued to sit in silence, each sipping the hot, almost too sweet tea. In the end, it was Mark who broke the silence.

“Okay, what the hell just happened? I watched Jack die and yet here he is, drinking tea like nothing happened!” Even as an outsider he had been deeply affected by Jack’s death, and seeing him come back to life was one step too much. He could barely control the panic of confusion and disbelief he was feeling that someone could return to life after dying.

“I can’t die.”

“Jack can’t die.”

Jack and Ianto spoke at the same time. They glanced at each other and Jack shook his head with a rueful smile, as Mark gaped at him. Shaking his head he said with some irony: “Yeah, I kind of got that bit, but how is that possible?”

“Something happened to me a long time ago,” Jack explained. “Now… every time I die I wake up again. It’s that simple.”

“Who – what – could do such a thing to you?” Mark asked incredulous, curiosity winning over his disbelief.

“A Bad Wolf, protecting her Doctor.”

Ianto frowned in confusion at his choice of words but before he could say anything, Mark continued. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

“I know it’s cryptic but that’s how it was. So this is who I am. No one can fix me now, not even my Doctor.” Jack looked away to hide the disappointment the words caused him. He felt Ianto’s fingers gently brushing the back of his hand and turning back, he found Ianto looking at him with a great deal of sympathy.

Ianto said quietly. “I wish I had known more but I understand now.”

Jack took his hand, but said nothing.

“I think I’m beginning to understand too,” Mark spoke quietly. “You said you thought Jack had died, that you mourned his death for three days before he came back. He did die, didn’t he?”

“Yes.” Ianto’s response was clear although his voice was soft, the memory of those events now fresh again in his mind. 

Jack looked past Ianto at Mark. “I kept my…condition secret from the team for a long time. Only Gwen knew and that was because she saw me get shot in the head on the day I recruited her.”

“That’s one hell of a recruitment strategy,” Mark muttered.

“It wasn’t exactly planned, but then again, not many things are around here,” Jack chuckled softly.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t more specific about Jack.” Ianto turned to Mark. “I knew about it but that’s all, I really didn’t know why or how. And, besides, I didn’t feel it was my secret to tell.”

“It wasn’t, so it’s fine, although I’m not sure I felt that way a little while ago. I couldn’t believe that…none of it made sense.” As Ianto took his hand and squeezed it, Mark reassured him. “But I’m not sure you could have explained it in any way I would have believed.” He directed his next words at Jack. “And I don’t quite know how to say this but I kind of feel privileged that I know.” 

Jack smiled. “Kind of makes you a part of Torchwood.”

After a moment’s silence Mark asked, “so you come back the same each time?”

“Yes.” Jack nodded. “I’m a fixed point in time and space so I’m stuck like this, forever.”

“Forever is a long time, especially with such unattractive looks,” Mark quipped in an attempt to ease some of the remaining tension, drawing a smile from Ianto and a wide grin from Jack. Then suddenly he really did understand one of the implications. “So with you living forever, if you and Ianto…” He trailed off, not quite able to finish the sentence.

“I would have watched Ianto grow old and die, without ever aging a day myself. And that’s just the best case scenario. It’s far more likely that something Torchwood related would have killed Ianto sooner rather than later.”

“Shit.” Mark could not think of anything more to say.

“Pretty much,” Jack agreed. Ianto let out a deep sigh, but he had nothing further to add.

They finished their tea in silence, with a great deal of the earlier tension now dissipated. 

Ianto set his mug down on the coffee table and letting go of both the hands he had been holding, rose to his feet. “I should got and check how the others are doing with the pterosaur. Since our capture mission didn’t exactly go to plan I’ve some concerns for his well being.”

“Let me know if you need an extra pair of hands,” Jack offered with a nod.

“I shouldn’t think so, even bearing in mind his size. My arm is pretty sore anyway, so my role will be an observational one. There are three there already and you need to rest.”

With a small smile, Ianto turned to walk away, but not before he gave Mark’s shoulder a quick squeeze. 

Mark and Jack regarded each other, while Jack absently rubbed the spot where his ribs were still healing.

“What happened today? Why did things go wrong?” Mark asked after a while.

“My fault,” Jack replied. “I mis-timed my attempt to sedate the pteranodon and he got very angry with us. He shook the first syringe off before I could inject the entire contents. Ianto and Gwen tried to distract him so I could make a second attempt, but he charged at Ianto instead. Ianto tripped while trying to get away and took a hit from the beak, hence his damaged arm. The creature pounced on him and would have killed him, so I charged at it. Owen and I managed to get full syringes of tranquiliser into him, but before they took effect he got to me. The rest you know.”

“So you saved Ianto and died in the process,” Mark summarised.

“I couldn’t very well return to the Hub and tell you your boyfriend had been killed, now could I?” Jack asked with a raised eyebrow.

“But that means… you risked your life for him…. but then I suppose you can.” Mark thought for a moment, “sorry, that sounded callous, I didn’t mean you’d do it lightly.” 

“I don’t do it intentionally but it’s true what you are suggesting, I would rather die a thousand times than see anyone in my team come to harm,” Jack replied simply. “I’d rather not die of course, but if it means they are saved from that fate then I’ll do it, of course I will. It’s the one thing I will always do for them.” 

“That’s one large burden to carry, Jack. And the courage it must take to go through it is enormous. I admire you for it.” There was still something bothering Mark. “But why did they let you die on the autopsy table? Once you went into cardiac arrest, Owen just stopped.”

“I realise it must have looked awful to you, but the reality of it is that once I get that close to death, it’s best to let me die. All Owen can then do is try to make me as comfortable as possible; to make my death as painless as possible. I have a rather remarkable healing ability, but with serious trauma I recover more quickly by dying than by the team keeping me alive. It’s far better this way, trust me.”

Mark considered Jack’s words for a long moment, before eventually nodding. He reached over and placed a hand on Jack’s knee. “Thank you. Thank you for saving Ianto.”

Jack gave him a smile filled with recognition. “You’re welcome. He’s a man worth saving.”

They shared a look of understanding.

“We’ve come a long way since that night at the exhibition,” Jack remarked.

“In many ways, yes we have. But in some ways, nothing has changed. I thought then that you are a good man, and now I know it for certain.” Mark shook his head. “And we both love the same man. Who still has to make a decision.”

“Ianto has already made his choice,” Jack said with a confused frown. “He’s chosen a new life, a life with you.”

“True, but that was before he returned to Cardiff and then agreed to help you with the Rift event,” Mark pointed out. “Now, I’m not sure whether that decision still holds, and it’s not about you or me - it’s about this” as he finished he swept his hand around to indicate the Hub.

Jack looked at him thoughtfully, unsure of how to respond. Mark noticed from the corner of his eye that Tosh, Owen and Gwen were returning.

He stood and gave Jack a wistful smile. “So, who knows, Ianto may yet change his mind.”

Jack was left sitting alone on the sofa, rendered speechless by the man walking away from him.

Tosh smiled when she saw Mark approaching. She suggested to Owen and Gwen they go on ahead without her and waited for Mark to approach. On an impulse, she pulled him into a hug.

“How are you doing?” she asked as she stepped back to regard him.

“I’ve had better days,” he admitted. “But I think I’m going to be okay with a bit of time. I’m worried about Ianto, though. It isn’t often that a simple tour ends with him nearly dying.”

“Did Jack tell you what happened?”

“Yes. It seems he saved Ianto’s life.”

“He has a habit of doing that,” Tosh said, looking a little sad. “We all owe him our lives, many times over; me perhaps most of all.”

“Why?” Mark looked at her with concern.

“Ask Ianto some day, he knows the story,” Tosh avoided the question. “Tell him I said it’s okay to share it with you. He won’t tell you otherwise.”

“I will.” He nodded and gave her an intense look. “So what’s happened with you?”

“What do you mean?” Tosh asked innocently.

“Something has changed about you. You’re almost glowing. So out with it!”

Tosh pulled him towards the water tower, where there was little danger of them being overheard. “Fine,” she huffed and rolled her eyes. “Owen asked me out.”

“That’s fantastic!” Mark exclaimed and then clapped a hand over his mouth when she glared at him. “Sorry. When?”

“When we were walking to the garage to meet Gwen,” Tosh replied with barely concealed delight.

“Owen seized the opportunity, I see.” Mark grinned. “So… When is this date taking place and how is he planning to woo you?”

Tosh rolled her eyes again. “Woo me? Seriously? Which century are you from?”

Mark said nothing, merely raised an eyebrow as a sign of his impatience.

“You really are as bad as Ianto…” Tosh muttered, before giving in. “He suggested dinner tonight, barring any Rift disasters. We’ll figure out the details when we know what time we can leave.”

“That sounds wonderful,” Mark said and leaned in to kiss Tosh’s cheek. “Have you told Ianto yet? He’s going to be thrilled.”

“I haven’t had a chance; manoeuvring the pterosaur into his new home took all our concentration.”

“Where is he now?” Mark asked, conscious that Ianto had not come in with the others.

Tosh glanced upwards. “He stayed up in the aerie with Myfanwy; he said he needed some time alone.”

Mark frowned, instantly concerned. “Do you think he’s okay after what happened today?”

“I’m not sure,” Tosh admitted. “He looked a little lost to me. Perhaps you were right earlier and working with us over the past two days has made him question the choices he’s made - both to leave Torchwood in the first place and to not return once his amnesia was lifted.”

“Should I go to him? Do you think he needs someone to talk to? And if so, am I the right person? Or should you try to talk to him instead? Or maybe he wants Jack?”

“Slow down,” Tosh chuckled and laid a reassuring hand on his arm. “Mark, you’re rambling.”

He looked sheepish. “I’m sorry. It’s been a confusing couple of hours.”

“It’s fine. If I were you, I’d give Ianto half an hour of peace and quiet. If he hasn’t come down in that time, then I suggest you go up to see him. I have no doubt you’ll be the perfect person to talk to him.”

“Thanks, Tosh.” Mark smiled. “I really can’t believe it’s taken Owen this long to ask you out. If I wasn’t with Ianto, I would have proposed to you by now.”

“Now you’re just being silly!” Tosh laughed.

“Only a little.” Mark grinned in response. “I’m not sure you’re quite my type. But in all seriousness I think I’ve found a new friend in you.”

“Ditto Mark, and you say the nicest things.” Tosh smiled at him fondly.

“I try.” He shrugged. “So while I give Ianto his half an hour, is there anything you need help with?”

“I don’t think so, thanks. But we could go and see if Owen and Gwen will give us a blow by blow description of what happened during the mission, before we all drown in the ensuing paperwork. I heard Gwen ended up drugging a couple of policemen.”

“Drugged policemen as well as dinosaurs? How could I ever say no to that?” Mark grinned and offered Tosh his arm. She looped her arm through his and together they headed to look for the others.

Half an hour later, Mark stepped out of the service tunnel and into Myfanwy’s aerie. He found Ianto sitting on a small ledge, looking out into the Hub. Myfanwy was crouched next to him and she had her head laid across his lap. He was rubbing slow circles on her neck and she was making a continuous purring sound.

“Mark,” Ianto said without looking in his direction, a small smile playing on his lips. Myfanwy lifted her head up and hissed.

“I thought you might like some company,” Mark spoke with a great deal of hesitation. “But if you don’t, I can go.”

“No, stay. I’d like your company.” Ianto motioned for him to come closer.

As he did so, Mark pulled a chocolate bar from his pocket and unwrapped it. Myfawny stopped hissing and looked at him with interest. Mark showed the chocolate to her and she pulled herself up to her full height. There was a flash of uncertainty on Mark’s face as he tossed the bar in the air but Myfanwy caught it with practised ease. She swallowed the chocolate in one gulp and looked at both of them expectantly.

“Why don’t you go for a fly, greedy girl?” Ianto suggested with a chuckle.

Myfanwy seemed to understand what Ianto said and hopped to the edge of the platform. Spreading her wings, she leapt to gracefully soar around the wide open space.

Ianto turned his attention back to Mark. “You’re a quick study.”

“When it comes to prehistoric reptiles, I’m not above bribery.” Mark shrugged and stuffed the wrapper back into his pocket.

He walked to Ianto and knelt next to him, since the ledge was too small for them to sit side by side.

“I used to come up here quite often to think,” Ianto spoke almost to himself. “It’s quiet here, and besides chocolate, Myfanwy rarely demanded anything of me. I could still hear if the Rift alarm went off, but otherwise this might as well have been a world away from the rest of Torchwood. There were times I preferred Myfanwy to the others; she never judged me.”

“Are you glad to be back here?” Mark asked carefully, not entirely certain what he wanted Ianto to say in response.

“I don’t know,” Ianto admitted, running a hand through his hair. “Yes and no, I guess.”

Mark said nothing, waiting for him to continue.

Ianto brushed his thumb against Mark’s cheek as he gathered his thoughts. “You were right in saying that it would be good for me to come to Cardiff and to own up to my past, to lay to rest the ghosts that still haunted me. I don’t regret coming. Nor do I regret helping the team when they needed my aid.”

There was a pause in the conversation.

“But,” Mark prompted him, knowing that one was coming.

“But my decision was certainly easier to make and stick with in London. In many ways, it would be so much easier if I only remembered the bad times.”

“I can see why you might want to come back,” Mark commented with a rueful smile. “This is an incredible place.”

“It is that. It’s also a terrible place. I was injured today and Jack died. He bled to death right under my hands. And if it wasn’t for his unique ability to come back to life, I’d be in the morgue right now, mourning the death of a colleague, a friend, the man I once loved.”

Ianto closed his eyes and rubbed a hand over his face to alleviate his fatigue. “Any of us could have died today. As appalling as it is for me to say this, we were lucky that it was Jack. But we probably wouldn’t always be so lucky. Deep below us, the morgue is full of dead Torchwood operatives, most of whom died far too young.”

“Jack told me what happened today, that he saved your life.”

“Did he now?” Ianto let out a hollow laugh, which made Mark frown in confusion. “Jack saved my life in more ways than one today.”

“What do you mean?” Mark asked, clearly puzzled.

“He reminded me of the realities of Torchwood. Yes, it does a lot of good. Yes, my life has a great purpose here. And yes, I’d get to work with Tosh and the rest of the team. And yes, perhaps on some days I will miss the excitement, the adventure and the incredible things we see here. But if I stayed then one day Jack will be just a fraction too slow in throwing himself between me and an impending death. One day it’ll be me flat-lining on that steel table and there isn’t a damn thing Owen or anyone else could do about it. And unlike Jack, I wouldn’t come back.”

Ianto took a deep breath and made sure he held Mark’s gaze. “Call me selfish, but I don’t want to die. I want a long life, preferably with you.”

“If you wanted to return to Torchwood, I’d support your decision.”

Ianto smiled and brought their hands up to kiss Mark’s knuckles. “I know you would. But in order for it to work, we’d both have to live in Cardiff. You’ve seen how manic working here is. So my choice would force you to not only give up your current job, but also your dream of moving to American and starting a business with Marie. And that would be incredibly selfish of me.”

“I would do it, for you,” Mark replied firmly. 

“I know. But you too are allowed to be selfish and to want to hold on to your dreams. And if you came here, it might be fine to start with, but over time you’d begin to resent me for it, particularly when Torchwood kept me working long hours away from you. And you’d come to hate me when I died, in a couple of months or perhaps in a couple of years. It would be selfish of me to uproot you to Cardiff and then take away our future together as well.”

Mark shifted a little closer to Ianto and smiled though his eyes were full of determination. “Even so, I’d still get a few years with you.” He stopped Ianto from interrupting and continued. “But you are right, I do want a long life with you. And maybe I would come to resent this, and you. However, if this is truly important to you then I accept that and we find some way around it to make it work.”

“No, Mark.” Ianto disentangled their fingers so he could cup Mark’s face. “I don’t want a few short years with you; I want a whole lifetime. And I don’t want a life that has to work around something like this.” 

Mark thought for a few moments and then asked bluntly “Answer me this question because I’m not really sure: are you running away from Torchwood – and Jack - again, or are you running toward our shared future?”

Ianto laughed a full laugh before replying “And that is just one of the reasons why I love you, you’re not afraid of tough questions.” He paused and looked at Mark frankly. “I get just one shot at living and I need to make sure I get it right. We both do. These last few months I’ve discovered so much about me, so many things I can do, and a talent I didn’t know I had. Things I enjoy that I didn’t know I enjoyed before I left here. I have new dreams because of them, dreams I want to realise. And many of them are about you – are with you. I want that kind of life. So no, I’m not running away, I’m deliberately choosing our new life together because I know me better now than I ever did. I am a different Ianto.”

“Ianto.” Mark met Ianto’s gaze with eyes full of determination. “I want that kind of life with you; no ifs, no buts, no may-bes. I know it’s selfish of me, but the truth is I want you and I to have that life.”

“No, it’s not selfish.” Ianto shook his head. “You’re probably the least selfish person I know. And if it was the other way round, I wouldn’t want you to give up those dreams either, particularly not for something like Torchwood.”

Mark was about to respond but Ianto stopped him by pressing a finger against his lips.

“Wait. You see, Torchwood is like an all-consuming force that gradually takes over your whole life. You try not to let it, but one day you wake up and find that your entire existence revolves around Torchwood. I’ve been back for less than two day and already I can feel it happening. And if I stay, how long would it be before all my new interests, my new dreams faded away? And I don’t want them to fade, I want to explore them. ”

As Mark simply nodded, expecting him to continue, Ianto got up and paced across the platform and back, gathering his thoughts.

“And since we are talking about selfishness, I owe you an apology. I was so caught up in the mission and Jack’s death and subsequently making his return to life more comfortable that I never stopped to really find out how you were coping with the situation. It was bad behaviour on my part, Mark, and I’m sorry for that.”

Mark rose to his feet and walked over to Ianto, taking his hand.

“Hey, all forgiven, it was pretty crazy and I’m okay now,” he reassured Ianto. “As you and Jack explained everything, I can see things in the wider context. We can safely say I’ll never forget the look on Jack’s face when he returned to life, though. Nor how I felt my heart stop…it’s an amazing check on reality to see a dead man come back to life, and I feel privileged as I said.”

“You must have thought us terribly callous for just letting him die like that,” Ianto said carefully.

“Well, you did stop me and Owen from a sparring match,” Mark winced. “I owe him an apology.”

“I don’t think he’s mad at you,” Ianto replied. “He understands how it must look to outsiders.”

“It just felt so wrong,” Mark murmured, trying to hide his uneasiness by looking away.

“It is wrong,” Ianto said with conviction. “Of course it’s wrong. It felt awful to me and I knew Jack was going to come back. That’s why Owen was angry; because your accusations were in any other circumstance justified. It must be harder for him, because he’s a doctor and letting Jack die must go against all of his training.”

Mark looked relieved, which made Ianto smile. “I would be worried if you had said that it was fine; if you hadn’t challenged Owen.”

“Thank goodness.” Mark gave him a hesitant smile. “I was worried that I made things awkward for you with my ignorance.”

“Your reaction wasn’t borne out of ignorance, but out of being human,” Ianto responded with a rueful chuckle. “When you belong to Torchwood you need someone to remind you every so often what’s normal and what’s not, and a man resurrecting in front of you isn’t normal. Torchwood has a habit of skewing one’s world view and making one forget what is normal as a human.”

“I do like you as a human,” Mark agreed, a small grin forming in the corner of his mouth.

“If that’s the case, then it’s time to get out of here,” Ianto replied immediately, “time for us to be normal humans again.”

“Does Jack still need you?” Mark queried, not bothering to hide the relief in his voice.

“I don’t think so,” Ianto said. “I’ve helped with the original Rift event as well as capturing the pterosaur. You’ve met the team and seen the Hub. I’d say we’ve more or less completed our bargain.”

“So what’s the plan for the rest of the day?”

“I don’t know about you, but I’m starving.” Ianto suddenly grinned. “And I do seem to recall that there is a hot tub in our hotel room.”

Mark’s grin grew warm. “I do like how perfectly human that sounds.” He then frowned before continuing “but are you allowed to get your wound wet?”

“Don’t’ worry about that, I’ll be fine,” Ianto assured him. “I’ll keep it above water level and will generally be careful.”

“Seems I’ll have to work extra hard to make up for your one-handedness.” Mark winked.

“I could certainly live with that,” Ianto chuckled, pleased at the ease of their returning banter.

Ianto shook his head to clear his thoughts. “And I thought we could spend tomorrow looking around the city before driving back home in the evening.”

“Sounds good to me,” Mark agreed.

Ianto looked past him at the open space of the Hub. He appeared to be considering something for a moment before nodding to himself.

“Actually, would you mind if we made a little detour tomorrow?” he asked.

Mark looked intrigued. “Not at all. Why?”

“I’d like to introduce you to my sister,” Ianto replied. “Rhi, her husband and their two children are the only family I have, and I want you to meet her.”

“I’d love that, Ianto.” Mark smiled softly, before grinning. “Will there be naked childhood pictures and embarrassing stories about you to laugh at?”

“I should hope not! I’m not sure you need any more embarrassing stories about me. Certainly not after spending time alone with Tosh.” Ianto looked mildly uncomfortable, which made Mark laugh.

“You never know when such stories might come in handy,” he pointed out. “But when it comes to you being naked, I do prefer you all…grown up.”

Ianto rolled his eyes. “You have a one track mind.”

“And now you’re just giving me ideas,” Mark murmured before claiming Ianto’s lips in a kiss.

When they broke apart, Mark laughed softly. “Before I get completely carried away, meeting your sister sounds wonderful.”

“Oh yeah, I did suggest that, didn’t it?” Ianto remembered. “You’re way too distracting… I’ll give her a call and see if she’s free, maybe for lunch.”

As he pulled his phone out, Ianto winced. “She’s going to be annoyed with me for not having called her in a while. Expect me to get thoroughly told off tomorrow.”

“I’ll be sure to get a tub of popcorn, then,” Mark deadpanned and dodged a playful punch coming his way with a laugh.

“You do realise you’re supposed to offer your support and sympathy in my predicament?” Ianto asked with a dry tone.

“Oh, I’ll be supporting you, I’ll just do it whilst laughing at you at the same time,” Mark replied cheerfully.

“Somehow that doesn’t feel quite right,” Ianto grumbled.

Mark gave him a playful pat on the shoulder. “Poor you.”

Ianto rolled his eyes and pushed Mark away. “Look, I do have a sister to apologise to and you distracting me isn’t going to help with that.”

“I would say I’m sorry, but I’m not in the slightest. Besides, I know for a fact that you’re rather enjoying yourself.”

“You know me too well.” Ianto shook his head and dialled the familiar number.

“Hi Rhi, it’s Ianto.”

“I know, I’m sorry!”

As Ianto continued the conversation Mark looked out over the Hub, feeling a sense of awe at what it represented, and knowing fully for the first time what it meant for Ianto to choose a different life. 

As he ended the call Ianto said: “We’re all set for tomorrow.” 

“How did she take the news?” Mark found himself feeling more nervous than he had expected.

“She was shocked to start with.” Ianto shrugged. “Her exact question was whether I had gone bender. But ultimately she’s happy if I’m happy. And I am.”

Mark closed the distance between them and captured Ianto with his arms. “As am I.”

“I love you,” Ianto replied, completing the sentiment with a kiss.

“So let’s go then,” Mark made to move away, but stopped when Ianto said:

“I’ve just had a thought, there is something I do need to do before we leave, and that is to speak with Jack.”

Mark nodded “Of course you do, I can go back down and ask him to come up if you like.”

“Do that and then we can leave.”

* * *

Jack was startled from his thoughts by a soft knock on his office door. Gwen opened the door enough to look inside and Jack motioned for her to enter. 

“How are you feeling?” she asked as she sat down on the chair opposite him.

“I’m doing okay,” he assured her. “It wasn’t an entirely pleasant death, but I’ve had far worse.”

“Where are Mark and Ianto?”

“Up in the aerie,” Jack replied. “I think Ianto was worried about the pterosaur and they probably have a lot to talk about after everything that has happened today.”

“Yes, I imagine so.” Gwen looked thoughtful for a moment. “You know what his reaction to seeing his first Weevil was?”

Jack did not need to ask who it was Gwen meant. “Tell me.”

“He wondered where and how their evolution diverged from ours.”

Jack’s eyebrows rose in surprise. “That’s a new one. And a good one.”

“It certainly is,” Gwen agreed. She paused briefly and when she spoke again there was an edge of speculation in her voice. “In fact, he seems to have handled everything he’s seen extremely well.”

“Your point being?” Jack could see Gwen’s compliment was going somewhere.

“It just made me think, that’s all. You saw how well Ianto slotted back into the team, into Torchwood. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if he was seriously considering returning to Cardiff. But he won’t do it without Mark.”

“So…” Jack clearly wished she would get to the point. 

“You said yourself that we need more staff. So why not consider recruiting Mark?”

Gwen lifted her hand to stop Jack’s protests before he could say a word. 

“Not for the field! But he’s in advertising, which means he’d probably be great at managing our public relations. He could deal with cover ups, smooth relations with the emergency services, that sort of thing. Tosh said that he asked some very intelligent questions while we were out on the mission. He’s smart and picks things up quickly. And he now knows so much about us. We could even make the archives his responsibility and have Ianto out in the field more. That way we’d get Ianto back and also get the extra help we sorely need.”

“You’ve clearly given it some thought,” Jack remarked, looking thoughtful.

“Just thinking on my feet. It’s been great having Ianto back. He is a real asset for Torchwood and I think we should do our best to convince him to stay. And before you say anything, it’s not because I still feel responsible for his leaving.”

“Yeah, I understand that, and you have a point,” Jack admitted. “I’ll consider it and raise it with Ianto. Although I’m not sure he’d want Mark in harm’s way.”

“Which is why I suggested a non-field agent role for Mark,” Gwen pointed out.

“Ianto wasn’t a field agent, until one day he was,” Jack countered.

“Granted. Still, I think it’s worth mentioning. Unless…” Gwen hesitated.

“Unless?”

“Unless you think it would be too awkward to have them both here, working with us and being a couple?” 

Jack looked towards the work stations for a moment, considering this possible new future. He noted absently that Mark had returned alone and was walking towards Tosh.

“Wouldn’t be the first Torchwood couple. I suppose it could be pretty hard to start with,” Jack conceded. “But I’d get used to it over time. And the truth is Gwen, I really do see that they are good together, and I’ve had some time, quite a bit of time really, to accept that. Mark’s a good match for who Ianto is now.” He chuckled to himself. “I’m not jealous of him you know, not now, but I am kind of envious of them.”

He observed Mark chatting with Tosh for a moment before continuing, “Mark seems to have struck something in Tosh, which would make it easier for him to fit into the team. He also gave as good as he got with Owen, which is a plus. In any other circumstances I wouldn’t hesitate to invite him on board but –“

Gwen interrupted his musings. “You really have changed, Jack.” She leaned forward to give his hand an affectionate squeeze. “And you’re all the more admirable for it.”

Jack smiled a little, but said nothing. Sensing that the conversation had reached its natural conclusion, Gwen got up and left the office.

A moment later, there was a tentative knock on the door and Mark stepped in. Jack looked at him with mild surprise.

Mark glanced around the office with open curiosity, but then focused on the man before him. “Ianto asked if he could have a word with you, when you have a spare moment?”

“Is he still up in the aerie?” Jack asked as he rose from his chair.

Mark nodded. “Yes, he wanted to stay up there a little longer to keep an eye on the new resident.”

“I better go up, then,” Jack said as he walked past Mark. He paused by the door and glanced over his shoulder. “Thank you.”

Mark merely inclined his head in response and watched him walk out. He felt some sympathy for Jack, knowing that Ianto had not changed his mind.

Jack found Ianto at the back of Myfanwy’s nest and went to join him. They stood side by side in silence, watching the male pteranodon sleep off the effects of the sedative. He had been placed in a separate containment area within the aerie, one they had used initially with Myfanwy, until she became accustomed to their presence and was tame enough that they could enter the aerie while she was still there. Myfanwy was also cautiously curious about her new roommate. She had tucked herself against Ianto’s back and was looking at the male with her head resting on Ianto’s shoulder. 

“He still has your blood on his beak,” Ianto noted after a long silence.

“Yeah,” Jack replied and absently rubbed the spot where that long beak had plunged through his ribs.

“You’re going to have your hands full trying to get him tamed and trained. Owen thinks he’s a few years older than Myfanwy was when she came through the Rift, so he’ll be harder to train.”

“Care to give me any pointers?” Jack ventured to ask, looking hopeful.

“My work with Myfanwy was extensively documented at the time and you will find it under ‘P’ for ‘Pteranodon training’ in the archives,” Ianto commented. Then he gave Jack a wry smile. “At least that’s where my notes used to live.”

Jack had the good sense to look chastised. He thought for a moment and then added uncertainly. “Well, if you feel like training another pteranodon, we happen to have one available.”

“I think I’ll leave this one for you,” Ianto said slowly. “It’ll be a good team building exercise for everyone.”

“How not to get savaged by a cranky flying reptile?” suggested Jack.

“Something like that.”

“It might be tricky,” Jack said thoughtfully.

“You still have a secret weapon,” Ianto reminded him.

“What’s that then?” Jack frowned.

“Chocolate. Preferably dark.”

“Of course.” Jack nodded. “We already buy it in bulk.”

“You might want to double your order. And triple your meat order. He’s a big boy.”

“We might get dinosaur babies,” Jack speculated.

“I’m sure you’re more than capable of explaining to him about the benefits of safe sex,” Ianto deadpanned and patted Jack on the shoulder.

“We need to figure out a name,” Jack remarked. “I’m thinking… How about Fang?”

“Jack, he doesn’t have fangs,” Ianto pointed out with an exasperated huff.

“I know!” Jack grinned. “That’ll really confuse the burglars.”

Ianto stared at him in disbelief and then rolled his eyes.

“Oh, come on!” Jack pressed on. “Fang would a brilliant name.”

“Fang would be a terrible name.” Ianto shook his head. “He needs a more appropriate name, something with meaning. Something like... Gobeithio.”

“Go...what now?” Jack stumbled over the word.

“Gobeithio,” Ianto replied. “It’s Welsh for hope.”

Jack’s eyes softened into affection as he understood the implication behind Ianto’s choice of name.

“Gobeithio,” he tried out the word. “I like it. Again, you win. We’ll call him Gobeithio.”

Ianto nodded. “Thank you.”

“I was wondering,” Jack started hesitantly. “Whether you might reconsider returning to Torchwood? It’s been brilliant having you back for these past two days and you’ve been a great help to us.”

Ianto shook his head with a rueful smile. “I can’t, Jack. I have a life in London now.”

“I understand that Mark plays a major part in any choice you make,” Jack hurried to explain. “That’s why I wondered whether you think he might be interested in also joining Torchwood? Strictly in a non-field operative capacity, of course.”

Ianto’s eyes widened in surprise. “Mark join Torchwood?” he repeated slowly. “Both of us working here; all three of us working together?”

“Gwen suggested it and it seems to me that it does make sense.”

Ianto considered the idea for a moment and then shook his head. “I really don’t think that would be a good idea, for a number of reasons.”

“Such as?” Jack asked, unable to conceal his disappointment. 

“It would change him, just like Torchwood has changed us all. He would lose the innocence, the spark of life that makes him the man I love. He has already reminded me today that some of the choices we make are wrong, even if we make them for the right reasons, and I don’t want to see him lose that sense of humanity. Earlier today Gwen mentioned how much Torchwood has changed her perspective of the world, without her ever realising it, and I wouldn’t want that for him.”

Jack was about to respond, but Ianto indicated that he should wait.

“I also don’t think us three working together would be a good idea. I’m sure we could all be professional, but there’s been too much tension between us. And how would the fact I love him alter my actions in the field? In this job, that could be dangerous.”

Jack inclined his head in acknowledgement of the wisdom in Ianto’s words, but otherwise stayed silent.

“The main reason, however, is that I don’t want him to die. I know what non-field duty here means in practice. How long before he becomes a field operative, and his blood ends on our hands?

“And I can’t return Jack. I admit that it has been fun and insightful to be back, but today was too close a call for comfort.” Ianto nodded towards his bandaged arm. The local anaesthesia had worn off and the wound was now throbbing, despite the pain killers Owen had given him. “I’ll always carry a scar as a reminder of just how close I came to dying today. And that in itself was enough to remind me why I’m living in the first place. I’m sorry, Jack, but I stand by my decision not to return to Torchwood. I do want to live a long life.”

Jack let the understanding he felt show in his eyes as he smiled at Ianto. “I understand, truly I do, but you can’t blame me for trying. I do sincerely wish you the best, Ianto, you do deserve the best of life on your terms.”

“Thank you, Jack,” Ianto responded with an affectionate smile. 

After a brief pause, Ianto glanced at Jack with a hint of uncertainty. “I owe you an apology. I might have been a bit thoughtless and insensitive.”

Jack frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Bringing Mark into the Hub. I should have paused to consider that this place is your home and it was unkind of me to bring my new partner here.”

“There’s nothing to apologise for,” Jack was quick to assure him. “I understand your reasoning behind it and I think it was good for you and Mark. He can fully appreciate your past now.”

“Yes, I think so,” Ianto agreed softly.

“Truth be told, I was glad to have a chance to meet him properly, with no secrets between us,” Jack admitted, much to Ianto’s astonishment. Seeing the raised eyebrows, Jack chuckled. “It’s true. And as Neolithic as this might sound, I wanted to appraise him, to make sure that he is good enough for you.”

“And is he?” Ianto asked with genuine interest.

Jack smiled. There was only affection in his eyes. “I couldn’t hope for a better match for you. He’s a better man for you than I ever was, than I ever could have been.”

Ianto had to clear his tight throat before he was able to speak. “Thank you. That counts for a lot, perhaps more than you can imagine.”

“I’m sorry it’s taken this long for us to reach this stage in our relationship.”

“We got there in the end, and that’s all that really matters,” Ianto commented with an easy smile. “This is a fantastic foundation for our friendship.”

“I agree. And I’m glad we can still be friends,” Jack said.

“Me too.”

There was a natural lull in the conversation, during which both men smiled as they regarded each other.

“So what happens now?” Jack asked in the end.

“Do you still need me here?”

Jack shook his head.

“Then I think Mark and I will take our leave. We still have much to talk about and frankly an early dinner and a good night’s sleep are also pretty high on my agenda. Tomorrow I’m going to show Mark around Cardiff and introduce him to my sister. We’ll drive back to London in the evening.”

“You’ll come and say goodbye before you go, won’t you?” Jack checked.

“Of course,” Ianto replied immediately. “I know I left without saying goodbye once, but I won’t do so again.” 

“Good. None of us would want to miss out on the chance to wish you good luck with your future.”

In front of them, Gobeithio was starting to stir and Myfanwy pressed herself closer to Ianto. He turned around and gave her a reassuring pat. “You’ll be fine, dear. You have one of your own kind for company now and you need to show him how to behave around here. And who knows, you may have found the love of your life.”

“That’s a good point,” Jack noted. “If you and Mark do end up moving to America, pick a place that’s pretty remote and has wide open spaces. I may end up sending you a pterosaur hatchling or two as a housewarming gift.”

“How long would they have to be in quarantine before they were deemed safe to enter the country, I wonder?” Ianto chuckled. “Eighty-five million years perhaps?”

“I’m sure I could figure something out.” Jack grinned.

“That’s what I’m worried about,” Ianto muttered as he and Jack headed for the service lift, continuing their light banter. Both were relaxed; a clear sign of the easy understanding they had finally reached.

* * *

The following night, the team waited by the water tower as Ianto and Mark walked to meet them. Mark’s arm was slung over Ianto’s shoulder in a contented sign of affection and both were grinning.

“Evening all,” Ianto called out when they were close enough.

Jack greeted them both with a warm smile. “How has your day been?”

“Excellent, thanks,” Ianto replied. “Mark was terrified about the prospect of meeting Rhi, but by the end of the lunch I’m pretty certain she loved him more than she loves me. I had to remind her more than once that she’s happily married and that Mark is taken.”

They all laughed at this.

“What can I say, I wanted to make sure she liked me.” Mark shrugged and grinned. “But I wouldn’t go quite as far as describing me as terrified. Besides, you were more than a little scared of the telling off she was going to give you, quite deservedly, I might add.”

“She is a terrifying force of nature, especially when she gets mad,” Ianto pointed out. “I learnt from a very early age to do my best to stay in her good books.”

“That’s clearly gone well,” Tosh quipped and they all laughed again.

“Mark may just be my trump card in winning her permanent favour,” Ianto chuckled. “She was even getting dewy-eyed trying to imagine what beautiful children Mark and I could produce, when we reminded her that the fundamental principles of human biology conspire against her.”

Mark rolled his eyes. “What a shame. We’ll just have to content ourselves with a couple of dogs.”

“Quite,” Ianto agreed with a nod.

Mark then turned to Jack and the team with a warm smile. “For my part, I think Cardiff is a lovely city and its inhabitants are lucky to have you as their protectors.”

“Thank you,” Jack replied, acknowledging the sincerity of Mark’s words with his own broad smile.

“Speaking of which,” Ianto started and gave Jack a pointed look. “Jack, you need to hire more staff.” Jack looked surprised at this, but Ianto indicated that he should wait. “I know you have already sort of talked about this, but I’m serious. And I know you like your team to be small, but you need more people so that everyone isn’t exhausted all the time. More importantly, you need more staff so that everyone can have a life outside Torchwood. And that everyone includes you, Jack. I don’t suppose anyone could persuade you to move out of the Hub and into a proper home, but at least get out more, do more outside Torchwood.”

Jack considered his words for a moment, before slowly nodding.

“I think you’re right,” he acknowledged. “We’ve been talking about it for a while now and also looking for someone to take on your old role, and we have come to the conclusion that we probably need more than one person.”

“You do,” Ianto told him. “Looking after the archives alone is a full time job, if it’s done properly. I know bringing in more people will be a big change, but sometimes change is good. Sometimes change is exactly what you need.” Ianto finished speaking with a knowing smile.

“And I think it really does make it easier if the people we love know about what we do,” Ianto continued after a short pause. “I’m certainly glad I’ve been able to tell Mark about Torchwood.” 

Gwen nodded her agreement to Ianto’s words. “It’s been good for me,” she said.

“I do see that,” Jack agreed. “Perhaps Torchwood’s policy of retconning ex-employees needs revising anyway. It certainly caused you nothing but grief. I trust everyone here. I think we should amend the policy to say that retcon will only be used if the former employer divulges information about Torchwood, but otherwise they can keep their memories.”

“That sounds far more reasonable,” Ianto agreed and everyone else nodded in encouragement.

“Done,” Jack decreed with an edge of command in his voice.

Ianto smiled. “Perfect.”

Jack stepped forward and offered his hand to Mark. “It was good to meet you again, even amongst the somewhat dramatic circumstances.”

Mark smiled and shook his hand. “Likewise. Thank you for making me feel welcome, despite everything, and I am glad to know you.”

Jack inclined his head in acknowledgement of both Mark’s words and what was left unsaid. He glanced at Ianto and then grinned. “I should warn you, though, that if you ever hurt Ianto in anyway, I will unleash Tosh on you. And that, my friend, will not be pleasant.”

Tosh nodded in agreement, desperately trying to look grave and threatening. Next to Mark, Ianto rolled his eyes.

“That’s quite a threat,” Mark replied, glancing at Tosh with a smiling hint of challenge. “I promise Ianto will be in good hands.”

“I know he is,” Jack said and reached to give Mark’s shoulder a quick squeeze.

Shaking his head at Jack, Ianto took Tosh’s hand and pulled her to one side, out of earshot.

“So… How did it go last night?” he asked.

“Last night… How do you even know about that?!”

“No secrets, remember!” Ianto responded with a laugh as his eyes flickered to Mark.

“Traitor,” Tosh mouthed to Mark, who waggled his eyebrows at her.

“Well?” Ianto quirked an eyebrow at her.

“Last night was very nice,” she replied with delight. “We had dinner, talked for hours and then Owen walked me home.”

“And,” Ianto prompted her, which earned him another huffed half-protest.

“And he kissed me good night and then went home.”

“Was it a good kiss?”

“Not telling.” Tosh’s smile grew radiant. “But it did show me that there’s plenty for me to look forward to.”

“I’m glad, I’m really happy for you,” Ianto replied as he pulled her into a tight hug.

“Things are definitely looking up,” Tosh agreed, keeping him close.

“Seems that’s the case for both of us,” Ianto spoke against her hair.

They stepped back at the same time and shared a smile of true understanding.

“This isn’t really the goodbye, is it?” she had to check.

“Definitely not. As I said before, now that I’ve found you again I have no intention of letting go of our friendship.” You’re certainly going to hear from me on a regular basis.” 

“Good, as you will from me. You both will.”

“And that obviously has nothing to do with wanting to keep us up to date with your love life,” he added and then dodged the punch coming his way.

“Clearly Mark isn’t keeping you occupied enough,” Tosh grumbled, trying to look annoyed.

“Oh, I’m plenty occupied.” Ianto flashed her a wicked grin. “He keeps me very busy and very, very happy. But I can still divert some attention to you, and to know that you are happy.”

“I’m definitely happy,” Tosh assured him. “It’s not just because of Owen, but because I got my best friend back and because you’re so happy with Mark. I really like him, Ianto.”

“It does seem like everything is working out pretty well,” Ianto agreed. “Good karma, perhaps?”

“It doesn’t matter, as long as we make the most of it.”

Ianto took Tosh’s hand once more. “Then let’s go do just that.”

Together they returned to the others, who had been chatting quietly as they watched the two of them with open curiosity.

Ianto approached Gwen and pulled her into a hug. “Best of luck with the wedding plans. We’ll look forward to receiving a wedding invitation in due course. And I of course will have to cure Rhys of his misconceptions regarding my coffee making skills.”

She grinned at him. “Thanks, Ianto. Invitation will follow just as soon as we’ve set a date, found a venue and figured out a thousand other details. But in the meanwhile, don’t be a stranger.”

“I won’t,” Ianto promised. He stepped aside and Mark hugged Gwen in turn.

Owen came forward with his hand out. “It was good to see you again, mate.”

Ianto ignored the outstretched hand and pulled him into a hug. “You too. Just be aware that I expect you to take good care of Tosh. If you don’t, you’ll be in for a world of pain.”

“You know what, feel free to be a stranger,” Owen replied, but the corners of his mouth were curling up in a grin. His expression then grew serious. “Tosh is special, and I intend to treat her accordingly. Just as I know you and Mark will treat each other in the same way.”

Ianto nodded. “In that case we understand each other perfectly.”

While Mark said goodbye to Tosh and Owen, Ianto turned to Jack. The two men peacefully looked at each other for a moment, both smiling softly.

Jack was the first to speak. “Thank you for all your assistance, you really were a great help. So don’t be surprised when you find that you have been compensated accordingly.”

“Jack,” Ianto started to protest, but Jack cut him off.

“I won’t take no for an answer.”

They stared at each other for a while, and in the end Ianto inclined his head in defeat. “Thank you. Not just for the money, which will no doubt be far too much, but also for all your kindness. I owe you quite a debt and it goes far beyond all those times you’ve saved my life.”

“I could and will say the same to you. Thank you for everything you’ve done for Torchwood and everything you’ve done for me. I’m proud to know you, Ianto.”

“Me too, and you’re welcome, Jack.” Ianto pulled him into an embrace. The words he whispered were spoken with complete certainty. “We will see each other again.”

“Good friends,” Jack responded softly as he stepped back.

They shared a look full of understanding and then Jack nodded towards the sky. 

“You have one more goodbye to say,” he told Ianto quietly. 

Tapping the buttons on his wrist strap, Jack opened one of the large hatches leading out of the Hub. After a few minutes, they all watched as a large shape hopped out and spread her wide wings to take to flight. Myfanwy glided into air and headed out to sea, when Ianto took three steps forward and let out a piercing whistle. The effect was instantly visible, as Myfanwy whirled around in a wide swoop, her head turning as she scanned the Plass for the source of the familiar sound.

“You guys might want to take a few steps back,” Ianto warned the others as Myfanwy dove straight for him. They were all more than happy to oblige, a little unnerved by the sight of the large reptile plummeting towards them.

Myfanwy almost reached the ground before she brought her wings forward with a snap and beat them furiously to stop her descent. Her timing was perfect and she dropped gracefully down right in front of Ianto. She kept her wings spread open and Ianto took that as the invitation it was intended to be and stepped into the familiar embrace. Myfanwy preened as she closed her wings around her human.

“But surely everyone will see her?” Mark asked, expecting to hear cries of astonishment from the passers-by.

“I finished a prototype of a perception filter collar for her earlier this evening. We only see her because we know she’s there,” Tosh explained.

Sure enough, there was a thin collar around Myfanwy’s long neck, and none of the people on the Plass looked even remotely interested in the pterosaur that was busy hugging Ianto.

Ianto glanced over his shoulder even as he wrapped his arms tighter around Myfanwy’s neck. “Told you she was a genius.”

“No one here is disputing that,” Owen responded, which earned him a soft smile from Tosh.

Ianto had already turned his attention back to Myfanwy. “It’s time we said goodbye,” he whispered.

Myfanwy responded with an uncertain purr and rubbed her beak against his shoulder. She seemed to be aware of his injury and instinctively avoided the wounded arm.

“You be good to Jack and the others, won’t you?” he continued, running his hands over the warm skin. “And be nice to Gobeithio.”

Tightening her wings around Ianto, Myfanwy let out another purr. Taking that as an agreement, Ianto pulled out a chocolate bar he had bought for her and unwrapped it.

“One last time, girl,” he whispered as she gently picked up the chocolate. Once she had gulped it down, he held her head in his hands and placed a kiss on the base of her cranial crest.

When Ianto backed away, Myfanwy reluctantly relinquished her hold on him and let out a plaintive preen. Jack walked forward and rested his palm against her wing. She leaned into the touch, accepting the comfort offered.

Turning to regard the team, Ianto smiled. “I guess this is goodbye, for now at least.”

Ianto and Mark received a chorus of goodbyes and best wishes. They glanced at each other and Ianto nodded, indicating he was ready to finally leave. They turned together, Mark gently taking Ianto’s hand. 

“Ianto.” Jack called as they began to walk away. Ianto turned back to him, an eyebrow raised in query. “If you ever need anything, we’ll always be here for you. We’ll always be just a phone call away. For anything at all.”

Next to Jack, Tosh nodded her silent agreement at Jack’s words.

“Thank you.” Ianto smiled; a wide, genuine smile lighting up his features. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Tosh stepped closer to Jack and took his hand into hers, as Ianto gave them a final wave. As the team gathered side by side to watch, Ianto Lloyd once more walked away towards a new life - but this time he did so openly and with the good wishes of Torchwood.


	25. A New Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood.
> 
> Author's notes: This takes place some months after the last chapter. See the end for proper notes.

A New Day

_Tosh, Owen and Gwen all walked through the cog door together. They were laughing, although Tosh could not quite recall what had left them so amused._

_They looked up at the sound of Myfanwy calling. There was something new in her voice, a note of triumph. She called again as Tosh waived at her. All the attention now on her, Myfanwy soared round and round the Hub, the majesty of her flight breathtaking. At times she swooped down, diving low enough to almost touch Tosh’s monitors. Droplets rained on them as she flew past, having skimmed the side of the water tower with the very edge of her long wing. Every movement spoke of sheer happiness and Tosh felt the same emotion welling within her as she watched the pteranodon’s flight._

_Tosh’s attention was diverted from Myfanwy by the scent of freshly brewed coffee. It had been a while since that scent had permeated the Hub. From the smell alone, Tosh could tell that the coffee would taste perfect._

_They reached their work stations and Tosh noticed that a chocolate cupcake was sitting on her desk. She did not have to see the distinctive striped wrapper to know that it was from her favourite bakery; a place she had only ever been to with one person. She was about to point this out to the others when their PDAs all indicated that they had received a new email. The message made clear in no uncertain terms, using quite colourful language, that the current state of the archives was inexcusable and such behaviour on their parts was not to be tolerated in the future. The email also threatened to put them on decaf for a day for every misplaced file or item in the archives._

_Despite the frightening prospect of a very long period on decaf, they all grinned. Tosh felt tears pricking her eyes as they spoke in unison:_

_“Ianto is home.”_

Tosh eased out of the dream gradually, reality slowly gaining hold in her mind. She opened her eyes to the light of a new dawn. The sun was rising, but it was not yet time to get up.

_Just a dream_ , she thought. _Just a beautiful, warm dream._

She smiled, the happiness from the dream lingering and taking new form. She shifted slightly and the warm fingers splayed across her ribs curled reflexively. Her smile widened as she glanced over her shoulder at Owen’s sleeping form. His hold of her managed to be possessive and protective at the same time, and she found herself enjoying the feeling of being held. It was still early days in their relationship, but they were slowly getting there.

Her eyes drifted past Owen to an object that had given her a great deal of joy. On her bedside table was a photograph she had received in the post the day before. It was in black and white, and showed two hands, both male judging by their size, clasped tightly against the backdrop of a beautiful beach. Every time she saw it, her heart swelled with happiness.

Written on the back of the photo was an address in America. Tosh had taken it as an invitation and had already booked herself flight tickets for the following week. Torchwood, and Owen, would have to manage without her for a week, while she visited her best friend.

Tosh smiled to herself. On that beautiful morning, everything was well in her world.

Ianto was not coming home and she was okay with that.

* * *

Jack stepped out of his bathroom and into his main bunker room bringing a cloud of of steam in his wake. He stretched, and enjoyed the feel of his tired muscles protesting at the movement. While he delighted in their regular bike rides he still felt the effort of cycling twenty miles. He chuckled to himself “I’m just as human as the others. No fifty-first century advantage in that.” 

The morning ride had been a happy one this morning, and he felt energised and ready to start another day. He began to dress, and as he buttoned his shirt, his eyes strayed to the signed photo of Ianto hanging on the wall. Jack smiled, noticing that he no longer thought of Ianto with any sorrow. What he had now were feelings of fondness and a quiet acceptance of the choices they each had made. Ianto had changed Torchwood a great deal, changed Jack too, and both the institute and its leader were better for it.

His fingers stilled on the final button when he realised with a start that the nightmares of the Master and of his time on Valiant had faded, giving way to normal dreams. Smiling at his own understanding, he recognised that this inner peace that had soothed his troubled memories was Ianto’s final gift to him.

“Thank you,” he whispered to the stillness of the room.

Feeling alive and energetic,he quickly scaled the ladder to his office and reached for his long coat. The weight of the stopwatch was a familiar presence in the inner pocket. His hand reached up retrieve it and giving it a caress he slipped it into a pocket of his trousers. He smiled. Yes, today was going to be a good day.

Just as he was settling behind his desk Tosh all but ran in. Her hair was still wet after her shower and there was a wide grin on her face.

“I just got an email from Ianto! He suggested that we have a Skype conversation in a little while, if we’re not too busy saving the world.”

“That sounds like an excellent idea.” Jack smiled. “Tell him to call us whenever suits him best, and we’ll be waiting.”

“Awesome!” Tosh replied and bounded away. Jack watched her go, his smile widening into a grin. Tosh had blossomed in the past few months and it he enjoyed seeing how happy she now was. They all were, in fact. Torchwood had become a far brighter place, despite the horrors they still had to face. This, right here, was foundation for the team he had always wanted to build. It was more than that, however, as Tosh, Owen and Gwen were not just his team, but also his family, and Jack was grateful for each of them. And if they were his immediate family, he realised, then Ianto and Mark were a special part of his extended family.

At the set time, they were all gathered at Tosh’s workstation, eagerly waiting for Ianto’s call. When the ring tone filled the speakers, Tosh fumbled with the mouse in her haste to accept the call, before switching on the video link. After a moment of blackness, the screen cleared to show Ianto and Mark lounging on a sofa. They were far more tanned than the last time the team had seen them, and both were dressed in a t-shirt and shorts. Sinta was curled up next to Mark, her head resting on his thigh, and he was rubbing her ears with the hand that was not linked with Ianto’s.

“Hey!” Tosh exclaimed, a little breathless with enthusiasm.

Both men grinned. “Greetings from America,” Ianto said and gave everyone a small wave.

“Wow, you guys look great. Life over there must agree with you. So, how is it there?” Jack asked after a chorus of hellos had subsided.

“Pretty good so far,” Ianto replied with a wide smile. “This house we found is brilliant - the beach is basically our backyard. It makes for wonderful dog walks, I can tell you that, and I don’t think we’ve eaten dinner inside more than once or twice. And I must have taken about a thousand photos of the sunsets and sunrises already. Poor Mark is getting fed up with my going everywhere with a massive camera around my neck.”

“Yeah, that’s a real drag,” Mark teased him with a wink.

“And the exhibition, how is that going?” Tosh wanted to know.

“It’s been a far bigger success than I ever expected,” Ianto started to speak, but then Mark interrupted him.

“It’s been just as successful as it was in London, as I always knew it would be!”

“Shush,” Ianto muttered and nudged Mark with his shoulder.

“Anyway,” he continued, “we’ve had to order more prints twice now and there’s the possibility that I could take the exhibition to a couple of other places, New York and Toronto being main candidates. As they say over here – we’re taking meetings,” he finished with a smile.

“That sounds brilliant!” Tosh grinned and the others added in their agreement.

It was Owen’s turn to ask a question. “Are you still going to turn photography into a new career then?”

“That’s the plan.” Ianto nodded. “I’ve found a suitable shop nearby to use as my studio and made contact with a couple of local newspapers to be added to their list of freelance photographers. I imagine business will be slow at first, but hopefully things will pick in time.”

“You know you’ll have at least one loyal customer,” Mark reminded him and then turned to the others. “It made sense to have Ianto take all of the promotional photographs for the new advertising business.”

“Is everything going okay with that?” Jack jumped in.

“Fine so far,” Mark replied. “Between Marie and me, we have a pretty good reputation to build on and we’ve certainly been busy so far. Which is just as well, since I have a family to support now.” He turned to wink at Ianto.

“That reminds me.” Ianto took the cue. “There’s someone we want you to meet.”

“Who?” Gwen asked, instantly curious.

“We have a new addition to the family.” Mark grinned as Ianto leaned away from the view.

When he straightened on the sofa again, Ianto was holding in his arms a small puppy that seemed to be all paws and giant ears. “Everyone, I’d like you to meet Silla.”

“Oh my goodness!” Gwen melted at the sight of the adorable little dog. “What is that and where can I get one?!”

“She’s a Cardigan Welsh Corgi, like Sinta, but without the extra fluffy coat,” Mark explained. “On those grounds, Cardiganshire would be a good place to start!”

“She’s so, so cute,” Tosh agreed with Gwen and gave Owen a meaningful glance. He pretended not to notice, but could not help smiling at the puppy.

Silla regarded the screen full of moving people with equal amounts of seriousness and suspicion. After a moment, she let out a high-pitched bark, which made Sinta lift her head and give her a reproachful glare.

“Silla, quiet,” Ianto corrected her and turned her so she was facing him. This seemed to please her more, as her tail started wagging and she reached forward to lick his cheek.

Mark glanced at Ianto and Silla with obvious affection. “Since we’re pretty settled here now, we thought it was a perfect time to get a second dog, since we’ve both wanted one for quite some time. And really, what other breed could we possibly pick?”

“She is a delight,” Ianto added. “Unless you ask Sinta. In which case she’s the worst thing that could possibly have happened!”

They all laughed at this. Ianto set the puppy back on the floor and as he did so, something else caught Jack’s eye.

“Seems like you might have some other news to share,” he said with a quirked eyebrow.

Ianto met his eyes and beamed.

“We do indeed.” Ianto reached for Mark’s hand and brought both hands closer to the camera, so that the team could see the platinum bands around their ring fingers. 

“You didn’t?!” Tosh exclaimed at Mark.

“We did.” He grinned in response.

“Oh, I’m so going to hug you both to death when I see you next week!”

“Sounds good to me.” Ianto laughed.

“No objections from me either,” Mark chuckled.

“Congratulations to you both,” Jack said. He made a point of catching Ianto’s eye to show that the sentiment was genuine and heartfelt.

“Thank you, Jack.” Jack saw the sincerity of real pleasure in Ianto’s eyes, and his face was covered by a smile.

“Have you got a date in mind?” Owen asked.

Mark shook his head. “We’re not in any hurry. And the great thing is, it’s now legal. Rest assured that when we do decide to tie the knot, there will be invitations coming your way.”

“We’ll hold you to that!” Owen grinned.

“Speaking of which…” Ianto turned to Gwen. “How are your wedding plans going?”

Gwen groaned, and looked a little haunted for a while, before she smiled. “I swear my mother is driving me nuts with all her helpful suggestions! Rhys’s mother isn’t much better, but at least she calls him with her quibbles, rather than me. Beyond that, not too badly. We’ve more or less set the date, we just need a confirmation from the venue that all is in order. Once that’s done, we’ll put the wedding invitations in the post.”

“We still have some matters to attend to in England, so we’ll schedule them to coincide with the wedding,” Ianto promised. “And we will definitely be there, I have to make Rhys some coffee, remember!”

“Oh good, Rhys and I really want you to be there,” Gwen replied.

“And we wouldn’t want to miss it,” Mark assured her.

Ianto glanced at Tosh and his grin widened. “So, Tosh, how’s it going?”

Tosh rolled her eyes, knowing what Ianto meant. “Fine.”

“Fine,” Ianto objected, “is fine really all you’ve got for me? Sounds like a weather report!”

“I’ll give you all the details next week when I get there,” she promised.

“Not all the details, I hope,” Owen grimaced, looking a little worried. Tosh flashed him a cheeky grin in response.

“Your visit sounds better and better by the minute,” Ianto chuckled with a wink.

Owen turned to Jack. “Any chance you could come up with a Rift emergency for next week that will keep Tosh from flying to America?”

Jack shook his head with a great deal of vehemence. “No way. I’m not getting in her bad books.” He thought for a moment. “Besides, watching you squirm is pretty amusing.”

“Cheers, Harkness,” Owen grumbled. 

Jack waggled his eyebrows. “Any time.”

“You could come for your own trip, Owen,” Mark suggested with a sly grin, “you know we’d be happy to entertain you!”

“And that just confirms that the Teaboy has a type,” Owen shot back.

As the laughter subsided Ianto asked Tosh, 

“How are Myfanwy and Gobeithio?”

“They’re both doing really well. He was difficult to start with, but our hard work is finally paying off. And she has helped a great deal with his training. They are fast friends now and I think she might be feeling a little broody.”

“Oh dear, you really will have a Hub full of pterosaur babies,” Ianto chuckled at the thought.

“And if you would like a couple, my offer to ship them over to America still stands!” Jack jumped in.

“I think I’ll continue to pass on that,” Ianto said. “Sinta is upset enough by another Corgi; I can only imagine how appalled she would be if we adopted a couple of pteranodons.”

“She’d sulk for years,” Mark added with a nod.

“So thanks, but no thanks.”

“It was worth a try, I guess.” Jack shrugged.

Gwen’s phone beeped and she pulled it out to check the screen. Glancing at Jack, she announced: “They’re here.”

She got up, smiling at Ianto and Mark. “It’s been wonderful to catch up, but I’m afraid duty calls. I’ll send out the wedding invitation as soon as possible. Tosh has your new address, doesn’t she?”

“I do,” Tosh confirmed.

“All the best with the plans,” Mark wished her.

“Indeed, good luck with everything,” Ianto added. “And give our best to Rhys.”

“I will, thanks.” She smiled. “Bye guys!”

She was gone with a wave and Ianto quirked an eyebrow at Jack.

“Andy from the police and another new recruit are starting today,” Jack explained.

“I’m glad to hear that,” Ianto spoke with a smile. “I hope they fit in well.”

“Me too. Time will tell.”

“We should let you get to it, if you have recruits to impress,” Ianto chuckled. “No doubt you’ll think of something spectacular to shock them with.”

Jack spread out his arms and grinned. “I might as well start as I intend to go on.”

“In style, and with harassment, Sir?”

“Do I know any other way?” Jack asked with a laugh.

“In that case, I hope it all goes well today. And in general too,” Ianto emphasised his words with an affectionate smile.

“Thanks. And congratulations again, both on your engagement and on the new family member.”

“Thank you, Jack.” There was a question in Ianto’s eyes and Jack responded with a nod.

“We need to do this more often,” Jack stated, glancing at Tosh and Owen, who both voiced their agreement.

“Definitely!” Ianto flashed a grin at Owen and continued, “especially after Tosh’s visit.”

“Actually, I’ve changed my mind, Skype chats are a terrible idea,” Owen replied, just as Ianto had expected.

“You don’t have to take part, you know.” Ianto laughed. “Easier to talk about you when you’re not around.”

“Just go already!”

Ianto was not deterred by Owen’s grumbling. “By that logic, expect your ears to burn for the whole of next week!”

“Now that would be mean,” Tosh interjected, but looked unrepentant. “Besides, I expect a fair exchange of details!”

“Oh, I’ll happily tell you everything you want to know about our life,” Ianto promised.

“I feel like I ought to object, but that’s fine by me.” Mark let go of Ianto’s hand to wrap his arm around his shoulder.

“That’s it, we’re going to stop this conversation right now!” Owen exclaimed and got up. “Lovely to speak to you both, sort of, but we have a world to save, one Rift alert at a time.”

“We won’t detain you any longer,” Ianto chuckled. “Be safe everyone and good luck with the new recruits.”

“Thanks, Ianto. You take care too.” Jack smiled.

“See you next Friday,” Tosh called out.

“We can’t wait!” Mark waved at everyone. “Later!”

“Bye everyone,” Ianto added.

“Bye guys!”

After the screen went blank, Ianto leaned in to kiss Mark. “Today is going to be a good day,” he announced.

“Then let’s get it started. A walk on the beach with the dogs is in order, I think.”

“Perfect.”

In Cardiff, Tosh disconnected the call and shared a smile with Jack and Owen.

“That was good.”

Owen leaned in to kiss her cheek. “It was. And I know you'll have a wonderful week with them.”

Tosh squeezed his hand, face alight with affection.

“I better get started on the autopsy of that alien we found yesterday,” Owen said, a gleam appearing in his eyes. “That way I'll get to the really gruesome bits right around the time Gwen shows the newbies the autopsy bay.”

“You're as bad as Jack!” Tosh gasped with a mixture of shock and amusement.

“It's what he said,” Owen defended himself. “I might as well start as I mean to go on. The sooner the recruits realise what I'm like, the better.”

“Oh, I could tell them all sorts of things about what you're like.” Tosh flashed him a look full of heat.

“I definitely want to listen in on that conversation,” Jack jumped in, waggling his eyebrows.

“No way, Harkness, it's none of your bloody business,” Owen replied with a look of disgust. 

“You're no fun.” Jack gave them his finest mock pout, which had no effect what so ever.

“You'll live, I'm sure,” Owen muttered and with a final touch of Tosh's arm he headed towards the autopsy bay.

“Are you okay, truly?” Tosh asked.

“I really am fine, Tosh,” Jack assured her. “I've let Ianto go and I'm okay with that. They look so well, so relaxed, so content that I know he's happy with Mark. Frankly, he's better off in America with Mark and I could never begrudge him the life he has chosen for himself. It was his right to choose the way he did and I respect that. It's time I too looked to the future. I’m a better man for having known Ianto. Torchwood is better for his influence and I know we're all grateful for that. And I have you guys, and what we all have is amazing.”

Jack reached to lay his hand on Tosh's shoulder before continuing: “That's a great foundation for building a better future. What more could I possibly want?”

Tosh got up to pull him into a hug, moved by his honest words. “You're a good man, Jack. I wouldn’t want you any other way.”

“I do my best, honestly I do. I just hope that's enough,” he replied with a rueful smile.

“It is for me,” she said with warm conviction.

“Thanks, Tosh.” He placed a kiss on her forehead. “I'll let you get back to work. We have recruits to impress, after all, and one of us should pretend to actually do some work.”

Tosh rolled her eyes. “I should manage that just fine, what with having actual work to do and all. You go and take up position in your office so you look as handsome and dashing as possible.”

“With this jawline …too easy!” Jack chuckled. With a final wink, he headed up the stairs.

Some five minutes later, the cog door alarm signalled that it was time. He could see Gwen leading two rather bewildered looking people through the door. Myfanwy and Gobeithio swooped down from their aerie, confirming Jack’s suspicion that they enjoyed the shock and awe they elicited in strangers. Jack grinned and walked to the door. He leaned against the door frame and called out to his new recruits:

“Welcome to Torchwood Three!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s notes: Wow, I can’t believe this story is finally over! When I started this, I thought it was going to be maybe 15k long and a standard Janto story with a happy Janto ending. Little did I know what I was in for and how much fun this would turn out to be! It never occurred to me that Ianto might fall for someone else or that he would not return to Torchwood at the end of the story. Suffice to say I’ve never written anything this long before, but it’s been interesting to let the story develop in the way that has felt the most natural and also to let things develop at their own pace. I know I can be impatient at times, but I think here I managed to rein that in at least a bit.
> 
> Thank you so much for everyone who has read, reviewed, faved and followed this story. The support I’ve received has been overwhelming and I’ve been so very touched by people’s kind words. I hope you have enjoyed this story with me, despite the unusual direction it has taken.
> 
> Thanks very much to Jess729 and RhianaStar for our rambling PM conversations. They were fun!
> 
> I’m also very grateful for Gmariam for the constructive critique she left early on in the story. It not only improved the story, but also led to a great new friendship. I love our conversations, which continue to challenge and inspire me. Plus, yay for stuffed Myfanwys!
> 
> The biggest thank you without a doubt goes to my beta, Darcy58. I bet you didn’t realise just what a mammoth undertaking you were volunteering for when you offered to be my beta! I can’t tell you how glad I am that you left me that initial comment in AO3, followed by your lovely reviews and comments on FF. You’ve been everything I ever wished for in a beta, plus so much more. You’ve challenged me when I needed it, encouraged me when I lost faith in my own writing and given me all the support I wanted and then some! You were brutally honest with me, a quality I value a grerat deal, you had the guts to disagree with me and stick to your guns, and you had the kindness and wisdom to steer me in the right direction when I was stumbling. You took a good story and helped me turn it into the best thing I’ve ever written. So thank you for that. And thank you for making me a better writer; with you as my teacher improving has been fun and easy. And thank you for becoming a dear, dear friend. I’ve been sentimental about all of this before, so you already know…
> 
> I was going to take a break from long stories after this one, but then an inspiration hit me and now I’m already working on another long one! Check out House of Leaves over in ff.net.
> 
> And speaking of stories, I’ve had the privilege of betaing Darcy58’s first story, Stiff Competition. I’ve loved it since the original concept came up in a conversation and I know that there’s plenty more good stuff to come with the subsequent chapters. Go check it out now!
> 
> I’m going to stop talking now! Thank you so much for reading Love Worth Remembering.


End file.
